Growing Together
by Sera Terranova
Summary: Elissa feels she is despoiled and unfit to be a lady. Alistair believes he is only fit to follow. Will they find themselves when they find each other or will they both lose everything? Rated M for violence and explicit sex. Elissa/Alistair, Fergus
1. Orphan

Elissa followed her mother through the burning halls into the castle's kitchen. The corridors were choked with smoke and attackers. She gagged on the smell of burning corpses. The blood of her enemies was sticky between her fingers and drying in her hair.

Everywhere she looked she saw the bodies of Highever soldiers, knights, staff and family. Her sister-in-law and her nephew were stabbed in their sleep. The young squires' bodies lay sprawled in the hall where they were cut down by torrents of arrows as they ran. Her valiant old tutor was slaughtered guarding the door with naught cut a cane for a weapon. They found dear Nan's boney form in a still heap on the threshold of her domain. The house elves' bodies were just beyond hers. Feeling a traitor, Elissa followed her mother into the kitchen and stepped over their limp forms without pausing. The soldiers she had sparred with and the knights who had mentored her were fighting and dying to buy time for Elissa and her mother to escape. There was just too much death to react with anything except disbelief and numbness.

She clutched the Cousland sword, her knuckles white on the pommel, and the Highever shield was strapped to her back. She had seen both these family relics before but never wielded them, never thought there would be a need to take them away from Highever.

All this devastation and horror was at the behest of one man, Rendon Howe, and for what? Why, why would he betray his friendship with her family? Why would he undermine Ferelden's battle against the darkspawn hoard? Elissa shook her head.

They found her father lying on the larder floor clutching a stack of kitchen towels to his stomach. Blood formed an ever widening pool around his writhing body. He was weak and teary but their arrival gave him seemed to strengthen him. "Thank the Maker, you're both alive."

Her Mother dropped to her knees beside him. "Bryce! Maker's mercy, what happened?"

"Howe, he attacked me as his men stormed the gate." Death was written in the pained lines on his face.

Elissa turned away and busied herself checking the servant's entrance while her parents talked. She was relieved to find no invaders blocked their escape route, yet. "The way is clear. We need to go."

"And soon," said a voice from the door. They all turned and watched as the visiting Grey Warden stepped in and closed the door behind him. His white surcoat and silver plate mail was smeared with gore but other than a cut lip he seemed to be uninjured.

"Duncan, thank the Maker," her father sighed, "Please take my wife and daughter to safety."

"No! Father you must come with us." Elissa hoped he would at least try, it was a better death than bleeding out on the larder floor.

"Ah, Pup. You know better, I won't survive the standing and I certainly won't be able to slip by Howe's troops."

"I am sorry to say that I agree with your Father, my lady, his wound is a fatal blow." Duncan turned to Teyrn Cousland. "I will see that they reach safety, my Lord, but I must ask something of you in return. Though Highever's fall is a terrible, the situation to the south is far graver; I came here for a recruit and the need is desperate. "

"I...I understand." He nodded his permission and looked up into her eyes.

Just last night she'd argued for this chance. She wanted to be a Grey Warden. She wanted to stand amidst the best of her generation and fight the darkspawn. Tears leaked from her eyes but her Father held her attention.

Duncan turned to Elissa. "Lady Cousland, I invite you to join the Grey Wardens."

She nodded gravely, more to her Father than Duncan. "I would be honoured."

Duncan crossed his arms and bowed first to her parents and then to Elissa. "Then it is settled, your lady wife and daughter will travel with me to Ostagar where Elissa will become a Grey Warden."

"No Bryce," her mother said, "I will not leave you; 'til death and beyond, remember. Besides they will have a better chance escaping if I guard this exit to keep Howe's men from following."

"Maker's mercy! Am I to be orphaned?"

"Elissa, your father and I did not bring our children into this world to watch them die when we can still protect you. Give us this chance without guilt, tears or recriminations."

"You have always been there for me, Mother."

"Not always, my dear and for that I am sorry."

Elissa shook her head sending tears flying left and right. "Mother, Father I have to know, where are they?"

Her parents looked at each other for a moment. "Eleanor, even a bastard Cousland will be needed after this."

Her mother nodded and then looked shrewdly up at Elissa. "Well, my dear. Will you tell us now?"

Elissa leaned between her parents and whispered, "King Cailan, it was Cailan."

"Maker's breath," her mother grabbed her arm, "you were the thief."

"I'm sorry, so sorry. It was meant to be a prank but everything went wrong. He did not know me. I was dressed as a maid. I've kept _it_ here," she touched her keepsake pendant, "and I told no one."

Her mother squeezed her arm, "I'm sorry my dear, I understand now, I do understand. I wish you had told me, I would have liked to..."

A large crash echoed through the halls.

Duncan stepped closer to them. "The door has been breached; we must go now."

"Denerim," her father said as he grimaced through the pain, "he's being raised by Ser Gilmore's sister in Denerim."

"He?" Elissa asked desperately as Duncan pulled her from her Mother's grasp.

"I'm sorry my dearest, only one of the twins survived. His name is Aedan. Maker's blessings and my love go with you, my daughter."

Duncan hauled her along the hall and the down the steps into the dark musty store rooms where Elissa shrugged off his hand and moved to take the lead. She ignored the obvious delivery entrance that opened into the courtyard. Instead she strode past the barrels of oil and swung around the tall shelf of fruit preserves to the dark corner behind the hanging sacks of winter wheat. There she opened the short door cunningly concealed in the wood work. After they both ducked through she pulled it closed behind them. At the end of the long squat tunnel there was a small alcove with several large sealed jars and a door.

"These have been here since my Grandfather died. Hopefully, we can salvage enough supplies to survive."

Elissa smashed open the jars with her sword and they picked through the supplies. They managed to find two packs, several blankets as well as twine, hooks and other supplies to help them live off the land.

"Your Grandfather was a man of foresight."

Elissa released a choked laugh. "Father always said he never really believed the war was over. He lived most of his life in the hills, hiding. He buried two wives and four children leaving just my father to carry on the Cousland name. Grandfather only spent three years in Highever Castle before he joined his lost family in the fade."

Duncan glanced at her but continued to search through the ruined jars for anything useful.

"Now, it will be up to Fergus."

"Wouldn't this Aedan be a Cousland heir?"

"I'm not sure, yet."

Duncan shook his head dismissively. They shouldered their packs, donned the ancient green forester's cloaks they'd found.

"What will we find behind this door?"

"Either, a small overgrown cave or the back end of a mudslide."

Duncan stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her searchingly.

"We cleared it out last year, after the rains."

"We?"

"Father, Fergus, Ser Gilmore and myself did all the work. We've always kept this in the family. My Father harboured his fair share of paranoia." She pulled the door open to find that the cool damp muddy hole had not succumbed to the rains.

Elissa doused the candle and closed the door. Duncan stared out of the entrance for some time before he beckoned her and they marched into the cold wet night.

Duncan pushed her beyond exhaustion. They walked through the blustery weather until sunset the following evening.

Elissa's strides were reduced to stumbles by the time he ushered her into a sheltered corner of Tevinter ruin and left her to rest. She woke gradually to the sound and scent of fish sizzling on a spit over an open fire. It took her a moment to realize she owed her comfort to the warm fuzzy body curled up at her side. "Red?" she exclaimed, "Oh, Red, where did you come from and how in the world did you find me?"

"Your mabari arrived just as I started the fish cooking," Duncan replied for her happy dog. "I think I've cleaned all his scratches. He was more interested in getting to you than being cared for."

She nodded. Duncan turned the spit slowly and deliberately. Elissa checked Red over but found no injuries other than the few scratches the Warden had treated. She stared up at the night sky then around at their shelter. Her restless mind catalogued the two white stone walls as the bottom of some ancient Tevinter fortress. The heat reflected off the pale stone walls making the corner very warm. The damp firewood hissed and spit as it burned but the air was still heavy from the rain so the sparks did not fly far nor find purchase.

"We have another three and a half days of hard travel by foot to reach Ostagar and we need food or this trip will take longer," Duncan said. He continued to focus on the fish he was cooking.

Elissa watched him for a moment. He seemed to be expecting something from her but she couldn't imagine what she would know that he didn't. "Can't we buy or better yet commandeer food and horses from the farms along the way."

"Do you know any of the people on our route personally?"

"No." She looked down at her feet then at Duncan's face. His dark eyebrows were drawn together in a frown but he was still staring at the cooking fish. He did not speak for a time and she wondered if he was waiting for her to say more. She had no intention of elaborating. The only thing getting her through this nightmare was pretending that nothing had happened at home. Every time she let herself dwell on the cowardly ambush that destroyed her home a weight settled at the bottom of her stomach and she began to feel ill. She blinked and frantically cast about for a topic of conversation, anything that would keep grief, death and despair at bay.

".... little coin ... horses ... already with the army ... barter for food."

"Pardon?" She was sure he said something about bartering. Didn't he have any coin? She'd had the impression that both the late King Maric and his son King Cailan had done well by the Grey Wardens.

"I said, what coin I had is with the remainder of my belongings in Highever. It won't matter much there likely won't be any horses but we'll have to barter for the rest of our needs."

"I didn't manage to grab my money pouch either. What do we have to trade?"

"I have a few gems on my person but I hesitate to use them."

Elissa frowned in confusion. "Why not, isn't that the fastest way?"

"Few farmers will have any use for a sapphire or emerald and such a transaction will be memorable. I think it best we do not leave Howe's soldiers an easy trail if we wish to reach Ostagar."

She nodded in comprehension. Elissa hadn't considered the possibility that Howe might count heads and come up one short. So they needed to find something to trade that would not raise eyebrows. "What about wild herbs?"

"If you have the herb lore to find them that would be very useful indeed. I should be able to craft a few more arrows from the supplies I have with me those should trade well, too."

Elissa stood up quickly ready to bound out into the dark forest.

"Eat. You can look for herbs in the morning as we walk without losing too much time."

She sat back down and gingerly accepted the hot fish from Duncan.

"Good night, Ser Duncan."

Duncan looked up from the arrow he was fletching to nod briefly. "Just Duncan will do, I am not a knight of any sort."

"Good night, Duncan."

"Good night, child."

The towers of Ostagar had come into sight a full hour before they reached the edge of the ruin. Elissa had mixed feelings about her journey's end. On the one hand, she looked forward to sleeping in a tent or to be more precise having the privacy to weep. Duncan seemed a fine and kind man but he was nearly her father's age and as stoic as a rock. Unfortunately, Ostagar brought its share of problems and responsibilities. For the first time in five years she might well come face to face with _him_. She spent most of the morning quietly trying to decide what, if anything, to tell Cailan should they meet again. She had yet to come to any conclusion when they were confronted by his Majesty at the gate.

While Duncan and King Cailan talked Elissa unscrewed the bottom of her keepsake pendant and pulled out the ring wedged in the bauble's hollow center. As she stared at the ring in her hand she felt Duncan touch her elbow.

"Your Majesty, allow me to intro..."

Elissa interrupted, "You don't need to introduce us, we, uh, met, once before."

"I can't imagine I'd forget meeting someone as lovely as you," the King said merrily.

"Perhaps this will help you remember." Elissa held her hand out with the King's signet ring flat in the centre of her palm.

King Cailan slowly retrieved his long missed ring. "How did you get this?"

"I took it out of your hand and put it safely in the cup, as you instructed. Later I took it from the cup before I left your tent."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because being ruined seems a petty concern, now. You need to know. His name is Aedan."

Duncan coughed gently. "Perhaps this conversation is best continued somewhere more private."

Elissa and Cailan looked at Duncan and nodded in unison.

Duncan said, "I regret to inform Your Majesty that the Castle Highever has fallen to the forces of Rendon Howe. He killed every member of the Cousland family he could find. Lord Fergus Cousland is here with your forces and of course Lady Elissa Cousland is joining the Grey Wardens."

King Cailan spun. "You're Bryce's youngest," he said in a strangled voice, "Maker. How old are you?"

"I was fourteen, I reached fifteen before..."

"Yes," Duncan interrupted again, "Your Majesty, perhaps it would be best if you put aside this matter for now and meet with Teyrn Loghain. I don't imagine you want to bring him up to date before you've had some time to think."

The King nodded slowly and began to turn away then suddenly he turned back and stepped closer to Elissa. "I am sorry, my lady. I was a brute. Somehow, I will find a way to make amends. Your brother is scouting in the wilds and will not return until after the battle tomorrow. Send him to me. We will plan the battle to recover Highever and negotiate for your due." He grabbed her hands then leaned over and kissed her knuckles. "I know it may seem inappropriate, my lady but thank you, thank you. I feared I was to be the last of my line."

Elissa pulled her hands out of the King's desperate grasp then watched mutely as he turned on his heel and left.

"Well," said Duncan, "that was interesting."

She didn't say or do anything.

"There is time before the Joining Ritual for you to rest or perhaps explore the camp. I will take your mabari with me so you needn't worry about his antics."

"I'd like that, thank you."

Duncan nodded, "There is one other Grey Warden in the camp; his name is Alistair. Find him when you are ready to proceed."

"I won't be long," she promised.

Duncan and Red set of across the bridge leaving Elissa alone for the first time since she had left her bedroom in the middle of the night five days earlier. She wandered into the tall grass where she absent-mindedly stripped the seeds off the top of the stalks and threw them in the air for luck. Her childishness did not go unnoticed by the guards but no one was going to criticize any bid for favour on the eve of battle.

Before long she found herself staring down into the valley far below. The trees, tents and people appeared so small she felt as though she could reach out and sweep it all away with her hand. She wished she could wipe away the events of the last week. She wished that Howe had been slain on sight, that her brother had never left Highever and that there was something, anything, she could do to regain her old life.

She ran into a small stand of trees and dropped to her knees and let the tears come. She reviewed her final impressions of home and sobbed for her innocent nephew, her helpless sister-in-law, ever honourable Ser Gilmore, her brave parents and herself. After a time the tears abated, leaving her with a headache and the feeling that her heart was already in the Fade. She yanked the tail of her padded shirt out of her armour to scrub her face. When she saw the brown smudges on the fabric she realized that she'd probably just moved the dirt around. There had been no time to soak the blood out from under her finger nails or wash her hair properly since she'd left home. The need to find clean clothing and scrub away the horror of Howe's attack was overwhelming. She dried her eyes and squared her shoulders. Well, at least she had achievable goals now. She needed to find the baths and this Alistair. After that, she'd face her duties and responsibilities and bring honour to the Cousland name.

9


	2. Meeting a Woman

Alistair trudged towards the old temple. He didn't want to talk to Grouchy the Head Mage but the Grand Cleric had cornered him. He was left with no polite way to refuse her request, and she knew it. Duncan had drummed it into them that they must be accommodating as the Grey Wardens had few allies in Ferelden. Maker knew Alistair had been biting his tongue raw but the challenge might well be more than he would be able to meet.

At the bottom of the old temple's ramp a young woman in splintmail held a bundle of clean armour padding tightly against her dirty armour. Her nose was red, her eyes were swollen and despite being equipped for battle she looked a bit like a lost muddy child. As Alistair approached a burly man in a hurry bumped into her. The boor muttered something about idle soldiers being in his way as he rushed on. The young woman landed in an inelegant heap; her clothing flew out of her grasp onto the ancient paving stones.

Alistair ran to her aid, he picked up her padded shirt then reached out to grip her calloused hand in his own and hauled her to her feet. "I believe this is yours, my lady," he said, "take a moment to recover from that dastardly knave's assault whilst I gather the rest of your, um, belongings."

"Oh, no," she protested, "I can manage."

But Alistair paid no heed. He grabbed the leggings by the waistband and they unrolled dropping a set of black trimmed, white small clothes onto the ground. He quickly grabbed them and shoved them into an untidy bundle with the leggings before turning to hand them to the woman. Both of them had turned bright red.

As always he let his mouth run ahead of his brain. "I suppose, given where my hands have been, I should really introduce myself."

The girl's blush disappeared to be replaced by white shock and she stumbled back a step.

Alistair grabbed her arm to keep her from spilling over again then gently backed away. "I'm sorry; I have a terrible sense of humour. Ask anyone. Pay me no mind because I'm all talk. In fact at times all I do is talk, or so I've been told. Of course sometimes I babble instead for variety." He took a deep breath. "Let me try this again. Good day, I'm Alistair, the newest of the Ferelden Grey Wardens."

"You're Alistair!"

"Yes, that's why I introduce myself as, well, Alistair." He shrugged; this poor girl seemed in over her head. He wondered what she could possibly be doing in Ostagar, "How may I address you, dear lady?"

"I'm Elissa."

"Elissa, Elissa, that name seems familiar. Wait. You're the wom..., uh, recruit Duncan found in Highever, yes?"

She nodded.

"There aren't many women in the Grey Wardens."

"Is that a problem?"

"Hmmm, no, I mean, yes, I mean more women it the Grey Wardens would be fine by me. Not that I am a lecher or anything. Please stop looking at me like that. I think it will be fine if you are a woman."

"If?"

"I mean, you are fine, um, or will be fine, in the Wardens, that is. Soooo, I imagine that you were looking for me at Duncan's behest."

"Well, I was trying to find the bath house first."

"Ah, well it's a bit rustic here."

"Oh," she replied.

She looked so disappointed and Alistair was afraid she might well begin to cry, again. At least that's what he thought spurred his offer and the fact that she happened to be attractive was incidental, clearly. "You can use the wash bowl and towels in my tent, if you'd like. There is hot water in the cauldron by the fire in our camp."

She smiled at Alistair looking him in the eye without any sign of wariness for the first time. He immediately upgraded her from attractive to extremely attractive, gorgeous, in fact.

"Thank you, kind ser."

"Think nothing of it, Elissa." He was amazed at how normal his voice sounded despite the way his heart was leaping around in his chest. "However, you should call me Alistair. There are no titles in the Grey Wardens."

"Thank you, Alistair," she said with another heart melting smile.

"I-I have an errand to run then I'll collect your fellow recruits and be back at the camp by the time you have refreshed yourself."

Elissa nodded and rushed off towards the Grey Warden camp.

Alistair stood slack jawed staring after her. "This is the whirlwind of death," he muttered to himself, "how could Duncan have recruited such a delicate beautiful woman? She needed to be cared for, protected not subjected to the Joining." He sighed and turned back to his tasks.

When Alistair arrived at the camp with Ser Jory and Daveth, Elissa had not yet emerged from his tent. He could hear her bathing, dipping a cloth in the water and wringing it out. It suddenly occurred to him that she was probably naked, in his tent. Yep, she'd be naked and wet, in his tent. His heart sped and his cod piece shifted of its own accord, or perhaps a vengeful mage was moving it. That was a good story should anyone notice, or ask. Maker, he needed a distraction fortunately the other recruits seemed willing to provide it.

"So where's this fella from Highever," Daveth asked, "I thought you said he's here."

Alistair had never liked the beady eyed man from Denerim. His worn leather armour and the fact that he favoured a bow didn't help matters. A smirk appeared on the Junior-most Warden's face. He liked the idea of being one up on the greasy haired theif. "Well, as you can see Duncan has returned and I'm sure his newest recruit will appear soon."

"Is he one of Teryn Cousland's knights?" Jory asked as he pressed his gauntleted hands together with a metallic grind, "I know many of the Teryn's men. Although I hail from Redcliffe, my wife and I have lived in Highever for the last year."

Ser Jory was, in Alistair's unbiased opinion, just stupid. Alistair had been accused of idiocy plenty of times over the years but he'd never been as oblivious to those around him as the balding annoyance with the two handed sword. When they first met he'd asked the man if the big sword was a sign of prodigious strength or was he compensating for something. Much to the former Templar's disgust not only did Ser Jory not understand the reference to his genitals, even after Alistair had explained it, the Knight had then explained in great horrid detail why he fought with a two handed sword.

"Well, then Ser Knight," said Daveth mockingly, "you should have been able to tell the Wardens who to recruit."

"It's strange," replied Ser Jory who once again had failed to recognize his Daveth's sarcasm, "I can only imagine that it was one of the knights that did not participate in the tournament. You may remember..."

"Yes, Ser Jory," Alistair said quickly, "you won the tournament at Highever to prove your worth to the Grey Warden's and earn your place as a recruit."

Daveth rolled his eyes. Duncan arrived with a mabari hound at his heels.

"On reflection, I think it must be Ser Gilmore. No other serving at the castle was his equal."

Duncan smiled at this pronouncement, "Ser Gilmore was indeed a formidable and impressive knight but he is not my recruit."

Alistair's eyebrows rose at Duncan's wording. "Was?" he mouthed.

"Alistair, I need to talk to you for a few moments whilst we await our newest recruit."

Alistair followed Duncan away from the fire.

"I'd rather Ser Jory was not distracted by this news. It is not yet common knowledge that Castle Highever and most of the Couslands have fallen to treachery."

Duncan looked grim and worried which was practically a temper tantrum for the stoic Warden Commander. Few ever saw his true feelings and all those that did were Grey Wardens. This development must be bad indeed, very bad.

"Maker's breath, who, who would do such a thing, particularly now?"

"Arl Rendon Howe of Amaranthine delayed his troops then sprang upon his former allies in the night. Let us hope his success does not inspire others to draw their troops from this battle."

Alistair slapped the cold stone archway at the perimeter of their camp. "If we don't fight the darkspawn off we won't have a Kingdom to divide."

"I am aware, Alistair. That is why the King is making plans to take the army north after tomorrow's battle. "

"Then he still hopes to end the blight with glorious engagement. What will happen if that does not prove possible?"

"I do not know, Alistair. Our order has few allies and fewer friends in Ferelden. We must appease the King for without him our resources would be even scarcer."

"Which Couslands survived and...Maker's mercy she's Teyrn Bryce's daughter, isn't she." Oh, he'd been thinking very improper thoughts about a Teryn's daughter, a sheltered noblewoman. He'd been warned many times of the evil that lay in every man's soul, an evil that would make him view the chaste maidens as desire demons. Never had he been more aware of his own failing in that regard. To make matters worse she'd been grieving as he had attempted to control his drool. Alistair knew he needed to quash his inner lecher, immediately.

"Yes, Alistair. She has taken some time to be vent her grief but I can tell you from traveling with her that she is very capable. She will be able to put her sorrow aside as needed."

"Oh, yes, I'm sure she can be very, uh, fearsome."

"Is something amiss, Alistair?"

Alistair felt a flush rise up his throat over his face making his scalp sweat and his ears burn. "Noooo, no, what-could-be-amiss. Heh, amiss. That could be something wrong or an unmarried woman or someone not hitting a dart board. That's confusing isn't it?" Alistair looked at the odd expression on Duncan's face then took a deep breath. "I'm babbling again, aren't I? I should just go back to the fire, yep, I'll go, alright?"

Duncan said gravely, "Thank you for letting her use your tent to prepare herself. We'd no opportunity nor time to stop on our way to Ostagar. And Alistair, while she'll need no protector from darkspawn, beasts or bandits, it may be difficult for her to trust men. Be careful with her."

Alistair returned to the fire. He wondered what Duncan had been trying to tell him. He wondered if Ser Jory's pregnant wife in Highever was safe. He looked at Daveth's sly grin and wondered if the man could read lips. Then the ties at the front of his tent rustled and he hastily made his way over to give Lady Cousland a hand out of the tent.

Daveth whistled, "If I'd known Grey Warden's got camp followers that looked like that Duncan wouldn't have had to conscript me, I'd have joined years ago."

Alistair threw Daveth a murderous glance. "May I introduce our third recruit, Lady Elissa Cousland. Lady Cousland _that_ is Daveth and this is Ser Jory."

Elissa was every inch the haughty noble as she gave Daveth a cold stare. "I thought there were no titles among the Grey Wardens, Alistair."

Alistair was suddenly tongue-tied.

"Indeed, I understood the same, Elissa," said Ser Jory with a dip of his head, "Please, call me Jory."

Daveth seemed not at all abashed by the cold reception he'd received so far. "Well, you're not what I expected."

"Oh?" Elissa said frostily.

"Yeah, didn't know they had women in the Wardens."

"I'll make it easier for you; don't think of me as a woman."

Before Daveth could comment on Elissa's advice Duncan interrupted. He outlined their first tasks as Grey Warden recruits then sent them on their way. Elissa fell quite naturally into the role of the recruit's leader. Alistair followed them as they trekked through the Kokari wilds. In his role as observer Alistair could not contribute to their planning but with Elissa's leadership skills they did not suffer for it at all. His respect for Elissa Cousland grew with each fight, find and confrontation.

Before the sun set the four of them stepped through the gates with the three vials of darkspawn blood needed for the joining ritual and the ancient treaties Duncan had hoped they'd retrieve. Alistair felt the cold knife of fear as the Joining approached. He prayed that Elissa would survive. Not that he wanted any of the recruits to die; it would just be particularly cruel if she died.

6


	3. Lady No More

Elissa climbed the old temple's ramp and slowly made her way across the isolated rubble strewn ruin to the other recruits and Alistair. Alistair shifted repeatedly as though his center of balance would not stay still. He looked ill and nervous. He gave up standing in one place to fidget with the black cloth that was draped across the end of the old temple's offering table. It seemed odd to have the ritual here, where centuries ago Tevinter mages accepted offerings to the very dragons that would someday become arch-demons. The setting sun painted the light stone pillars lurid shades of yellow and orange. Would this be her last sunset? Did she have the right to take that risk? Did she have a right not to? Her mind darted back and forth in turmoil. Her duty to her family pulled her in one direction but her commitment to join the Grey Wardens conflicted with that duty. Now that she had actually seen and fought darkspawn she couldn't imagine turning her back on the Wardens and their battle against the blight. However, if she were to die there would be no one to explain the situation to Fergus; no one to make him understand how it happened and no one to tell him why he never learned of his sister's disgrace.

Duncan arrived he carried the ritual goblet across the room at a deliberate pace. He set the goblet down on the table ceremoniously then turned to face the three nervous recruits. "We speak only a few words prior to the Joining. But these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would?"

Alistair dropped into a state of stillness and lowered his head as if in prayer. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten... and that one day, we shall join you."

Duncan turned and lifted the goblet once more. "Daveth," He intoned.

Daveth approached and took the goblet from Duncan's hands. He carefully took a sip of the black blood mixture that bubbled in the metal bowl of the cup.

Duncan's hands did not stray far from the goblet. He grabbed it back as Daveth doubled over and screamed. Abruptly the pained man fell over and convulsed several times on the floor before slumping.

Alistair dropped to one knee and searched for the man's pulse but a shake of his head made it clear that Daveth had not survived the Joining.

Elissa stared numbly at Daveth's body while Jory argued with Duncan. The risks had finally cooled his ardour for becoming a Grey Warden but it was too late. One too many secrets had been revealed. Ser Jory chose to fight rather than submit to the taint, it was a decision that left Duncan no choice but to kill the man. Elissa felt little sympathy for Jory. The knight had left his pregnant wife and a fairly safe living in search of personal glory then quibbled about the price.

Duncan took up the goblet once more. "Elissa, you are called upon to submit to the taint."

Elissa pulled her arms across her chest and bowed her head in submission. "Duncan, before I complete the ritual duty compels me to lay a charge on you, just in case."

"What charge?" he asked calmly.

She felt that he already knew what she'd ask. "If I should not survive the joining, my brother Fergus must be made aware of the impending negotiations and all the details needed to fairly represent the Couslands in this aff...um, situation."

Duncan nodded.

"Should my brother not survive the battle," Elissa stopped for a moment and coughed. "Should my brother not survive the battle, I charge you to represent Aedan or to find one who can act in his best interest."

"My lady," Duncan replied, "I accept your charge of my own free will and promise should the need arise I will complete your charge to the best of my abilities."

"Thank you."

Elissa took the cup and cautiously sipped the dark liquid. The viscous substance seemed to expand in her mouth rushing to coat every surface as though it were a thing alive. She gulped several times and forced it down. At first there was a tingling in her throat, it intensified to a burning as the feeling rushed downward to her stomach. Her vision of the temple was obscured by brief glimpses of the hoard; the images that assaulted her mind were accompanied by stabbing pains. Then a steady slow building pain wave grew upward from the depths of her gut as a vision of a great bony dragon wrapped in an aura of unending malice loomed over Elissa. The beast seemed to be threatening her; its evil intent reached out towards her accentuating the growing pain. Elissa found there was a familiar rhythm to the waves of pain and between crests she fought to distance herself from the dragon's malice. It was a battle unlike any she'd fought before. She could not run from nor strike at the monster; she could only withstand the assault. Then the creature seemed to lose interest and Elissa fell into a quiet empty place and knew no more.

She awoke slowly. "Maker, what died in my mouth," she croaked, "and what fool gave me a drink?" She opened her eyes to find Duncan and Alistair leaning over her. Suddenly, the events of the last week flooded her mind and she closed her eyes again in the vain hope of recapturing that moment of forgetfulness.

When she reopened her eyes to greet her fellow Grey Wardens, Alistair helped her back up onto her feet.

The younger man's warm hand at her waist held her steady until she regained her balance. The bodies of her erstwhile peers were not in sight and the sun had finished setting.

"Before I forget," said Alistair as he held up a pendant handing on a leather cord, "this contains a drop of the ritual blood you drank. We wear these charms to remind us of those that did not survive the Joining. In this way their sacrifice will never be forgotten."

Elissa let Alistair loop the cord over her head and tie it at the back of her neck.

"Her vow, Alistair," said Duncan.

"Right, there is another thing. We also swear our vow of loyalty to the Wardens on these pendants. We stand ready to witness your vow, Warden Elissa."

Elissa dropped to one knee and steadied herself.

"I, Elissa Cousland, pledge my allegiance to the Grey Wardens," prompted Alistair.

"I, Elissa Cousland, pledge my allegiance to the Grey Wardens."

"I forsake my titles and the privileges of rank."

"I forsake my titles and the privileges of rank."

"I swear to place my duty to the Grey Wardens ahead of my duty to my monarch, country and kin."

"I swear to place my duty to the Grey Wardens ahead of my duty to my monarch, country and kin."

"I, Warden Duncan, accept this pledge in the spirit it has been made. You shall be as sister to all Wardens. You shall find succour with any of our order and when twilight finds you the order shall bear you to your honourable end."

"Welcome, sister," said Duncan as he encompassed her in a hug then stepped back.

"Welcome, sister," repeated Alistair and he too hugged Elissa. Alistair's hug felt much different than that of the older man's; it was less fatherly and more awkward. Yet, somehow despite the circumstances and the weight she felt had settled on her shoulders, her heart sped up and her face heated at her new brother warden's touch.

"Take some time to recover, Elissa," said Duncan, "I must meet with the war council."

She nodded.

Alistair sighed as Duncan left. "Two more dead. Only one recruit died at my joining but it was no less distressing."

Elissa leaned against a stone block and rubbed her head.

"A headache isn't unusual, it will pass soon."

"I hope so. The pain, Maker's breath. I've only experienced pain like that once before."

"Oh?"

She blushed furiously. "Never mind," she mumbled.

Alistair looked at her curiously then with a shrug he let the matter drop. "I had terrible dreams during my Joining, did you dream?"

"Yes," Elissa whispered, "I dreamt of darkspawn and of a great evil dragon."

"The archdemon. Yesss, he is such a handsome fellow that I dream of him every night."

Horror congealed in Elissa's stomach and in one swift motion she turned and vomited all over the ancient stones. " Maker! You don't really, do you?" She said in a panic as he led her away from the splattered remains of her dinner.

"Uh, no. Sorry, you're obviously not ready for jokes."

The approach of slapping footfalls made both of the young Wardens pause. A young elven serving girl ran up the ramp and stopped directly in front of Elissa. "Excuse me, Lady Cousland?"

Elissa sighed loudly. "Yes, although I am now Warden Elissa."

"Apologies my lady," she said with a subservient bob of her head. The girl held a thin package out. "This is for you, my lady... Warden."

Elissa thanked the girl absentmindedly as she took the parcel. She unfolded the parchment and a familiar ring dropped onto the ground. She dropped into a crouch and grabbed the ring before Alistair could reach for it. The sudden movement left Elissa reeling and nauseous.

"I should have warned you, swooping is bad." He lay a warm hand on her shoulder to hold her steady as she stood up, yet again.

"Yes, swooping _is _bad." She felt his hand on the small of her back as he ushered her out of the old temple. "I seem to be making a habit of this."

"Hmm? Of what?"

"Needing a hand up. Thank you Alistair."

He flashed her a heart yanking grin. "I live to serve."

"Right." Elissa shook her head at let him lead her away.

"A meal with a witty dinner companion and a rest by a warm fire will make all the difference."

Elissa nodded wearily. "A moment please." She glanced at the letter and seeing there was no Royal Summons, she simply tucked it away. Then she returned the King's signet ring to her pendant.

Alistair hovered close by as they walked back to the camp. His presence was a bit unsettling but his warm hands never lingered after he'd saved her from a stumble. When they reached the camp he gestured for her to sit down and fetched each of them a large plate of starchy stew.

"Oh, I don't think I could possibly eat that much," she said but as she took the plate from his hands her stomach growled loudly.

He chuckled and sat down nearby with an equally full plate. "We'll see."

Elissa eyed him suspiciously as he continued to laugh but ate anyway. Lumps of potatoes, carrots, turnip, green lentils and some sort of red meat were suspended in a light gray gravy. It looked repulsive but Elissa found it tasted delicious.

"Sooo, I'm trying to figure out who would be able to send you a love letter here in the King's camp."

She sputtered and put her cup down. "Love letter?"

"Moreover a love letter containing," at this point Alistair sang a line of a tavern song, "a token of affection to see you through the war and bring you home to me." His voice wasn't half bad.

"I assure you there is no affection involved," she said as a blush stole over her features.

"Hmmm, then perhaps the letter contained an unwanted proposal of marriage from an elderly slobbering suitor."

Elissa rolled her eyes.

"Ah, thank goodness you have joined our ranks and been saved from a fate worse than death. I can see it now, the bards will sing of the lovely young maiden pursued by an unscrupulous old lecher who tried to escape his attentions by joining the Grey Wardens."

She giggled, "I am hardly a lovely young maiden. Besides what do you mean tried?"

"None of these stories are ever straightforward. Why, we need at least another ten verses of angst and romance." Alistair grinned as he took her empty plate and refilled it.

"Well, alright, as long as I get to kick the villian's ass in the long run."

"But her brothers in arms, the other Grey Wardens, would most certainly need to play a part. Duncan will be your wise mentor. Your faithful hound will undoubtedly rescue you at some point. And I will be your irrepressible companion with stylish hair and a rapier wit who distracts you from your woes and..."

"...and makes sure I eat?"

He gave her a teasing smile as he collected the plate she'd emptied a second time. "Hunger can sneak up on you sometimes, it's devious. Why there are times I've found that an entire batch of cookies has disappeared whilst I have been snacking. That may have been my tricky appetite or thieves, cookie thieves are a real problem in Southern Fereldan."

Elissa tried to stifle the urge to yawn but her exhaustion seemed to have caught up with her.

"Uh oh, now I'm boring you," he said as he hung his head dramatically, "so much for my position as witty companion."

"That's not it. I'm just tired, very tired."

"Wait here but a moment fair maiden and I will see to your accommodations." Alistair pulled a tightly rolled tent and a bedroll out of one of the chests. "One Grey Warden issued tent and bedroll, my Lady."

"Please, don't call me that," she pleaded. Elissa was shocked by the whine in her voice. She took a deep breath and continued, "I'm just plain Elissa now."

Alistair nodded. "As you wish," he said very seriously then he turned and began erecting her tent in silence.

Elissa felt as though she'd dumped snow on the conversation. She cast about for a way to restart the banter. "So does it come with a griffon?"

"Pardon?"

"The Grey Warden issued tent, does it come with a griffon?"

"Of course," he said with a grin, "but it's a miniature griffon, the trick is to find it before you accidently lay upon it. Once you do that, well, the griffon usually does survive the night. Sadly, I have been the cause of several of the very, very small creature's deaths. There we go; one tent ready for occupation."

"Ah good I see you are off to get some well deserved rest," said a voice they both recognized. Duncan strode into camp and stood by the fire to warm himself, "Elissa, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Good. His Majesty asked me to convey his congratulations as he is unlikely to have the opportunity to do so before the battle tomorrow."

Elissa inclined her head but another yawn interrupted the gesture.

"I'll keep you from your rest no longer, Elissa."

She nodded gratefully and crawled into the small tent where she did no more than loosen her armour before sliding into the bedroll and falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

7


	4. Unwelcome Guests

Alistair's training allowed him to react without any thought to the invasion of their camp. He rolled from his bedroll, slit open the back of his tent with his knife and grabbed up his longsword. He ran out the back of his tent and spun around looking for a target. He heard a startled yelp from beyond Elissa's tent and charged forward then slowed to a stop as he realized that he'd damaged his tent for nothing. Two staggering figures stood in shadows of the ruined building that sheltered the Warden's camp.

"Hey, you two, go sleep it off in your own camp."

Duncan appeared as if from nowhere. He looked questioningly at Alistair.

"It's just a couple of drunks out for a midnight stroll."

"Nah, nah we ahn't," said one of the figures.

"Shhh," said the other, "dohn't wan Dun-nan to know is me."

Duncan and Alistair shared an unhappy glance as they recognized the voice of King Cailan.

"Yah, okay, yah. I won't tell 'em."

"So," said the second one as he waved the hand holding a cup, "I oder you to go back to sleep."

"Excuse me?" said Alistair then with all the patience he could muster, "Why have you disturbed the Grey Warden's sleep, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oooh," said the first one, "thah's a good question, Shire, whah should we say?"

"Shhh, dohn't call me shire, member."

The first man nodded vehemently knocking himself off balance. Alistair surmised it was probably Ser Geran Wulff, eldest son of Arl Wulff, and a companion of King Cailan's of whom few of his advisors approved. Alistair watched Elissa slide cautiously from under her tent flap then back away from the two inebriated men.

"Thah's Her Right There," Cailan said in a stage whisper.

Elissa continued to back up warily but she sheathed sword and stowed her shield on her back before slipping between Duncan and Alistair to stand just behind them.

"Alistair," Duncan said in his normal calm manner as Geran and Cailan continued to mumble to each other, "go ask King Cailan's guards to come and help His Majesty."

"I'd like to dress first," he said and then wiggling his longsword, "and perhaps put this away."

"Certainly, Alistair but do not tarry. I'd prefer to avoid an incident of any sort."

Alistair ducked into his tent, dropped his sword and shield, pulled his night shirt off over his head and quickly donned a pair of pants before slipping on his boots. He grabbed a shirt and crawled back out of his tent. The King and his companion had stepped into the light to confront Duncan and Elissa. Alistair pulled on his shirt as he walked out of the camp then as soon as he was out of sight he ran. It wasn't very far to the King's tent but Alistair wasn't sure there was much time before the incident that Duncan would prefer to avoid became inevitable.

The Royal Pavilion stood next Teryn Loghain's Pavilion. Both of the colourful tents were huge and well guarded. Alistair strode up to the nearest royal guard. "Excuse me, His Majesty, uh, needs some assistance."

The guard stared at him suspiciously. "The King is spending the night in the army camp with the Grey Wardens."

"Well, ah, he seems to have changed his mind."

"He's the King; he can do as he likes."

"Apparently," Alistair said dryly. "Look, I assure you His Majesty NEEDS assistance, he's staggering about in our camp."

"What do you mean? Was he attacked?" the guard asked, suddenly alarmed.

"No, no nothing like that. The fact is not to put too fine a point on it but he could use some help finding his tent. He's a touch worse for wear, if you know what I mean."

"Nice try. Fact is, my job is to guard the king's tent, not chase after some bloke's stories when I know his Majesty is with the Grey Wardens."

Alistair grabbed his hair in frustration. "I am a Grey Warden and I am telling you that your King needs your help, now. In fact you and a couple more burly fellows would be best."

"Why?"

"Because His Great and Royal Majesty is Royally pissed. He's drunk, smashed, intoxicated, under the influence, flying high, stoned, can't stay on the sidewalk..."

The entrance of Teryn Loghain's Pavilion rustled and opened. The Teryn himself appeared. "That's enough, I suspect he understands, finally," he addressed the guards in front of the tents, "You two, come with me," then he gestured for Alistair to lead the way.

By the time they returned an undesirable incident was already under way. Cailan was standing much too close to Duncan speaking in that I'm trying to be serious even though I'm clearly very drunk manner.

"Duncan, you haff to unnerstand, she's going to haff more babies so she can't be a Warten."

Geran laughed, "Shire, you said War-t-en, ha, ha, War-t-en."

Duncan sighed. "Again Sire, I feel it would be best to discuss this in the morning or perhaps after the battle."

Loghain growled, "Cailan, I believe the Grey Warden and I have finally found something we agree on. Tomorrow would be a better time to consider this unexpected, um, idea."

"You dohn't unnerstand, she has to go way tonight, where is safe." Cailan lunged around Duncan and managed to grab Elissa's wrist.

She tried to yank her arm out of his grip but instead managed to pull him off balance, as they tipped over together Elissa screamed.

Once again Alistair reacted rather than thinking, he strode over grabbed Cailan by the collar and hauled Cailan him off his fellow Warden. Cailan lurched back towards Elissa and Alistair didn't hesitate. He punched the King, hard. Cailan's head snapped back and he landed hard on his back. Everyone stared at Alistair then the King. His Majesty lay unmoving on the ground with bloody drool leaked out of the left side of his mouth.

Elissa stared wide eyed at Alistair. "You hit him!" she croaked.

Alistair looked back and forth between the Teryn Loghain and Duncan. "I didn't mean to, that is, it was not my intention. By Andraste's flaming sword, what have I done?"

With a deep sigh Duncan leaned over to check the King's jaw. "He's fine but it would be best if he was attended my one of the mages or he will be sporting a fat lip on the morrow."

Loghain nodded. "You two take the King to his tent then fetch a healer." Then the Teryn bent to help Elissa stand as he spoke to Alistair. "Do not fret, Warden, you saved the damsel in distress. I doubt his Majesty will punish you too severely for that." He looked carefully at her wrist. "It doesn't look to be broken but you'll have an impressive bruise by morning."

"But...but, I did it and," Alistair gestured to the slumped form of the King being carried away. "I don't know what to say. I always know what to say. Sometimes I say the wrong thing but I always say something and how can I explain. I swear I wasn't trying to hit the King I was just trying to hit the man attacking Lady Elissa. Why did they have to be the same person? Maker's mercy! Duncan?"

Duncan sighed, "Alistair, as the Teryn has indicated it is unlikely you will be hung. Now, this has been an unwelcome intrusion in everyone's night and it is important we sleep. Tomorrow will be a strenuous day."

"Yes, it has been an intrusion," agreed Teryn Loghain, "Goodnight Wardens." The Teryn disappeared into the night.

Alistair noticed the snoring form of Ser Geran on the ground. "I'll get him back to the army camp," he said pointing at the passed out drunk, "I doubt I'll be able to sleep for a while."

"I'll help you," Elissa said, "I have the same problem."

Duncan shook his head, "You need to have that wrist attended to or you may not be able to hold a shield tomorrow."

"Apparently, I can manage noble drunks, all by myself." Alistair said with a half smile. He grabbed Ser Geran under the arms and dragged him away. The guard at the entrance to the army camp promised to make sure Ser Geran made it back to his tent. His expression led Alistair to believe that this was not the first time he'd had to deal with this sort of thing. "Perhaps," he thought, "that's why there is a guard between the two camps."

He returned before Duncan and Elissa. So he sat and stared morosely into the snapping bonfire whilst he waited. His thoughts wore a circle in his mind, he had to protect his sister warden but no one should assault a King, particularly not him but he had to protect his sister warden but no one... Low voices drew Alistair out of his reverie. He turned as Duncan and Elissa returned to the camp. Her wrist was wrapped in a pungent smelling poultice.

"How's your arm?" Alistair asked.

"Just bruised, this is supposed to keep it from colouring or swelling."

"Uh, good."

"Thank you for, you know."

"My pleasure," he said then to his horror he began to blush. When he looked up at Elissa she was blushing, too.

Duncan groaned and shook his head. "There are still a few hours until dawn. I suggest you both return to your tents and rest, even if you cannot fall asleep."

All three of them made their way to their tents. It wasn't until he'd crawled back in that Alistair remembered the hole he'd cut. The opening flapped in the breeze. Since there was little to be done in the middle of the night he pulled his blanket over his head and tried to go back to sleep.

As the three of them broke their fast the next morning a messenger from the King arrived. "Wardens Duncan and Elissa the King requests your presence at the war council."

Duncan put down his empty dish and stood up. "Elissa, finish eating your fill then join me at the lower end of the old temple."

Elissa set her half empty bowl aside. "I can come now."

Duncan shook his head. "Alistair," he said, making his name sound like an order.

Alistair just nodded. It was his jobs to oversee Elissa's adjusted to the taint as smoothly as possible. One of his tasks was to make sure she ate, a lot. He finished his bowl of porridge and grabbed the pot. He put a little more in his bowl then proceeded to fill hers, again. Next he added honey to both her bowl and his own then he cast about for distracting topic so she'd eat her second bowl of cereal without protest.

"I guess you've been invited to my sentencing. I hope you'll speak well of me. I'd rather not be hung."

Elissa sputtered, "Don't be ridiculous, you're a Grey Warden they won't hang you."

"No probably not. Perhaps I'll be sent to Fort Drakon."

"Alistair!"

His heart leapt when she said his name, even through the exasperation he found it exciting. "Mmmhmmm."

She stared at him for a moment and her eyes narrowed. "Sacrifice," she said firmly.

"Pardon?"

"Sacrifice, I think they'll tie you to a tree as an offering to the darkspawn in the hopes that they'll take you and leave."

He stared at her in admiration, "Brilliant response, I may well have met my match! I must say, if the death of this humble Grey Warden will stop the blight, I would be honoured to volunteer."

"Very noble, you're my hero."

"Yes, well I have that affect on the ladies."

Elissa scraped the last mouthful of porridge out of her bowl and sat back.

"Now, it's time to leave me to my camp chores whilst you go entertain his Majesty's Council of War with your witty repartee."

"If I must."

"Come now, it wouldn't do to keep the King waiting. If you don't go he'll be sad and he might cry; you wouldn't want that on your conscience."

She rolled her eyes and strode off. Alistair found his gaze fasten on her retreating back, well backside. He shook his head. "Perhaps the other Wardens had been right," he thought. They'd tried to take him to a bawdy house in Denerim, but he'd refused to join their sport. Now he wondered, perhaps he should have just done it. He shook his head. He couldn't imagine paying someone to do... that. Despite the lewdness of his fellow Wardens he somehow felt it wasn't meant to be like that. Besides, Duncan hadn't gone in either. If Duncan could control his urges then so could he, hopefully.

Alistair cleaned the dishes, packed up the camp and had time to check over his equipment and perform his usual training exercises before Duncan and Elissa returned. A gusty squall arrived with them. The sky filled with dark clouds and the wind carried the fetid scents of the Kokari wilds into the camp.

"It is time I prepare for the battle," said Duncan.

"A battle we will not see," complained Elissa.

"What? We? We who?"

"Alistair, you and Elissa will go to the top of the Tower of Ishal to light the beacon on our signal. The beacon will let Teyrn Loghain know it is time for his forces to attack."

"But I want to fight with the rest of the Wardens in the battle."

"The King personally requested Grey Wardens perform this task. Specifically, he wanted the two of you."

"So, after we light the beacon we can join the battle," Elissa said quickly.

"I will send word if we need you. Unless you receive other orders stay in the tower until the battle ends."

They both nodded to indicate their assent.

"Duncan," Alistair said hesitantly, "may the Maker watch over you."

"May he watch over us all," he replied soberly.

Alistair would recall later that his last sight of Duncan was a sombre blessing. He was often haunted by the thought that his mentor may have presentiment of his fate.

7


	5. New Goals

Elissa put on her armour making sure each piece was properly in place before strapping her sword and shield onto her back.

"You should bring a pack," said Alistair.

"Aren't we coming back here?"

"That's the plan but I've learned not to leave the good silverware behind. It's unlikely that we'll be cut off from camp but I'd rather be ready, just in case. Wouldn't you?"

Elissa nodded reluctantly. She didn't want to think about just in case. "The battle will go well, won't it," she said cringing at the anxiousness in her own voice.

"With the Grey Wardens leading the charge, of course it will. I was just thinking that when we are called into battle and sent to chase the darkspawn back into their holes, I'd rather not have to forage along the way."

She smiled and wondered if anything could pierce Alistair's merry exterior or if jokes were his only method of communication. Abruptly she remembered his fist impacting Cailan's face and the guilty pleasure she derived from the sound. Perhaps the ex-templar had other ways of speaking.

They shouldered their packs and Alistair led the way to the ancient bridge that spanned connected East and West Ostagar. There they paused to gawk for a moment. Balls of fire and giant stones smashed into the ancient structure; it shook with each impact. Archers and ballista crews scurried on the southern edge of the bridge.

Alistair clapped her on the shoulder. "Come on, we need to get to the beacon quickly. You go first; I'll watch your back."

"Who's watching your back?" she yelled over the battle noises as she started down the ramp.

"I can sense darkspawn, remember, you haven't quite got the knack yet. And while they may be stunned by the sight of your rear-side we'd best not chance it."

Elissa's mouth dropped open and a blush coloured her cheeks, she looked back up at Alistair to find him blushing as well. She wondered if he was flirting with her then she wondered if he'd still like her if he knew her shameful secret. She shook off the silly thoughts and focussed on the battle.

They pelted across the bridge. When Elissa was knocked from her feet Alistair was right there to give her a hand up. Despite the battle and the loss of her family Elissa felt almost safe, no it was more than that, she felt cared for again. The thought put a goofy grin on her face that she struggled to hide. The news that greeted them at the Tower of Ishal knocked all other ideas out of her mind; the tower had fallen to the darkspawn.

Elissa shared a shocked desperate glance with Alistair.

"We have to get up there," began Alistair.

"I know, I know, we must light the beacon or everyone will..."

"No," he said firmly, "we will light the beacon. You can't lose faith."

Elissa nodded and started up the ramp. One of the circle mages stood next to the soldier that had told them about the state of the tower. The soldier was wounded but the mage looked fine. "You," she said to the mage, "what's your name?"

"Fenra, I'm Enchanter Fenra."

"Well, Enchanter Fenra, you're with us."

He looked ready to protest but something stilled his tongue. "Yes, Warden."

Elissa, Red, Fenra and Alistair charged up into the tower and fought their way to the top. They were tired, sore and covered in blood by the time they reached their destination. There they found an ogre standing between them and the signal fire.

Alistair charged the ogre with Red close on his heels. Elissa yelled to Fenra, "Keep them alive!"

She skirted the battle and lit the overdue beacon before turning to help defeat the monster but she wasn't needed. Part way across the room she skidded to a stop.

Alistair smashed into the ogre with his shield. As the monster stumbled back it slipped in the blood of its victims and fell onto its back. Alistair quickly pressed his advantage; he leapt onto the beast and with a great overhand blow plunged his sword through its skull and twisted. The ogre's death shudders did not dislodge the conquering warrior. Once the ogre stilled he hopped off and looked over to Elissa and the beacon.

"My hero!" she called out in relief.

He laughed and smiled at her. She found even through the blood and gore his grin made her heart speed up because it seemed to be just for her. He marched over next to her and they stared out of the tower to the battle below.

Alistair shared a moment of satisfaction with her. "We did it. Now, King Cailan, Duncan and the other wardens have a chance."

Elissa's response was interrupted by Red's frantic barking.

"Darkspawn, many of them," Alistair reported grimly.

Red charged down the stairs. Elissa moved to follow but a choked yelp and the thump of a body falling to the floor below told her there was no point. Fenra sprinted across the room to stand behind the two warriors but was cut down by arrows before he reached the dubious safety of their guard.

Most of the arrows aimed at Elissa and Alistair bounced of their raised shields but the newest Warden recruit knew the respite was to be short. Darkspawn boiled up from the lower floors and formed a circle around the two warriors who now stood back to back. The enemy milled around just out of reach for what seemed like forever then suddenly something broke and they rushed forward to attack.

Elissa knew that unless some miraculous rescue appeared they would eventually be worn down but she could not shame Alistair. She could hear his battle cries behind her and she did her best to live up to his example. Soon they were both bleeding from many small wounds. Elissa's shield and sword seemed to weigh twice their usual weight. She glanced over her shoulder to see how Alistair was fared and that was her undoing. A small sword was driven into her leg forcing her to drop to one knee, she wearily lifted her shield to protect her head and shoulders from a hurlock's barrage of over hand blows which left her open to a mace wielding genlock. She folded over the mace as it impacted her stomach, her shield dropped and she was felled by a blow to the head.

Yelling – Dark – Light – Screaming – Wet – Wind – A deep rumbling roar.

Hands pulling at her armour – Fear, terrible dark fear – It was happening again! Fight, must escape.

His voice, Alistair, soothing, "You're safe, sleep. You're safe, get well. You're safe." – Warm blankets – Silence.

Consciousness came to Elissa suddenly. She found herself in a bed, lying on her side, staring at a wooden door. The door was surrounded by a white washed wall. She rolled onto her back and stared at the low beamed ceiling. Near the opposite wall drying plants hung on strings. Next to that a shadowed figure stirred a large pot set over a fire. Another bed with a flat chest at its foot and a wall of shelves rounded out the homey hut. "Where am I?" Elissa croaked, "How did I get here and what happened?

"You are in the Korcari Wilds," said a familiar voice, "Do you remember your battle?"

Elissa turned in the bed to see a woman they'd met in the wilds before her Joining. "I remember you. You're Morrigan."

"I am."

"I was overwhelmed by darkspawn at the top of the tower of Ishal."

"Indeed."

"How did I get here?"

"You do not remember?" the witch asked archly.

Elissa shook her head. "No, everything is muddled. Is, is Alistair here too?"

Morrigan shrugged. "One of the fools that followed you before waits outside. Mother rescued you both."

"And my wounds?"

"Mother healed you. She waits outside to speak with you, when you are ready."

Elissa felt her head. Dried blood caked her hair but she could find no wound or even a sore spot to account for it all. She decided not to worry about it for the moment. She threw on her armour and slipped on her boots but didn't bother to pull the straps taut. She trudged outside to find Morrigan's mother and Alistair.

As she closed the door the old woman spoke, "You see, here is your friend now. I told you she would be fine. You need to have more faith, young man."

"You're alive," Alistair said, his voice was no more than a hoarse whisper, "Maker's breath, I can hardly believe it."

Elissa rubbed at the dried blood in her hair. "I'm surprised myself."

"With all that's happened and your injuries I didn't think... that is I ..." Alistair turned away again to stare out over the swamp.

"What happened? I can't remember much after we lit the beacon."

The old woman tilted her head and answered for Alistair, "The man you signalled left the battlefield. The darkspawn overran those left behind, they're dead."

"King Cailan is dead?"

Alistair stood staring out into the swamp with his arms wrapped around his own waist. "Yes, as are Duncan and all the other Grey Warden's of Ferelden not to mention most of the army."

Elissa surmised that he'd been crying and continued to do so. She felt tears dripping off her own chin as well. "Are there no survivors?"

"A few stragglers may have survived. Perhaps those in the camp had time to run but no one on the front line stood a chance, thanks to Teryn Loghain."

"Fergus," she whispered. Elissa began to formulate a plan in the privacy of her own mind. She'd find Fergus and tell him everything then she'd throw herself at the darkspawn hoard before whatever curse she'd earned destroyed anymore lives.

Alistair and the old woman were talking about something. Elissa ignored them. She methodically fastened her armour properly. As she settled her right greave into place a name penetrated the fog surrounding her mind.

"Flemeth! You're _the_ Flemeth of legend," Alistair said.

Elissa's head snapped up to stare at the old woman.

"Am I?"

Elissa shook her head and walked back into the house. Morrigan stirred a pot hung over the fire and ignored Elissa, so Elissa returned the favour. She strapped her sword and shield onto her back and examined the contents of her pack. The Grey Warden treaties they'd retrieved during their foray into the wilds caught her eye. She knew Alistair would need them to defeat the blight, so she pulled them out of her pack before shouldering it and heading back outside where she held the treaties out to Alistair.

He stared blankly at the papers she offered then suddenly and excitedly grabbed her arm. "The treaties, of course. Elissa, you're brilliant, if we can deliver the treaties we can recruit the elves, dwarves and mages."

Flemeth chuckled, "Elves, dwarves, mages, this Arl Eamon, this is beginning to sound like an army."

Alistair stared into her eyes, "Do you think we can do this?" he asked her.

"Don't ask me," she said dully, "you're the Grey Warden."

He shook his head, "We, we're the Grey Wardens, the last in Ferelden."

"I'm going. I have to find my brother, Fergus, and then I'll fulfill my last duty as a Grey Warden."

Alistair's grip on her arm tightened. "Last duty, what are you talking about."

Elissa whimpered and swallowing back the tears that threatened she looked Alistair in the eye. "I'm just a danger to you and your plan."

"What?"

"Haven't you noticed that everyone near me dies? Somehow you have escaped the curse to this point but it's only a matter of time."

"Elissa, ..."

"No, look at what has happened. My parents, my nephew, my sister-in-law and all the faces of my childhood died in Highever."

"That was Howe's doing not yours."

"Ser Jory and Daveth did not survive the Joining."

"You know only rare individuals survive the ritual."

"Fenra, the mage that followed me into the tower and Red, poor faithful Red, died."

"Fenra followed us, not you; besides the darkspawn killed both him and your mabari hound."

"The King, Duncan the wardens and hundreds of blameless soldiers died at Ostagar."

"Loghain betrayed them and the darkspawn killed them too, you can't hold yourself responsible."

"Alistair, I'm cursed. It's my punishment."

"Punishment, what could you have possibly done to deserve a blight and betrayal."

Elissa just looked down at the ground.

"If I had done whatever it is you think you've done what would you tell me."

"It's not the same; it wouldn't matter if you did it. You don't understand. I-I disgraced my family name."

"Fine, if some noble woman of your acquaintance suffered as you have suffered, would you send her out into the Korcari Wilds, alone?"

"Of course not," she said, "But I want to go, I can't take anymore, I can't watch more people die."

He shrugged and picked up his pack, "Fine, but I'm following you."

"You can't!"

"I have a responsibility to see to your welfare, you are my charge. I'd rather do that as we save Ferelden from the blight but I can see you're determined to die."

She stared at him sadly.

"Come on, no point in delaying. Look on the bright sid, I can help you find the darkspawn. I can sense their presence. We won't need any supplies since we won't need to eat. In fact, let's leave the packs here. We don't need healing poultices or bandages when we're trying to die, right."

"Enough," Elissa shouted, "you've made your point."

"Good," Flemeth said, "I'd hate to think I'd wasted all that effort rescuing you."

"Why did you save us?" Alistair asked with one eyebrow raised.

"We couldn't have all the Grey Warden's die," she said with a slightly creepy smile, "You are needed to stop the blight. Even I would not survive a blight."

The answer seemed to satisfy Alistair and it made sense to Elissa.

"Now," Flemeth continued, "I can aide you in one more way." She paused as Morrigan came out of the house and joined them.

Elissa looked at Flemeth curiously. She wondered, what would the infamous Witch of the Wilds deemed appropriate help for the wardens?

8


	6. Traveling the Wilds

Alistair pulled Elissa away from the apostates' hut. "It may be dangerous to say no to, uh, Flemeth but are we sure we want to take an apostate with us."

"We need someone to guide us out of the wilds, Morrigan can do that."

"Yes," he agreed, "she does know the wilds but after that?"

"I...I'm not sure." She looked up into his eyes. "I think we should wait and see how things turn out."

Alistair turned to look out into the swamp then looked back into Elissa's eyes. "I agree. If Duncan," he sighed before continuing, "if Duncan were here he'd remind me that Grey Wardens use whatever means they must."

Morrigan returned with a gnarled staff in her hand and a light pack on her back. "Good-bye Mother. Try not to burn the house down while I'm gone."

Flemeth cackled. Elissa nudged him and they moved off even further so that the two women could say their farewells privately.

Morrigan strode up to them. "To Lothering?"

"As agreed," answered Elissa.

Morrigan nodded and walked ahead. Alistair gestured for Elissa to follow and he brought up the rear.

The apostate led them out of the swamp and into the wet forest along narrow game trails. None of them spoke as they walked.

It bothered Alistair that they saw very few signs of the usually abundant wildlife but not enough to hold his attention. His mind wandered to the battle at Ostagar and tortured him with what if scenarios. If he'd believed the injured man he'd heard ranting about the need to retreat. If he'd been in the battle by Duncan's side. If he'd gone to the war council uninvited and fought for a better strategy. If he'd hit Cailan harder and they'd had to delay the attack. If-if-if-if. He wasn't really sure what he should have done but he felt that there was something he missed, something he could have done to prevent all those needless deaths. He felt guilty that he, the least worthy of the Grey Wardens survived when all his brothers had died.

Alistair's morose thoughts were interrupted by a crawling feeling up his spine. He moved forward to tap Elissa. "Darkspawn," he whispered. She nodded and alerted the witch.

They gathered for a quick conference. Alistair could hear the darkspawns' grunting guttural thoughts. "Ahead there's a large group, I'd say about 25 of them. They're planning, I think." He shook his head frustrated with his inability to find out more.

Elissa rubbed the back of her neck absentmindedly.

"Hot tingly sensation?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Is that the darkspawn?"

"It's the beginning. Can you hear them at all?"

She shook her head.

Alistair turned his head on an angle. "They've finished talking, I guess, they've split up into smaller groups."

"Direction?" Morrigan asked briskly.

"All directions, there seem to be five or six sets of them."

"If we can get behind one," explained Morrigan, "we can follow it until we're closer to the edge of the Wilds."

"I don't understand," said Elissa, "what are they doing?"

"They're searching," said Alistair reluctantly.

She frowned, "Searching? Searching for what, there's nothing out here..." Her chin dropped and then she hissed, "You mean they're hunting survivors, don't you."

"It's possible," he admitted reluctantly, "but I think they're all looking for one thing."

"We have to find this survivor and save him, before the darkspawn find him."

"Elissa how are we going to find someone that has successfully dodged all these darkspawn. Whoever he is, he may not even be in this area. There is no guarantee that this is the only group out looking."

Gradually Elissa calmed down. "If they find him or we see him..."

"We will help, of course."

"Enough of this foolishness. You," Morrigan said pointing to Alistair, "had best lead us after the beasts. Choose a band going in a northeast direction, if possible."

Alistair stared malevolently at the witch but before he could say anything Elissa put a hand on his arm. "I'll take the rear," she said quietly.

He glared at Morrigan one last time then set out after the darkspawn, staying well back on their trail.

At mid-afternoon Alistair stopped and gestured to Elissa. "They're starting to swing around and the trees are thinning."

Elissa looked at Morrigan who seemed to be ignoring Alistair as effectively as he was ignoring her. Truth be told Elissa was relieved they'd stopped bickering. Unfortunately, the witch seemed unwilling to forgive Elissa for telling her to leave Alistair alone. "Morrigan," Elissa began, "could you lead us north to the edge of the Wilds from here."

Morrigan stopped her pointed examination of her staff to look at Elissa. "If we travel northeast around the nearby bog we will be out of the Wilds within the hour. Unless you'd rather follow that fool," she hissed.

Elissa smiled winningly. "I'm sure we'd both be happy to follow someone who knows the area, Morrigan."

Morrigan sneered at Elissa's attempt at diplomacy. "Follow or not as you will."

The witch quickly led them off the darkspawn's trail onto a smaller northern trail that curved first east then back north. Slowly as they traveled the trees thinned. Elissa had looked forward to reaching the plains and leaving the confining darkness of the forest but now she just felt exposed. She scanned the area around them carefully as they walked. Glimpses over her shoulder showed that Alistair was doing the same.

"Run," Alistair shouted, "we've got company."

"Run?" she asked confused.

"For the top of that hillock. Go, go."

Elissa turned and ran as instructed feeling a little silly for not having guessed Alistair's intent. Morrigan, she noticed, hadn't even paused for the explanation and was already launching arcane missiles at the figures closing from behind. An arrow caught Elissa in the back of the calf but before she could collapse Alistair was at her side and helping her up the hill.

There they turned and faced their foe, an Emissary and five hurlocks. The hurlocks charged up the hill at Elissa and Alistair. Morrigan was concentrating on the Emissary. Elissa sunk into battle focus; energy filled her limbs and the pain from her wound faded to an annoyance. She smashed her shield into the adversary on the left stunning it then attacked the hurlock on the right aggressively. It caught the two overhand cuts on its shield but was not able to stop her brutal thrust to its abdomen. Emotionlessly, she kicked the monster off her sword but did not pause to see it fall. Instead she swung at the hurlock she'd stunned earlier. Its futile attempts to bypass her shield ended with an overhand blow to the head.

She started down the hill towards the Emissary battling Morrigan only to be stopped by a slight crawling sensation on her neck and Alistair's warning bellow.

"No," he yelled, "Ware the rear. I'll stop the caster."

Elissa turned to face a gunlock stealthily approaching Morrigan from the rear. With no regard for her injured leg Elissa charged the creature knocking it back onto the ground. With a roar she thrust downward into the darkspawn's fallen form but she was too slow. It managed to roll away and scramble to its feet again. The creature swept at Morrigan's back with both daggers before Elissa could step between the two of them.

Morrigan didn't seem to react at all and a quick glance at her ally showed her why; some spell danced over her skin holding her immobile mid-cast. Elissa smashed the gunlock with her shield pushing it back. She stepped into the gap and began swinging her longsword in an effort to connect with the little creature but it lithely dodged her blows. She ignored the sounds of the battle behind her for the most part though she was heartened each time she heard Alistair's voice shout, "For the Grey Wardens."

Eventually, her slower weapon hit the gunlock and with a sudden surge of energy Elissa spun back and swept its head off its shoulders. She turned to survey the rest of the battlefield.

Alistair was walking away from the corpse of the Emissary and four more hurlocks. Suddenly Alistair broke into a jog. "One more coming," he said grimly.

"Just one," Elissa said gaily then she felt that sensation again but it was different somehow.

"You feel it too," Alistair said, as a large darkspawn literally broke through the tree line, "an Ogre."

The two of them jogged forward to meet the beast as Morrigan began blasting it from behind them.

"Try to stay to one side of it," Alistair yelled, "it rams with its horns and kicks back at anything to its rear."

With that advice Alistair ran right of the monster so Elissa ran to its left side. They both rained blows on its massive thighs and waist, shifting as the monster tried to turn to face one or the other of them. It roared, then with giant meaty paws reached out and grabbed first Alistair and then Elissa lifting then off the ground and squeezing. They eyed each other desperately as they tried to wriggle free of the monster's crushing grip but to no avail. Then Elissa heard a sound she'd never expected to hear again, barking, specifically the barking and growling of her mabari hound, Red. It seemed to Elissa the world suddenly gained new speed, a great white blast and her faithful hound struck the Ogre at the same time and it was knocked flat. Red leapt on the monster and ripped out its throat. The creatures hand around her middle loosened with the fall, tightened again then relaxed completely. She rolled out of its hand and sighed in relief. She was free.

Elissa crawled over to Red. "I can hardly believe you're alive, boy. How did you find me?"

Red whimpered and licked her hand. He was covered with nicks and scratches and his right front leg was cut to the bone. Most of his wounds were several days old. Morrigan was using her staff as to hold herself up. Alistair had stood up and was in the process of stretching.

Elissa looked up at Alistair. "We need to find somewhere to camp."

He nodded in agreement. "Can you walk?"

"I think so."

"What about him?"

"It would be better if he didn't but he's made it this far."

"Good," he said nodding, "I don't sense any further darkspawn in the area. Why don't you see if her witchiness knows of any ruins or shelter in the area?"

Elissa sighed and let Alistair pull her to her feet. She hobbled over to Morrigan and put a hand on her shoulder.

Morrigan pulled away from her grasp. "I am fine."

"Good," Elissa said gently. She wondered, could Morrigan have been mistreated by a man. Perhaps, that's why she dislikes them so. For the first time sympathy for the witch began to swell in her heart. "Morrigan, we all need to rest. Do you know of any defensible place nearby?"

Morrigan thought for a moment. "There is a ruin out in the bog we are passing. The way is difficult."

"That sounds perfect."

"Indeed, but we make haste if we are to avoid discovery."

Elissa called out, "This way," and they all traipsed out into the bog.

There was no path but the bog was dotted with islets. Some of the islets were floating balls of weeds while others were stationary. The trick was to stay off the floating masses that would dump them into the bog. Fortunately, Morrigan could either tell them apart on sight or she'd memorized the route. So, the four of them struggled along until they reached the relative safety of the ruined building.

Alistair beckoned Elissa over. "Let's see that leg," he said with a frown. He cleaned the wound with some of their drinking water and then applied one of the healing poultices they carried out of Ostagar.

"I'll treat Morrigan's wound," she volunteered.

Alistair shrugged, "I'll need your help with Red when you're done."

Elissa took out another poultice and walked over to where Morrigan sat alone. "Let me take a look at that wound on your back," she said to the witch.

"That is not needful," she said absentmindedly.

"But you're wounded, aren't you?"

"Yes, but it will heal in time. I am used to such pain."

Anger clouded Elissa's senses. "Morrigan," she said sternly, "you are going to let me tend your wound, now!"

The witch seemed amused but she turned and exposed her back to Elissa's ministrations.

"Why does my wound matter? Will you not dispense with my services once we leave the wilds?"

Elissa frowned, "What makes you think that?"

"You said as much to that fool when you spoke near my mother's hut."

"You could hear us?"

"Indeed, my hearing is quite acute."

"Well then, you should have paid better attention. We agreed to decide later. Now, you should rest."

Elissa went to hold Red still so that Alistair could find and care for all the hound's wounds. By the time that was done she was exhausted.

"Sleep," Alistair said with a smile, "you need more of it than I do right now."

"Oh, is that another change like my appetite."

He shook his head, "No, it's because you were wounded and I wasn't."

Elissa smiled and let herself drift off to sleep.

7


	7. Remembering

Alistair stared at the camp fire for a moment before opening the journal on his lap and beginning to write.

_It is clear that I do not have any control over this venture. While Elissa is the junior Warden she is the person all the others look to for leadership. To be fair, I too follow her lead. She seeks the best in every person we meet. I have given up even the pretence of command and she has stepped into the role as one born to it. Which shouldn't surprise me after all she is the daughter of Teryn Cousland._

_Lothering was much worse than I expected. There were the people running from the blight and the vultures of various types ready to profit from their fellows' desperation, I knew we'd see that. What I didn't anticipate was Elissa's innocence nor her compassion. How could I let even one poor soul suffer with Elissa's desperately sad eyes haunting me?_

_On the mysterious side she refuses to send Morrigan home. It is as though Elissa fears for the witch. Oh, she blathered about her being useful and about how she helped us. That's not it thought, something else is driving her to keep the witch nearby._

_Her compassion extended further into the lunatic fringe. We have two new companions. The first is a formidable addition to our front line, a qunari warrior that calls himself Sten. He is also an admitted murder who killed an entire family of farmers save one small boy. I just hope his desire to atone by fighting darkspawn is genuine. The second new companion is a pretty lay sister that has a rather suspicious familiarity with daggers and bows. It's her religious claims that make her most worrisome. She says she had a dream sent by the Maker and that this dream led her to join our merry little band of misfits._

_Elissa herself remains strong but I worry that all the heart break will catch up soon. The children seem to tug at her in particular, more than once I caught her staring sadly at a little boy. What feeds these sighs of hers?_

He looked up to where Elissa had finished trading with the merchant that had decided to travel north to Lake Calenhad in their company. Alistair blotted the bit of writing he'd done flicked the excess ink off the end of his pen and packed up his journal. He left the small wooden ink well close enough to the fire to dry out.

"Mix too much ink?" Elissa asked as she plunked down on the ground next to him.

"Hmm? Oh, no not really. I just hate to waste the bit in the bottom. So, I let it..."

"...dry out so you can use it next time," she chuckled, "my Nan used to tell me to do the same thing."

"And did you do as your Nan said to?"

"Not as often as I should have."

Alistair smiled. "I guess I could say the same about the sisters at the Chantry. I spent a lot of time scrubbing pots. So, what happens to a misbehaving Teryn's daughter?"

She shrugged and looked down at her feet, she suddenly seemed very unhappy.

"I'm sorry dear lady, I didn't mean to offend."

"You didn't, I just...most of the time I can pretend that I'm just away from home for a while. That-that they're all back there waiting for me to return."

"But," he prodded.

"At other times I remember and..."

"Tell me what happened," he said gently and he held out a hand to her.

She looked at him for a moment then shakily put her hand in his. She took a deep breath. "It's only been two weeks since my life changed—was changed. I was in Highever, everything was in an uproar because our troops were getting ready to march and Arl Howe's troops were delayed but expected later that day or the next. Also, Duncan, the Handsome Grey Warden, had arrived much to the excitement of all."

"Handsome Grey Warden, did you think he was handsome?"

Elissa blushed, "I don't know! I guess so, he was dashing with that long hair and the earring, but he was so serious. Also, he was old enough to not take a crush of any sort seriously. After all he was what forty, forty-five."

Alistair grinned. "He'd have been pleased to hear that guess. He was closer to fifty-five than forty-five; he'd been a Grey Warden for nearly thirty years."

"Really, I wouldn't have guessed he was older than my father."

"We digress; it was a day of excitement in Highever."

"Yes, my mother had guests in the castle, Red messed up the pantry and Arl Howe mentioned his son Thomas would like to visit. It was all so normal, irritatingly so. My brother was sent off with the Highever troops. I remember all the family gathering in his rooms to send him off. His wife said a quick prayer for them all, their son asked Fergus to bring home a sword for him. I complained about being left behind. Oriana gave me her best disapproving scowl for my manly warrior ways. Fergus left and the rest of us went to bed."

Alistair rubbed her hand as she took a deep shaky breath.

"I woke to the sound of battle. A servant burst through my door to tell me the castle was under attack and then he was cut down before my eyes. I rolled out of bed and grabbed my sword. Red and I managed to kill the two soldiers outside my door. I quickly put on my armour then grabbed my sword and shield." She gulped. "In the family sitting room I found two of Howe's riffraff trying to break through my parent's bedroom door. Again, Red and I made short work of them. I yelled through the door and mother unbolted it. She came out prepared for a battle. It seemed so strange to see her in armour with her bow at the ready. She told me father had not yet retired for the evening. We ran to Fergus' suite but..."

He bit his tongue to stay silent knowing that this recital was the best and only thing he could do to help her but by Andraste's flaming sword she should not have had to bear this horror.

"...we were too late. They'd killed both my sister-in-law and my poor nephew. She never stood a chance. She was a proper Antivan Lady and had not been trained to fight. Poor little Oren was only six years old. Maker I hope we killed the callous brute that slaughtered Oren. Mother dropped to her knees in horror and I made some stupid comment about them not suffering. We sprinted through the guest quarters to where my mother's old friend and her son lay dead across their doorsills. The castle halls were filled with fires, smoke, dead and dying. We killed as many of Howe's men as we could on our way to the large hall. There we found Ser Gilmore holding the main doors. As soon as Howe's treachery was discovered they'd barred the doors and sent men to kill those soldiers already inside. It appeared father had been injured in the first attack. Ser Gilmore ordered us to the servant's entrance. He told us to run but refused to... to retreat himself. He spent his life to save ours, to save mine."

Tears dripped down her face and fell off her chin but she was too caught up in the horror of her tale to notice them. Alistair resisted the urge to wipe them away and pull her into his arms like a small child. He wished he could wipe the dreadful truth away but he knew his job; he listened.

"We found father near the servant's entrance in the larder. I didn't want to admit it but he was dying. He'd been stabbed in the stomach and his life blood made a puddle on the floor. My mother kneeled in the puddle. The sacks of beans behind him were stained with it. I checked our exit to make sure it was clear while my parents talked. I could notice all these things, the blood, the beans and the exit but I couldn't save my father. Duncan arrived and promised to help mother and I escape but he said he needed me. I agreed to become a Grey Warden but mother refused to be rescued. She stayed behind with father and guarded our retreat. I left them there. I just left them. Mother was down on one knee with her short bow trained on the larder door. Father was just behind her on the floor, the fire in his eyes waning. As Duncan closed the cellar door I heard them talking of when Fergus and I were young."

"Duncan dragged me away, into the cold room. I found my wits and led him through the hidden door to our escape tunnel. We made our way to Ostagar with very few stops."

Alistair smiled down at her. "Then I found you, looking for a bath."

"Yes," she swallowed, "I still had my father's blood on my boots when we met." She looked down and she seemed to be fighting the sobs.

"Elissa," Alistair whispered, "Elissa," he said again. Slowly he reached over and lifted her chin. "Come here."

She bit her lip and stared into his eyes for a few seconds. It seemed to Alistair she was trying to read his soul. Then she nodded and folded herself against him.

He rubbed her back gently and let her cry. Tears dropped out of Alistair's eyes as well. He cried for her pain. He cried for all those killed, widowed and orphaned by the both betrayal and the blight. He cried for the loss of the Grey Wardens that had become his family and for Duncan, his mentor and saviour.

When Alistair's eyes cleared he realized that Elissa had not only stopped sobbing she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder. He couldn't move more than his left hand without dropping her or having her head slide down onto his lap which was clearly inappropriate. Morrigan was too far away to help, even if she were willing. Sten was marching around the perimeter. Fortunately, Leliana was across the fire laying out her bedroll.

"Leliana," Alistair called quietly. Elissa stirred and the Chantry sister seemed not to notice anything. However, Red ambled over to see what they were doing.

The hound demonstrated his approval of Alistair by licking his face from chin to hairline. The ex-templar stifled a yell and instead spoke to the mabari. "Red, there's a good boy, go get Leliana, come on go fetch Leliana." Alistair gestured towards his target with his head and left hand.

Red trotted around the fire and herded Leliana towards Alistair and Elissa.

"Thank the Maker," Alistair said, "I need help sister."

"You seem to be doing just fine," she whispered.

He looked up at her startled, "What?" he groaned, "Look, no, it's not like that. Not that she isn't, she is but this isn't. Could you, please, just help me lay her on a bedroll?"

Leliana chuckled under her breath as she lay out Elissa's bedding next to her sleeping form then helped Alistair manoeuvre her into place.

He stood and stretched, "Maker, I've no feeling in my left leg." He hopped around the fire a bit away from their sleeping leader. "Thank you, Leliana, for your help."

"What can I say; I'm a sucker for young lovers."

"Oh, we're not; that is she's not; I..." he glared at her suspiciously, "You're just winding me up, aren't you."

Leliana giggled.

"She's had the worst couple of weeks a person can have and I'd just like to make sure she isn't shouldering that burden alone."

"Aww, that's so sweet. You do like her don't you."

"This is not because I like her it's because I like her. She's my friend. Besides, I can't imagine that she'd like me that way. I'm not exactly her type, if you know what I mean." Alistair thought of all the noble suitors she must have had wooing her with poetry and flowers; not to mention expensive jewellery. He sighed sadly.

Beside him Leliana watched the sleeping Grey Warden speculatively.

5


	8. New Faces & New Beginnings

Elissa woke in her bedroll wondering how she got there and why she was so uncomfortable. She sat up and discovered that she was still in her armour, boots and all and she was grateful for the discomfort because it meant Alistair had not tried to dishonour her in any way. He lay on his own bedroll still in his armour as well, though she noticed it had been loosened and his boots set beside him with his sword and shield.

The sky had not even begun to show the predawn light and Elissa knew she should go back to sleep while she could. So she took off her boots and loosened her armour before dutifully slipping back into her bedroll. Her last waking thought was of tents; she was wondering where one purchased them and how much they cost as she slipped back into sleep.

When dawn's rays bathed her face she rolled away with a groan. Alistair's chuckle woke her further and she stretched before opening her eyes.

He grinned at her. "Not a morning person I take it."

Elissa sat up and stretched her arms. "That all depends on when you think morning begins."

He laughed.

"You seem awfully chipper."

"I haven't shed all my Chantry habits, though not for lack of trying."

"I see so wisecracks at dawn were encouraged in the Chantry."

"Absolutely, we'd stand at 10 paces flinging them at each other and only the winner broke their fast before nooning was served."

"Given how tall and strong you grew, you must have never lost."

Alistair faltered and blushed. "Indeed, I was the champion that is why I am in the habit of preparing large first meals, very early in the morning."

"Porridge?"

"With honey aaand," he drew a small package out of his pack, "dried fruit."

Elissa scrambled up, "Really?"

"Indeed, you should indulge before the others wake. These are a special Warden treat that I saved just for you."

She sat as Alistair filled a bowl with a generous helping of cooked oats, honey and dried fruit.

"Alistair, what else changes after the Joining?"

"You mean besides becoming a Grey Warden."

"Yes, you seem to be watching over me quite closely."

"I once asked Duncan the same thing."

"What did he say?"

"You'll see."

Elissa frowned. "Don't try that line on me."

"I have other lines for you, dear lady."

She blushed and looked down.

"Yes, well," he said then cleared his throat before continuing, "The first thing I noticed was an increase in my appetite. I used to sneak down to the castle larder in the middle of the night, I thought I was starving. I'd eat every meal like it were my last then I'd look up, my face all covered with gravy, to see the others all staring. Then they'd laugh and laugh."

She was surprised. She looked up at him to gauge his intent. "So it was a joke?"

"No, more like an initiation. They'd all been through it, too."

"So it ends this hunger."

"Well, no but it will slow down. You'll always have a greater hunger than you did before the Joining but after a month or two your hunger will be less acute."

"Thank the Maker."

"Then there're the nightmares."

"What nightmares?"

"Yours have started; I've seen it when you sleep. Some morning you'll wake up remembering them and then you too may become a dawn-waker for a while."

"Perhaps not everyone has the nightmares."

He smiled sadly. "They come from our connection to the darkspawn; through the taint. So...you know."

"Yeah. So appetite and nightmares."

"Don't worry, you'll be able to push the nightmares away once you start hearing their voices whilst you're awake."

"Ah, great."

"Truly for most Wardens the nightmares fade. At least until the end."

"The end?"

"Ah yes, we hadn't had time to tell you that bit yet. Well, in addition to all the other great things about being a warden, it's a death sentence. You have about thirty years, give or take."

"What, why?"

"It's the taint, it continues to change you, slowly throughout your life. Eventually, well, it wins and we go to Orzammar to fight our last battle. It's tradition."

"Is that it?"

"Ah, no. Duncan had planned to ask one of the Orlesian Grey Wardens to speak to you about other changes."

"Um, why?"

"Well, there is a female Grey Warden among the Orlesian contingent."

"You mean there's more that goes for women."

He shook his head and blushed. "Uh, no but it's different, more certain."

"Alistair, I don't understand."

"Alright then I'll just say it and...then it's said. Grey Warden's do not often have children after the Joining. It isn't so much a choice they make as an inability, eventually. Men rarely know for sure if they can or can't unless they happen to father a child. Women on the other hand usually know at some point because that thing you usually do every month, you won't, anymore."

"So, I'll just stop someday."

"Uh-huh."

"And Duncan didn't happen to mention when."

"Nope."

"Oh." Elissa wondered what it would be like to have no monthly flow. She assumed there would be no more pain, but what about other things? Would she feel like a child again with no sexual interest at all? Would she mind that? Or perhaps it would be more like the change of life, she didn't know much about that either. She looked at Alistair he was obviously uncomfortable and embarrassed but he'd done it, to help her he'd done his best. Elissa sighed. "Well, alright. I guess I'm stuck with it one way or the other. Is that all of it."

"Yep, that's it, the changes and things to know, you now know everything I know."

She took a deep breath. "Thank you, Alistair, for telling me."

"Yes, well," he said, "that's what I'm here for; to share bad news and witty one-liners."

"Not to mention slaughtering darkspawn, sitting up all night so I can sleep and binding wounds."

"Yes, well as you said, let's not mention that. Since you're up now, we may as well get going. We've a long walk ahead of us."

Elissa nodded in agreement and began tightening her armour as Alistair laid out bowls of porridge for the rest of their merry band. Once her armour and weapons were secure she grabbed up her pack and dropped down on the ground next to Morrigan. As the witch ate they talked and Elissa managed to draw more about her past from her. The stories of how Flemeth used and trained Morrigan broke Elissa's heart though she was careful not to let any pity reach her face.

Soon the dishes were done and the fire was out. It was time to carry on. Elissa found herself walking next to Leliana that morning. She looked back to see Alistair carefully observing their surroundings. After she glanced back several times he began to blush and she decided to leave him alone.

"What is the matter with, Alistair?" Leliana asked with a giggle.

"He's a bit embarrassed."

Leliana looked back at the ex-templar. "He's the very image of a knight in shining armour. Why would he be embarrassed?"

Elissa glanced at him again to confirm Leliana's assessment. She realized the Chantry sister was right, Alistair was very handsome. If she'd been told he'd just leapt out of a painting from the romance era, well, she'd have believed it. Unlike Cailan and most other handsome men she'd had the misfortune of meeting he seemed unaware of his looks.

"This morning we were discussing Grey Warden matters."

"That doesn't sound terribly embarrassing."

"Well there are some things that I was to have discussed with a female Grey Warden from Orlais. I needed to know about them soon and despite the fact that he had very little in the way of details he did his best to inform me."

"Sounds naughty," she replied with another giggle.

"Uh, noooo. Noooo it isn't like that. Please, forget I said anything."

"As you wish."

"Thank you."

"Actually, I would like to know more about you."

Elissa shrugged.

"How did you become a Grey Warden?"

"Duncan, he was the head of the Fereldan order before Ostagar, well, he came to Highever and whilst there saw me fighting. He felt I would be an asset to the order."

"What did you leave behind when you were recruited?"

"My story isn't very pleasant Leliana."

"I would still hear it if you feel up to sharing."

"I left a burning castle behind. The bodies of my friends and family were still warm when I walked away. I may well be the last of my line."

"Forgive me for asking, my lady, but I am not well acquainted with the Fereldan nobility. Who is your family?"

"I'm not a Lady of Highever anymore. I was Lady Elissa Cousland but now I am Warden Elissa."

"You sound almost relieved to not bear a title."

"I am. I'd live with it to have my family back but I never really relished the role. I've spent the last four or five years almost exclusively in armour."

"Surely your parents must have wanted you to find a husband."

"Honestly, I don't think my father really cared. Mother, on the other hand, was quite anxious to find me a mate."

"Did none of the men you knew appeal to you?"

"I did have a crush on a knight of the castle once," Elissa admitted with a chuckle.

"This sounds interesting."

"I would have been about twelve and just beginning to blossom. He was assigned to be my arms instructor."

"Wait, what did he look like?"

"He was tall and had bright red hair."

"What colour were his eyes?"

"I don't know blue or green, I think."

Leliana shook her head. "You don't know! Oh my. Let's see he wore knight's armour and probably carried a sword and shield so I'll assume he was muscular."

Elissa shrugged. "He was always in armour when I saw him."

"This was clearly not true love, my dear."

"Oh no, indeed it wasn't."

"Continue with your story."

"My brother, Fergus, noticed my infatuation and decided to give me a hard time."

"Typical, from what I understand."

"Indeed it was typical of him. He was feeling very worldly by then. He'd have been seventeen, maybe eighteen. Anyway, he informed me that I would never catch Ser Gilmore's eye regardless of what I did. We argued back and forth for a while about various obstacles to the path of my true love before he finally dropped the egg. 'Ser Gilmore doesn't care for women, sister dear,' he said."

"That must've been quite a blow."

"Not really, I was completely oblivious. After all I knew my Knighted instructor had many female friends in the castle. They all seemed to be comfortable asking him for help and advice."

"Oh, dear."

"Yes, finally Fergus became very, uh, detailed in his description of what men want and need. Then he explained how that might be obtained with members of either sex."

"Were you shocked?"

"Oh, yes! My mother had been fairly general in her descriptions of what wifely duties meant. I suppose she felt she had time to fill in the details. To find out men did that with each other just relieved me, it meant I wouldn't have to do it."

Leliana began to giggle and she couldn't seem to stop. Soon Elissa found herself giggling as well.

"When did you learn that some men's preference for women was too strong to resort to other men."

"Fergus made that point quite loudly when a week or two later I suggested he seek out Ser Gilmore instead of me."

Leliana giggled again. "So, I guess you were able to continue your lesson's without pining away."

"Yes, Ser Gilmore and I became very good friends in the end," she said with a sad sigh.

"He died at the castle, didn't he."

Elissa nodded.

"I'm sorry I've made you sad."

"No, it is good to talk of them, to remember the thousands of days of happiness that preceded the one of horror."

"That is a good attitude."

"I guess so, it's very new to me. Until recently I just tried to pretend it hadn't happened. That didn't work."

Elissa glanced back at Alistair, again. He seemed to be day dreaming. She let him enjoy his mental solitude with the sure knowledge that if she watched for normal dangers he'd alert them to the presence of darkspawn. This made them as safe as could be hoped for in a world gone mad.

8


	9. Dragons?

They were in the dinghy on the way back to shore after a gruelling two days in the Tower of Magi. None of them were interested in accepting the Tower's hospitality. There were only so much of demons or abominations or whatever they were a person could take. It didn't help that the things inhabiting the tower and indeed some of the mages had decided to redecorate. The fleshy sacks hanging and growing everywhere released an odour of corruption that blended well with the scent of death and rotting corpses. So they slipped back into the little boat, this time it took two trips. Carroll the templar who'd been guarding the dock, was forced to row out to get them then back with Morrigan, Sten, Leliana and their newest recruit Senior Enchanter Wynne. After which the tired templar had to come back for Alistair, Elissa and Red.

The rowboat was quite small. Alistair and Elissa had to sit right next to each other at the back of the boat facing Carroll. The ex-templar could feel Elissa's leg bumping his own. His face became quite red as he contemplated their nearness and he forced himself to think of something else before he embarrassed himself. He stared at the rowing templar. Alistair had known Carroll when he was in the Chantry, the man had been a year ahead of the Grey Warden. He'd never been all that fond of Carroll but he hadn't hated him either. He now found himself worried for the other man. Carroll talked a little too fast, sweated a little too much and would occasionally be startled by things no one else could see. By itself that wasn't enough to suspect lyrium overuse but. His thought was never concluded as Elissa chose that moment to talk.

She mused aloud, "The more I hear about the Arl of Redcliffe's Knights the more worried I become, Alistair."

"Oh, how so."

"Few of them seem to be coming back and those that do come back completely empty handed."

"Well, not to be judgemental but those that returned are not the brightest bunnies in the hutch."

"Exactly."

"So, what has happened to the Knights of Redcliffe?"

The boat arrived at the shore and as they disembarked, they continued talking. Alistair enjoyed strolling over to the Spoiled Princess listening to Elissa's thoughtful musings.

"That note we gave to the Knight in the Lothering Chantry."

"You mean Ser Donall."

"Yes, didn't it say something about a Brother Genitivi."

"It did. Said he lived In Denerim's market district."

"I've heard of this man," interrupted Leliana, "he is a well known scholar and traveler. He has published many books."

Alistair shrugged. "His name sounded familiar." He held the door open and gestured for the ladies to enter the inn.

"So," Elissa continued, "it may be true that he's searching for the Urn of Andraste."

Leliana nodded.

Alistair turned a chair around to sit on it backward. "That doesn't explain why the Knights have disappeared."

"No," Elissa agreed, "but perhaps the good brother can do so."

"Denerim next?" said Leliana.

"No," said Alistair, "dinner then Denerim."

Elissa just shook her head.

They ate plates of typical Ferelden stew and even paid for the privilege. They were discussing the best place to camp as they left the tavern and all of them were surprised by an unprovoked attack.

"Ambush!" Elissa yelled as she struggled to pull her shield out then draw her sword.

At her side Alistair was dancing to the same tune but a little faster. He leapt forward to engage a lumbering man swinging a two-handed sword giving Elissa time to put herself in order.

Together they mowed through one heavily armoured opponent after another until suddenly there were no more to kill. Elissa watched Leliana run back from the hilltop where the archers now lay, those on the far right had been burned probably by Morrigan, and Sten dropped the man he had held by the neck.

"You know," said Alistair, "I used to be fond of surprises." He leaned down and yanked an amulet off one of the bodies and passed it to Elissa.

"Andraste's flaming sword and a talon. Whose shield is this?"

"The talon is an old symbol used by dragon cults. Often darkspawn who've found one of the dragons of old in the deep roads find the symbols in the caves nearby. It's one of the signs a Blight is nigh."

"I thought the dragons were destroyed before Andraste was born."

"Certainly, all the major ones that were worshipped by the Tevinter were hunted down and killed by Nevaren dragon slayers."

"So, this is a new dragon cult."

"Seems likely, the question I want answered is whether or not there's a dragon," Alistair said grimly.

"That would explain where the Knights have gone," said Leliana.

Elissa sighed, "Let's see if we can find Brother Genitivi in Denerim."

They walked north along the beach and camped on the beach that night.

Alistair woke her in the morning and they sat and stared at the mist on the lake for a while.

"I've always liked misty mornings," he said in a voice absent of his usual irreverence.

"Oh, why's that?"

"You can pretend anything is out there waiting to be found, the dragon only I can destroy or a griffon waiting to take me away."

Elissa smiled gently. "I've always liked the stillness of a misty day. We didn't get them very often in Highever."

He nodded, the high winds of the area were famous and what had given the area its name.

They continued along the beach path all day and camped for the night at the foot of the path leading up the cliff to the Northern Way. At the top of the cliff Bodhan, their merchant friend, let them know he wouldn't be travelling to Denerim.

"I'm heading around the northern edge of Lake Calenhad. I may stop near Orzammar before heading back south. Should you catch us I'd be happy to accompany you again, particularly if you'll be traveling in the south."

Though tired and road weary they arrived at the outskirts of the city without incident.

Elissa sighed as they approached the city. It was midmorning and traffic through the gate was brisk. Once they were inside the gate she pulled out her coin purse and started apportioning silver and tasks. "Sten and Leliana buy some food stuffs and other camp necessities. I'd really like tents if we've the coin for it. Also see if we can afford some armour for you, Sten. Wynne see if there's anything useful in the Wonders of Thedas. The rest of us will go look for Brother Genitivi. We'll meet outside the gates at that campsite we spotted."

Sten, Leliana and Wynne were not back yet when the others arrived at their chosen camp site. Morrigan immediately disappeared into the bush with a dreamy expression on her face. That left Alistair and Elissa to set up the camp. Practice had made them fast when working together and even Red now helped find dry wood when he wasn't too busy chasing rabbits or digging. Once the fire was well started Alistair checked his snares and came back with several rabbits.

"I think Red has been chasing them into the snares," he said.

"It is one of the things I trained him to do."

"Aha, in other words you could be helping to catch fresh meat for dinner!"

Elissa blushed, "If you need me to help I can but I've never been able to eat anything I've snared."

"Why not?"

"They're so cute, I feel guilty when I break their little necks and then they stare at you so when you..."

"Alright, I get it. I may never eat rabbit again but I get it."

Elissa giggled.

"There you go again."

"Again, what do you mean, again."

"I have noticed that whenever you and Leliana talk there is a great deal of giggling."

"Oh?"

"Yes, it makes me wonder what could possibly be so funny?"

"Just girl stuff. I may be a warrior and a Grey Warden but I'm also a nineteen year old girl."

"But Leliana isn't nineteen. She seems to have spent several years as a traveling minstrel before joining the Chantry."

"Exactly, now you know why we're giggling."

He shook his head. "I still don't understand."

"She has all that experience to draw on and she tells me stories of her life."

"Oh," Alistair said. He seemed unconvinced but Elissa thought it might come to him, eventually.

The others arrived with tents and news. Dinner was eaten, plans made and everyone settled into their evening routines.

Elissa watched Alistair pull out his journal and carefully mix a small amount of ink before setting pen to paper once more. His hand moving across the page as well as back and forth to the ink well was hypnotic. He moved deliberately and gently as he formed each letter. Soon Elissa felt her head bobbing and decided to turn in for the night.

5


	10. Love?

Alistair looked up as Elissa got up and walked to her tent. She threw him a gentle smile then slipped through the front and tied the ties. The smile made his heart speed up and he found himself staring forlornly at her tent. He shook his head and read what he'd written so far.

_Our trip into Denerim has been successful. We have learned that Brother Genitivi has indeed tangled with this dragon cult. His journal indicates that he was headed for a little town called Haven when he left here. The members of this cult killed the good Brother's assistant and were sending the nights off to the Spoiled Princess where they would no doubt have been ambushed just as we were._

Alistair sighed and continued to write.

_Wynne restocked our supply of potions and poultices. Sten is outfitted for battle, which makes him seem even larger—and scarier. Leliana found tents and toiletries to make camping a bit more pleasant. She also bought a strange collection of herbs some of which I could pick at the side of the road if she'd only asked. There are also plenty of dried rations for those times when we haven't the leisure to forage for food._

_Leliana keeps looking at me. It isn't that look the camp followers gave me (that was creepy, particularly from the men). I don't quite know what to do about it. I mean she's pretty enough, I suppose, but... Well, I can't help but compare her to Elissa. Elissa isn't as pretty as Leliana her nose is a bit too long and her lips a touch thin compared to our very pretty minstrel. However, I have recently come to understand the difference between pretty and beautiful. Pretty can be improved with fancy hair styles and it can be made worse with poorly fitting clothes. Beauty is about how a woman holds herself and who she is, inside. Elissa is the most beautiful woman I've ever had the privilege to know. I had thought I'd seen beauty in so many things such as nature or a song but I was wrong. Elissa is beauty._

_Yet, when I look at her sometimes I experience the basest of desires. Clearly I am not nearly as patient and good a man as she deserves. But Maker I want to do such things to her. Things I have no names for outside of the dirty tales told by the novices so long ago. Am I a bad man? I know such urges are not unusual but to have them in relation to such a pure creature. Surely I am depraved._

Alistair blotted the half page of writing then packed up his supplies and headed to his tent. There he gave in to his depravity by thinking of her while relieving the ache deep in his groin. He was left sticky and not entirely satisfied but it was better than being completely out of control all day tomorrow.

He woke well before the rest of the camp, as always, and headed into the bushes to relieve his bladder. He found he couldn't resist finding another type of relief, as well. He cleaned up, fixed his hair and started the morning meal before going to wake Elissa. He stood outside her little tent trying to figure out how to wake only her without breaching her privacy.

"Elissa," he whispered, "Elissa," he said louder but there was no response. He stood in front of the tent at a loss. He couldn't go in or reach in though the image made his heart speed up. Backing away from the tent he nearly tripped over Red and finally the solution became clear.

The mabari was awake and staring at him curiously. "Red," Alistair bent down to the dog and whispered, "quietly, quietly, go wake Elissa."

Red seemed to almost smile. He happily licked Alistair from chin to forehead then scooted under the tent tie to wake Elissa. Alistair strolled back over to the pot and stirred the porridge while absentmindedly wiping the dog drool off his face. Elissa stumbled out of her tent to the fire. Her feet were bare and her sleep shirt was pulled up on one side she yanked it down then came to sit beside him. He passed her a mug of strong tea.

"Morning," she said with a yawn.

"You seem more tired than usual today."

"I had a nightmare and I couldn't get back to sleep."

"You should have wakened me."

"It wasn't one of those nightmares, not yet. I dreamed of Highever and my family being torn away."

"You can still wake me if you've can't sleep or want company."

She smiled and leaned on him. "I feel so safe with you Alistair. I didn't think I'd ever feel this safe with a man, again."

Alistair did not look at her. He whispered, "Everyone should feel safe with someone." What he was feeling was far different, he was elated and crushed. She trusted him; he had taken the place of her missing family. But he didn't want to be a brother to this glorious woman.

He gave her a bowl of porridge and watched her eat. All thoughts of lust aside, he enjoyed her closeness. Their mornings together had become a treasured start to the day. Elissa seemed to enjoy them as well. They never said much but they relaxed. Alistair was glad he could give her this respite from their long weary days. She finished a second bowl of porridge then stood up and headed back to her tent to get dressed.

Alistair sighed and gave his face a scrub then he went to wake the rest of their party. Once the magical wards were dispelled the party set out west, back to Lake Calenhad and Haven.

Their travel through northern Ferelden was largely uneventful. They avoided villages for fear that some fool sheriff would attempt to collect the bounty on their heads and they'd be forced to kill people whose only crime was to believe Loghain. Alistair found to both his delight and frustration that he and Elissa became closer. After several days of being leaned on over breakfast he dared to wrap and arm around Elissa. The half hug from him had caused her to stiffen but when he'd started to remove his arm she'd grabbed his hand and relaxed again.

He still wasn't sure what it all meant nor how she felt about him. He was particularly concerned about the time she spent giggling with Leliana. The minstrel's flirting bothered Alistair but Elissa seemed to find it amusing. To be honest he wasn't entirely sure there was flirting happening until the night before they reached Haven. Leliana had seemed nervous all through dinner finally she walked beside Elissa as she was heading out to feed Red. Alistair couldn't help but hear her opening line.

"Have I ever told you how much I like the way you do your hair?" asked Leliana.

"Really, uh, thank you."

"It suits you."

Alistair felt like hitting someone. He wanted to tell Leliana to leave his Elissa alone. But she wasn't his Elissa. Besides she deserved to be happy and if Leliana made her happy, so be it. He could put his lust aside and be her friend, her very frustrated friend. He pulled out the rose he'd been carrying in a handkerchief. He unwrapped it, carefully and stared at it morosely until he heard her voice.

"That's really interesting, Leliana," Elissa said, "perhaps we could talk about shoes later. Alistair and I have some Grey Warden business to discuss right now."

She was there looking down at him beseechingly.

He stood up. "Yes, let's go discuss that right away," he said.

Elissa rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm to lead him away from the fire and Leliana.

"What was that all about?"

"I don't know. She kept going on about hair, dresses and shoes of all things. Do I look like I care about fancy shoes?"

Alistair tried to muffle a laugh. She realize that Leliana was hitting on her, Oh Maker.

"What?" she asked crossly

"She likes you and she's trying to find common interests."

"I suppose."

"What do you talk about when you're walking during the day?"

"Oh, things," she said. Alistair wasn't sure in the half light but he thought she was blushing.

He looked down at the wrapped rose then at her face and decided that if Leliana could try pick up lines then he could try to tell Elissa how he felt.

"Look at this," he said "do you see what it is?"

"It's a rose," she said breathlessly.

"I picked it in Lothering. When I saw it I thought how could something so beautiful survive in the midst of all this darkness? I probably should have left it but I knew the darkspawn would just destroy it, so I picked it and I've kept it ever since."

Elissa leaned down and inhaled the rose's scent. She smiled gently up at him. "What are you going to do with it?"

Alistair took a deep breath and dug deep for courage. "I thought I'd give it to you because in some ways it reminds me of you. You give me hope that there will be something beyond this fighting." He leaned over and kissed the inside of her wrist before he draped the handkerchief holding the rose over her palm.

Elissa gasped as his lips touched her skin. When he straightened he could see that her face was just as flushed as his own. "I don't know what to say."

Her throaty whisper sent bolts of pure desire through his torso down into his groin. He felt light headed but as the feeling dissipated he reviewed the actual words she'd spoken and his heart dropped to his feet. "Ah, well. It was just an impulse." He said casually glancing down at her face. She looked a bit confused and worried and nervous and... and he probably had the same expression on his face. With new hope he asked, "Was it a bad one?"

"Oh no, I like it. I like it a lot. Thank you." She smiled at him. It was the first full unrestrained smile he'd ever seen on her face and it was unbelievably beautiful. More importantly the smile was just for him.

"You're welcome." Alistair spent the rest of the evening floating with a silly grin on his face. Even Morrigan's sneering retorts did not penetrate his euphoria. That night, he slept soundly and woke in the predawn light anxious to see her sleepy face. This did not change his evening or morning routine but now his lust was tinged with hope rather than shame and desperation.

Haven turned out to be the home of Andraste's Dragon Cult. It was also the place where many of Redcliffe's knights had not just fallen but had been tortured. Fortunately, Brother Genitivi still lived though he was badly injured, starved and dehydrated. Morrigan and Sten stayed at the town site with the good brother whilst the rest of them went forward to see Andraste's temple and find her ashes. Morrigan wished to look through the cult's library and Sten had no wish to search for a wastebin. He'd been critical of this side trip from the beginning.

Leaving them behind was probably a mistake as the temple was actually an extensive complex filled with more cultists. There were also incubating dragon eggs, dragonlings, drakes and their mother a high dragon. The cult believed that the dragon was Andraste reborn and that everything they'd done to protect that secret was part of their sacred duties. Fortunately, Wynne managed to keep them all alive as they attacked the dragon and they had prevailed.

Leliana convinced them to open the beast's belly where they found all kinds of strange things.

"It is all that is left of the others that challenged this dragon."

Alistair looked at the collection of weapons shields and armour. "We could open a shop with all this."

Elissa grinned. "We could call it The Dragon's Belly."

He laughed. They bundled everything up in the Dragon's skin and hid it near the entrance to the next shrine. It turned out to also be the last shrine. Red refused to enter with them. He barked encouragingly and then went to stand guard over their stash. Elissa just shrugged and continued in. Alistair brought up the rear. He felt a pleasant cool tingling as they entered the shrine. To his eyes it looked more like the entrance to a bath house.

"I guess we're not to present ourselves in blood drenched armour," said Elissa.

"I guess not," he replied.

They each chose one of the four cubicles and enjoyed a bath.

When they exited the baths their armour and weapons were gone, replaced by simple white robes. Alistair knew this should bother him but it just didn't, there was some power at work here.

A set of plain double doors he didn't remember seeing opened and they entered. A man in shining armour stood before the next set of doors his voice echoed or perhaps it shifted in time as he spoke.

"Welcome pilgrims, welcome to Andraste's Shrine. I am the guardian."

"Well met guardian. May we enter the shrine?" asked Elissa.

"To enter the shrine, you must first pass the gauntlet."

"The gauntlet?" Now Alistair was concerned.

"Be at ease Alistair you will not be sent into danger unprepared."

"Um, how did you know my name?"

"I know many things. Now before you continue I would ask each of you a question."

Alistair shrugged.

"Elissa Cousland do you still blame yourself for your despoiling and do you still feel it is your greatest shame?"

Alistair's mouth dropped open in shock but Elissa didn't see it because she had covered her face with her hands.

"Yes, guardian."

"Elissa," Alistair said gently, "my darling, do not take the evil of others into your heart. You are too hard on yourself."

"Alistair, no man's son, do you still blame yourself for the death of your mentor, Duncan?"

"I, I, yes, yes I do."

"Senior Enchanter Wynne, do you still blame yourself for the loss of your first apprentice?"

"Yes, it was indeed my fault so I do blame myself."

"Leliana Bard of Orlais, do you still deceive yourself so you need not take responsibility for your decisions and you may appear important to the gullible."

"I left that life behind, I no longer use deceit as a tool."

"You have not shared your past with your companions and you call on the Maker to support your lies."

"That's not true. I did have a vision."

"Those of you willing to face your failings may pass. Those who fear themselves should go no further. You have been warned."

They passed through the double doors to find four doors ahead of them. Without discussion or even thinking Alistair found himself walking forward to one of the doors. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Elissa do the same.

Through the door was the common room of the Grey Warden's compound in Denerim. Sitting in his usual spot with a mug of ale in one hand and his pipe in the other was Duncan.

"Alistair, come, sit down. We need to talk, you and I."

"Duncan, you're dead."

Duncan drew smoke into his lungs then released his pipe to exhale. "Yes, but we're in the fade where Andraste herself chooses who may find her ashes. Still I am not free to talk of anything. I am limited to the matter mentioned by the guardian."

Alistair dropped heavily into the chair across from Duncan. "Death, it seems as though it is not safe for me to really care for someone."

"Alistair, life is full of loss. Some see next to none of it, some see more than their fair share. But your problem was not loss." Duncan gazed at Alistair silently for a while seemingly content to enjoy his pipe. "Despite your winning ways and friendly disposition you do not let very many into your heart."

"Well it hasn't exactly proved safe so far." He took a swallow of the beer that he found at his elbow. The warm smooth beverage reminded him of long days of training and warm quiet evenings in Denerim.

"Alistair, love recklessly, it is worth it."

"What of duty?" Alistair asked nervously.

"You have always known your duty, Alistair. But just because duty may pull you away doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the life you are given."

"I want to and I will try, Duncan."

"Good. Know Alistair, that I loved you like a son."

"And I loved you," he swallowed the lump in his throat, "like a father." Duncan was more sharply in focus than sight had ever been in reality, the room around them was fading away as Alistair's focus on Duncan increased.

"I am proud of you. I want you to be happy. Do not let the threat of future duties and possible pains prevent you from loving."

"Thank you, Duncan."

Alistair felt hard rock beneath his head. He woke just inside the door to the shrine. In his head he could hear Duncan's voice repeating "Love recklessly."

8


	11. Yes, love

Elissa left the guardian behind her and in a daze walked forward. She probably should have been paying attention to anything other than the words ringing in her head. The words Alistair said, "Elissa, my darling, do not take the evil of others into your heart. You are too hard on yourself." She was filled with inexplicable joy because he called her my darling.

She walked forward through a door and found herself in the family quarters at Highever. Her father was in his chair, the cards were shuffled and the hands dealt. She walked forward to sit across the table from him and pick up her cards.

"Father," she said with a choked sob.

"Yes, Pup. I'm here. You're mother is near, too, but only one of us were allowed to visit with you."

"Then you are well, you are together."

Her father smiled. "I can't tell you about that, Pup."

Elissa realized tears were rolling down her face, she wiped them away with the back of her hand."I'm sorry father, I shouldn't be crying."

"Ah. But you already know this will be hard." He sighed and put his cards face down on the table. "What happened to you, in Cailan's tent, was not your fault."

"But I snuck in there, if I hadn't he wouldn't have..."

"He wouldn't have had the chance to prove he was an animal but you were there and he let his baser nature take control."

"He was drunk and others were egging him on."

Her father shook his head. "He was the king and a newly married man. He was an adult and you were still but a child. His friends may well also bear some burden of shame but it was the King's responsibility to control his own behaviour. How can a man that cannot rule his own passions rule a country and lead effectively."

Elissa looked down at the stone floor. "He admitted he was wrong, Father, when I confronted him."

"That's because he was wrong." He reached across the table and lifted her chin. "I'm not saying he was an evil man, Pup. I'm saying he committed a depraved act and you were the victim." She was surprised to see the tears hovering at the bottom of her father's eyes. "Cailan's lack of judgement and control took something irreplaceable from you—your innocence. I do not just mean he took your maiden head or that he impregnated you."

Her father stood and paced across the room. "Pup, you had the brash confidence of youth, that reckless knowledge that you could not fail. That sense of invulnerability would have faded over time and left perseverance in its wake. Cailan ripped that all away in one night. I do wish you had not been so foolhardy but you did not deserve the treatment you received."

"Father, I'm told," she swallowed, "that a man can become so enflamed at the sight and scent of certain women that they cannot control themselves."

"Hogwash. I was not born the day I became a husband, nor the day I became a father. Ah, Pup. I was once a young man desperate to be a real man, to prove I could bed a woman."

"Father!"

"Hush, I know this is not seemly but you need to know, Pup. You need to know. Besides your Mother is whispering instructions in my ear."

"Mother's here." Elissa looked around as though she hoped to catch a glimpse of her but the room remained empty of all others.

"In a manner of speaking, now this I must tell you, she says. All men, even the grandfathers sitting by the fire, were once young fools. However, men of worth are also gentlemen. There is no raging beast released by the scent of a woman within any man. Cailan chose to behave as he did, he chose to drink with unseemly companions, he chose to rape you and I know he felt remorse the next day. That was his mistake and though you have reaped the consequences these five years it still wasn't your crime."

She remembered the people of Lothering, their terror. There was no food, there was no safety. They had been abandoned by their Lord at the behest of Loghain. Some of them showed their quality in those circumstances, others let their baser nature rule. If the victims of Lothering deserved justice then so did she.

"I understand, Father. I will try to let go of my guilt."

He smiled. "It will take time. Most worthwhile endeavours take time. Now, you have to go very soon. Have a good life, Pup. Your mother sends her love. We are very proud of you."

As everything faded away Elissa heard her mother's voice, "Oh, my dearest, never forget you deserve to be loved."

She found herself lying on a dusty stone floor. Alistair was stirring to her left and Wynne was picking herself up beyond him. Leliana was nowhere in sight. The doors to the shrine were behind them. Outside she could see Red standing over their dragon treasure. Ahead was the guardian in front of a pair of double doors.

They walked forward.

The Guardian gestured behind him and the doors opened. "You may proceed," he intoned.

"Guardian," said Elissa, "where is our friend, Leliana."

The guardian shook his head sadly, "She has not passed the gauntlet she may not enter."

"What does that mean?" asked Alistair.

"It is not for me to explain her choices."

"Well, that sounds like we can ask her. That's good, right."

Elissa nodded to Alistair in agreement and the three of them proceeded into a great domed chapel where they found the Ashes of Andraste. Once they'd obtained a pinch of the blessed woman's remains they left the chapel in search of their friend.

Their exit from the shrine was greeted by Red's excited barking and Leliana's sad face.

"Leliana," exclaimed Elissa.

The minstrel raised a hand to forestall any comments or questions. "I found a shorter path down to the entrance. We should gather our treasures and depart."

Elissa shared a worried glance with Alistair but they gathered the prizes they'd decided to take and followed Leliana. The trek back down the mountain was spooky. The snow filled ruins were marked by the bodies of the cultists they'd slain. Everything was still. Elissa could not help but think they'd turned the once splendid shrine into a mausoleum but then it was a shrine for a slain woman so... They retrieved Morrigan from the cult's Chantry and Sten from the remains of the general store.

"We should gather the dead and burn them," said Morrigan, "or disease will stalk these hills."

Alistair sighed and set to work. Elissa followed him back up the hill to the Chantry and the two of them cleared the building then closed the doors.

"I wish it were safe to burn the whole town," said Alistair.

"Yes," agreed Elissa, "just wipe the whole horrible place away. But it hardly seems worth setting the whole mountainside alight."

"Oh, I don't know. How fast can you run in your armour? Or maybe Morrigan can turn into a giant bird and fly us away."

"Aren't you afraid she'll forget to bring you along?"

"Good point, best to leave it then."

They used one of the wagons they'd found to haul the bodies down the hill. Sten had used the other wagon to bring bodies up from the houses below. They piled the wagons, loose wood, fencing, furniture, all the blood soaked shrines they found and anything else that would burn on their makeshift charnel pit then they set it ablaze.

"I will stand watch over the fire," Sten proclaimed.

Elissa shrugged and the rest of the party headed down the mountain to their camp. The Wardens immediately went off to get out of their armour then sat side by side cleaning and polishing their equipment.

"We shouldn't linger too long," said Alistair, "that blaze is visible for miles. Someone is bound to investigate."

Elissa nodded, "Besides we need to get those ashes back to Redcliffe."

Alistair stretched out a hand to Elissa. "Care to take a short walk?"

She took a deep breath. "I think I'd like that."

He tucked her arm into his and they wandered off towards the stream. "I don't care, you know," he said.

"About what?"

"About what has happened in the past, it doesn't affect my feelings in any way."

She stopped to stare down at the clear mountain stream rushing out from under the snow. "It doesn't, really?"

"Really. While I'd happily kill anyone who hurt you, given the chance, it in no way changes anything. I wanted you to know that before... before I tell you how I feel, about you." Alistair released her arm to take both her hands and stare tenderly into her face. "I have come to care for you, a great deal."

She looked up into his warm eyes. How could she possibly be worthy of this wonderful man? "Really?"

"Yes, really." He chuckled. "You've suddenly become really fond of that word."

She blushed and chuckled at her own inanity.

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hands to draw her attention back to his face. "Do you think you might come to care for me, someday?"

"Oh Alistair, I do care for you. But are you really sure."

He chuckled again. "Yes, I'm really sure."

She shivered as he slowly bent forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. His hands released hers and he pulled her into a soft, warm hug. She tucked her head under his chin and burrowed into his warm muscular chest.

"Oh, yes," he said, "I am really, really, really sure."

Elissa pulled back to look at his face. "That was my first kiss, you know."

He smiled tenderly. "Mine too."

She stepped out of his arms and looked up into his dear face before bracing herself to tell him. "You should know that I'm not exactly a maiden."

"Well, I am. I mean I'm not a maiden, obviously, but I haven't ever...you know."

Elissa's mouth dropped open. From out of nowhere a giggle rose and erupted straight out of her throat and loosened the knot in her stomach.

"Oh, that's not good for my manly pride."

"Sorry," she said as she tried to stifle more giggles, "but between you offering to wear a dress and declaring yourself a maiden, I'm starting to wonder."

Alistair's guffaw startled all sleeping the birds in the area.

He drew her over to a sun baked stone slab and they sat down side by side. She tucked herself under his arm and they sat as they often did in the mornings just enjoying each other's company.

Elissa wasn't sure when she started sniffling or how her face had come to be covered by tears. She couldn't help but relive her despair at all Cailan had taken from her that night.

"What's wrong, Elissa? I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not you. I just wish all my firsts could be with _you_."

"If you want to talk about it, I can listen without comment."

She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes were rather watery. "Are you sure? It may make you angry."

"I'll get angry later. I'll listen now, for you."

He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Tell me what you wish to, my darling."

Elissa felt her heart speed up. "I like that."

"Hmm?"

"When you call me 'my darling,' I like that. You've done it twice now."

"You are darling and I hope you are mine in as much as I am yours."

"I had no idea you were so romantic."

He chuckled. "I've never wanted to find out before." He slowly put his other arm around her and they just sat together for a while longer.

Elissa felt that it was now or never. If this scared him away so be it, better now than later when her heart was more deeply entwined.

"It was the spring after my nephew Oren was born. Everyone else was enjoying the outdoors after a long cold winter. I was bored. Fergus and Oriana had left for Antiva a week earlier to visit her family. It was the first time they'd been back since she and Fergus had eloped. I remember how nervous Fergus had been. They'd run away from the extravagant plans Oriana's mother had forced on them. I'd spent most of the winter with my family and in particular helping with Oren."

She stopped with a sob and stared out over the river while she collected herself. Alistair continued to rub her back.

"At any rate, I was bored. I had changed into a young woman over the previous year but I'd yet to accept all that meant and continued to charge around in my brother's oversized cast off clothes. My reluctance to grow up didn't stop the boys from treating me differently. When the guests arrived for the grand tournament I expected to spend time with my usual cronies but the boys wouldn't include me anymore. They went off on their own and when I came around they'd suddenly stop talking and they told me to go inside with the other girls. So I snuck after them and discovered what I thought was a way back into their good graces. I overheard them planning a dare for one of the unpopular boys."

Elissa shifted to relieve the ache in her calf. From her position, squatted behind the wood stacks, she could both see and hear the boys perfectly, as long as she could stay in this position. However, they were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't hear the soft scuff of her feet as she switched legs.

"Yeah, if we dare him to steal one of the King's goblets he'll either have to back down or he'll just hide from us for the rest of the tourney. Either way..." they shared a knowing smirk. She watched as the chuckling boys hurried off down the castle's corridor.

They obviously thought that whoever they were planning on daring couldn't or wouldn't dare to sneak into the King's tent. Elissa strolled down to the kitchen storeroom and pilfered a couple of apples before retreating to her favourite thinking spot up on the battlements. Up here the castle and now the entire tourney encampment was spread out beneath her. Humble bedrolls around firepits stood out at the fringes as her eyes drew across the south fields towards the tourney's battle ground the tents grew larger and more colourful. Beyond the open battlefield stands filled with well dressed revellers were flanked by the commoner's galleries. And beyond all of that was the fair market. She stared pensively at all the people, the strolling ladies, giggling girls, rough-housing boys and the many, many knights here to make names for themselves. Amongst all the finely clad visitors were the peasants, tradesmen and the servants.

The germ of an idea began to form in Elissa's devious mind. Everywhere she looked there were liveried servants running hurriedly from place to place. Each walked or sometimes even ran with purpose, as though they were on an urgent mission. Many of the figures had the slight build of elves but there were enough human servants that no one took special note of them.

So, would she actually do this? First, she'd need to borrow a servant's dress fortunately she still wasn't all that tall at least, not yet. Though one of the house elf's dresses might be tight over her stupid breasts, she'd be able to find something to wear. Second, she'd need an excuse to go down into the encampment. A glance towards the river gave her an idea. A platoon of washer women and their assistants seemed to be working non-stop at the river side. If she was dressed as a servant and carrying clean sheets no one would likely question her presence. Lastly, she should go at twilight, just before the lamps were lit, when there was less risk of anyone seeing her clearly. She'd have to miss dinner but that wouldn't alarm her parents. It would annoy her mother and perhaps earn her a punishment of some sort but it would be worth seeing the looks on the boy's faces when she tossed the goblet to them.

Not one to wait, she pitched her apple cores over the wall and then snuck down to the servant's quarters where she found an older set of livery. It was a bit worn but would do for her purposes. She ran to her room where she quickly tried it on. As she'd feared it was a tight fit but she could fasten most of the buttons. She slipped out of the dress and back into her tunic and trousers. She'd barely made it out of her room when she heard her mother's voice. Quickly she ducked into Fergus' rooms and slid under the bed.

"Drat that girl. We've the King and the Guerrin's joining us for dinner tonight, she must be presentable."

"Now, Eleanor, Elissa is still a bit young for all this fussing. Besides I'm not sure Teagan will still be available by the time she's ready to marry."

"Bryce, she needs to learn to get on as well at the dining table as she does in the practice field. I have no illusions about marrying her off to Teagan. However, he is a courteous and attentive dining companion. The experience would serve her well."

Elissa rolled her eyes.

"It appears she has made herself scarce, my love." Her father sounded amused, although it wasn't clear whether it was Elissa's absence, her mother's plans or both that he found entertaining.

Their voices faded as they walked towards their own rooms probably to prepare themselves for the honour of dining with their young King. Elissa slipped out of her brother's room and the castle. She hid the dress and the sheets she'd purloined on her way out the servants entrance under the tool shed in the apple orchard. Then hid herself up in one of the old oak trees where she indulged in a quiet nap.

She woke with a start not long after the sun had set. She swore under her breath as she dropped down out of the tree and rubbed her arms in the quickly cooling air. It was later than she had planned to be at this but there might still be time. She rushed to the tool shed yanked out the package she'd hidden. She ignored the undershift, yanked off her tunic and pulled the dress over her head. She slid off her trousers and slipped her feet back into her ankleboots then ran towards the camp. She heaved a sigh of relief as she noticed the King, surrounded by his guard, strolling into the commons tent where the knights could be heard celebrating the day's events.

Unfortunately, the camp was well lit. She'd be recognized by one of the local servants long before she reached the King's tent. Elissa chewed on her lip and stared into the rows of tents. Squatting she put the clean sheets on her lap and tore the ties out of her hair. She quickly undid her braids and finger combed her shoulder length hair forward to obscure her face. With luck no one would be able to see her face clearly. In a conscious mimicry of the servants she'd watched earlier in the day, she scurried forward as though on an important errand.

She found it wasn't hard to keep up the pace, the cold made a trot much more comfortable than strolling. The solders she passed made incomprehensible comments.

As one saluted her he said with a gleam in his eye, "I can't help but respect a wench at attention."

A lady knight rolled her eyes and ordered Elissa to be on her way, quickly. "She's a bit young, even for the likes of you." She heard the woman comment to her camp mates.

"I haven't any better offers unless you're looking for a tumble?" the man replied.

"I don't bed men who can't hang on to their swords in battle and their wits at a party."

The sounds of laughter faded as Elissa continued on towards the larger tents.

The guard at the entrance of the tent looked bored.

"Where do you think you're going, elf?"

"I've been sent with linens," Elissa said. The man's frank appraisal of her tight bodice made her blush.

"Have you now? Sent by whom, might I ask?"

"The Teryn," she said then tried to keep from grimacing at her terrible flub, as if her father would concern himself with such things as clean linens.

"Oh, I understand. Too bad for me, you're a pretty little thing. Well, go on in. He'll be a bit so you have lots of time to prepare...or should I say, make the bed." The guard winked and chuckled as he pulled open the entrance to the tent. Elissa nodded as though she understood but she was at a loss to understand his sudden change in attitude.

Inside she found the most sumptuously appointed tent she'd ever seen. It was nothing like the tents Father and Fergus used when they were training the Highever troops. This was more of a pavilion. There was a huge bed, a dressing area holding the King's armour on its stand, carpets, a round dining table with three chairs and a small desk. Three braziers hung from the high tent top but there were no goblets to be seen anywhere. She dropped the linens on the bed and began to search through the low chests. Time was passing and Elissa was beginning to get nervous. She shook out then dropped and finally bundled up the sheets to make it look as though she'd changed the linens then made her way to the tent's entrance. The guard had tied it from the outside.

"Excuse me," Elissa called.

"No worries, dearie." The guard called in. "I sent a messenger to his majesty but like the rest of us you'll have to, ahem, await his pleasure." The fellow laughed coarsely.

Elissa stood stock still. Had she been recognized? Why was she being held here until the King arrived? Maker's blood, her mother would kill her! Perhaps if she explained to the King her mother would not have to be informed. She dumped the bundle of linen's on the far side of the bed and tried to sit down and wait patiently but her feet wouldn't stop moving so she paced instead.

When the finally King arrived it seemed as though most of the night had passed by. King Cailan entered first, his tall muscular frame was draped in royal red garb cut to accommodate his larger build. He was followed by two smaller men garbed in the latest Denerim style.

Cailan grabbed Elissa's hand and whirled her about in a circle as though she were a little child. "What a pretty maid."

One of the other men said, "The Teryn's hospitality is certainly fine."

"Come said Cailan, have a seat. I invited you for a nightcap and a gawk." He pointed to the cabinet next to his bed. "Fetch the bottle and three cups from the cabinet girl. Pour a glass of warmth for my friends and I."

As Elissa turned the third man gave me a slap on the bottom. I jumped in shock. "Hey, now," said Cailan, "hands off the help."

She rushed to the cupboard and pulled out the bottle. Elissa scrambled to put three tin cups and the bottle on the small tray tucked between the cupboard and the bed. She served the three men then stepped back into the shadows behind the King's chair and listened to their banter. Obviously, the King did not know who she was, thank the Maker. But who knows how long they'd keep her here serving them drinks. Her attention wandered when Cailan began pouring the drinks himself.

As they neared the bottom of the bottle then man who'd slapped her behind stared into the shadows right at her and grinned. "You see, Cailan, not everyone thinks a married man is as good as dead. I propose a toast. To your frigid wife."

"Aye," the others agreed and drank.

The other friend grinned. "To warm welcomes throughout the kingdom," he said with a wink.

Then he leaned forward and whispered in the King's ear. Cailan looked back at her for a moment then returned his eyes to his friends.

"Cailan, she's an elf. It's not like she's ever had privacy before," the second said as he leaned back.

"You elf," Cailan said, "I can't call you that. What is your name girl?"

"I'm Fanny," Elissa said hoping that borrowing her old Nan's name wouldn't get her in any more trouble.

"It doesn't suit her," rumbled Cailan's friend.

"No, it doesn't," agreed Cailan, "with your lovely golden hair you're more of a Sunny than a Fanny." Cailan held out his hand to her, his signet ring was hanging off the middle of his finger. "Put the ring in the dish next to the bed, Sunny."

She drew the ring the rest of the way off his finger as he gazed intently at her. His eyes were half lidded and at her touch flared with some emotion Elissa couldn't identify. As she made her way to the bedside table she heard the men standing up behind her and she sagged a bit with relief. Finally, they were leaving and she'd be able to go too.

Her relief was short lived. She dropped the ring into the cup, it made a deep hollow ringing sound and she felt warm hands grab her waist and pull her into a strong embrace. She froze unable to think, unable to protest and unsure what to do. Shesqueezed her eyes closed and tried not to cry.

"What...what..." she said.

"Relax," Cailan's voice was right at her ear, "I'm settling a bet then we'll be alone."

He leaned her over the bed and pulled up her skirt. Pushing her small clothes to one side he pressed his fingers against her private parts and somehow through the shame and confusion Elissa felt pleasure. Something hard pressed against her then thrust unsuccessfully against her entrance. She hissed with pain and he pulled back for a moment.

He was going to lay with her just like a breeding bull. Somehow, she'd thought it was different with humans yet here he was, mounting her from behind. The ridiculousness of people acting like mating farm animals distracted Elissa from her situation and prevented her from doing anything useful.

He pressed her opening again, but this time he was slick and he slid right into her. He moaned, "So, tight."

One of his friends piped up, "That's what I love about elves, they're always hot and tight."

Cailan seemed to shake and recover himself. "You've seen, now leave your wager on the table and get out." Then without waiting for them to leave her grabbed her hips and began to slide in and out of her. After the tent entrance rustled he pulled the bottom of her dress up over her head and gripped her bare hips. His hands were warm and calloused. Elissa noticed that his right hand flexed and gripped with each thrust whilst his left moved up and down her side. Her vagina throbbed, it felt swollen and sore. She was sure she'd torn when he...he'd.... she couldn't finish even the thought. Suddenly her immobility dropped and she began to fight like a hell cat. Tears poured down her face.

"Maker's blood. Stop. Stop," She cried.

Cailan pulled away from her and stood for a moment. "Did, did I just take your maidenhead?"

Elissa nodded through her tears.

"By Andraste's flaming sword." He pulled my hair back from my face and felt my ear. "The Teryn didn't send you here, did he?" he said angrily.

She shook her head and stared down at the floor.

"I think I understand now. Those bastards tricked me. Loghain is right. They aren't fit companions."

Elissa crumpled onto the bed and continued to sob.

"Look girl, I can't return what I've taken but I'll pay whatever your master deems fair. The Teryn will understand and I'll make sure that the Teryna keeps you on, alright. So just stop crying, please, stop crying."

She heard his words but he didn't realize, her parents would not be as understanding as the King supposed. She had no idea what to do and the drunken King begging her to stop crying did not help. His voice became more urgent and harsh. Finally he placed his hand over her mouth to quiet her. She bit him and he lost his temper.

"You little bitch, if I'm to pay for your maidenhead, I might as well get my money's worth."

The rest of the night passed in a blur of thrusting, groaning and pain. He raped her repeatedly but seemed not to gain any satisfaction from his actions. After a time he passed out on top of her and she found herself unable to move his dead wait. Eventually, she fell asleep only to wake to him hauling her up by the hips and slamming into her poor abused body again. This time he reached completion filling Elissa with his seed then rolling over onto his side to fall asleep.

Cautiously, Elissa crawled off the bed. She buttoned pulled her skirt back down and stared down at the torn bodice buttons. She couldn't traipse through camp with her hated breasts dangling loose over the top of the dress. She gathered the linens she brought with her then started towards the tents entrance then suddenly turned around. She avoided looking at the mound of naked man on the bed as she snuck up to the bedside table and palmed the King's ring. She wasn't sure what compelled her to take it, perhaps a desire for revenge. He'd taken something irreplaceable of hers and she'd done the same to him.

She held the linens up to her chest as though the bundle were awkward and called out the entrance, "His majesty sleeps and I must attend to my regular duties."

The guard opened the tent flap and set her free. She ran all the way back to the apple orchard where she shoved the linens and the dress back under the tool shed and put on her brother's comfortable hand me downs and then put her hair back up in braids. She stared at the ring in her hand and let the tears slip down her chin. She was sore from head to toe. Cailan had been rough with her, eventually she'd given up fighting in the hopes it would be over sooner. She must look a sight. Elissa wondered how she'd explain her night's absence and her bruises to her mother.

She walked slowly through the orchard to the edge of the ravine that father told her had once held a mighty river and decided an accident was her best defence. She put the ring in the keepsake bauble her brother had brought her from Antiva. He and Oriana had given it to her together as a sort of apology for having a hearth wedding without any family there to act as witnesses. Elissa remembered telling thanking them and then telling them how relieved she was that mother wouldn't have any excuse to stuff her into a dress.

She smiled at the fonder memories then shook with fresh sobs as she realized her childhood was gone. Cailan had made her a woman; it was against her will but done none-the-less. She lowered herself over the edge of the escarpment then began to climb down. She knew that it was unlikely she'd make it all the way down without falling but that would just add to the authenticity of her claims.

It wasn't until mid-afternoon that they found her by then she was delirious with thirst and sunburnt. A healing mage was sent to set and heal her broken legs then she was confined to her bed for several weeks. She heard the maids gossiping about a spy that had posed as a servant, seduced King Cailan and stolen his signet ring.

Elissa's recovery was slow. She was unusually weepy and miserable. The day finally came when she had to admit that she was pregnant. She'd only skipped her cycle twice but already her stomach showed a slight curve. Despite her mother's pleading and demands she would not reveal the name of the father. On a particularly bad day she finally informed her that he was already married and that nothing good could come of informing him of her predicament.

Soon after that argument she was sent away with her old Nanny and her belly continued to grow. She did not see anyone other than Nan most of her confinement. Each day became in the little house was the same. She woke, ate breakfast and then helped Nan with the dishes. They went for walks when the weather was fine and read when it was not. One morning she woke to find her mother and a healing mage had arrived during the night. Twins the mage said, they would be born too soon if she did not take to her bed for the rest of her confinement. The mage's pronouncement was prophetic; the boys were born a week later and immediately whisked away.

Elissa, her mother and Nan stayed a week or so longer then she returned to Highever, Fergus and Oriana had arrived home with Oren just a week earlier. And everything returned to normal, except that Elissa felt she'd never be normal again. She threw herself into training with a vengeance and spent even less time at her mother's salons. She found excuses not to go to Denerim for Landsmeet until finally her parents stopped asking. Her mother was the only one that did not give up on seeing her married. Though her brother had no idea why she shied away from most men, he'd become used to the notion that someday Elissa would be his war leader. She'd become the little brother he'd never had and despite his wife's and mother's concerns he seemed quite pleased at the notion she'd always be in Highever.

She was crying as the memories swamped her. Alistair was using one of his handkerchiefs to dry her eyes. Though she'd given Alistair an abbreviated version of events and left her attacker unnamed she couldn't help but remember it all.

"For years a sharp sound would make me jump and the smell of brandy still makes me gag."

"I'm so sorry, Elissa. You have had to bear more than you should and you did not deserve any of it. I care for you very much and that you continue to be a wonderful kind woman despite the horrors you've suffered only makes me care more."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, really, really, really."

"Alistair, when Highever fell I asked about the boys before I left. Mother said he's with Ser Gilmore's sister in Denerim but I don't know who his sister married or where in Denerim I might find him."

"Him," he asked.

"One of the twins died, as a baby. All these years I wondered where they were, if they were alright and one of them had already gone to the fade."

Suddenly Alistair sat bolt upright. "The item you stole it was the ring you carry in your necklace."

Elissa looked at him warily. "Yes."

"The man was Cailan, wasn't he."

She looked at him shocked.

"Maker," he said running his hands through his hair, "this is, oh Maker."

He stood and put his hands on her shoulders. "Elissa, I don't care, well I'd like to hit him again, several times actually. None-the-less it doesn't change how I feel about you, at all."

"But...," she said with tears in her eyes.

"It may change the way you feel about me."

Elissa frowned but didn't say anything as Alistair began to pace frantically.

"I have a secret of my own. One I've kept so long that I...I don't even think about it anymore. Oh, I'm making excuses now. Remember how I said I was a bastard and Arl Eamon raised me. Well, that was so that my father's wife wouldn't find out about me."

"Alright."

"You see his wife was Eamon's sister. So, I'm King Maric's bastard son and Cailan's half brother."

Elissa felt like her breath had been taken away, the man she lov...cared for was the brother of the man who had raped her. Alistair and Cailan were brothers, Maker. But did it matter to her? They were two completely different men.

"I don't care. It doesn't change the way I feel. It's just an accident of birth."

"Literally," he said with a slight smile.

"So you and Aedan are both royal bastards."

"Is it incestuous to be in love with your half nephew's mother?"

Elissa smiled the brilliant smile Alistair adored. "Say that again," she said breathlessly as she moved to lean against his chest.

He frowned for a second then with a mischievous grin asked, "Which part the incestuous part or the 'I'm in love with you' part?"

"I think you know."

"I love you."

"Alistair," she whispered huskily, "I love you, too."

Elissa felt wonderful. Alistair leaned down slightly and gentle touched his lips to hers in a long lingering kiss and that felt wonderful, too.

He stepped back from her gingerly and said, "Why don't we head back to camp."

Hand in hand they returned to the campfire. They'd only been gone about an hour but so much had changed.

"Elissa," he began slowly, "you are going to need to have a chat with Leliana or we are."

"You mean about the gauntlet."

"Uh, that too."

"What else," she asked with a confused frown.

"You know what, you worry about the gauntlet and I'll see if there's anything else that needs to be done." He kissed her hand and smiled at her. She smiled back and snuggled up against his side.

17


	12. Object of Lust

Alistair thought the newest addition to their motley party was the most ridiculous and dangerous yet. But neither he nor Elissa would condone killing him in cold blood. So what does one do with a failed assassin? They'd put up with his sly innuendos for three days already. He seemed to exude sexual tension, no matter whom he was speaking to—sometimes he made you think about things you didn't want to. Even Wynne had been the subject of his depraved interest, thanks to that incident Alistair had been trying not to check out Wynne's bosom for hours. All in all he felt best staying away from Zevran and having that overdue talk with Leliana seemed like a good excuse. Unfortunately, this left Zevran alone with Elissa and Red. Perhaps, Alistair thought as he dropped back to talk to Leliana, he'll really push his luck and Red will accidentally bite his blond head off.

"Tired of defending your virtue from the sexual omnivore up there?" asked Leliana.

"Uh, yeah. I'm kind of hoping he'll make Red angry."

Leliana giggled.

"Look Leliana, we need to talk."

"Oh?"

"Yes, about Elissa."

"Why would I talk to you about private matters?"

"Um, Yessss."

"You see she and I have come to what I hope is the first of many understandings."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. We love each other."

"I see. I had noticed your preoccupation with each other; the two of you are rather obvious. Why she didn't come to tell me herself?"

"Yesss, again. This is where the problem starts. I'm not sure she understands your, uh, interest in her."

"What, but she knows two men can..."

"...fancy," Alistair burst out.

Leliana smirked. "Alright, can fancy each other."

"Does she? News to me. That wasn't really something we talked about."

Leliana giggled. "I think I understand. She thinks sex is all about men."

Alistair blushed. "What? Why, oh, you're probably right." Under his breath he muttered, "Maker, do I have my work cut out for me."

Leliana gasped at pointed to the front of the line.

Zevran was on the ground clutching his right cheek.

"Enough," Elissa shouted angrily, "your jokes and suggestions will stop now."

"You need not have hit me, Warden, I can take no for an answer."

"Actually you don't. I have said no in a number of ways already. I'm not convinced even this spectacle while suffice so let me make it clear. When a man's moments," Zevran began to object, "minutes, hours, days I don't care whatever, when they end the man is done and he moves on to the next lovely that captures his attention," her voice rang bitterly over the bird song arresting the party in their tracks, except for Alistair.

Alistair walked carefully and calmly up to her side and let the tirade run its course.

"But the woman, what happens to her? For some it is just another brute having his way and leaving. Others may suffer a loss of standing in their community and perhaps all future prospects lost or changed. How many of the women you've bedded ended up in the Chantry? Do you know? But for those few unlucky you leave behind a permanent reminder of your passion, a child for them to raise without a husband, without the father there to lend support of any kind. That is the price of passion."

Tears were pouring down her face now.

"Tell me Zev," she spat, "how many children have you abandoned and what were their fates. Given you're from Antiva I imagine some are slaves now. You must be sooo proud."

Zevran just stared at her open mouthed.

Alistair looked up at the quickly descending sun. He called out, "Take a look around for a place to camp. We'll be back later."

"Elissa," he whispered, "my darling, come with me for a walk."

She nodded and the headed back along the path they'd already traveled. They walked in silence for a time.

"Alistair, what if I am never normal, what if I can't..."

"I'll love you."

"But men have needs and I know you're a man."

"Phew, I was a little worried after that whole maiden mix up last week."

She giggled through her tears. "Do you want me?"

"Definitely, but my love is much stronger than my lust and I am not going to hurt you."

"How do you keep from...?"

"How do I keep from what falling in the fire, messing up my hair, losing my head, eating all the cheese in one sitting?"

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do but that's my problem."

"You're too good for me."

"I was just thinking the same thing. What have you done to deserve someone with such good taste in cheese?"

"Alistair, I meant it."

"Now you're just embarrassing me, my darling."

Elissa gasped a little then smiled at him.

"My darling, Elissa, what do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

He leaned in very slowly and kissed her on the lips. It was a long gentle kiss and he poured all his love and longing into the kiss. He pulled back and looked at her.

"I...I liked that."

"Well, then," he murmured throatily, "let's just stick with this for now."

He kissed her again, careful to keep his hands on her back and moving gently. When they broke apart this time they were both panting.

"Alistair"

"Mmm, yes dear."

"If you've never, you know, how do you know what to do?"

"Would you believe instinct?"

"I might have if you hadn't said it that way."

"One of the novices grabbed a copy of 'The Illustrated Antivan Guide to Passionate Love' that had been confiscated by the local Chantry," he smiled in remembrance, "no one wanted to be caught with it so they used to stick it under other boy's beds. When they stuck it under my bed I moved it to a better hiding spot. I read that thing cover to cover several times."

"So you're following instructions in a book," she sounded disappointed.

"No, love, I'm nervous because I've never done anything like this before but I've read some information. Still if neither of us had any instincts then it wouldn't feel good would it."

"True."

"My darling, I love you but I can wait to worship your body with mine."

"But what if I never..."

He kissed her again but this time he pressed her lips open with his own and let his tongue tangle with the end of hers. They turned their heads further in unison and Alistair explored Elissa's mouth. His hand rose up from the small of her back to her neck where he gently rubbed his thumb behind her ear. He was rewarded by a soft moan. Lust urged him on, go go go, but love made him retreat. He rested his forehead against hers and smiled.

"Never mind," she whispered huskily.

"Now," he said as he pulled out of her arms, "we should probably find the camp and let everyone else know you're alright."

They held hands as they walked down the path.

"I bet," Elissa said, "all that kissing is more fun when one is not wearing armour."

Alistair choked then looked at her. "Yeah," he managed. He felt it likely he'd be taking more solo walks in the future, or spending more time alone in his tent.

5


	13. Happy

The embarrassment from her outburst never appeared. When she and Alistair found the camp no one said a word. Even more surprising, Zevran's attitude towards her changed completely. That evening when Alistair went off to the bushes after dinner Zev came over to speak with her.

"You have scared us all, I think."

"Did I scare you?"

"Perhaps, I certainly will not make anymore unwanted advances. I wish to tell you that it was not my plan to make you angry."

"Yet, you did."

"I can see I will have to work for your forgiveness."

Elissa did not respond as the elven man walked away.

The next to speak with her, besides Alistair, was Leliana the following morning. She too waited until Alistair left her side and headed into the bushes to relieve his bladder.

"So, do you love him?"

Elissa smiled. "Yes, I love Alistair." Her heart beat wildly as she said it aloud to someone else for the first time.

"Then I am happy for you both."

"Thank you." She looked into the other woman's face and her eyes were so sad.

"He is a good man. I am sure he will make you very happy."

"Yes, he is and I think he will but Leliana we aren't getting married we're just...courting."

"Ah but I can see the connection you share. It would not be the same with me."

Elissa stood and hugged her friend. "Oh Leliana, I didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry."

"Alistair was sure you didn't understand but I knew because we have a connection too, my friend."

Now Elissa was lost. "You mean when Alistair said he had to talk to you it was to tell you about him and I."

"Yes."

"Thank you, Leliana, for telling me."

"Can we still be friends?"

"You and I, oh yes, absolutely."

"Good." She looked up and Elissa followed her gaze, Alistair was returning.

Leliana left as Alistair strolled up whistling.

"I'm beginning to feel spurned, everybody but you runs away when I show up."

"Well, given what you've been doing I'm hardly surprised."

He gulped. "You know."

"I do now, Leliana told me."

"How would she know?"

"Well she was there wasn't she."

"I really think I would have noticed that. Wait a minute, what are you talking about?"

"Did you use your good boy lines on her too, or do you have other strategies for more worldly women?"

"Woah, woah, woah. Leliana told you I was ... was ... trying to woo her."

"Oh yes, she came over to congratulate me. To tell me she was happy for both of us."

"Elissa, this is definitely a misunderstanding. Come on, let's talk to her together."

"So you can intimidate her."

"Me intimidate her! You can't be serious?"

"I know this story. I've seen it happen over and over again. You can't fool me."

"So, you won't talk, you won't listen. You're just going to leave me," he said plaintively.

She looked at him, revealing the tears in her eyes and seeing the tears in his.

"Fine, I'll go get Leliana and we'll see what she says."

Elissa stomped over to Leliana. "Could you come and talk to Alistair and I."

"Yes, what is wrong, you look upset."

"I need you to come talk to Alistair with me."

She grabbed Leliana by the arm and pulled her over to the other side of the cold fire pit.

"Now," said Elissa a bit shrilly, "did you or did you not say that you and Alistair had been getting close?"

Elissa looked at Alistair, Alistair looked at Leliana and Leliana's mouth dropped open as she stared at Elissa.

"What, no. No, no, no. Oh, Maker I did not believe you Alistair."

Leliana grabbed Elissa's arm. "No, my friend I did not mean that you and I had been competing for Alistair's affection. I meant that he and I had both been seeking your affection."

Elissa stumbled back and fell over onto her rear. "But why, I mean what could."

The bard chuckled. "I would have been delighted to show you the answers to all your questions were you not in love with another."

A hot blush bloomed on Elissa's face and she felt it spread to encompass her neck as well. "I don't know what to say."

The red headed woman shook her head. "You need not say anything my friend. It was a wistful notion and I will not pine away. Now, I will leave you two to yourselves." Alistair had turned his back on them at some point.

Elissa hauled herself up off the ground and stared at his back sadly. "Alistair? I'm sorry. I should have trusted you. I hope you can forgive my paranoia. It's just, everything was going so well I just assumed something bad would happen. So when it seems it had I just grabbed on with both hands and jumped."

His shoulders were shaking but he made no noise. Had he heard her at all? She walked around him to find that he was not angry or upset, he was trying not to laugh.

"Why you!" She swatted his shoulder. "I was feeling miserable and you're laughing at me."

"Firstly, it did hurt that you didn't trust me but when I realized that it was because you were jealous, well, it just seemed so, so unbelievably ridiculous."

"Why?" she said with a frown.

"I can hardly believe you want me around, never mind find another woman crazy enough to keep company with me."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "I'll have you know that I have impeccable taste."

"Well, you must understand you are the only woman I've ever wanted to be with and the only woman I love."

"That would be more reassuring if you hadn't spent the last however many years in a monastery."

"Thirteen, I spent thirteen years in the monastery. In fact, if Duncan hadn't pulled me out of there I think they'd have started billing me by the night until I took my vows."

"Well there we go. There wouldn't have been many women around, other than the sisters and a revered mother."

"True, but I spent six months in the company of a bunch of Grey Wardens that felt nothing could complete my education as effectively as taking a woman to my bed. So, I have been pursued, by proxy if nothing else. "

"So that was the first reason you were laughing, what was the other."

"I told Leliana you didn't know she was flirting with you but she didn't believe me."

"Well, I didn't know two women could be that way. I mean Fergus once explained two men to me and I know how a woman and man fit together but I'm confused about two women."

Alistair was blushing. "Maybe, someday it will make sense or we can discuss this but right now...well maybe we could just get going right now."

"I feel so stupid and naive. Even a templar knows more about sex than I do."

"Ex-templar and a well read ex-templar. Remember, I have no practical experience."

She suddenly stopped. "I wish I didn't."

Alistair pulled her into a fierce hug. "Neither of us has ever made love, in that we are equal." He pulled back to look at her. "In every way that matters we are equal."

Elissa smiled and they continued along the road. After several more days of travel they arrive at the outskirts of Redcliffe, Elissa enjoyed her morning cuddles and evening walks with Alistair. Slowly they were both becoming more daring and though Elissa had been feeling a burning urge for something else or something more she didn't really know what to do about it. Besides everything she'd said to Zevran was true. If a man wasn't willing to commit to her why should she risk a life-long commitment to his offspring?

As they passed out of the wilderness onto the pasture land, Alistair ran ahead with a twinkle in his eye. Wynne took the opportunity to talk to Elissa alone.

"You two have become very close."

"Alistair and I, yes, we have."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

Elissa shrugged. "Wise in what sense?"

"Duty calls both of you to be strong."

"So I should have nothing but duty in my life?"

"I once resented my duties, but in time I realized that great satisfaction could be found living a life devoted to others."

"Did you?"

"Ultimately, love is a selfish emotion one that draws you away from the things a person like you must do."

Elissa stopped walking and turned to face the mage. "I have a chance at companionship, at passion and at love in my life. I will not take the coward's path. We may well have to make some difficult choices in the future but that is not certain. I'm glad you have found satisfaction in the choices you've made. Now, have enough respect to realize that your way is not the only way and for someone else if may not be the best way."

"Very well," Wynne said as she backed away. Elissa could tell the older woman wasn't happy but she didn't care. Her mother had told her she deserved to be loved and Alistair was making her believe it.

Alistair waved from beyond the next rise. As they walked toward him they discovered that he was standing atop a ruined Tevinter tower. When they arrived at the base it was clear that the place was often used.

"This place seems strangely close to Redcliffe and not on a main road, so why is there a way stop here?" asked Morrigan.

"Shepherds," replied Alistair. He gestured at the surrounding land. "This is a winter pasture. They watch their flocks from the roof and sleep in here where there are all the comforts of home."

Leliana looked around the interior of the empty stone tower. "My home had chairs and a bed."

"Well, some of the comforts of home. There's a fireplace, a roof overhead and walls on all sides of us."

"I don't understand," said Leliana, "if they spend part of each winter here why not repair and furnish this place."

Elissa hid a small grin. "Ferelden shepherds are rarely wealthy enough to furnish two homes. Besides anything left here would have to survive the rest of the year unattended."

Alistair disappeared outside for a while and found some apples, they were a bit soft but they baked them on the hearth with a little honey to make a delicious desert. After supper Alistair asked Elissa to join him on the tower's roof. He'd covered the cold stone with soft grasses, the perfect place to lay star watching whilst holding each other close. At least Elissa star gazed. When she looked over at Alistair he was staring at her with an intensity that took her breath away.

"I love you."

Elissa blushed happily. "I love you, too."

Alistair swallowed. "Will you wait here a moment?"

"Are you alright, you seem nervous?"

"I'm not fine. I mean I'm not nervous, I'm fine. Wait for me?"

"I'll be here when you get back, my love."

"Good, yes."

He ran down the stairs so quickly that Elissa was afraid he'd fall. Half an hour passed before she heard him return. As he dashed up the stairs she heard Leliana's muffled screech. She rose to her knees to see what was wrong but before she could get any further Alistair appeared at the top of the stairs with a crown of wildflowers in his hands.

He knelt down in front of her. "I don't know how to say this because I'm not very good with. When I'm nervous things just fall out of my mouth as if I've no control over my own tongue. I always know when that happens because I start to babble and I talk very quickly. It used to really bother Duncan when I babbled. Duncan was like a father to me and I only knew him for six months and though we've only really known each other for a couple of months I've come to love you, deeply. I really I want this to be perfect, well as perfect as it could be with the darkspawn and blight and all because that's not perfect but you knew that..."

Elissa kissed him. It was a deep and satisfying kiss that left both of them panting. They stood on their knees with their foreheads touching and their arms loosely around each other.

"Thank you," he said, "I needed that."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile, "Now, do you have something to ask me because if you do I have an answer."

"You do!" he said with a smirk, "Will I like the answer?"

Elissa tried to control her smile. "You'll have to ask to find out."

Alistair stood and pulled her up to standing, too. Then holding the wreath of flowers asked, "Elissa, my darling, will you marry me?"

Elissa felt that if she smiled any wider her face would crack. "Yes, Alistair, yes." She waited while he placed the crown on her head then she threw herself into his arms. Over Alistair's shoulder she saw Leliana standing on the stairs with tears of happiness in her eyes.

"Come on you two," Leliana said, "If you're going to say your vows before the hearth you should do it before the rest of us go to sleep."

They broke apart and followed the red haired woman down the stairs where they found she'd already cleared a spot.

Alistair retrieved a second wreath and handed it to his her. Elissa placed Alistair's crown on his head and smiled at him through the tears of happiness.

"I, Grey Warden Alistair, take you Grey Warden Elissa to be my wife. I will cleave to you and no other for all time."

"I, Grey Warden Elissa, take you Grey Warden Alistair to be my husband. I will cleave to you and no other for all time."

"Witnessed," said all the others with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Red barked happily and loudly but he allowed himself to be settled by Wynne.

Before anyone could congratulate or scold them Leliana began to sing the part of the Chant usually sung at highborn weddings held in the Chantry. After she finished singing she ushered them outside to where she'd bullied Sten into setting up their tent and they were alone again but now they were married.

8


	14. But, but what!

Zevran paced back and forth in front of the fire. "I do not understand. Why would they do this?"

Leliana was humming softly as she darned her spare socks. Zevran shot her a sour look.

"Wynne, does this make sense to you?"

"You've asked two questions with very different answers."

He dropped to a crouch by her feet. "Tell me your thoughts. I believed I understood her then everything changed in less than a day."

Wynne smiled. "Let's see, does it make sense to me? No, not really but I was never one to throw caution to the wind."

Zev nodded, he could see that. Mages, particularly Ferelden circle mages that have become Senior Enchanters were not known for spontaneity.

"Do I understand why they would do this? Yes, I think so. It has to do with their feelings, the time and the pressures. I think under different circumstances their courtship would have been, well, more of a courtship. I would not have been surprised if Alistair had wooed her for a year or more before proposing. The proposal would have been more formal and an engagement time of at least a year would have followed. Finally, they'd have had the high born Chantry wedding that all well born girls are supposed to desire."

"Yes, that is what I would have expected from an ex-templar and a despoiled princess."

"Unfortunately, there is no time for gentle wooing during wars. If you were to ask the right person I'm sure they could tell you how many more hearth weddings occur when a country is on wartime footing. Life is more urgent and the things that are really important take precedence. Things like declaring your love before one or both of you are lost."

"Yes, more sex, more bastards, more widows. We have wars in Antiva too. So, they married out of fear?"

"No, they married as soon as they were ready to rather than wait for some perfect moment that may never occur." Leliana answered. "They know that happiness has nothing to do with lovely dresses and fancy shoes no matter how important that part sometimes seems. They know the moment to be happy is this one, right now."

"I think I understand. It changes things, this blight, it makes things clearer and more pressing, yes."

"Yes, that is how it is," said Leliana.

"I still do not understand why they did not just have sex, this marriage and commitment idea is unrealistic."

"Maker's mercy," said Leliana, "let me try this in words you can understand. Uptight gentlemen and princesses do not consummate anything outside the bonds of matrimony."

Sten shook his head. "Human rituals make no sense. Such things should be decided to benefit all, not to satisfy some whim."

"I agree that too much is made of something all animals do," said Morrigan, "but I certainly not allow someone myself to be treated like a brood mare for the good of my people."

"None of you have any romance in your soul," exclaimed Leliana, "It isn't just about having sex it's about the meeting of two harmonized spirits."

"I understand romance," Zevran protested. He was quite insulted by Leliana's suggestion. "I am a master of romance and as such if I did not end up rumpling sheets in the end then I would not make up stories about nuzzling spirits to cover my failure."

The minstrel threw her hands up in the air and stalked over to her bedroll. "I give up."

Zev thought to himself, 'See I even win arguments about romance.'

They all drifted to their bedrolls and slowly one by one slipped off to sleep. Though Zevran continued to argue with Leliana in his dreams and they were sweet dreams.

2


	15. Oh, What a Knight

They helped each other out of their armour then Elissa slipped into the tent to change while Alistair waited outside. When she was ready he quickly pulled his rusty shirt off and slid into the tent. Elissa wore her usual night shirt but with a much more anxious expression on her face.

"Relax," he said, "we don't have to do this tonight."

"No, I want to do this. It's part of getting married."

"Well, I don't mind telling you that I'm nervous."

"You haven't changed your mind have you?" she asked him.

"What, no my darling, that's not it. I just think that we might want to have a professional help us with this."

"Come on let's get it over with, it can't be that tough. My brother and his wife managed by themselves."

"Why in the world didn't they ask for help, surely your parents would have been willing to give them a hand?"

"Oh, probably but they eloped rather than face his future mother-in-laws convoluted wedding plans."

"Then they took hearth vows and tattooed each other," he completed for her.

"Yes, see there's a family tradition."

"Do you want to go first or shall I?"

"You can do mine first."

"Okay, lay down. I don't want to muck this up." Alistair carefully drew the marriage symbol on her neck then dipped the tattooing fork into the ink and began. He tapped too lightly at first, afraid of his strength and his power to hurt her. Soon he had found the right amount of force to break the skin but not do any serious damage. "There we go, I'm done."

Elissa took a deep breath. "That wasn't too bad."

Alistair lay down and tried to relax as Elissa marked the back of his neck. He felt the pen scratch the first circle of the linked rings to the left of his spine and then the second on the right. "I hope the tattooing doesn't feel anything like the pen, because that tickled."

He could hear Elissa giggling. "No it doesn't."

"Good," he grumbled.

"No, talking. I don't want to make a mistake."

It was all Alistair could do to stay still as she drew in the braid that connected the two rings. He drew a relieved breath as she lay the pen aside. The tattooing itself bothered him less than the soft scraping of the pen but his focus on his wife's soft form leaning against his back was anything but restful. Elissa finished the design and touched his sore neck with her lips. Alistair stifled a groan.

"I love you, Alistair."

He rolled to look her in the eye. "I am a lucky, lucky man." He cleared his throat and looked at his love closely. She seemed to be torn between fascination and terror as she examined his chest and tried not to look at the tent forming below his waist.

"Elissa, I have an idea. In the book I told you about, there were some uh... ideas concerning control."

She frowned at him. "I don't understand."

He coughed. "Why don't I give you complete control? I will do whatever you say including stopping at any time."

"Y...you can do that."

"Yes, my love. I can do that."

"What if I don't know what to ask for?"

"Well I have ideas all you have to do is ask."

"Alistair."

"Yes."

"Do you remember saying you'd like to worship my body with yours?"

He groaned. "I do."

"Can we start there?"

"Please," he whispered.

They lay side by side in the dim tent. Alistair felt his hard flesh squeezed between their bodies and he began to realize how much self control he had promised to exercise. He kissed Elissa leisurely. Exploring her mouth then kissing the pulse point behind her ear and trailing soft kisses under her chin to the other ear. It was so much better than the book had indicated. He'd thought this part was purely for the woman, to help her find her inner flame, the book said. Alistair found it was also stoking his inner flame.

As they kissed he slowly moved his hand over her stomach and upward. His hands gently kneaded and caressed her breasts through the fabric of her shirt and small clothes. He felt her hand move to touch his bare chest. Each soft touch was like fire and each place she left felt cold and ached to be touched again.

"Elissa," he said, tugging on her nightshirt, "may I take this off?"

She looked away shyly, "What if you think I'm ugly?"

"I won't. You're beauty has nothing to do with the colour of your eyes, though I love them, nor the way you put your hair up in little tufty pony tails. You're beauty transcends all things physical, it is you that I love, not your stomach, or your breasts, it is you."

"I have scars."

"As do I, my love."

"They aren't battle scars."

"I don't care what they are but I do feel compelled to try to kiss them better."

"Alright," she said.

Alistair lifted her shirt slowly until it was above the waist of her lower small clothes. There he saw the first long thin silvery scar. He kissed it from one end to the other and then he licked it on the trip back.

She gasped.

Nervously, Alistair looked up into her face but her expression of wonder reassured him and he bent to his task once more. He pushed her shirt farther up exposing her belly button and taking a deep breath he licked a ring around it then stuck his tongue into the shadowed depression.

Elissa pulled away giggling, "No, don't do that!" she gasped.

He pulled the lint off his tongue then kissed her side gently. "I know a secret," he teased, "you're ticklish."

She rolled onto her back again and gently swatted him on the head. "Don't be too smug, Ser Knight, I'm not the only one or have you forgotten the pen so soon?"

He made an exaggerated face full of fear. Then rested his chin on her bare stomach and gazed at her face in wonder. "I love you," he whispered.

That smile filled her face, the one he adored. "I love you, too," she whispered back. Then with a coy look she did something unexpectedly bold. She sat up forcing him to pull back and with quick practiced moves she pulled off her shirt and undid her breast band. She held the band in place as she lay back down and looked nervously at him.

Alistair moaned under his breath then gathered his self-control once more. "My love, you had nothing to fear, your body is gorgeous." He returned to his task of kissing his way up her stomach. He paused to look at the mole that decorated her lowest right rib. "Well, hello there," he said.

"Alistair, what are you doing?"

"We're just getting acquainted down here, after all this little dear," with that he kissed the mole, "doesn't get much company and I plan on being around often and for a long time."

Elissa giggled, "You are crazy. You know that."

"Perhaps," he said looking up at her, "but am I your kind of crazy, my darling?"

She shivered deliciously as he said 'my darling' and her breast band slipped a little. "Oh, yes. You're my kind of crazy," she sighed breathily making his heart speed up, "Alistair, I love you."

He smiled against her skin, "And I love you," he paused then rumbled, "my darling." He watched avidly as the band slipped even further down and he groaned. He moved to lie at her side and look into her eyes. He let his right hand roam up and down her torso lightly touching, barely there. He closed his eyes and gently explored her face. He let his fingers slide into her soft hair and he leaned in to kiss her, she responded with such ferocity that Alistair found himself moaning into her mouth.

"Alistair," she asked hesitantly.

"Yes, my love."

"If I were to ask you to stop now, could you?"

He pulled back to look her in the eye. He somehow sensed that this wasn't really about wanting to stop, this was about feeling safe. "Yes, my love. I can stop now or anytime you need me to."

"I was just wondering," she said in a small voice.

"I love you, Elissa. You are always safe with me, always."

"Just checking."

Alistair chuckled and looked at her. "That's what I used to say to the sisters in the monastery."

She wrinkled her nose. "What?"

"When the monastery was very quiet I'd sometimes just start screaming until somebody came and when they asked me what was wrong..."

She shook her head. "You'd say, 'Just checking.' You were a handful weren't you?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "Were?"

"I guess you're my handful now."

"Oh, yes," he said, "I am yours."

"Alistair," she said wiggling a bit, "why don't you take this off." She gestured to the breast band with her chin.

With a predatory smile he said, "I thought you'd never ask." He grabbed the scrap of cloth with his teeth and with a flick of his head tossed it to one side. "Maker's breath," he said with a gasp and he gave into to an urge that was so strong it might well have been instinct. He buried his face between the two perfect globes then remembering the book he licked the narrow valley.

Elissa gasped and then as he moved to worship each breast with hands, lips, tongue and teeth she began to moan.

"Elissa, my darling, I want to touch you below," he said.

She nodded quickly, nervously.

He moved his hand down her body; his head remained cushioned on her fabulous breasts. Just as the book had promised he could feel heat and dampness through her small clothes. Slowly, giving her time to protest he undid the draw string that held this last barrier in place then he leaned down and slowly drew the other side off her leg. He looked up at her heated middle and drew a shaky breath. Drawings did not do justice to the real presence and scent of this woman's secret place. All the names for it that he'd thought were crude before seemed sacrilegious now. When he'd thought about how to do this, how to make love to Elissa this was the part that worried him. He'd been terrified his hands would shake and he wouldn't be able to actually touch her down there. Now, he knew his fears were completely unfounded. He couldn't wait to bring her pleasure and touching her was a bonus he hadn't anticipated desiring.

"Alistair, what are you doing?"

"I'm admiring you, my darling." He reached out with a calloused thumb and rubbed exactly where the book indicated and his sweet, sweet Elissa moaned.

"Maker," she whispered huskily, "what are you doing to me?"

He grinned wickedly and stilled his thumb. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," she moaned, "Oh, don't stop. It feels..."

Alistair's eyes widened as he realized she had never done this to herself. The book had claimed that self pleasure was entirely normal and though the sisters had made it clear that the Chantry did not agree almost all the boys had done it anyway. It seemed girls, or at least his, were different. With touches soft and hard he watched Elissa's desire flame higher and higher, his fingers plunged into her deepest secrets, his other hand roamed her writhing body and his lips caressed her neck whilst he whispered his love until her back arched and he felt her life fluids douse his hand.

She looked at him her eyes were wide with shock as she came down from her first flight Alistair found himself grinning smugly despite the ache in his groin.

"That was..."

"Fantastic?" he said with a smirk.

"But we haven't uh.., you haven't... you know."

"The night isn't over, yet," he said with a growl.

She sat up with a determined look on her face. "I want to please you."

"You..."

"Shut up," she said, "now t-take your clothes off and lie down."

Alistair remembered that he gave her control and why, so he obeyed.

She copied the movements he had made. She kissed and sucked her way south leaving him quivering with need and anticipation.

"It's beautiful," she said.

Alistair opened his eyes. She was gazing at his penis, as though enraptured. He shrugged.

"I didn't expect to, I don't know, find it so attractive."

He didn't know what to say to that, he'd never thought of it that way.

"May I touch it?" she asked hesitantly.

Alistair coughed and then replied in a strangled voice, "By all means."

Her smaller rough hands were cool. She ran a finger up his length drawing a groan from him.

"What does one do, besides the obvious?" she asked.

"Well," he replied his voice strained, "when a man pleasures himself..."

"Wait, men pleasure themselves?"

"Yes dear."

"Is that why you went for so many walks?"

Alistair blushed. "Not all of them were for that, oh please don't stop."

She put her hand back on him and he thrashed for a moment. "Tell me, Alistair," she whispered.

"He grabs his sack and lightly rolls the balls."

She followed his instructions. "Like this?"

He nodded. "Then with the other hand he grabs around firmly and pum..." the last word melted into a deep moan.

Her motions were unpractised which made them even more arousing as they frustrated Alistair. "Oh, Elissa," he called out, "I want you so much."

She stilled and said in a small voice, "What if I'm not ready?"

Alistair reached down to still her hands and took a deep breath then looked into her eyes willing his love and respect to show through. "If you're not ready, then we wait. As you pointed out, I've pleasured myself before, I can do so again."

"I think I want this, but I'm so scared." Unshed tears stood out in her eyes.

"I could never hurt you, dear lady."

She looked into his eyes then seemed to come to a decision. "Make love to me, Alistair."

Suddenly nervous he said, "I've never done this before. I want it to be right."

"There is no one else and no other way I would want to do this."

She took a deep breath and turned over on her hands and knees.

Alistair turned her back to face him then lowered his body over hers. He pressed against her opening; she was still wet and pushed just his head inside. She looked apprehensive in the dim tent's light. He kissed her stomach and drew her nipples into his mouth. He licked the valley between her breasts again; it was a place he found he couldn't resist. There was something unbelievably wonderful about putting his face between her breasts. He ran his hands down her legs one at a time, then he'd move a little deeper and do it all over again.

She rewarded his efforts with helpless moans and throaty sighs. The fluttering of her hands on his head, back and chest was driving him crazy but he knew that he must maintain iron control or he might never earn her trust again.

He reached a hand between them and set his thumb back on that spot. He moved in slow circles and began to draw gently in and out of her.

She froze for a second so he stopped but then she began to wiggle under him and she moaned, "Go, go please go."

Alistair realized that it was going to be fine, he moved more strongly and as she shattered a second time he let go and for the first time they took flight together.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" asked Alistair.

"That was wonderful," said Elissa smugly as she nestled into his arms.

A smile grew across his face and he sighed contentedly.

"So we get to do this every night, right?" she asked.

"We can but you know we don't have to."

"Oh no, I want to. It just seems like tomorrow night is a long way off."

Alistair sat up to look at her. He was a bit stunned but happy to leap at the chance. "Well, I have a pretty good um recovery time, we could probably manage to um work up an appetite for breakfast."

"Really," she said with a truly wicked grin.

"Oh yeah," said Alistair. Then he lay back to get a little sleep, it seemed he would need it.

9


	16. Don't Mess with Me

They left their campsite shortly after dawn. Neither Elissa nor Alistair appeared to have gotten much sleep both they both looked happy. Leliana whisked Elissa away to talk and giggle leaving poor Alistair alone with Zevran.

"So," began Leliana, "you are glowing this morning, that's good."

Elissa just blushed.

"Alistair must be talented. He's athletic, that's always nice and he follows orders."

"Oh, I assure you, he has plenty of ideas of his own."

"Oooh, the little templar is all grown up and," she coughed, "plays well with others."

Alistair arrived looking a bit put upon, "Zevran is..." and he shuddered, "you wouldn't believe what he wanted to-to talk..." He looked at Leliana suspiciously. "Why are you giggling?" then he turned to his bride and asked, "Why is she giggling?"

Elissa put a reassuring hand on his arm. "It's just girl talk."

Alistair seemed to be ready to accept that, for the moment anyways, but Leliana just couldn't leave it alone.

"We're discussing how you treat her in bed," she volunteered, "I'm impressed."

Elissa turned a truly extraordinary shade of red and Alistair wasn't far behind her.

He threw up his hands and muttered, "Oh, you women." Then he strode out in front on his own.

"Leliana," Elissa scolded, "stop it, just stop it."

"Oh, but you two are just too much fun to tease."

"Indeed," agreed Zevran from right behind her, "I offered to join them tonight to demonstrate certain talents of mine."

Elissa realized her blush wasn't going anywhere soon.

"That was a generous offer," Leliana said with a wicked gleam in her eye.

"Yes, I did think so myself but alas he turned me down, quite abruptly I might add. In lieu of the rejected demonstration, I offered to discuss technique to help him improve his performance. Although, I must say we were all very impressed when the two of you began serenading us the third time but the fourth and fifth that was unbelievable. The famous Grey Warden stamina is not a myth. It makes me want to..."

Elissa decided that Alistair had picked the best defence after all she sprinted up to join him at the front ignoring the following laughter.

He took one look at her red face and said, "Zev?"

"Zev!" she agreed.

They both shook their heads.

"Well, here's a better topic," said Alistair, "just over this rise is the farm I used to visit each spring to help round up the sheep for shearing."

"I did not know you had been a shepherd."

"I think it was just an excuse to get all the lads out of the stables and running off some steam. By the end of the winter we were all pretty tired of being cooped up. Besides they'd dunk us in the stream before throwing us in the back of the wagon to go home."

They walked up over the rise to find the farm deserted.

"I suppose, the family could have left or died out since I was last here."

"That's a new looking bucket hung over the well, Alistair."

"Where have they gone and why?"

"Perhaps they're running from the darkspawn."

"Seems premature but it's possible."

By midmorning they still hadn't found a living soul and all the outlying farms they'd passed were deserted. Everybody was on edge trying to determine what threat had sent every single inhabitant running. Elissa followed Alistair down the hill to the first Redcliffe bridge and there they finally found a person.

A thin man, clearly a farmer, wearing an ill-fitting leather helmet and holding a long bow greeted them excitedly, "Oh, thank the Maker, are you here to help us?"

"Help with what?" Elissa asked.

"The monsters! Every night monsters come from the castle and attack the village and farms. Y-You don't know anything about it, do you?"

"No, we came to help the Arl. We had heard he was sick."

"We don't even know if anyone in the castle is still alive."

Alistair stepped forward. "What kind of monsters are attacking?"

"I don't know. I'd better just take you to Bann Teagan. Maybe he can answer your questions."

As they followed the man down the hill Alistair explained, "Teagan is Eamon's brother. I wonder why he's here?"

Teagan was directing the villager's efforts from the Chantry. As they approached he said to their guide, "It's Thomas. Isn't it?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Who have you here?"

"Theys travelers, my lord, I thought I should bring them to you."

"Well done, Thomas. Could you ask Murdock and Ser Perth to come down to the Chantry on your way back out?"

"Yes, my lord." Then with a quick nod Thomas left.

"You haven't the look of farmers, or refugees so what is it that brings you to Redcliffe friend? Wait," he said staring at Elissa, "you look familiar. Yes, you would be Teryn Bryce Cousland's daughter, yes?"

"Yes, I am."

"You look much like your mother and this young man must surely be Alistair."

"Yes, Bann Teagan."

"Oh, I am so relieved to see you're alive my boy. Loghain would have us believe all the Grey Wardens died with the King."

Elissa shook her head and said grimly, "Not all of us."

"So you are a grey warden, too, dear Lady. I'm sorry but I do not know your name."

Alistair tried not to smirk as he jumped in to reply, "My wife usually prefers to be called Warden or Elissa."

Elissa shook her head and gave him a swat, "Worried, dear."

"No, just proud to be the man you chose."

"Congratulations," offered Teagan, "I wish we'd the leisure to celebrate."

Morrigan's sour tones came from behind them. "Please, if they celebrate anymore I may never eat again."

Both Elissa and Alistair blushed but Teagan just chuckled. Two men walked into the Chantry and approached them.

"Ah and here are our stalwart defenders. Wardens will you join our war council, we need to be well prepared for tonight. If things go well enough we may be able to sneak into the castle tomorrow morning."

Once the plans were settled Alistair and Elissa toured the area looking for ways to reinforce the defences. As always they sought out those that needed help and did their best to aid them. Then they found a quiet corner and got what rest they could.

Night came all too soon and with it the monsters. When the first wave of creatures started to run down the hill Morrigan identified them.

"It is undead creatures that approach. The spirits of demons are summoned from the fade and placed in corpses to form an army for a powerful being. Individually they are weak but when they come together they can overwhelm the most skilled opponents."

Ser Perth ordered that the oil they'd poured out be lit and the fight began. For Elissa, Alistair, Sten and Morrigan the fight did not end until about noon the next day when they stood in the Redcliffe Castle's grand hall and confronted the Arl's wife Lady Isolde.

Elissa was very angry. Lady Isolde was still telling tales and trying to evade responsibility for her actions and Elissa had had enough. She pointed at Lady Isolde. "You will sit down in this chair and shut up."

"You cannot speak to me this way, Teagan I demand..."

"Alistair," Elissa said with deceptive calmness, "Please take Teagan down to the village and consult Wynne as to what can be done for Connor. Sten, take the malificar back down to his cell for now. Morrigan I am going to talk to Lady Isolde, if she chooses to try and run from me please do something unpleasant to her. Lady Isolde, sit!"

Alistair dragged Teagan away, the Bann half-heartedly objected to the treatment of his sister-in-law but Elissa didn't think his heart was really in it. Sten was muttering quietly under his breath as he left with the mage. Whatever the qunari said made all the colour drain out of Jowan's face. Morrigan pulled out her staff and smiled. Isolde decided to sit down.

As the room emptied Elissa just stared at the self-centred little woman sitting before her. "I don't really need to know you, Isolde but I've known your type my entire life. Your chief concern is not to be anything in particular it is to appear in a particular way."

"I was protecting my son. You cannot understand because you do not have a child."

"Yes, you were protecting your son. What were you protecting him from?"

"From being taken by the Templars."

"Oh, yes, because if the Templars took him to the circle he would be taught to use his powers in a safe environment. Of course, everyone would know that you gave birth to a mage. Quit telling me lies. You did this for you. You did not want to lose your son. You did not want to lose the heir and only child you had provided. So you hired and apostate to teach your son to hide his true nature."

"It wasn't like that."

Elissa leaned down until she was almost nose to nose with the petty woman. "Alistair was sent away because having a bastard that the rumour mill attributed to your husband was embarrassing. The truth didn't matter, the needs of a ten year old child didn't matter but how it looked to your friends that mattered. I can even tell you what you said to your friends in Denerim." Then with surprising accuracy Elissa stood up and mimicked Isolde. "I said to Eamon, the boy he must go and so now he is gone."

"No, I did not..."

"Yes, you did. My mother remembered it particularly because she didn't think much of, in her words, 'the petty pious.' Oh, they didn't mention that when we were introduced well let me give you the full story. I am not only a Grey Warden; I am Alistair's bride and the daughter of Teryn Cousland."

Isolde stared at her open mouthed.

Elissa laughed, "Yes, I've actually given up a higher station than you will ever attain to become a Grey Warden. Now, I'll tell your full story. You were the spoiled daughter of an Orlesian oppressor, who stayed here to marry the next ruler of Redcliffe rather than go to a home you'd never known. You value your image over all else as is demonstrated by the treatment of Alistair, your own son and the people of Redcliffe."

Isolde sat with her arms crossed looking mulish.

"Now let me tell you about the image you so carefully polish. It is entirely in your own mind. My mother and the Arls' wives were never fooled. They did not believe you to be a good Andrastian. They knew you for what you really are a vicious little bitch trying to climb the social ladder. They treated you well because of Eamon but they never invited you to their homes. They did not share their special recipes, friendly gossip or advice."

She began to cry. "You hate me because I am Orlesian."

"No, Isolde. I don't hate you. I hate Rendon Howe, the man that murdered my family and friends in a cowardly attack. I hate Loghain Mac Tir for withdrawing his forces after everyone else's were committed and leaving hundreds to die. I dislike you and I pity you. However, you are dragging a good and useful man down so I am going to try to help you."

She looked up and Elissa with undisguised hatred. "You, you cannot teach me anything."

"Probably not, but I'm willing to try. Stop being a spoiled child, Isolde. People are dying. In the village right now there are half dozen newly orphaned children and several parents who've lost their children. To save your son you destroyed the lives of everyone else in this castle and took one or more members of most of the families in the area. Now the good thing about being disliked for being a bitch rather than for being Orlesian is that you can stop being a bitch. But if you can't do that, if you can't start pulling your weight around here and helping rather than embarrassing Eamon both here and at Landsmeet then you should leave."

"Leave," she shrieked.

"Yes, join the Chantry and set your family free. The Chantry takes in petty thieves and ex-prostitutes, I'm sure they have room for former ladies. Now get out of this room. I know you can't go upstairs or even into the study. But you could wait in the kitchen."

Lady Isolde stood and began to leave with her usual mincing steps but a movement by Morrigan made her lift her skirts and run to the kitchen door.

Morrigan shook her head. "I would not have thought you capable of such vitriol."

Elissa dropped into the chair Isolde had been using. "Me neither, to be honest. That was tiring."

"You invested excessive emotion in your speech."

"That must be it. Tell you what; I'm just going to put my head down on the table until Alistair gets back." Elissa closed her eyes and quickly fell deeply asleep.

7


	17. It's a Plan

Alistair and Teagan left the grand hall and stopped in the castle's antechamber. Elissa's voice could be heard clearly.

"I don't really need to know you, Isolde but I've known your type my entire life. Your chief concern is not to be anything in particular it is to appear in a particular way."

"I was protecting my son. You cannot understand because you do not have a child."

"Yes, you were protecting your son. What were you protecting him from?"

"From being taken by the Templars."

"Oh, yes, because if the Templars took him to the circle he would be taught to use his powers in a safe environment. Of course, everyone would know that you gave birth to a mage. Quit telling me lies. You did this for you. You did not want to lose your son. You did not want to lose the heir and only child you had provided. So you hired and apostate to teach your son to hide his true nature."

"Let's go, Teagan, it's probably better if we aren't here for the rest of this," said Alistair.

Teagan nodded and they continued out into the courtyard. Bones of the recently defeated undead spawn littered the stairs and the path down to the portcullis. They opened the gate and let the waiting Knights into the courtyard.

Ser Perth stopped for a moment. "My Lord," he said to Bann Teagan, "what is the state of the castle?"

"Alistair?"

"We were able to defeat all the undead monsters. All that remains is to confront the demon that holds Connor and the Arl hostage."

"We will try not to provoke the demon," replied Ser Perth thoughtfully, "but we must protect the Arlessa and keep the demon from escaping."

"Might I suggest, Ser Knight, that you station your men at the door to the family quarters? Connor, the Arl and the demon are all together in there right now."

"Thank you Warden. That seems sensible."

Teagan smiled. "Thank you Alistair, I feel much better knowing that nothing more will escape the castle to threaten the village."

"It was," Alistair was interrupted by a yawn he couldn't suppress, "my pleasure. Sorry, I'm tired."

"Are you now," he replied with a smirk, "I understand your marriage is quite recent."

Alistair blushed. "Very recent, let's see the day before yesterday to be exact."

"Could your weariness have something to do with that?"

"Perhaps," he admitted with a sly smile and only a faint blush, "but to be honest Teagan I think it has more to do too many days on the road, defending the village last night and storming the castle this morning."

"You picked a strange time to marry, my friend."

Alistair shook his head. "No, we decided and did it now because now is all we have. That's what we've learned over the last couple of months."

"You're both too young to be so..."

"Ah, Teagan, we have no choice. We're the last two Grey Wardens in Ferelden. We have to overthrow the regent, gather an army and defeat the archdemon. Is it any wonder we choose to live in the present?"

"I suppose not. At any rate, she seems a remarkable woman, you lucky dog."

"She is more than remarkable. I really have no idea what she sees in me but she's stuck with me now."

"Well, lad," he said giving Alistair a thump on the back, "she's the kind of woman that would have made me rethink my stand on marriage."

"Sorry Teagan, she's taken and she's one of a kind."

"Oh, no worries I wouldn't have challenged you for her hand. You've become a formidable warrior my boy. I've seen Templars fight before but they don't move with the speed and power that you do."

"I learned the basics in the monastery but those skills were honed in training with the Grey Warriors and battle. As all of those that fought the Orlesians surely know nothing sharpens your fighting edge like real battles."

Teagan chuckled and shook his head. "I'm the much younger brother, remember. I was only 11 at the end of the war. Eamon was the one that fought for our family's honour. Even then he fell for a daughter of the enemy, though it took him long enough to admit it."

"Is that when you became the Bann of Rainsfere?"

"Yes. Isolde wasn't keen on having the current heir anywhere near her in case I didn't want to be supplanted. I'm surprised she hasn't blamed his... predilection on some plot of mine."

"She wouldn't really believe that would she?"

"I wouldn't put anything past her, Alistair. She is absolutely convinced that everyone is conspiring against her."

Alistair snorted.

"The truth is I think she'd be disappointed to discover how infrequently people think of her."

"As long as she makes Eamon happy."

"The sad fact is although they love each other I don't think they make each other happy."

"Well, you better find someone who makes you happy," Alistair said as he gave the other man a clout in the shoulder.

"I have no land to pass down, I don't need an heir."

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news," said Alistair with a smirk that clearly belied his statement, "but regardless of what happens next you are the heir apparent again."

"Hardly, they can have more children..."

"Did the odds just come into focus, friend? They've been married what almost fifteen years and so far, not so good, for your freedom."

"Maker, you're right. This is....Maker. You are far too smug Alistair. Don't forget, I know heirs can be found in the most unexpected places and I'd much rather be an Arl than..."

"It won't happen."

"It may have to."

"Nope, I'm a Grey Warden, remember. No last name, no rank and no part in local politics."

"Other than toppling tyrannical Regents."

"That's not political, we're going to execute a traitor." Alistair gritted his teeth and grimaced.

Teagan reached to open the Chantry's door. "Whoa, I'm on your side, remember."

The Reverend Mother directed them to the house in which the others took refuge. Alistair let Teagan lead him to the house as he had never become familiar with the maze of stilt houses that spread along Redcliffe's shallow beach.

"How many houses are along here, Teagan?"

"No more than fifty, that's one of the problems Eamon's going to have on his hands."

"Oh, why is that a problem?"

"There aren't enough families left to need all these houses but the houses need to be cared for or the whole thing could collapse."

"You probably don't want thieves going through the leftover household goods."

"Certainly not, nor do we want animals, orphans or runaways turning one or more of them into warrens I know none of this will matter if we're overrun by darkspawn but..."

"No offense taken, Teagan, not everything that must be done is earth shattering. This is important too."

Teagan knocked on the door of the little house and Wynne pulled it open. "Alistair, at last, is everyone alright."

"Yes, everyone is fine. Can we come in? A sensitive matter needs to be discussed."

Wynne frowned as she ushered them in. "Good morning, Bann Teagan, my apologies for not greeting you at the door."

"Please do not concern yourself it is heart warming to see your genuine concern for your compatriots."

Leliana wandered in from the other room yawning as though she had just wakened. "Oh hello, how much of the day have I used."

"It's only midday," Alistair replied, "Where are Red and the Antivan menace?"

"Upstairs, Elissa instructed Red to watch him and he takes his orders very seriously. Zevran has only attempted to escape twice I think he is now biding his time until Elissa calls her mabari off," said Wynne amusement written plainly on her face.

"Shall I stay up here and eavesdrop or shall I come down at let you admire me face to face," the Antivan's accented voice called from the top of the staircase. They heard Red bounding down the stairs after the silent assassin. "I wonder," he said sarcastically to the hound, "why assassins everywhere are not begging for Mabari hound's of their own."

Alistair turned one of the chairs around and sat on in backward. "We need your advice Wynne."

"What is this about, Alistair?" She said in that tone of voice that made him sit up straighter. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Teagan had a similar reaction.

"The Arl's son, Connor, is an untrained mage. The Arlessa hid this from her husband and sought an apostate to teach her son to hide his abilities."

Wynne shook her head sadly. "Foolish, foolish woman."

"Yes. Teryn Loghain suggested a man by the name of Jowan. He was a malificar the Regent removed from the custody of the Templars by force. Loghain told Jowan that Arl Eamon was a threat to the safety of Ferelden and convinced him to use his place in the household to poison Eamon. I'm not entirely sure in what order the next few things happened but essentially Eamon became ill; Jowan fell under suspicion was imprisoned and tortured; Connor read a book of Jowan's he shouldn't have and became possessed by a demon that seems to be keeping Eamon alive; the demon committed atrocities."

Teagan shook his head. "It seems irreverent to all the suffering but that is indeed an accurate summary of everything I knew and a few things I did not."

"How do you know Connor read one of Jowan's books?" Wynne asked intently.

"Elissa and I went up to kill him. We remembered the abominations we'd fought. We both felt it best to just get it done. However, unlike the abominations in the tower Connor was still there some of the time. He told us about reading the book and having dreams about a bad lady."

Wynne looked steadily at the far wall. "He's made a deal with a demon to preserve his father's life. Of course demons always twist things so that they keep to the word but not the spirit of the agreement. However, he must have an unusual natural strength for the demon to still be struggling to possess him."

"Jowan claimed that he could send another mage into the fade to confront this demon and possibly rescue Connor," said Alistair.

"Oh, Alistair," said Zevran, "you are so delightfully easy to read. Your lovely lips are so expressive. Shall we all say it together...but..."

Alistair ignored Zevran a little too pointedly. "Well he's a blood mage, worse still, IF that's possible, it would take all of some person's blood to accomplish the task. Lady Isolde has volunteered. Not that this is going to happen. So I'm here to ask you for other options."

"We need several mages and a goodly supply of lyrium all of which is available at the tower. I shall have no trouble convincing Irving to help, not only are the Grey Wardens asking but Connor's potential is well worth the investment. When do we leave?"

Leliana coughed. "Wynne, Alistair is dead on his feet, I don't imagine the others are doing much better. Well, Sten is probably fine. Still do all of us really need to go?"

"No, of course not... in fact with a small sailboat I could be at the Tower in a few hours."

Teagan frowned. "I can find a sailboat but the prevailing winds are rarely favourable at this end of the lake."

A controlled look of amusement grew on Wynne's face. It was just friendly enough to not be condescending.

"You can't go alone," Alistair said firmly.

"I have slept enough," said Leliana, "I will go and we will take Zevran with us."

"What!" Alistair and Zevran said in unison.

"We wouldn't want him ravishing anyone in their sleep," said Wynne mischievously, "would we?"

Alistair looked at Zevran with a pitying expression then nodded briskly. "This sounds like a good plan, let's go to the castle and make sure nothing's changed and to run the plan by Elissa."

Bann Teagan excused himself to arrange for a boat but promised to meet them at the castle very soon. Everyone else trooped up to the castle where they found Morrigan, Ser Perth and Lady Isolde arguing in whispers.

"You shall not touch her," Morrigan said.

"Ser Perth this creature is an apostate and the one in there is a traitor to the crown. It is your duty to take them down to the cells. You must do it."

"I'm sorry my Lady," Ser Perth replied, "you will have to speak louder, the screams of Redcliffe's orphans and the shrieks of the undead castle servants have temporarily deafened me."

Morrigan snorted.

Isolde stomped her foot. "You do this on purpose. That woman," she said pointing down the hall to Elissa's sleeping form, "she plans to kill me don't you see, she said it to my face."

"She would not let your blood power a ritual that would kill you, yes, I see why you fear for your life so," Morrigan drawled.

Alistair ran up the last few steps and was about to intercede in the argument when he saw Elissa slumped over the table. "What, Elissa!" he yelled.

Morrigan hissed at him, "Shhh, fool she sleeps."

Red rubbed up against his leg and Alistair remembered to breath, his heart beat again and he decided to ignore Isolde's petty problems. He walked straight through them all to her side and without pause picked her up and started for the guest quarters. He paused for just a moment to look at the crowd at the door. Isolde stared at him slack jawed, Leliana had a dreamy expression on her face, Wynne and Zevran looked amused but Ser Perth's face was as expressionless as ever. Teagan arrived and stared curiously over everyone's shoulders.

"Wynne, go ahead, just as we discussed. Morrigan, Sten I'm confident Teagan can provide you with a safe place to sleep."

"Where do you think you are going?" asked Lady Isolde icily.

"Anywhere I damn well please," Alistair said insolently, "specifically the far guest room, to catch up on my sleep." He adjusted Elissa in his arms. "Lady Isolde, quit the dramatics, Senior Enchanter Wynne is going to get help. We will do everything we can to save Connor." He took a deep breath and shifted Elissa again. "Teagan would you be so kind as to open doors for me."

Teagan rushed out from behind the group. The Bann led the way out of the grand hall holding doors as he went, Alistair wearily followed knowing nothing more could keep him from sleep because if he wasn't shown a bed soon he fall over where he was standing.

8


	18. Respite

Elissa woke, in a bed, confused and uncomfortable. Alistair lay next to her so she decided to not to worry about where they were or why they were here. The heat had wakened her, between her padded gambeson and Alistair she'd begun to sweat profusely. Her hair was damp, particularly at the back of her neck, her stomach felt clammy and moisture had pooled at the backs of her knees and other places that folded. She stood, threw off her padded garment and small clothes then slipped back into the bed nude. She cuddled up behind Alistair wishing she could remove his gambeson and promptly fell back asleep.

The next time she woke there was food sitting on the side table and Alistair was curled up against her back in his small clothes. Elissa devoured the food ravenously then with a satisfied sigh slid back into bed and cuddled into his arms again.

"Cold feet," murmured Alistair in complaint.

"Cold feet, warm heart."

"No, clichés before morning."

"It's time to get up, my love."

He tugged the blanket higher.

"What happened to my early riser?"

"He's not in camp. He's enjoying the luxuries of civilized living."

"We need to enjoy the luxury of a civilized bath." She wrinkled her nose.

"Later."

"Come bathe, Alistair."

"Do I have to?"

"You need to, especially if..."

He turned to face her, "If?"

She grinned and slipped out of the bed as he tried to grab her.

He groaned and dragged himself after her, though he did stop to find and pull on the pair of baggy pants he usually wore at night.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Well rested for the first time in ages. You?"

"I'm fine but I should bring you up to date," he said as the tub filled with hot spring water piped in from the crags behind the castle. "Wynne headed off to the Tower with Zevran and Leliana to get some circle mages and lyrium."

"She must have a plan for saving Connor."

"Yes, it's the same plan as Jowan's but without the blood magic and without sacrificing a life."

Elissa sighed as she slid into the tub of hot mineral water. "Aren't you taking a bath?" she asked suddenly nervous.

"I need to shave first," he said looking at himself in the mirror, "how long have we been asleep I almost have a beard."

She looked at his reflection in the mirror and started giggling.

He went back into the bedroom and returned with his dagger. "I could grow a beard. I just don't want to. Stop giggling you minx, you're hurting my feelings."

She leaned her arms on the edge of the tub and watched him lather his face. "I thought you only had one feeling."

"I've grown since I met you, now I have two."

Alistair unsheathed his dagger and began scraping. Elissa was mesmerized by his smooth sure movements. She gazed raptly at him as he lifted his chin and pulled the blade up and down his neck methodically moving the blade across his skin. The task consumed all his attention making Elissa feel as though she were spying on him. The notion made her feel deliciously wicked and spread a warmth to the center of her body that excited and frightened her.

Their first night together, their wedding night, had been magical. Alistair had been gentle and considerate but she was still scared. She hated the fear and the worry. She trusted Alistair and she knew he wouldn't force her to do anything but her feelings bounced in every direction. Fear, desire, embarrassment, longing but mostly confusion warred in her brain and her heart.

Alistair turned and saw her staring. "Were you watching me?" A rosy blush stained his cheeks then spread down his neck to taper off just below his collar bone. "I...uh..didn't know I had such an attentive audience."

Elissa blushed in turn at having been caught staring.

"I don't mind. At all, I just don't know why..."

"Alistair, you are a very handsome man with a strong, beautiful body. I know women stare at you, you must know that too."

He blushed again, right down his neck. "I just assumed I had something on my face."

"Oh Alistair, how did I get so lucky?"

"You, no I'm definitely the lucky one, Teagan himself told me yesterday."

"What, why were you talking about me?" she asked suddenly apprehensive.

"He congratulated me and expressed a little envy that's all." Alistair frowned as he sat down beside the tub. "What's wrong, my darling?"

Elissa felt stupid of course Alistair wouldn't have told Teagan her secret nor would he discuss their private moments. "I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "I have never told anyone, not even my parents knew, ... and it...it's strange having you know my secret. I keep thinking that everything is about that."

"I would never betray your confidence."

"No, I...I know that, love. I just can't help jump to conclusions because it's all come back. I went back to Highever and pretended nothing happened but it did happen and I'm afraid. The King is dead and he has no legitimate heir."

Alistair nodded, "That's true. Your son..."

"Aedan"

"Yes. You're son, Aedan, is the rightful heir to the throne but right now the only people that know that are you and I. We have time to plan and if you'd rather not tell the whole story perhaps another way can be found."

"I think I can handle that."

"Good, now you're not the only one that needs a bath so, hurry up."

Elissa blushed and down at her knees. "I thought you might, that is, I thought maybe you could join me."

"Join you, in the tub."

"If you don't want to..."

"No, that's not it at all. Not that I want to seem over eager. I must sound like a fool."

"Not to me."

"Thanks. Sure, I'm willing but uh...you know you're very beautiful."

Elissa blushed.

"And you're in a warm tub and you don't have any clothes on."

"Yes."

"Well, I can't help but find you umm alluring and you know reacting to that alluringness."

Elissa tried not to stare at his crotch but she couldn't help glancing down. "I don't know what to do." She closed her eyes mortified at her stupid statement. "I mean..."

"That's just it. You don't have to do anything. We don't have to do anything, at all."

"But what will happen with..."

"It will go away on its own as I calm down."

"I'm already letting you down."

"No, no you are not. First of all, I can't imagine any woman could keep up with a man who loves her. We can hardly stop and take a break every time I think of you and react or every time I see you nude. But trust me I want to spend time with you, oh and, keep seeing you nude."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, seeing you nude is very important to me."

"Alistair!"

"Yes, my darling I'm sure. This is just one of those man things. It's nothing to worry about...you are unspeakably lovely and I am a bad, bad man in the privacy of my own mind. Now, given my current disposition, do you still want me to bathe with you?"

"Yes," she murmured shyly, "I really do."

"Your wish is my command."

He turned away and slipped his trousers and small clothes down over his hips. Elissa found her breath caught as his muscular bottom and legs were revealed. She reflected on how constant travel and fighting affected a body and she sighed contentedly. Alistair slipped into opposite end of the tub and they let their legs tangle in the middle.

"Ahhhh, now I know why you were lolling in the water. Very nice."

"Isn't it."

"I suppose we shouldn't linger in splendid isolation for too long."

Elissa frowned. Her mind fell into her normal work mode. "The servant that..." she stopped remembering there were no servants left. "How did the food get in here?"

"I went and raided the kitchen during the dark of night but I really didn't stop to ask anyone the date or time."

"I'm sure they'd have wakened us if they were back."

"Oh yes, I bet Leliana and Zevran would have raced each other to be the first to accidently fall in the door."

"Maker, they wouldn't. Would they? Maybe we should lock the door."

"The door is locked but that won't slow either of them down."

"A chair under the handle might."

"You have the best ideas. Speaking of which I have an idea."

Alistair slowly moved until he was on his knees in the centre of the tub. He leaned forward putting bracing is hands on the edge of the tub, one on either side of her. His eyes locked onto hers as he bent until their lips met and Elissa let her eyes fall closed. He smelled of soap and his face felt smoother than usual on her chin. She lifted a hand to caress his cheek, even just after a shave she could feel the coarse stubble each time her hand stroked back up his cheek. Alistair pulled back from the gentle kiss and looked into her eyes intently. She continued to caress his cheek. He tipped his head into her hand and closed his eyes. It was as though he were prepared to let her do anything. Elissa felt a lump in her throat. This seemed so intimate, so very tender. She lifted her other hand to his face and ran her fingers across his beloved features. The feel of his cheeks, the roughness shot a strange but wonderful feeling right down her spine into her groin. She examined the weathered skin minutely as she stroked in gentle circles. She liked the way wind and weather had made his laugh lines more visible. She traced the lines with her fingered tips.

He opened his eyes to look at her with a loving expression and she couldn't help but smile. He sat back against the far end of the tub and picked up the soap. Elissa leaned across and pulled the soap from his hand. His eyes were glued to her dangling breasts and suddenly Elissa felt less nervous and less inexperienced. Alistair may have read the book but a real woman's body was as new to him as a man's aroused body was to her. She stayed bent over as she rubbed the soap to work up a lather. There was something very powerful about being able to mesmerize him this way. When she started rubbing the soap across his chest he shuddered and groaned.

"Stand up," she said and Alistair complied.

There was nothing to hide his interest in her now. He stood in the shallow tub awaiting her pleasure. Elissa rubbed her hands across his back, moving lower and lower. She gripped his taut well defined muscles enjoying the feel of his strength and the ripple as he flexed. To judge by the sounds he was making Alistair was pretty keen on the feel of her calloused hands on his back. She knelt to clean his legs then stood up very close to his back so that she could rub her entire body along his back as she stood. The slippery soap on his warm body made the movement easier and more erotic. Elissa felt as though she were sliding along a warm jade statue.

She slid around to him. His gaze was molten and melted her insides. His hands were clenching and unclenching sending ripples up the muscles in his arms. She reached for the soap and rubbed it across his chest. The few wiry hairs that graced his chiselled body caught at the soap as she slid ever southward. Not yet ready to face the swollen evidence of his desire she dropped to her knees and washed his legs, working up from his calves.

A gurgling groan accompanied her drop and Alistair's knees buckled for a moment. Elissa looked up fearfully sure that she would find the passion in his eyes replaced by rage but she found only desire. It was immediately clear he recognized the fear in her eyes. He squatted down and kissed her gently.

"You are safe with me, my darling."

Elissa smiled, tears came to her eyes and she awkwardly put her arms around him and his legs. Alistair winced and shifted slightly but put his arms around her as well. When she pulled back he gently took the soap out of her hands.

"My turn?" he asked playfully.

Elissa smiled and stood to allow him to wash her. His hands ran up one leg then the other sending streaks of goose bumps up her spine and down her arms. He stood and turned her away from him to wash her back and neck. The soap fell into the water and his hands began to rub and prod her sore muscles releasing the tension she'd stored away.

"That feels wonderful," she said, "is this in that book too?"

Alistair chuckled, "No, this was part of my Templar training."

"What!"

"In order to prevent injuries. Of course those massages did not happen in the tub and they were less intimate."

"So you learned to fight, dispel magic, embroider your name on your socks and give massages."

"Yep, that's templar training in a nutshell. Now, I'm going to stop talking."

Elissa felt his warm stomach and his hard penis press into her soapy back. The softness of his sack rubbed against her bottom. Their soapy skin rubbing together made her feel as though she were wrapped in fine silk that had been laying in the sun. She shied away from thinking of the hard weight at the small of her back but her body reacted anyway. Her knees felt weak and she was beginning to pant.

He slid his hands down her arms and pulled one hand up to where he could reach it with both of his large hands. With sure strength he soaped each finger one at a time. As his rough thumb pad stroked each finger the heat and moisture between her legs grew until she was feverish with desire and it scared her. Fear and passion warred in her heart as his hands roamed her stomach then slid up ever so slowly. Elissa let her head fall back on his shoulder, she shook her head back and forth in confusion. His hands left her body and she moaned in protest; she could feel them, their heat as they hovered over her breasts and she arched her back reaching towards the touch she ached for.

"May I?" he whispered huskily.

All at once her passion engulfed the fear. He was still in control so she was still safe.

"Yes," she said breathlessly.

8


	19. Misgivings

Alistair was surprised to find out that only one day had passed since he'd hauled Elissa up to the guest room. They greeted Teagan and Ser Perth but elected to find a meal down in the village. At the inn, Bella served them each a hearty stew in a bread bowl. It had been sometime since they'd enjoyed anything other than travel bread and flat bread so the crusty bowl was welcome.

Mid-afternoon found them walking down the hill to the town square. Alistair stared out at the lake mindlessly as he walked which was why it took him a bit to notice what he was staring at.

"Elissa," he said and pointed, "there. I think Wynne's back."

Elissa squinted out at the lake. "I'll have to take your word for it, your long vision is much better than mine."

Alistair could not suppress the silly grin inspired by her off-hand compliment or was it a comment. He grabbed her hand and led her down to the dock where they waited for the sailboat to arrive.

Wynne looked tired but satisfied. "Irving himself is bringing enough mages to complete the ritual. They should arrive before sunset."

Alistair took Wynne's cold hands into his warm grasp. "That's wonderful, thank you Wynne, thank you."

"You're welcome Alistair. It is, to be honest, a risk I undertake gladly. Young Connor has amazing potential."

"Risk?" Elissa asked.

Alistair retreated a couple of steps then ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, you're going to do it yourself. Ah. Do you have any idea which Templar will be standing over you? I hope they're not sending that Cullen fellow; he seemed a bit unhinged. I mean I know he's experienced but some experiences don't help. Are there many others left? I imagine their numbers are a bit depleted at the moment but still you need to have one that has stood through at least one harrowing. I mean there may be some Templars that..."

Elissa interjected, "Alistair, babbling."

"Oh, sorry. I do that sometimes when I'm...never mind."

Elissa looked at Alistair questioningly. She was undoubtedly wondering why he was nervous. He looked at Wynne, what if she was lost in the fade during the ritual. This was a battle none of them would be able to help her with. No one else could back her up and worse if she lost they'd have to watch some stranger cut her down as a demon transformed her into an abomination.

Wynne shared a smile with Elissa. Alistair wondered what their smiles meant but resigned himself to never really understanding.

"The Knight-Commander offered me my choice of Templars but you're right Alistair there are few with any experience left and Greagoir could not come himself."

"Why do you need a templar there?" asked Elissa.

Alistair turned to look out over the lake while Wynne explained. He had a terrible feeling that he knew which Templar she had asked to have oversee her body whilst she battled in the fade. He knew he would say yes. As awful as it would be to have to cut her down it would be infinitely worse to watch some wet behind the ears recruit do it unnecessarily.

"While I am in the fade helping Connor my body will lay here as though I was asleep. It needs to be attended by one who can recognize the signs of abomination and who will not hesitate to strike if I am overcome by the demon."

"But why couldn't we just send someone to rescue you or even send someone to help you in first place?"

Wynne looked at Elissa sternly. "Aside from the ridiculousness of sending one mage after another into the same peril it wouldn't work. If I lose the battle or succumb to temptation or illusion then I, my mind and soul, will be destroyed in the process. Further my body would begin to change into a monstrous creature."

"That hasn't happened to Connor. I'm not sure even Isolde would have hidden a monster, although I wonder."

"No Connor has made an agreement with a demon. My job will be to break his pact, probably by killing the demon in the fade."

"And who did you choose?"

Wynne stepped closer to Alistair and put a hand on his shoulder, "Alistair, will you watch over me while I venture into the fade?"

"Yes," he said. His voice was hoarse with remembered horror.

"Do not worry so, Alistair. This is hardly my harrowing, I have survived many battles since the first time I faced a demon in the fade."

He nodded. "Let's just get the others and go to the castle."

"They left," said Elissa, "I guess we looked busy."

Alistair nodded and then led the way up to the castle. Wynne and Elissa discussed the mage's boat trip as they followed him through the village and up the hill. Their voices did not penetrate Alistair's gloom. He had been so relieved to escape the Chantry and become a Grey Warden. Harrowings and all things like it were one of the reasons he had not wanted to be a Templar. His body continued plodding up the hill to the castle but his mind was cast back to the only harrowing he ever witnessed.

The apprentice mage was skinny and pale, he thought, she couldn't really be old enough for this, she looked no more than fourteen. At the ripe old age of nineteen Alistair had finally become comfortable in his skin, again. His body was a well balanced muscular machine, between that and the fact that he had to shave every morning he felt smugly mature. He and the two other novices permitted to view the harrowing had not been briefed. They only knew that the apprentice was to be tested and that Templar Drass had been chosen. Though want he had been chosen to do was still a mystery. Just before they entered the harrowing chamber Knight-Commander Greagoir announced to the three novices that in the unlikely event their swords were required he would command them and he expected them to respond immediately.

Alistair wondered about the nature of the test. He wondered again what it meant to be the chosen Templar. Brief fancies involving Drass being transformed into a sullen frog flashed through his mind but were immediately dismissed. Whatever he was expected to do must be truly awful because the man had seemed quite friendly last night at dinner but now he was grim and gloomy.

They mounted the steps, passed through a door and then up more stairs into a large room with a very high ceiling. The Knight-Commander gestured for them to stand to one side in a line next to the top of the stairs. Alistair drew himself up to his full height and stood at watch. A large font of lyrium stood in the center of the room at least he thought the blue glowing stuff in the bowl of the font was lyrium. Five Templars stood in a circle around the font and Drass stood near the font.

Greagoir waited on the landing. When First Enchanter Irving arrived he nodded to Greagoir then looked down the stairs. The apprentice climbed the final stairs and stopped between the tower's two most important figures. The men, mage and knight, escorted her to the center of the room and the font. Greagoir said something to the girl, then Irving spoke to her and finally, after Greagoir had interrupted Irving, the girl was sent to the middle of the circle where she dipped her hand into the font.

She stiffened then fell backward. Drass kneeled next to her prone body and leaned down. No one else moved they just waited. It wasn't until he started seeing spots that Alistair realized he'd been holding his breath. He released the old air and concentrated on breathing slowly and quietly. One of the other novices shifted. The scrape of his boot on the stone floor echoed. As Alistair flinched he noticed that none of those in the center of the room moved at all. It was as though he were watching a set of statues rather than people.

A sudden scream pierced the air only to be ended in an abrupt gurgle and a spray of blood. Drass was covered in blood, the font was covered in blood and a pool of blood was growing on the floor. The Templar stood and pulled a small rag from somewhere which he used to clean the small curved dagger in his hand. It seemed so ridiculous for a man wearing so much blood to clean his dagger of all things. Drass sheathed the dagger and marched to the stairs. It wasn't until the man stopped in front of him sneering that Alistair realized he'd been staring at him.

Alistair dropped his gaze to his boots and with a snort Drass continued on his way out of the room. The First Enchanter and the rest of the Templars filed past the Novices and down the stairs until just the novices and the Knight-Commander remained in the harrowing chamber. Alistair could not remember the orders given by Greagoir. He had the impression the man was weary but of what he couldn't say. He and the other initiates stared down at the girl's corpse. At first all Alistair could see was the blood. It didn't seem possible that so much blood had come from this frail little person. Greagoir pointed to the apprentice's right ear and her eyes that was Alistair's first brush with an Abomination. Her eyes were no longer human and her right ear seemed to have turned into some kind of scabrous growth.

Knight-Commander Greagoir had lectured them then about what Alistair never knew because he spent all his time trying to calm his rebellious stomach. The three of them were assigned the task of cleaning up the harrowing chamber and disposing of the corpse. Alistair's much vaunted manhood fell away from him on the trip back to the monastery. He was plagued by nightmares and cried himself to sleep. Fortunately, for his standing among his peers both his fellow novices suffered similar difficulties.

Somehow Alistair had walked to the room he'd appropriated for Elissa and himself. He leaned on the fireplace mantle and took several deep breaths.

"Alistair?"

"Something you need my dear?"

"What's wrong love?"

He sighed. "This was one of the reasons I didn't want to be a Templar."

"What was one of the reasons?"

"Overseeing harrowings." He looked up and saw the confusion on Elissa's face. "It's an initiation of a sort for mages. They're sent into the fade to confront a demon."

"What does this 'overseeing' entail?"

"Watching for signs of abomination and granting the mage mercy if necessary."

"I see."

"The first death by violence I ever witnessed was at a young mage's harrowing."

"Wynne wouldn't want to upset..."

"No, I must do this Elissa. I have the expertise, believe me. They drill the signs of abomination into you at the monastery. Further, do you really want someone who doesn't care about her holding the knife?"

Elissa nodded her understanding and slipped under his arm to stand close and hug him. "Don't borrow trouble love, Wynne's right she's hardly an apprentice."

Alistair took a deep breath and let her comfort him. He was suddenly overcome by a deep need to reaffirm life and love. He kissed her with desperate passion locking his demanding lips over her passive ones. His hands moved of their own volition skimming down her back to cup her buttocks with bruising force. Elissa wriggled in his grasp rubbing against is rapidly growing hard on. He groaned low in his throat and she suddenly stood stock still. He pulled his lips from hers and kissed his way to her right earlobe.

"Alistair, stop," she said gently.

He heard the words but somehow they didn't take on any meaning until she said them louder and pushed at his chest.

"Stop! Stop!"

Comprehension flooded his mind and on its heels shame. He raised his hands and stepped back. "Maker's breath! Elissa I'm a brute, I'm sorry."

Tears rose in her eyes and she fled the room. Alistair quelled the urge to chase her convinced he was the last person in the world she'd want to see.

He sat in one of the chairs drawn up to the fireplace and let his head drop into his hands.

"What have I done?" he murmured, "What have I done?"

6


	20. Secrets

Elissa ran out of their room and away from everyone she heard. She needed space, she needed to feel safe and she needed to cry or perhaps scream. It wasn't too difficult to avoid everyone else in the castle with most of the knights and all the servants dead or absent there just weren't too many people about. However, it proved impossible to avoid Red. She wasn't sure where he'd been or how he'd known she was upset but the mabari hound had zoomed in on her location with little difficulty. So, the two of them sat on the castle wall staring out at the setting sun.

What Elissa felt, more than anything, was lost. Here was a day when she needed her mother's soft touch to dry her tears and make her drink a cup of tea; or her brother to baldly share the facts of warrior men and their ways; or her father to call her Pup one more time and awkwardly tell her that these things work out. But her family wasn't here and if her brother was out there it would be a while before they found each other.

Her companions seemed, well, interesting but they didn't replace her family. Wynne may be grandmotherly but she had lived in a tower all her life, she wouldn't know the first thing about men's habits. Elissa felt that if Morrigan kept company with men she was more likely to eat them afterword than talk to them. Leliana preferred women, apparently, so she would have no clue as to men's appetites. Sten was well out of the question; even if she could convince him to talk she was sure most of what he said would make no sense to her. Finally there was Zevran who, by his own testimony, knew everything about anything sexual and nothing about love, how could he help her?

Alistair was the one that shared her confidences, her hurts and her love. So where was she to go when he was the problem. There was no one, no one she could trust. The feeling took her right back to that day, the moment as she left Cailan's tent and realized that she could tell no one what he had done to her. Elissa slid down the wall to sit on the cold stone next to Red. She buried her face in his familiar fur and cried for what seemed like hours.

Vaguely she heard the arrival of the mages and their Templar escort but it did nothing to rouse her from her brooding. She let her head fall back onto the stone. She looked at the darkening sky and sighed. "Where are you Fergus and why aren't you here when I need my brother?"

She was startled by several quiet steps and an answer from Bann Teagan. "I have not known you long, my Lady, but perhaps I could stand in your brother's stead for a while."

"Thank you, my lord, but I would not want to burden you with my womanish problems."

Teagan sat down against the wall on the other side of Red. "I did once have a sister, she too lacked feminine confidents."

"Were you close, you and Rowan?"

"Yes, all three of us were at one point in time. But Eamon became enamoured with Isolde and drew away from us. I was my sister's confident during the early part of her marriage. It was too dangerous to trust the ladies at court. So you see I am quite familiar with womanish problems and I will not feel the need to fix all your problems."

Elissa chuckled through her fresh tears. "I believe you. Only a man with a close sister knows that some problems just need to be shared."

"But..."

"But this may be too personal and my secrets may be too dangerous."

"Now I am intrigued. Would it help you to know that Alistair is downstairs cursing himself and his lack of discipline?"

"Poor Alistair. I just, I can't see him yet. I don't want to make a mistake."

"Like he did."

"Yes," she said in a small voice.

"I, Bann Teagan Guerrin of Rainesfere, swear to never repeat any confidence you may choose to share with me. Should I fail in this vow may Andraste's flaming sword strike me dead and may the Maker forever bar me from a peaceful afterlife."

"You didn't have to do that."

He just shrugged.

She pulled her keepsake pendant out of her shirt and unscrewed the bauble. The ring and the bauble had been warmed by her body making it easier to pull the ring from its secret place. She looked at the ancient Theirin signet ring for a moment before handing it to Teagan.

Teagan gasped as he saw the symbol on the ring. "How..."

"I stole it from Cailan. I was the maid in his tent."

"Maker, you'd have been little more than a child at the time but Cailan told me he had been unfaithful to..."

Elissa cut him off. "I have a letter from him. He wrote it in Ostagar when I admitted to the theft. It was the first time I'd seen him since that night. He confessed to having wronged me without reference to the circumstances. I guess he thought he had to because only I could tell him where to find his son."

"May I see the letter?"

Elissa pulled it from the travel pocket inside her shirt and handed it to Teagan. "I haven't actually read it. I had Alistair read it and just tell me what it said. And before you have a fit, yes, I do know about Alistair's parentage."

"Would you like me to read it aloud to you, my lady?"

She looked up into the night sky. She did want to know what it said but she wasn't sure she was ready to read it herself. So how far should she trust Teagan's vow, she wondered. Was it time to take another risk? Alistair seemed to like and trust the Guerrins. She nodded.

Teagan cleared his throat, "To Lady Elissa Cousland, late of Highever now Warden Elissa of the Grey Wardens, May this letter find you at peace and well prepared for the coming battle. Though I seek not death I am ever aware that war and battle of any kind comes with risk. Should I not survive I would have some testament my behaviour survive me so that you shall know contentment despite the ill manner in which I used you. I was a brute to force myself on you. I can only claim drunkenness and poor company as excuses neither of which pardons me nor mends this wrong."

Elissa stifled a sob but Teagan heard her and reached out to rub her shoulder. Once she gathered herself again she nodded and Teagan continued.

"Further, I wish it to be known by you and any who might someday read this letter that I recognize the son you bore me as my heir. Young Aedan is my legacy and my immortality should no glory find my name. It is my hope that I will live to meet and raise my son but should that not come to pass a suitable regent must be found to guide his steps. Yours Truly, Cailan Theirin, King of Ferelden."

Teagan refolded the letter. He handed it and the ring back to Elissa then banged his head against the wall a couple of times. "My nephew could be such an idiot sometimes. I'm sorry you suffered at his hand on one of those occasions."

"Thank you."

The he took a deep breath, "What does this have to do with you and Alistair?"

"Our married life has started with Alistair being very controlled and careful."

"Oh, you have never taken any other lovers, have you Elissa."

She shook her head. "Do...do other noblewomen?"

"Yes, many of them do. There are ways to be sure not to conceive but they are imported and expensive."

"I didn't know."

"Why would you? How old were you?"

"Fourteen."

"I would hazard a guess that most noblewoman aren't prepared for the games of court until they are a few years older than that."

"Why does it matter?"

"Alistair is inexperienced, you are inexperienced and traumatized. To make matters worse for many years that was your only impression of intimate acts."

Elissa blushed.

He smiled benignly at her red face. "On the other hand you and Alistair do seem to have much in common."

She giggled ruefully.

"Now, what did Alistair do?"

"He grabbed me and kissed me."

"And..."

"And when I asked him to stop he didn't, not until I shouted for him to stop."

"Ah. So why were you crying, my dear."

"I worry that someday, he won't be able to stop himself. I'm afraid I'll never be a normal wife. To make matters worse he said the same thing Cailan did."

"He said he was drunk and in poor company?"

"No, he said he was sorry and that he was a brute."

"Ah."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. I do however have a theory I can share but only if you wish to hear it."

"A theory, not a solution?"

"A theory, not a solution," he agreed.

"Very well, let's hear it."

"I think that you needed to have a cry and I'm willing to bet you feel much better already."

Elissa suddenly realized he was right. So much had been crammed down her throat over the last two months, as happy as her marriage to Alistair made her she needed more time to come to terms with all the tragedies that had befallen her too. She did feel better, in a way, although her eyes and nose were both red and swollen and she had a headache. Elissa smiled ruefully.

"I guess, I'd better go talk to Alistair now."

"Well, he did look pretty miserable when I stopped by."

"Thank you Teagan."

"You're welcome." He said as he stood then helped her to her feet. "I feel it was my duty now that you are my kinswoman."

"Which makes me a kinswoman being your grand nephew's mother or your nephew's half sister-in-law?"

"Neither, I have appointed myself your honorary older brother."

"Much older," she said impishly as they walked down to the guest quarters.

"See you've already got the hang of it, brat."

As Elissa opened the door to her room Teagan put a light hand on her shoulder. "After you've made up and before you talk to anyone else I need to see you and Alistair. I'll be in Eamon's study."

She frowned at his suddenly grave tone but nodded faithfully before going in to speak to Alistair.

Alistair looked terrible. He'd obviously spent the last couple of hours beating himself up. "Elissa!"

"I'm alright, everything is alright."

"I'm sorry I just, I know there's no excuse and I'm so sorry."

"Alistair, I overreacted."

"No I should never have pushed you like that. I know you're fragile..."

"I am not fragile and some things can be my fault!" she yelled.

He raised his hands in supplication. "Yes, Ser."

They both started laughing at the same time.

Elissa grinned as she stepped up to him. "Only we could argue over who gets to take the blame."

Alistair wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. "Well, if you'd share a little we wouldn't have to argue."

"Very well you may have a small portion of the blame but I reserve the lion's share for myself," she mumbled against his neck.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too."

"Teagan is waiting to talk with us. He's in the Arl's study." Alistair gestured for her to precede him out the door then followed her. He tucked her hand around his arm and led her down the hall.

"Hmmm. Did you notice that we've just survived the first argument of our marraige?"

"Is that something to mark on a calendar?"

"Absolutely, every year on this date we can toast lions and their share of the blame. Or perhaps we should capture a lion to make it pay for its share of the blame."

"Oh, Alistair you're so silly. I love that you can make me laugh."

"And I love making you laugh and seeing you smile."

From somewhere above them they heard Morrigan's voice. "Oh, go on. You are both making me ill."

Laughing they made their way down to the Arl's study where Teagan waited. The Bann gestured for them to be seated while he closed the door.

"Elissa may I speak freely of a matter you shared with me in confidence."

"Teagan, I told you he read the letter for me."

"Yes, but I gave you my vow and I take that seriously."

"Bann Teagan Guerrin you have my leave to discuss any matter I spoke of in confidence with my husband, Grey Warden Alistair."

"Thank you, my lady."

Elissa rolled her eyes but didn't bother correcting Teagan.

"I wish to discuss Aedan with both of you. Who knows of the existence of the lad?"

"The only living souls who know are in this room," replied Elissa.

"Good. I think it best you do not tell my brother of the boy for a time."

Alistair frowned. "Why? Eamon is a fair man. He kept my parentage secret all these years surely he can be trusted to hold his tongue again."

"I do trust Eamon," said Teagan, "it is his wife, Isolde that I doubt. Remember the mage, Jowan, who poisoned Eamon was sent to her by Loghain. What could Isolde have told Loghain to justify the need for an apostate?"

Elissa and Alistair shared an uneasy glance.

"She lied to her husband, perhaps a lie of omission, but still it was a lie. Does Loghain know that Connor is a mage? If so, how has he already used this blackmail material? What other mischief has he fostered besides sending an assassin into Redcliffe Castle?"

"Will you tell Eamon this?" asked Alistair.

"Yes, I will try but he loves her blindly. He may not be willing to listen to reason."

"We cannot let Loghain or Howe learn of Aedan's existence never mind his name or location."

"Then I suggest you two keep his existence and location to yourselves until Isolde is no longer a problem or the last possible moment."

8


	21. Closure?

When Wynne woke everyone concerned gathered in the main hall to perform the ritual. The templars stood around the circle of mages who stood around Wynne and Alistair. Alistair tossed a pillow on the stone floor. Wynne made herself comfortable and then nodded to Irving. With one last look at Elissa, Alistair took his place on one knee next to Wynne but he waited until she'd slipped into the fade to draw his knife.

Nobody spoke.

Alistair stared down at Wynne's peaceful face knowing that until the moment she woke or became an abomination there would be no change. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see the blue energy that the mages used to send her into the fade dissipate. It snapped around him making his hair stand on end and his scalp tingle before the final bit dove into Wynne's head like the tail of a burrowing beast.

The cold from the hard stone floor crawled up his legs and drew the warmth out of his body.

Someone behind him shifted slightly, a different person in a different direction cleared their throat. Red rolled over in his sleep but the familiar sound failed to comfort Alistair, how could it, how could anything? So, Alistair prayed as he hadn't prayed for years. He begged the Maker to grant Wynne the strength she needed to complete her task.

His legs were both stiff, he was afraid one of them would cramp soon. He wondered if he should switch legs. He wondered how much time had passed, it seemed like at least an hour but Alistair knew his time sense would not be able to help him in this situation.

Waiting, waiting to dispense mercy in whatever form was appropriate. Waiting, waiting like a Templar, the very thing he never wanted to be. Waiting, waiting endlessly.

Then it was over. Wynne slowly opened her eyes. Alistair looked at her closely then withdrew his knife and stood wearily.

"It is done. The demon is dead," said Wynne, "and the child has been freed but I could not reach his father."

"What!" shrieked Lady Isolde, "You must go back! You must find him!"

"I cannot go back. Besides it is the state of his body keeping him in the fade. If his body is healed then he should awaken normally."

Isolde dropped into a chair and let her head fall into her hands and sobbed dramatically.

Alistair shook his head in disgust and left the main hall. He stumbled past the knights and his companions. He found himself in the Arl's study he slammed the door and then dropped into one of the soft chairs. He closed his eyes. Rage and relief warred atop a backdrop of guilt.

The door opened and closed. He heard the distinctive sound of Elissa's tread cross to the other chair. He lifted his head as she lowered herself into its comfortable embrace.

"Isolde?" he asked.

"Still at it."

"Have you told her about the ashes yet?"

She shook her head. " I thought I'd let Teagan do that, not that I've told him."

"No, me neither."

"Are you alright?"

Alistair stood and paced around the room. He dragged a shaking hand through his hair. "NO!"

Elissa's eyes widened in surprise but her tone was quiet, gentle and understanding. "Tell me."

"I-I never wanted to hold that knife. Did you see it? It's not a weapon is a slaughter house tool for putting down failures. I spent a lot of time in the monastery thinking about that sort of knife. It is called the Templar's Fang because it's often poisoned as well. The excuse for killing generations of young mages is that only the strong can be allowed to serve because the weak will inevitably betray us all."

Now that he'd started the torrent of words fell from his mouth.

"I watched them cut down a girl who didn't make it, she was a child and yet she was a mage. Not quite as useful as a goat because when slaughtered she cannot be eaten. Born to be locked up and controlled by the Chantry's hands—the Templars. And the Templars are tied to the Chantry by their addiction to Lyrium. That world is the dumping ground for the unwanted. Mage and Templar. You knew, in the monastery, why you were there. Youngest sons, orphans and fools. The Priesthood contains their sisters but they, they are the arbiters of the rules, of change. They are the only ones that can leave. Templars who try to leave just die—Lyrium withdrawal. The mages that try to leave are hunted down like rabid animals. So why, why did I have to be dragged back into that world? What if Wynne had failed? What if I had to put her down?"

He stopped. He knew he was babbling and it wasn't the endearing babbling Elissa professed to enjoy. It was an emotional eruption. Somehow watching over Wynne and playing at being a templar was just one thing too many.

"You didn't, Alistair. She's fine."

"I know that, it's the only reason I'm here ranting instead of...Maker, I don't know what I would have done. Could I have even ..."

Elissa went to him and put her arms around him. He lowered his head to her neck and bit back a sob. He kissed her neck softly and whispered, "Please, please, my darling, I need you right now."

She tried to squeeze him through his armour. "I'm here, my love, I'm right here."

Alistair pulled back and gripped her arms. He stared into her eyes willing her to be understanding, to want it too. "No, Elissa. I need you. I need to feel alive. I need to feel you. Please, make love to me, let me make love to you."

Elissa stiffen in his grasp and stumbled back. "I-I just can't..." she gestured at the desk and then whispered, "lay down and...and just do it."

He let go of her turned around and took a deep breath. He tried to remember that she'd been attacked that he had to be patient that he'd been a virgin until very, very recently. That he'd survived most of his life without the reassurance and joy he'd found in her arms on their wedding night. But it was hard and while she was in no danger of being taken by force, he did feel resentful and that wasn't good.

"Alistair, is this," she touched his shoulder, "is this your mother's amulet?"

He frowned at the sudden shift in her attitude and the atmosphere. When he turned she held out an amulet and it looked just as he remembered down to the wear marks on the chain. "This is my mother's amulet, it has to be. But why isn't it broken? Where did you find it?"

"Here on the Arl's desk." She pointed to a small glass dish.

"He must have found the amulet after I threw it at the wall and he repaired it and kept it. I don't understand. Why would he do that?"

"Perhaps he cared for you more than you thought."

"I guess you could be right. We never really talked that much and then the way I left. Thank you, I mean it. I thought I'd lost this to my own stupidity. I'll need to talk to him about this if he recovers from his...when he recovers, that is. I wish I'd had this a long time ago."

"Well, perhaps now is the time to see what miracles the Andraste's Ashes can perform."

He nodded and slipped the amulet around his neck. Alistair took a deep breath and tried to find the right words to apologise. "Elissa, my darling, I'm sorry. I don't mean to..."

She placed her fingers on his lips. "I'm your wife, you have a right to expect things but I-I get nervous when it's so sudden. I may never...I may not be much of a wife."

He lifted her hands to his lips and gently kissed her fingers. "Only you, I only want to be with you." He grinned. "I'm your husband and you have a right to expect certain things from me as well."

"You don't seem to have any problem delivering." He watched entranced as blood rose to her face staining her neck and then rushing upwards to her cheeks.

"That's not what you need from me, my darling. You need my patience and I don't always deliver that. Now, let's go see Teagan and get the Arl back into the game."

Elissa smiled and nodded briskly. They made their way out of the office and back to the main hall where they found Teagan and Isolde arguing. Teagan held Isolde's arm firmly. The mages and the templars had taken their leave.

"I do not want these coarse warriors to scare my poor Connor."

"Isolde, you must stay here until the way has been cleared by the knights."

Alistair nodded to Teagan, "It is safe Bann Teagan." He felt no need to say that it had been safe of all threats save the demon for two days. If they chose to believe he and Elissa had been clearing the way, so be it.

"Very well, let us see Connor."

"Actually," Elissa started, "there is a matter we need to discuss with you my lord."

Teagan turned with a frown. "Can't this wait, my lady."

"I'm sorry but no."

"Very well. Go ahead Isolde but you must take a guard with you into the family suite."

"Teagan," she began angrily.

"Or you can continue to wait."

She shook her head angrily as she flounced off.

"What is this about, my friends?"

Elissa pressed the pouch of Ashes into Teagan's hand. "We found Andraste's Urn before we came to Redcliffe. Many of the Knights searching for it were murdered and worse trying to find it. This is a pinch of the blessed ashes for Arl Eamon."

"What? How did you find them? This is a miracle."

Alistair waved his hands. "Hey, my wife gets all the credit. I still can't read a map."

Teagan bowed deeply over Elissa's hand and kissed her knuckles. "It is well for Alistair that he hurried to marry you before other suitors had the opportunity to appreciate your worth."

Alistair extracted Elissa's hand from Teagan's grasp and glared at the Bann. His wife just giggled at their antics and they all swept upstairs to see Connor and hopefully cure the Arl.

Connor had no memory of the demon nor his time in the fade. He simply remembered trying to help his father get well. His mother fussed over him and wouldn't let him talk any further with anyone.

Teagan smiled jovially at Connor and Isolde. "A miracle," he announced. "These fair friends have not only saved the village and freed the castle they brought with them a pinch of ashes from Andraste's Urn."

Isolde beamed. "Teagan, you have never failed us. I thank you, dear brother, as will Eamon."

They adjourned to the bed chamber. It was clear that the Arl needed any help he could get. His skin was an unhealthy yellow colour and his breathing filled the bed chamber with a sinister rasp.

The ashes were mixed with consecrated oil and used to anoint the ailing man's forehead, cheeks and lips. A healing mage stood solemnly at the foot of the bed and cast a spell. The magic appeared swirled around the Arl's body and then sank into his skin. The wheezing eased and yellow faded from his skin leaving it a healthy weathered brown. Finally, Eamon blinked then opened his eyes.

"Thank goodness you are mended, husband," Isolde cried, "terrible, terrible things have happened and these villains have stepped above their station in your absence. They have fooled Teagan and tried to keep me from you so that you would not know the truth."

6


	22. Politics and Old Fools

Elissa felt blood and heat flood her face making her eyes blur. She screamed in rage. "That is it! I will have nothing to do with you anymore. Isolde you are stain on the Guerrin name. If you hadn't caused the death of all but one of your servants I'm sure they'd walk out. I leave you to the mercy of the blight and any fool willing to believe your fantasies is welcome to share your damned fate. May the Maker have mercy on their souls." She stomped out of Arl Eamon's bed chamber leaving Alistair and Teagan behind.

Half an hour later Alistair caught up with her in the bed chamber they shared. "Eamon hopes you will consent to meet with him."

"Isolde?"

"She won't be there."

"Where will she be?"

"I'm not sure exactly where she'll be found but I know she won't be included in any meetings we attend."

"That won't do."

"You can't expect Eamon be rid of his wife."

"Then I can't expect me to trust him, can I."

Alistair nodded in agreement. He seemed sad.

"The only thing I am willing to discuss with Eamon is how all the villains in this little drama will pay for their choices."

"Alright, let's start there."

Elissa let Alistair lead her down to the main hall where Eamon and Teagan waited in the company of the remaining Knights of Redcliffe. Isolde was nowhere in sight but Elissa was sure she'd be somewhere nearby, eavesdropping.

"There is much to be done, that is true," the Arl declared, "but I should first be thankful to those who have done so much. Grey Warden you have not only saved my life but kept my family safe as well. I am in your debt. Will you permit me to offer a reward for your service?"

"If you like, my lord."

"Then allow me to declare you and those travelling with you Champions of Redcliffe. You will always be a welcome guest within these halls."

"Always?"

"Indeed."

"What of the Arlessa? She did not welcome Alistair or myself despite the service we provided."

"Please, let us talk of my wife's giddy moment later in a more private setting. Now, this is for you Warden Elissa, a shield of the same make as those that have been given to our finest knights."

"Thank you."

Teagan interjected quickly, "We should speak of Loghain brother, there is no telling what he will do once he learns of your recovery."

"Yes," agreed Alistair, "a sort of war council would be a good idea. Perhaps the four of us could adjourn to your study, my lord."

"Agreed. But first I wish to congratulate you Alistair and Elissa on your recent marriage. It was a bit of a surprise," he said with a chuckle.

Alistair and Elissa both nodded their thanks to the Arl and then glanced doubtfully at each other.

"On a more sombre note, I do not want to delay dealing with the mage, Jowan, and I would appreciate your aide in this matter." He nodded soberly to one of the guards and they went into the next room and brought the malificar before the Arl.

"Jowan, what you have done is not in question. You tried to assassinate me and set into motion a series of events that nearly destroyed everything I cherish. What have you to say in your own defence?"

"Nothing my Lord, other than to say I am sorry. I expect no mercy for what I have done."

"I see. Grey Warden, have you anything to say on Jowan's behalf?"

"Blame must be shared by those who gave this man the opportunity to commit his crime."

"We can discuss that in our war council. As the injured party I find it hard be merciful in this matter."

"If I may, my Lord", said Alistair, "Turn him over to the Circle of Magi. The First Enchanter and several Templars are conveniently close by and could take him away with them in the morning."

"True enough. And wisely said. Jowan I hereby turn you over to the Tower of the Circle of Magi. May the Maker have mercy on you."

The malificar bowed. "Thank you my Lord."

"Teagan please take the Wardens to my study I will join you in a moment."

"Yes brother."

Elissa and Alistair followed Teagan into the study and they all made themselves comfortable.

"Where is Isolde?" Elissa asked.

Teagan was watching his feet. He sighed. "I believe Eamon asked her to keep to their bed chambers for now. He told her it was for her own safety. I'm not sure what he really believes. I wish, now, that I had not run from Redcliffe. I'm no longer sure that I know my own brother."

She didn't know what to say and from the look on his face, neither did Alistair. They all sat and waited wondering what was keeping Eamon and what this war council would reveal. After about half an hour Teagan launched himself from his seat and strode to the door. "I'll see about some refreshments for our council and try to find out what happened to my brother."

Alistair nodded. Elissa heard Teagan and noticed Alistair respond but remained silent. She was on the verge of an idea and did not wish to lose her path of thought.

"Alistair?"

"Yes, my love."

She smiled at his endearment. "Duty, dear, think duty. Now, is it really important that Eamon know the boy's name or location right now?"

"If you tell him anything, anything at all then he'll have questions, many questions."

"Good."

"Good?"

"We are going to need more than our word to bring forward an illegitimate heir."

"I suppose that's true but ahhhh, Eamon will know what we'd need to do and he doesn't need any details to give us that information. Tricky."

"Why thank you kind ser."

Alistair rose and pulled her to her feet. "While we have a few free moments..."

She looked over her shoulder at the door.

"I just want to hold and comfort my very smart, beautiful and brave wife, on my honour."

"I'd like that."

He wrapped his strong arms around her and she let her cheek drop to his shoulder. His muscular arms formed a ring of warmth around her slighter body. His whiskers grazed her sun kissed skin as he turned to press his lips to her forehead. She laced her fingers together and let them rest on his lower back. She sighed contentedly and then smiled at his answering rumble. For a moment she wished she was petite like her sister-in-law had been, so that her ear would be level with Alistair's chest and she could listen to his heart beat when they held each other. Oriana had often stood so during leave takings as though she were making sure he was still alive before sending him out into the world.

"Alistair, do you think it's selfish of me to hope Fergus is still alive?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"Well, if he's fighting his way home there is so much pain waiting for him. He'll have to hear about the fall of Highever from a stranger. If I don't find him he'll have to begin mourning with no one there that cares."

"Ah. No, you are not selfish. Surely your brother is not a weak man. He was raised by two of the most respected members of the nobility, raised to become a Teryn. He is your brother."

"You're right. He is a Cousland."

"He won't be alone, you know, he will be one of many who have lost much to both treachery and the blight."

"I'm glad I'm not alone. One of the reasons I hope he's alive is that I can't wait to have the two of you meet."

"Really."

Elissa nodded against Alistair's shoulder. "You know that I am proud to have you as my husband, don't you?"

"I guess I hadn't really thought about it that way."

"Well I am."

"Have I told you that I love you? Well it won't hurt you to hear it, again."

"I love you, too."

"See that wasn't so hard now was it."

She shook her head at his silliness then settled against his body again. Elissa wasn't sure how much time had passed when a cough interrupted their reverie. She turned in Alistair's arms languorously. They were both too happy and relaxed to care who had stumbled upon them.

Teagan winked at them from the door and then spoke over his shoulder. "They are still here, brother. I shall see if I can find a bottle or two of wine intact."

"Just send..." the Arl's voice stopped, ""Right, yes. Thank you, Teagan."

Elissa stepped away from Alistair reluctantly. He grasped her hand and led her to a chair then stood behind her almost at guard.

The Arl shuffled into the room and dropped into the chair behind his desk. Elissa could see that he was tired but she knew with a conviction fired in the heat of experience that his long illness was the least of the weights that bowed his back this day. In some way she resented his weariness, she had had no time to mourn and more reason to do so. The heavy silence smothered her but she is determined not to be the first to speak. She and her companions have already proved their worth and willingness to sacrifice for the good of Redcliffe, Ferelden and Thedas. Eamon would have to prove himself equal to them before any real discussion could take place. Unfortunately, Alistair could not read her mind.

"My Lord," he began. She could hear him shift behind her. When she looked up he had pulled out his mother's amulet. "I want to thank you for repairing my Mother's amulet but I have to wonder why you kept it on your desk?"

Eamon glanced at the glass dish on his desk then up at Alistair's earnest face and somehow Elissa knew he was manufacturing a lie; a lie that had something to do with Isolde.

"He didn't know it was yours, my love. Did you?"

The Arl's expressing dropped and his shoulders hunched forward. She suspected that he was usually better at hiding his thoughts and feelings.

"No. I'm sorry Alistair. I did not know it had been yours. Isolde thought one of the maids was a thief and when she found the amulet in her possession she brought it to me, as evidence."

"The maid would know where she found it."

"I did not have a chance to ask, she ran away before I could speak to her."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "According to Isolde."

"Who repaired it?" asked Alistair.

Eamon frowned. "I was not aware it was broken."

"How long ago did this occur?" Elissa asked.

"I'm not sure, perhaps a year or two ago."

Elissa and Alistair shared a grim glance as he tucked the amulet back into his shirt. Teagan bustled into the room with a tray of refreshments. He played at servant for a few moments then secured the door and sat down.

"Loghain, brother," said Teagan.

"Yes. Loghain instigates a civil war even though the darkspawn are on our very doorstep. Long I have known him, he is a sensible man, one who never desired power."

Teagan shook his head slowly, regret clear on his face. "I was there when he announced he was taking control of the throne, Eamon. He is mad with ambition, I tell you."

"Mad indeed. Mad enough to kill Cailan, to attempt to kill myself and destroy my lands. Whatever happened to him, Loghain must be stopped. What's more we can scarce afford to fight this war to its bitter end."

"What choice do we have?" Elissa asked.

"I could unite those opposing Loghain but not all oppose him, he has some very powerful allies. We have no time to wage a campaign against him. Someone must surrender if Ferelden is to have any chance of fighting the darkspawn."

"So what do you propose to do?"

"I will spread word of Loghain's treachery both here and against the King. However, it will be but a claim made without proof. Those claims will give Loghain's allies pause but we must combine it with a challenge Loghain cannot ignore. We need someone with a stronger claim to the throne than Loghain's daughter the queen."

"You are referring to Alistair are you not, brother," said Teagan.

"Teagan and I have a claim through marriage but we would seem opportunists, no better than Loghain. Alistair's claim is by blood."

"Hey, I'm right here," said Alistair, "does anyone care what I have to say?"

"You have a responsibility, Alistair, without you Loghain wins. I would have to support him for the sake of Ferelden. Is that what you want?"

"No, my Lord but it doesn't matter, I am a Grey Warden. I cannot take the throne," replied Alistair.

"I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative but the unthinkable has occurred."

Elissa interjected, "There is an alternative, my Lord. Cailan fathered an heir."

"What? How do you know? Where is this child?" Eamon replied.

"His Majesty entrusted this information with the Grey Wardens before the final battle at Ostagar," said Alistair.

"I have never heard of this child. What proof do you have of his claim, or is this a daughter?"

"Son, one of two born to the mother," replied Elissa, she was surprised her voice sounded so normal, "His twin died in infancy."

"Now, I believe this could be true. Twins run in the Theirin line. Maric's twin died a babe in arms as did his grandfather's twin."

The Arl yanked open a desk drawer and pulled out some parchment and ink. Elissa was thankful for the moment; she needed a chance to react to this news about the twins. It might have been expected if only she'd told someone. Could mages available at the birth have saved Aedan's brother? She felt Alistair's warm hand squeeze her shoulder. The touch and the sympathy were welcome.

Seemingly oblivious Eamon continued, "I see only one way to proceed. I will call for a Landsmeet, a gathering of all of Ferelden's nobility in the city of Denerim. We will need proof that this boy is Cailan's son."

"What sort of proof?" Alistair asked.

"His mother, presuming she lives, must testify. Any proof of their affair must be submitted for review. I will know more after I talk to the mother. Now, tell me which of his mistresses bore the boy?"

"No," Elissa replied flatly.

8


	23. Thieves, Assassins and Spies, Oh My

Alistair had never heard Elissa speak so emotionlessly. This was a secret he knew she'd die to protect as would he, for her sake if nothing else. He stared at Teagan speculatively but the Bann of Rainesfere was masking his emotions very well. Eamon was not nearly as circumspect.

"We can hardly present an heir you will not reveal, my dear," replied Eamon.

"Don't patronize me. I am no fool. Giving you details is too big a risk."

Eamon pounded the desk with his fist. "What exactly are you accusing me of young lady?"

"Being married to a woman of questionable morals that already has demonstrated she has what I would consider an unusual connection with Loghain. Or does he recommend apostates to all of Ferelden's nobility?"

"You expect me to hang my wife, the mother of my child and the only companion I will have in my old age on the basis of rumour and innuendo."

"I expect you to stop being an old fool with a young wife and find out what happened. She betrayed the trust your people have in the Guerrin family. She lied to you about your son and your son's tutor. She convinced your son to hide his true nature from you. Those are the facts she has confirmed in my presence."

"She claims you have threatened her. Why should I take your word over hers?"

"Stop this, My Lord. You already know the truth I can see it in your eyes. I have no patience for this game any longer. The Wardens of Ferelden will not reveal anything more about Cailan's son to you. When you get your house and priorities in order perhaps we can discuss plans, until then I have treaties to deliver and an army to raise. Alistair?"

"Yes, my dearest."

"Can we be ready to leave first thing tomorrow?"

"Absolutely."

"Good I'll inform the others and I'll see you upstairs later."

She nodded to Teagan then left the room. All three of them winced as the door slammed behind her.

"She's certainly feisty, I don't think I could handle her," Teagan said with a wink to Alistair, "Y-you don't need to tell her I said that though."

"Afraid, Teagan?" Eamon tried to force a laugh but the strain of Elissa's comments was apparent.

"He should be, she's already kicked his ass once and I know she could do it again. Besides any fight you have with my wife is also my fight."

"Yes," the Arl said, "point taken. So you aren't going to tell us anything about the boy or his mother."

"Of course not." Alistair stood up and paced across the room. "However, the time has come to do something about Isolde."

"Alistair, this is between my wife and me."

"No, brother, it ceased to be a private matter when the demon inside Connor tortured then slaughtered the household staff. When Isolde chose to follow the dictates of an evil creature and bring me in here, alone, for its entertainment rather than to tell me the truth."

"She just doesn't understand these things Teagan, you are too hard on her. She's an Orlesian woman not a Ferelden battle maiden. She can't cope with this sort of thing."

"Yet, as your wife, she must, brother. You have just admitted to choosing your bride poorly. Your people have suffered for that choice. At least the Knights of Redcliffe died in a quest that was an appropriate duty but the people of Redcliffe did not volunteer to face the horrors they saw."

"I can't just send her back to Orlais."

"No, but she can be sent to the Chantry. It is the pious choice when a noblewoman has failed her duty."

Eamon sighed and leaned back in his chair. "She was right, I am an old fool. I still don't believe she is anything more than petty and self-centred but I see the sense in your advice Teagan."

"I am relieved brother. I will go get her while you and Alistair chat."

Teagan left and closed door behind him. Alistair stared at the Arl. This was the man that gave him refuge as a baby and that sent him kicking and screaming to the Chantry.

"Why?"

"My pardon Alistair, I have been woolgathering. Why what?"

"Why did you take me in as a baby?"

He shrugged. "There were several reasons. To protect my sister's feelings, to keep you from challenging my nephew's reign, to keep the King from looking a fool and to be honest because I felt I owed it to your mother for what she suffered at Maric's hands."

"Ah, she was not a star struck maid. She was a victim."

"Do not misunderstand me my boy. It was not that she was physically forced into anything, rather Maric made promises in the heat of the moment that were just not possible, particularly once she became pregnant."

"I see."

"I came to care for you later, lad. You were a sensitive boy and you craved approval. I imagine it had something to do with the fact that those around you knew you were a bastard, if not whose. There were many who viewed you as a risk. Some suggested that you be put to death at birth rather than risking a future civil war. Ironic really."

"Loghain suggested that, didn't he."

"Yes, he did so with regret but yes. He can be ruthlessly practical when it suits him, remember that, it makes him a formidable enemy." Eamon paused. "Do you wonder how this child of Cailan's has been raised so far?"

"Yes, it is something I have wondered. I know why he was placed under his guardians care. Like me, choices have been made for others welfare but unlike me few know the identity of his parents."

"Do you wish you didn't know of your father?"

"Oh, there were times but no, not in general. It was too poorly held a secret, sooner or later I'd have found out. Better to know what is true than suspect various things and various times."

"If this child is left as he is then you could be King, Alistair. Surely that is tempting."

Alistair snorted. "Tempting? No, not at all. I'd much rather risk my life for others than ask others to do so for me. Power and responsibility, I understand the relationship that should exist between them. My own personal power and that of a Grey Warden are more than sufficient for me."

"Sadly, that very attitude would probably make you a very good King."

"It really doesn't matter. I am committed elsewhere in a role that cannot be mixed with any position in court, further I am definitely not first in line."

"Any position in court but surely you and Elissa planned to help this heir of Cailan's."

"Support him, indeed. Stay in court, no. We have a blight to deal with and an archdemon to kill. Our uhm, occupation is rather hazardous. We are hardly the right people to have a future King depend on, personally, after all we may not be here much longer. I think we'll leave that to his regent and his guardians."

"Yes, but who will be his regent?"

"Whom do you recommend?"

"I would be happy to serve but there are drawbacks to putting me forth as a candidate. Those drawbacks only multiply if I were to be the only candidate presented. As for others with the clout and experience..." he sighed sadly.

"Loghain would have been thought appropriate before this mess, Anora is unlikely to be trusted with her husband's bastard child even if she isn't mixed up with her Father's treachery and Teryn and Teyrna Cousland have both been murdered by Howe. Aren't there any other Arls to form a prospective pool?"

"Arl Wulff perhaps, though he was out of favour in court both his sons fought and I presume died in Ostagar which will give his words some weight. Howe is, of course, right out but I never would have considered him despite his title. The Arl of Denerim is too weak to be considered seriously. However, Bann Sighard would be a good and serious contender for the position."

"Guerrin, Wulff and Sighard. That is a good list to put forward."

"I agree."

A knock sounded at the door and both gentlemen stood to face Lady Isolde and her escort, Bann Teagan.

"Come," said Arl Eamon. His face had dropped into a grim mask but his eyes showed a sadness that could not be denied nor hidden.

"Husband, I am told you wish my presence."

"Yes, I do," he swallowed then looked at Teagan, "I cannot make the pronouncement brother. Please take care of this matter in my stead. I-I know questions need answered. I will let the knights know you act with my authority." He stared at Isolde hungrily for a moment, "Good-bye my dear wife, it seems we were wrong, love was not enough."

Isolde grabbed Eamon's arm struggling to keep hold of him as he pulled away and walked out the door. "Wait, no, wait. Eamon, I'm sorry. There must be something I can do, some way I can..."

She stared at the closed door for a moment then straightened and faced Teagan. She clearly meant to ignore Alistair completely. "So, Teagan it is you who brought me to my doom here, and now you will sentence me for rumours and lies."

"Alistair could you please send someone for the Revered Mother then you and I will have a chat with Lady Isolde whilst we wait."

Alistair opened the door and leaned out into the hall where several of his companions waited. He looked to their best Chantry emissary, Leliana. "Could you please ask the Revered Mother to join us at the castle on an important matter?" Leliana nodded. He was about to duck back in the room when the sound and sight of the Antivan assassin sharpening his daggers grabbed his attention. He looked at the elf speculatively. "Zevran, I want you to do what you're doing right now against the wall in here."

The elf looked surprised for a split second then he grinned wolfishly. When he reached Alistair he whispered, "I did not know you had this in you, tsk tsk."

Alistair stepped back in the room and waved Zevran in. The lithe assassin stalked theatrically around Isolde before settling in a squat against the wall and returned to sharpening his daggers.

"I thought we might avail ourselves of the uhm expert in our midst for this discussion."

Teagan turned his back to Isolde.

Isolde looked at the elf nervously then reluctantly addressed Alistair, "What sort of expert is he?"

"I am skilled in many arts," answered Zevran, "but I think the Warden is most interested in my talent to, what shall we call it, ah, discern the truth."

Alistair stood against the wall opposite from Zevran and crossed his arms. Teagan continued to face the portrait of Eamon that hung on the study's back wall. "How did Loghain know you wanted an apostate?"

"I don't know. He just sent me a note one day."

"That is most certainly a lie my dear lady, a note implies he foolishly left a paper trail," said Zevran.

"Don't try my patience Isolde, I do this for my brother's and nephew's sake. I can't stand the sight of you personally." He whipped around. "All your plots and innuendo have amounted to nothing but pain. I have never told Eamon why I left nor why I didn't care to visit. Did he wonder or did you explain it away?"

"I-I don't know what you mean, Teagan."

"That is two lies." Zevran said, "Out of curiosity have you decided how many lies before..." He drew the honing stone loudly along his blade. "...before you allow more interesting methods to prevail."

"I have tried to protect my family, nothing more, nothing less."

"Isolde! When you married an Arl you agreed to other duties. You agreed to be mother for all of Redcliffe. Forty-seven dead Isolde, forty-seven. You sent away the knights, you gave the assassin access to your household, you broke Chantry law by knowingly harbouring an apostate and allowing your son to become one."

"But I did not mean for these things to happen, I only wanted to protect my son."

"STOP. Your son was to become an Arl. If that had occurred his life would be serving the people of Redcliffe, as a representative at the Landsmeet, as a leader in times of both peace and war. The Maker chose to have Connor serve in a different manner, by what right do you claim to know better, woman."

"He is my only child. How can you be so cruel?"

"You are utterly hopeless and seemingly too stupid to understand the magnitude of either your crimes or your mistakes."

"How dare you..."

"Yes, how dare I? I dare because you are not going to be an Arlessa much longer. Today, Lady Isolde's life ends and Sister Isolde's life begins...if you are lucky."

"You cannot hurt me, can you Teagan. How could you look my son in the eye, again?"

"I could, would and will look him in the eye with the sure knowledge that I have done everything in my power to preserve his life and the Guerrin line."

Isolde slumped into a chair and began to sob. Teagan and Alistair shared a helpless look but Zevran just rolled his eyes. The elf crossed to the woman and yanked her head up by her hair. He stared at her teary eyes for a split second before muttering, "Amateurs," and then he sheathed his dagger. There was a brief struggle as the Antivan elf, who'd no scruples about treating anyone as they deserved regardless of their titles, pried something out of the Arlessa's grip and tossed it to Alistair.

Alistair caught the round white object without thinking. It was an onion, a mild onion, but sufficient for the purpose. "I never did quite believe you'd been cooking in the kitchen. Now, just answer the questions so that we do not have to resort to more brutal means."

"I will, I will," she screeched.

Zevran tossed her head back at her lap, something seemed to catch his eye down the back of her dress but then he just returned to squat against the wall and sharpen his daggers.

"How did Loghain know you wanted an apostate?"

"I'm not sure, I suspect the maid had something to do with it."

"What maid?"

"The upstairs maid, she saw him Connor freeze a butterfly in his chambers. She ran to me first with this tale, or so she said, but I fear that wasn't true. The next day she was gone. I fabricated a story about her being a thief and having found her out."

"Oh, you did more than that, did you not?" said Zevran, "You disposed of her as well, I can imagine just how you'd do it. 'Please tell no one,' you begged, 'meet me at the top of the tower, I will explain everything.' Then you would have shoved her towards the stairs with a final pleading look. My only question is did you kill her first or let the fall into the water take care of her. No, you are too practical to let her scream, she was dead before you pushed her over the edge."

Isolde stared at him open mouthed, it seemed to Alistair that the assassin's story hit too close to the mark for the Arlessa's peace of mind.

Zev shook his head. "This questioning is probably not necessary, I think we will find everything we need to know hidden in her place of refuge somewhere in the castle. You should know that this was probably not a new thing, this connection with Loghain. I would guess he convinced her or possibly blackmailed her to pass information about Orlais into Ferelden hands many years ago. I am not the expert on these matters but I can tell you she thinks herself a professional and she is not. Her daggers are poorly maintained and badly concealed."

"A change of clothing was in order anyhow," commented Teagan, "perhaps some of your female companions could supervise a thorough transformation."

Alistair nodded. A sharp knock sounded on the door and Alistair opened it a crack then all the way to admit the Revered Mother and Leliana.

"Come on, Zev," said Alistair, "you and I can search for Isolde's secrets whilst this lot handles other matters."

"I could stay to give them a hand. She has wee little daggers hidden in some very impractical places."

"I think I can manage," answered Leliana.

Alistair led the way up to the family's private rooms with Zevran in toe.

"So, Alistair, you called me Zev."

"Yes."

"So you consider yourself my friend then."

"I may, or perhaps all your cloak and dagger talk is going to my head and I simply want you to think I think of you as a friend."

Alistair grinned at Zevran's frowning face then led the way up to the family's suites. He heard the assassin mutter, "I hate amateurs, so unpredictable."

8


	24. Temper Tantrum

Elissa wanted to scream or hit something instead she marched implacably through the castle. She wasn't sure if she hoped or feared someone would talk to her, would ask her what was wrong. Arl Eamon was so determined to remain blind. She kicked the storage room door with a howl. How could he forgive Isolde's callousness and stupidity? What was going to happen the next time? The darkspawn were coming, they needed people they could trust. He knew they needed leaders not twits. Elissa stalked out to the rear courtyard where her only companions were dead monsters and an old practice dummy in need of new arms. She grabbed the broken and battered wooden cross piece from the ground and attacked. Elissa tried to fall into the rhythm of training exercises with her makeshift weapon but her mind would not stop revolving around one thought. Isolde was alive and her mother was dead.

What justice could be found in a world where the better, kinder and all round finer people suffered and died whilst fools lived on? Why did her mother have to die? Why did the treacherous prosper? If she couldn't make a self-important superficial dolt like Isolde pay for her crimes what chance did she have to bring Howe and Loghain to justice?

Before long all pretence of control fled and Elissa simply pounded on the straw stuffed man over and over again as hard as she could. The wood in her hand splintered and chipped away under the force of her mad assault. When the sham-man fell from where it had been wedged she dropped to her knees and continued to pound with mindless fury. Finally the last of the crossbar shattered in her torn hands but her spite was not yet spent. Her fists curled tightly and she smashed the pulverized dummy two or three times. Smashing the shredded remains of the destroyed thing was sufficiently unsatisfying to cause her to find a new target. The storage crates that had held the dummy upright were close enough to hit and received her punches with a satisfying whack that echoed off the stone walls.

Two giant hands closed over her fists and held them in place. Elissa was suddenly aware that Sten stood leaning over her holding her trapped between his implacable grip and his solid legs.

"Enough, the damage you inflict on yourself serves no purpose."

She howled in outrage then just as quickly wilted and started to cry. Sten let go of her hands and backed away but Wynne darted in immediately. The older woman rubbed Elissa's back and made soothing noises as if she were comforting a baby or a wounded animal which Elissa acknowledged privately was how she felt.

"Sorry." Elissa didn't look up, she didn't want to see if anyone else was in the vicinity. "I...sorry."

"We all have limits, my dear. You have much resting on your shoulders and great losses you've had no time to mourn. Now, only Sten and I are here so your reputation as a fierce warrior is quite safe."

Elissa shook her head. "Yes, that was my top concern. Thanks for putting my mind at ease."

Wynne laughed. "You are already starting to sound like him."

"Good!" she said firmly, "We may not have much time together and I want it all, everything we can get. If we start to look like each other and our dogs then I'll be thrilled."

The older woman smiled. "I was wrong about you two. You have a genuine connection and I believe you will make each other stronger and more able to face what is to come."

"Is that an apology?"

"Yes. Yes, I suppose it is."

"Thank you, Wynne."

"You're welcome. Now, let's take a look at you."

Elissa pulled herself up and out of Wynne's hold. "I'm fine."

"Perhaps you are, but your hands are in need of some work."

She looked down at her hands curiously. Until she saw the blood and splinters covering her palms she'd felt no pain, but now that she'd noticed the mess she'd made of them her hands throbbed. The final vestiges of her emotional eruption were washed away by that blood to be replaced by discomfort, weariness and mild embarrassment.

"Can't you?" Elissa waved her raw hand in a circle and peeked up beseechingly at Wynne through her eyelashes.

"Unfortunately, my hand waving won't really help until we pull all those splinters."

Elissa winced then nodded. This was not going to be fun. Wynne led her back into the castle and along the servant's corridors to the kitchen and Sten strode behind them.

"Sit here," Wynne said pointing to a chair on one side of the long work table, "put your hands down palms up and wait. I need some things from my bags. Do not use your hands, do not get them wet and do not try to pull out any of the splinters."

Elissa nodded and watched as Wynne bustled out of the room. "Sten," she said with a flick of her head and a twitch of her left hand, "can you just pull those two bigger splinters out of this hand?"

"Yes, but I will not."

"Come on Sten, they wiggle and they're irritating me."

Sten just stared at her impassively. She tried to gauge his likely reaction should she fail to heed Wynne's advice. She decided the endless Qunari glowers combined with Wynne's "I told you so" smirks would be more than she could bear if something went wrong. So she waited and wondered what happened in the meeting she'd left so abruptly.

Now that the rage had been spent she felt embarrassed by her tantrum. She hoped that Eamon, Teagan and Alistair had come to some agreement that would restore her ability to trust the Arl. Unfortunately, that looked unlikely. From everything her parents had told her of the various noble houses, she'd expected Arl Eamon to be a much different sort of man. She'd also expected him to be something other than the man Alistair remembered, but here he was, driven by his desire to please his wife and little else it seemed.

Isolde was everything she had expected. According to Elissa's mother, Isolde was a product of generations of nobles more concerned with themselves than their responsibilities. Power was a weapon used to obtain standing by both raising yourself above others and knocking others down. Mother had claimed that Isolde still played the great game and seemed convinced all of Ferelden did too. Every action she observed or heard about was measured by that standard and as such Isolde consistently misinterpreted the events that surrounded her. Not that the woman's motivations mattered. All that mattered now was defeating the blight and saving as many people as possible. That goal was the only reason she held out any hope that Eamon would see reason. It was a goal that would require sacrifices be made by them all.

"How will you defeat the blight?" asked Sten.

"You've asked me that before."

"Yes."

"It seemed simpler then before we started."

"Did it?"

"Perhaps not to you. I have trained to fight for years. I focused my anger and despair into my training and for that I was rewarded with recruitment into the Grey Wardens."

Sten stared at her.

"Alistair and I were the newest recruits and now we are the only Wardens in Ferelden. I am sure we both had much to learn and there were secrets yet to be shared."

"What secrets?"

"Well, they were secrets, weren't they," she said with a laugh.

A grunt was his only response.

"Seriously, despite their small numbers Duncan knew the Grey Wardens were required to defeat the blight. There must be something we have to do, something that cannot be done by those that have not been through the joining. I just don't know what it could be."

"What is the joining?"

She shook her head. "I may only tell you that it is a ritual all the Grey Wardens have completed."

"A ritual," said Morrigan as she came through the door, "that not all survive."

Elissa shrugged.

"Mother discovered, that Warden secrets are held very close."

"Did she," answered Elissa curious despite her better judgement. She and Morrigan had become closer but there were aspects of each other's lives that would never be compatible. Flemeth and the manner in which she had raised Morrigan was one of those sore spots, something they no longer discussed.

"It is something to be discussed, if you wish," she said with her usual sardonic smile and then she drifted back out the door.

Sten grunted again but chose not to speak. Before Elissa could decide what to say Wynne returned and put her bag of medicines down on the table. She handed a bucket to Sten and the Qunari took it and left without comment.

"It appears young Alistair convinced the Arl to follow the path of wisdom."

"Oh?"

"Yes, he has requested that Irving leave a mage here to tutor Connor until the tower has been made habitable again."

"That's good," she said a bit listlessly.

Wynne turned from her preparations to grace Elissa with a slight smirk.

"Wynne! What else, oh Alistair is right you are a bad, bad woman."

She chuckled, "The Arlessa Isolde Guerrin has just become Sister Isolde and is leaving with the Revered Mother right now."

"Unbelievable!"

"That's just what I was going to say. What have you done to yourself, my love?" said Alistair as he came in the back door with a bucket full of water.

Elissa blushed and ducked her head.

"Pour some of that water in to this pot," directed Wynne.

Alistair rushed over without slopping too much of the water on the floor. Elissa heard him mutter to Wynne, "Is she alright?"

"She will be, Alistair. You go distract her while I take care of her hands."

As her husband slipped into the chair next to her she said in a low voice, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?"

"Running out on the meeting and throwing a temper tantrum."

"Actually, your words, as angry and hurtful as they may have been, were also necessary. Eamon wasn't happy, of course. He still loves her, you know. However, he could see that her paranoia had become dangerous to both Redcliffe and his son."

Elissa shrugged.

"As for the temper tantrum, who am I to judge such things. I have had my fair share of them. I do try to avoid attacking trees with my bare hands though."

"That's not funny."

He shrugged. "I'm not really sure how to turn this one around. What were you doing?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Hmmm, let's see. Climbing fences? Launching an unfinished boat? Beating someone to death with rough boards? Dancing on your hands in a lumber mill?"

"No, I was dancing on one hand atop a fence post while beating an unfinished boat to death with rough lumber."

"Ah, that explains in then, I wish I'd been there to see it but since I missed the feat, and I'd hate to see you like this again, could you please resist the urge next time?"

She nodded. "Wynne told me that Isolde is already gone."

"Yessss. That is quite the tale."

"Well!"

"Oh, you want to hear it."

"Alistair," she warned.

"Are you sure?"

She shoved his foot with her own and he smiled then slid his chair closer and swung her legs up onto his lap.

"Well just after you left Eamon made the bitter admission that he had to let Isolde go to be of use to Ferelden. I suspect it was easier to admit his folly after you left in a huff."

"Why?"

"Well," he paused as though he needed to consider, "let's just say it's a male thing."

She tried to stare him down but he showed no signs of capitulating and Wynne chose that moment to bring her concoction over to the table. She slipped a large towel under Elissa's hands. "This will be very warm, it may even burn you but it will cool and harden very quickly and I can cure the burn before any blisters form."

Wynne tilted the pot and poured a thick amber gel over Elissa's extended palms. As the heat hit she had to discipline herself not to pull back but her arms twitched.

"Alistair, hold her wrists still."

Alistair awkwardly grabbed Elissa's wrists. She let her legs slide off his lap and gritted her teeth. Wynne used a dull knife to push the substance from her wrists towards her finger tips. "There, now hold still while it sets."

"The sisters at the Chantry used to take us to the carpenter to remove pernicious splinters."

"Why the carpenter?" asked Elissa.

"He always had fresh glue on hand. He'd pour the smelly stuff over the splinter then once it dried yank it off to pull the splinter. It seemed to take forever to dry and while you waited he'd explain the chore you had to do by way of payment. I sometimes contemplated getting splinters on purpose just to get out of the monastery."

"I would have," said Elissa.

Alistair shrugged. "I never did, though I'm not sure why not."

Elissa looked at him thoughtfully. She believed she knew why. He would never treat someone he admired and trusted with anything less than perfect honour and complete honesty. It was a trait that the Maker wove into his very fibre and part of what she loved about her husband.

He cleared his throat and returned to the events of the meeting. "When Isolde was brought in he gave Teagan full authority to act on his behalf and left. Teagan, Zev and I questioned her and then Zev and I went to search her rooms whilst she was stripped of all her finery and dressed in the raiment of the Chantry sisters by the Revered Mother and Leliana."

"Having Zev and Leliana help was a good idea."

He beamed at her. "I rather thought so myself. At any rate, Isolde's been marched off to the Chantry. Eamon and Teagan are pouring over maps. Zev and Leliana are going through the papers, bottles and letters we found. All of them are waiting for us and leaving first thing tomorrow is looking less and less likely."

Elissa nodded her head. She was resigned to the delay. "You and I need to talk, too."

He frowned at her. She could almost feel the waves of worry coming off his body.

"About what we should do next. I also think we should," she took a deep breath and said quickly, "go to bed early."

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his forehead against her ear. "I'd like that," he whispered, "I'd like that a lot."

8


	25. Folly's Consequences

Alistair and Zevran went up to the family quarters and began a thorough search of all the rooms. The Arl and Arlessa's bed chamber yielded secrets unrelated to their quest that still made Alistair blush and gag, much to Zevran's delight. Alistair hadn't even been aware that there were objects to do those sorts of things nor that one might want to some of the things they were used to do. He really wished Zevran would stop explaining how to use them and he hoped he's be able to look the Arl in the eye without either blushing or giggling when he saw him next.

They sifted through Connor's rooms just to be safe even though neither of them thought it likely she'd have hidden anything within the boy's reach. So they moved on to Isolde's private sitting room.

"You know," Zevran said, "there are some very interesting shops in Antiva that provide all kinds of whore's tools."

Alistair just groaned and tried not to listen.

"They have feathers three times the length of those with nice firm tips."

"I will never be able to look at a bird the same way."

"Ah, feathers and scarves are really quite tame, my friend. Now the lotions, ah, they are very expensive but well worth the price."

"Ahhh, stop, just stop it. We are here with a purpose other than to drive me insane."

"Mmmm I hadn't meant it as foreplay but I'm game."

"I didn't want to have to do this Zev. I will tell Sten that you have been flirting with Morrigan if you don't stop."

Zevran stood up from his examination of the settee to stare at Alistair. "Sten and Morrigan?"

"You mean you didn't know," he said a bit too casually, "hmm I thought you more observant than that. Mind you they did have an argument just before you tried to kill us. Perhaps they aren't keeping company anymore."

"Keeping company, Alistair your every word reveals so much of you. It is good you and Elissa have found each other."

"Well, we can agree on that at least. Now," he said examining the room, "if I were a bitter self-centred Orlesian noblewoman where would I hide my secrets?"

Zevran leaned over again and manipulated something just under the desk top then pulled a hidden panel down. "You would hide them in here."

The secret panel contained a large bundle of letters which dated back to the beginning of the Arlessa's marriage and a small package. The package contained a finely wrought metal flask that was filled with an acrid viscous liquid.

"Burning Lotus," said Zevran, "it is a particularly lovely and expensive rub used by older men who have trouble finding completion. However, what is more interesting is this..." The assassin carefully put his fingers on the decorative scrolls then squeezed slightly and pulled downward revealing a space between the outer cover and the inner reservoir. "I think that the oil was just to fool the curious, this is the real package." He retrieved the piece of paper hidden in the flask and unfolded it on the desktop. It proved to be a map of the Orlesian-Ferelden border. It was marked with symbols and nonsense words.

"That looks like a code of some sort. Do you recognize it?"

"No, it is not one I have ever used. Perhaps, Leliana has seen this before. I would be delighted to consult with her on this matter."

"Right. Until then let's take a look at these letters."

They spent the next half hour skimming letters. "It appears the Arlessa has been passing information to Loghain for many, many years."

Alistair nodded absently in agreement. "Look at this, he was blackmailing her over an affair she had with Bann Frand of Rainesfere before she married Eamon."

"So?"

"Frand was Eamon's cousin. The Bann and his wife died childless under mysterious circumstances many years ago. Loghain didn't blame her for their deaths he just mentioned how it might appear to Eamon."

"Ah, so that is how it began."

"I think it would be better if your Arl Eamon heard this from you."

Alistair sighed. "Take the map to Leliana and see if the two of you can figure out what it means. I'll go see Eamon and then find Elissa."

Zevran grinned. "My task is more pleasant than yours. I will be sitting close to Leliana looking over this very small map if you need me." With a cheery salute Zev bounced out the door in search of the bard.

Alistair gathered up the letters and the flask then with a sigh he plodded up to the castle wall where he had seen Eamon standing earlier. The Arl stood slumped on the wall and stared down at the Village of Redcliffe. "She's already gone."

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, my lord."

"Call me Eamon, you are not a child anymore and you have just done me a great service; however much the necessity saddens me."

"We found letters."

"Have you read them?"

"Some of them."

"And?"

"Loghain was manipulating her, my L...Eamon. He used blackmail to enlist her in his spy network. She passed messages from Orlais to him using this." He held up the flask with its secret cavity still open.

"I recognize the bottle. I questioned her about it once. You don't want to know the tale she told suffice to say I didn't ask again." He shook his head sadly. "Why didn't she come to me? Why didn't she trust me? How is it that I don't even know my own son?"

Alistair stood awkwardly next to the Arl. He didn't know what to say or how to comfort the older man. Eamon had been a kindly but distant guardian. After a minute or so Alistair worked up the courage to place a hand on the Arl's shoulder and squeeze gently.

"I'm sorry Eamon, you deserved more."

"So did Redcliffe and perhaps Isolde did too."

Alistair pulled back. "I'll leave all of this under Teagan's care."

"Yes, that would be best, I think. In fact, I may leave a good many things under my brother's care, in the long run."

"Don't leave us yet, we need you to face Loghain."

The Arl clenched his jaw. "Don't worry about that, I will see Loghain's bid for power end and Ferelden rally behind the Grey Wardens to battle the blight. Nothing less is acceptable."

With a sharp nod Alistair left Eamon to his thoughts. He wandered down to the Arl's study where he found Teagan nursing a snifter of brandy.

"She's gone," Teagan said.

"So I heard."

"His only crime was to love her too much. I hope we haven't broken Eamon with this."

"I just saw him. I think he'll be alright. These will help."

"What's that?"

"They're letters from Loghain to Isolde. He was manipulating her, he had been since she and Eamon first married."

"Poor Isolde, she'll always believe she lost the game."

"If she'd been honest with Eamon... It doesn't really matter now, Teagan."

"No, it really doesn't."

Alistair handed the letters and the flask to Teagan. "There was also a map, hidden in this flask. Zevran and Leliana are trying to decode the symbols on it."

"Thank you, Alistair."

"You're welcome. Now, I need to find my wife."

Teagan chuckled. "You like to say that, don't you."

"Wife? Yes, sometimes it still doesn't seem real. I am a lucky man."

He chuckled again. "Alistair, if we all had your outlook on life the world would be a much better place."

Alistair shrugged then took his leave.

He ran up the stairs two at a time and burst in the door of their room but she was not there. In fact it looked to him as though she hadn't returned to the room at all. Alistair walked back down the stairs peeking in rooms as he went. He stopped in the main hall then out into the front courtyard where he found Sten.

The large warrior was carrying the kitchen bucket away from the well. The expression on his face could best be described as stoic disgust.

"Sten, have you seen my wife recently?"

"Yes." The Qunari handed the bucket to Alistair. "She is in the kitchen. She needs this water." Having dispensed of his chore Sten turned and left.

Alistair goggled at Sten's retreating back. He couldn't believe Elissa's nerve in sending a Qunari warrior for cooking water. He walked down the path to the cellar entrance and made his way up to the kitchen. The bucket seemed smaller and the distance much shorter than the last time he'd attended this task. The door to the kitchen hung open, he could see Elissa sitting at the table and Wynne pulling a pouch out of her bag of medicines.

"Unbelievable!" Elissa said with a shake of her head.

"That's just what I was going to say." Alistair interjected as he came in the back door and looked down at her hands. Splinters danced on her palms and the insides of her fingers. "What have you done to yourself, my love?"

"Pour some of that water in to this pot," Wynne ordered.

He whispered, "Is she alright?"

"She will be, Alistair. You go distract her," she said with a wink, "I'll take care of her hands."

He slid into the chair next to Elissa and tried not to wince as he looked at her raw hands.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Alistair couldn't for the life of him figure out how she'd made such a mess of her hands nor why she would apologise to him for having done so. "Whatever for?"

"Oh, for running away and for having a temper tantrum."

"Actually, that helped more than it hurt. Eamon still loves her but even he sees the danger she poses to both Redcliffe and his son."

Elissa shrugged.

"As for the temper tantrum, I've had my fair share of them. I think it was your turn anyhow. I don't usually attack trees with my bare hands though."

"That's not funny."

He shrugged. "You know, it really isn't. What were you doing?"

"It doesn't matter."

It mattered to him but the need for mirth outweighed the need for the particulars. "I see I'll have to guess, were you climbing fences? Launching an unfinished boat? Beating someone to death with rough boards? Dancing on your hands in a lumber mill?"

"No, I was dancing on one hand atop a fence post while beating an unfinished boat to death with rough lumber."

"I'm sorry I missed that, it must have been quite the sight."

"I suppose I could reprise my performance."

"No, that's alright and I'd hate to see you like this again."

She nodded and then swallowed loudly. "W-Wynne told me that Isolde is already gone."

"Yes," he replied. He sensed that she was nervous. "That is quite the tale."

"Well, I have nothing better to do."

"If you sure you have some time on your hands."

"Alistair!"

"Yes, my love."

She blushed and then stared at him expectantly.

"Oh, you want to hear it."

"Alistair!"

"Are you sure?"

She kicked him. He slid his chair closer and pulled her legs up onto his lap and rested his arms on her cold boney shins.

"Well just after you left Eamon admitted his folly. I think he found it easier after you left."

"Why?"

"Well," he paused and looked at his wife. She didn't need to know that her tantrum as she'd termed it had broken the ice, so to speak. "Let's just say it's one of those man things."

She stared into his eyes fiercely as though she were trying to see his thoughts. He was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. Fortunately, Wynne's concoction was ready. The mage slipped a large towel under Elissa's hands. "This will be very warm," she warned Elissa, "it may even burn you but it will cool and harden very quickly and I can cure any burns before they can blister."

Wynne tilted the pot and poured a thick amber gel over Elissa's extended palms. "Alistair, hold her wrists still."

Alistair awkwardly grabbed Elissa's wrists. She slipped her legs off his lap.

Wynne used a table knife to push the substance from her wrists towards her finger tips. "There, now hold still while it sets."

Alistair cast his mind about trying to find a pleasant distraction. "The sisters at the Chantry used to take us to the carpenter to remove pernicious splinters."

"Why the carpenter?" asked Elissa.

"He always had fresh glue on hand. He'd pour the smelly stuff over the splinter then once it dried yank it off to pull the splinter. It seemed to take forever to dry and while you waited he'd explain the chore you had to do by way of payment. I sometimes contemplated getting splinters on purpose just to get out of the monastery."

"I would have."

Alistair stopped for a moment he hadn't meant to say the last bit aloud. "I never did, though I'm not sure why not."

Elissa smiled warmly at him and Alistair was suddenly overcome by a strong desire to touch, hold and kiss her. He felt the fire flood through his body and the memory of her warm skin pressed against his own. He tried to hide his groan in a cough and took his mind back to safer topics. "So, the Arlessa."

"Yes, what happened."

"When Isolde was brought to the study in Eamon gave Teagan full authority to act on his behalf and left. Teagan, Zev and I questioned her and then Zev and I went to search her rooms whilst she was stripped of all her finery and dressed as befits a Chantry sister by the Revered Mother and Leliana."

"Having Zev and Leliana help was a good idea."

Her approval warmed his heart. "I rather thought so myself. At any rate, Isolde's been marched off to the Chantry. Zev and Leliana are pouring over a coded map. I think everyone is waiting for you to make an appearance. Unfortunately, my love leaving first thing tomorrow is looking less and less likely."

Elissa nodded. "You and I need to talk, too."

Cold settled in the pit of his stomach. Needing to talk was bad. Needing to talk really meant, 'I need to give you bad news but I prefer to do it privately.'

"About what we should do next," she said in a rush.

Alistair added mind reading to her many talents and tried to relax. His wife loved him and he should be more secure in that love.

"I also think we should go to bed early." Startled he looked into her eyes to see if she really meant what he thought she meant. Her expression was nervous but coy. He resolved to move slowly and let her know that her trust had not been misplaced.

He wrapped his arms around her warm body and rested his forehead against her delicate ear. "I'd like that," he whispered, "I'd like that a lot."

Wynne poked at the material covering Elissa's hands. "Sorry to interrupt," she said with too innocent a twinkle in her eye, "but it is time to remove these."

Alistair settled into his chair and began rubbing Elissa's back. Wynne peeled the edge nearest her wrist up then taken a firm grip ripped the amber gel from Elissa's hand. Elissa immediately lifted her hand to look at it but Wynne grabbed it back with an annoyed huff. She nodded and started on the other hand. Alistair pulled Elissa's hand up so that the two of them could examine it together. There wasn't a single splinter left.

"That is amazing," Alistair said, "it would sometimes take two or three applications of glue to pull out a splinter."

"I am a healer not a carpenter," Wynne said tartly.

"Of course you would be better at this sort of thing, I didn't mean that you wouldn't be or indeed that I thought you wouldn't be better."

Wynne smiled at him and he realized she'd just been teasing him. She ripped the second hand free then examined it as well. Alistair picked up the discarded gel. It was springy to the touch and not at all sticky. The inside was coated with Elissa's blood and splinters. He dropped it and looked at his wife again wondering how she'd managed to hurt herself this way by having a tantrum.

Wynne cast a healing spell on Elissa to close up the holes that were beginning to ooze blood and toughen the pink spots where blisters had been ripped away by the amber goop. "Next time, go talk to someone rather than doing something like this, my dear."

Elissa nodded but Wynne had already grabbed her bag and swept out the door.

Alistair lifted Elissa's chin and looked into her eyes, "What happened, my darling?"

"I-I just hate Isolde so much and I barely know her. Suddenly the thought that she was alive and my mother dead was too much. It's so unjust."

He pulled her into his embrace. "Oh my love, you've had so little time to grieve and so many unfair events to face."

"You don't understand, Alistair. I very nearly sacrificed her to save her son because I hated her on sight. I was ready to condone blood magic because I was angry."

10


	26. Royal Revelations

Elissa looked into her husband's eyes waiting for him to recoil but instead found understanding. "Of course you were tempted. I was tempted with less reason but it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it, don't you worry that the blight, the taint is changing us. Will we start as heroes but end as villains, like Loghain?"

"Firstly, nearly really means didn't. Secondly, Loghain has been driven mad by his obsession with Orlais. The letters from Loghain to Isolde make that much clear. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he believes the blight itself to be an Orlesian deception."

She chuckled. "I can just see that salon. A lovely Orlesian lady with her hair piled high on her head offering a glass of spring wine to the hurlock sitting next to her husband on the settee."

He joined her in her laughter. "I want to see the Emissary toddling about in a dress and high heels."

"That's it, to defeat the blight we need only import a bunch of Orlesian high heeled shoes and send them to the enemy. Whilst they're trying to learn how to walk in their new finery we'll slaughter them all."

"I like it. Now we just need someone to finance this plan."

"Oooh, good point," said Elissa, "Orlesian shoes are rather expensive. Ah well, so much for plan B."

"Elissa," he said seriously, "you are a good person. If you weren't you wouldn't be worried about these things. Your reaction to grief is certainly more useful than mine but it is no less real. Just because you aren't staring at your shoes all day doesn't mean you aren't suffering and I know it."

She let him draw her into his warm strong arms. Everything about Alistair comforted and drew her in to him. His hard muscles and his rough hands reminded her that he could and would protect her from any and all comers. His gentle words, silly humour and soft glances let her know that he cared for her feelings as much as he cared for her body. Now, she realized that his soft touches and low rumbling groans inflamed her lust and made her feel wanted in the most primal way.

"Alistair, maybe we should have that talk in a more private location."

"Pardon," he croaked.

"Come with me, my love, I want you to tell me more about that book." She stood and pulled her willing husband to his feet. They walked much too quickly past their companions in the main hall. Elissa caught Leliana and Zev sharing a saucy grin. Once past the castle's few inhabitants they tossed away all pretence of decorum and raced to their room. Together they fell into the bed where they made love slowly and sweetly. Not once did Elissa feel nervous or scared as Alistair gently worshipped every bit of her skin before they let their passions loose and dove into the endless now of their climaxes.

Hot, sweaty and sated they held each other and enjoyed the afterglow. Elissa felt deeply contented, loved and safe. Her head rested on Alistair's chest. She listened to his steady heartbeat as she lazily traced stars and hearts on around his belly button with the tip of her finger. His warm calloused hand slid gently back and forth along her side.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. I suspect I wasn't thinking anything at all."

She sat up to look into his face. "How can you not be thinking?"

He shrugged. "I do it all the time. Don't you ever suddenly find you've been staring at something and have no idea what you were thinking?"

"I call that sleep."

"No, I think it's when you slip into that space between sleeping and wakefulness."

"That's very poetic."

"Yes it was, wasn't it. I do have my moments."

"I love you, my husband."

He gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I love you too, my wife. Now, before anything else distracts us I believe you did actually want to talk, as well."

She nodded. "I want to know how much you think is safe to tell Eamon."

"Well, you need not fear he's in league with Loghain. In fact, I fear his anger at the self styled Regent may well affect his judgement."

"So, he'll fit right in."

Alistair snorted. "I would never put the Prince in danger."

"I know you wouldn't."

"Elissa, we need his advice. He will know what must be revealed and to whom to make sure Cailan's heir takes the throne."

She nodded. "Alright. I agree. I just don't know if I can face the Landsmeet and tell them I was despoiled. It's not the sort of thing good Andrastians admit to having happened."

"We will face them together. If the letter and you're identity come to light then so will Cailan's admissions to fault. The whispers will not change anything because we are the mighty Grey Wardens not simpering nobles."

"I want our companions to know."

"Are you sure?" he said with a frown, "Most of them have no reason to be loyal to Ferelden."

"That's why I wish to tell them. They have reason to be loyal to me and that may do more to protect our future King than anything else can."

"Well then I'm afraid we'll have to get dressed."

"Afraid?"

"Oh yes, terrified, you have no idea how it saddens me to see you cover this beautiful body of yours with clothing."

"So you'd rather I tromped around nude."

"Hmm, no I suppose not, it would be bad for morale if everyone else knew what they would never touch."

"Alistair, you're crazy."

"About you."

They continued to laze in bed and chatter for another half hour before guilt and Red's barking drew them out of their private retreat.

"Is it time we returned to the real world, boy?" Elissa asked her mabari. She had been neglecting him lately but hopefully Leliana's doting and Wynne's baths had made up for it.

Red whined then barked in response.

"I'm sorry. We're on our way now."

The hound barked his approval and led the way downstairs to the Arl's study.

"It's uncanny," said Alistair, "do you really think he understands?"

"Understands what?"

"Well, I don't know about the blight, about us, about the problems in Redcliffe... take your pick."

"The blight not so much to my mind. However, he definitely knows that darkspawn are bad."

Red barked in seeming agreement.

"Us?" She giggled. "Oh yes, he understands everything about us. Don't be surprised if he tries to bully you a bit as well, after all in his mind you belong to me now."

"How's that, perhaps you belong to me."

"Well it's my scent that is important to him, not yours. So in his mind you are marked by my scent."

Red barked again. He sounded almost smug to Elissa.

"As for Redcliffe, well I don't know what he thinks of this mess. He always recognizes threats and finds the best way to fight them. I know he usually picks up on the emotional overtones of those around him but he only comforts family."

"So," Alistair said looking carefully at the warhound, "am I friend, foe or family."

Red stopped at the bottom of the stairs and waited for them to open the heavy wooden door. Before either of them could start through he leaned into Alistair and whined shoving the man's hand with his nose.

Alistair rubbed Red's head and then scratched behind his ears. Red thanked him by licking his hand leaving it dripping drool. The hound barked his approval then trotted off ahead of them.

"Family," Elissa said.

Alistair shook the drool off his hand, "I'm honoured, really. Uh, he won't do that often, right."

Elissa just shrugged and all three of them marched over to the Arl's study where they found Teagan and Eamon were discussing strategy.

"Is there a comfortable and secure place our companions can gather to meet?" asked Elissa.

"I suppose the main hall would be the best choice," answered Arl Eamon.

"Will you join us?"

"Certainly, my lady."

"My position no longer warrants that greeting, my lord."

Eamon nodded but it was the slight up tilt of his mouth that heartened Elissa. She thought that Alistair may be right. The Arl could be just fine.

They traipsed through the castle to gather everyone. Leliana and Zev were working on the map in the Arlessa's private sitting room. Wynne was napping in her room. Sten was pacing on the castle walls. Morrigan was nowhere to be found but appeared at the beginning of the meeting anyways. It wasn't until the purported Witch of the Wilds slipped in the main hall's doors that Elissa remembered the other woman's comments about Grey Warden secrets.

Elissa stood at the front of the room and began. "In the past to defeat the blight the Grey Wardens allied with nations. The nations raised armies and together fought the hoard while the Grey Wardens fought their way to the Archdemon and destroyed it."

"Unfortunately," Alistair said, "we have lost the support of the Ferelden government, we have few other allies and there are only two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden. If we do not find a way to overcome these difficulties quickly we will lose Ferelden. Whether Loghain and his allies want to believe it or not this is a real blight. The Archdemon is coming. Do not doubt that. All the Grey Wardens knew there was an Archdemon lurking behind the darkspawn before the battle of Ostagar."

"Friend Alistair," said Zevran, "how do you know?"

Elissa and Alistair shared a glance.

"Zev," Elissa said easily, "we can't share Grey Warden secrets. I'm afraid you'll just have to trust us on that one."

Zevran shrugged. "I, too, have my professional secrets."

"The long and the short of it is that we need an army, the larger the better. Ferelden is verging on civil war. We must regain order and restore the Grey Warden's good name before we can rally the remaining warriors of Ferelden. Even if we managed that by tomorrow it would not be enough. We have treaties which oblige the Dwarves and Orzammar and the Dalish to help defeat the blight. We have already secured the help of Ferelden's Tower of Magi. Is there anywhere else we can look for aide?"

Leliana waved the map she and Zev had been poring over. "I do not have another army for you, Wardens, but we have found reference to another of your order within the country."

"Where?"

"That may be a problem," replied Zevran, "the map indicates the route he, or perhaps she, took from Orlais into Ferelden. The notes here also indicate that a force of Grey Wardens and Chevaliers were turned back at the border, further that group has returned from whence it came."

Alistair shook his head sadly. "That must have been the aide King Cailan requested from Orlais. I'd heard Loghain was livid at their inclusion. Still that even one other Grey Warden is here somewhere is good news indeed. I assume that he is more senior than we."

Elissa nodded in agreement. "But how do we contact him. Where would he go?"

"Duncan carried coded Grey Warden records. The list of all recruits and the results of every joining were among the notes he made. That information as well as an accounting of the dead and the true outcome of the battle would draw him to Ostagar."

"So, we need to revisit Ostagar to track him," Elissa said, "I do not look forward to that journey."

Eamon stood. "I do appreciate the need to remember the goal of all our efforts, namely to defeat the blight, but none of this will matter if the Wardens are still being hunted by Loghain. Any army, even a Dalish or Dwarven one, would be forced to take sides in our civil war or face attacks from both sides."

"Yes," Elissa said, "we must reunite Ferelden, which means we must dispose of Loghain and his allies."

"Neither I nor any of the nobility will commit troops to any war while civil war threatens but should an internal war erupt all will truly be lost. We can ill afford the causalities nor the time such a war would take. It would be best to call a Landsmeet and attempt to overthrow Loghain's position politically."

Alistair moved to stand behind Elissa, he put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed lightly. "Shall I tell them?"

Eamon retreated back to the chair next to Teagan. Elissa turned her back on the Arl abruptly and nodded to Alistair. This was much harder than she expected and it would be even worse if she had to do it before the entire Landsmeet.

"We need a candidate for the throne, a stronger candidate than Anora. We have already discussed this with the Arl, a little. He and Bann Teagan have a claim by marriage but their claim is no stronger than that of the Queen and Loghain's. However, we know of two persons of Therin blood and a candidate with a blood claim is exactly what we need. Strangely enough I am one of these two people. I am King Maric's bastard son."

"It is good you have Elissa to lead you," sneered Morrigan, "but will the nobility be willing to trade one headstrong Queen for another?"

"Thank you for your vote of confidence."

Elissa almost feel Alistair's bitter sarcasm and could not help but feel compelled to leap to his defence. She swept around and fixed the witch with an angry glare. "Alistair would have made a fine King. He is honest and genuinely cares for Ferelden. If his duty took him to the throne I would gladly have bowed to him."

"Well, it doesn't really matter. I cannot be King as I am a Grey Warden. I have sworn to forgo any titles and devote myself to the defeat of the darkspawn. As it turns out I would not have been first in line even if I was eligible. It seems that Cailan inherited Maric's penchant for producing an heir on the wrong side of the sheets, he too has a bastard son. This nephew of mine is the rightful King of Ferelden."

Elissa stood straighter as Alistair continued willing herself not to show any emotion as he revealed her shame.

"I was the product of a King acting the cad towards a gullible scullery maid. My nephew, Aedan, is the result of a drunken attack on a young noble woman. Some of you may have guessed that Elissa was the unfortunate recipient of Cailan's undesired attentions."

Eamon surged to his feet. "My nephew never forced himself on a woman particularly not a noble woman. This is..."

Teagan placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "He did, brother, exactly once. I heard the tale from his own lips, though he did not know the identity of the woman he'd used so harshly."

"We cannot take such a tale to the Landsmeet. We cannot tarnish Cailan's name in this way."

"Brother, stop and listen. There is a letter written in Cailan's hand that bears his seal admitting his fault and declaring the boy his heir."

Eamon dropped sadly into his chair his brother kneeled on the floor next to him. "The boy is five years old. Do you remember the tourney in Highever that was held just after Cailan married Anora?"

"Yes, he was so angry. I convinced him to go work it out fighting in the grand melee."

"Do you remember the tale of the maid that stole his signet ring?"

"Yes, of course. Anora was furious to learn that he just left it on his bedside table while he fought."

"He told me the truth, or as much of it as he knew anyhow. We can discuss the details privately later suffice to say that was when they, uh, met."

A choked gurgle burst from Elissa's throat.

"Elissa was a gangly fourteen year old, brother, this cannot be lain at her feet."

The Arl nodded reluctantly.

Alistair coughed. "The Arl needed to know the truth of Aedan's parentage to help us device a strategy for putting him on the throne. Elissa wanted all of you to know exactly whom we will be going to fetch and protect."

Elissa finally found the nerve to speak up. "Secrecy has kept Aedan safe so far. Though some knew he was a Cousland bastard only I knew the name of his father. He must be retrieved from his guardians and he must be kept safe. If we cannot do that, Ferelden will fall and this darkspawn hoard will have time and resources to swell and grow stronger."

9


	27. Clarity Gained

Alistair stared uncertainly at the others in the room willing them to reassure Elissa. His wife already felt shamed and guilty if any of them added to that he wasn't sure what he would do to them.

"This will not work," said Sten, "a boy cannot lead an army."

Alistair chuckled. "We're not expecting him to lead the army. If Anora were to remain Queen no one would expect her to lead the army, she isn't exactly a warrior."

"A King or Queen can inspire and army, a five year old boy cannot," Sten clarified.

"He's right," Eamon said wearily, "if young Aedan were to be put forward now it may well inspire more mayhem than in quells. The argument over who will become his Regent could just as easily cause a civil war as the problems we have now."

Elissa bristled. "Aedan is the rightful heir to the throne. You cannot simply cast him aside because he isn't convenient."

"Of course not, my Lady, I am merely suggesting that this is not the time to bring him forward."

"What are you suggest, brother?"

"Let us put Alistair forward as our candidate." He raised his hands to forestall any objections. "Alistair can both lead and inspire an army. He also can defend himself from any violent attempts to remove him from the path of succession. Alistair is of Therin blood and Elissa is the daughter of a respected Teryn, an obvious choice for a Queen. Add to that they are both Grey Wardens. The people and the nobles will be looking for saviours if we can expose Loghain's treachery."

Alistair frowned. "I have no intention of taking the throne, Eamon."

"I am not suggesting you become King, I am suggesting you become a candidate. There will be ample reason to delay the coronation. We can rally the nation and face the blight then Cailan's son can be found later."

"Aedan must be located and brought to safety, now," Elissa insisted, "Alistair and I cannot become monarchs for any period of time. Surely someone at the Landsmeet will be aware of the vows we have taken."

"I agree," replied Eamon, "however they can be convinced to wait until after the blight is broken to voice their concerns."

"This isn't right," said Alistair, "I know you think me naive but I cannot claim a throne in defiance of my vows. I won't even pretend to do so. If something happened to Aedan, Maker forbid, they would expect to place crowns on our heads."

"Eamon," Elissa said thoughtfully, "if Aedan could be taken to a secret place of refuge safe from domestic, foreign and demon-led foes would the support of Ferelden's Grey Wardens be enough to place him on the throne."

"Perhaps, but no such place exists."

"I beg to differ, we've recently been invited to such a place."

Alistair looked at his wife questioningly.

She whispered in his ear, "Soldier's Peak."

"Yes, brilliant my dear, simply brilliant. We'll have to go there first but it may well suit. Then assuming the Landsmeet proceeds as we'd like, Aedan can be spirited away and we'd be back in Denerim within a few days."

"Good," said Wynne, "On to other possible allies. I think we should approach the Grand Cleric for her support."

Alistair grimaced and shook his head. "You know she will not become involved in politics and she will claim that the Templars cannot abandon their duties, even during a blight."

"Loghain and Howe may well have made the Chantry their enemies. I spoke with Jowan. Howe's men took him forcibly from two templars. He claims that the templars were captured and imprisoned by Howe."

"What! That's insane Howe and possibly Loghain would have to face Chantry Court for such a transgression. A man came to the monastery once and held two initiates hostage while demanding the return of his son. He was sentenced to death. I don't even know the penalty for imprisoning a templar. Maker, they are mad. How can they believe all their wrongdoing will go undiscovered and unpunished?"

Elissa put a hand on Alistair's shoulder and mouthed "Babbling."

"Right, well. Wynne is right, if we can show the Grand Cleric that in addition to freeing an admitted malificar they have assaulted the Chantry's own sacred warriors. I'm not sure we'll have to do anything to Howe and Loghain."

"So, we have treaties to deliver, proof to discover, a Grey Warden to find, a refuge to investigate and a Prince to retrieve before we call the Landsmeet, declare a regent then gather our armies and defeat the blight," said Elissa all in one hurried breath.

"Well done, my darling. Yes, I think that sums it up nicely and terrifyingly."

Elissa chuckled. Eamon ordered a soldier to send for one of the returned servants. Food and drink was handed around, then Elissa, Alistair, Eamon and Teagan retreated to the study to solidify their plans. They worked late into the night. It was decided that Eamon would send messages to his allies and make a few personal visits to those Arls and Banns that he might sway to their side before he went to Denerim to await their arrival. Meanwhile, Alistair, Elissa and company would travel around Ferelden completing various tasks. They planned to visit Ostagar and then head north to the Orzammar, the Dwarven city. From there they planned to cross Lake Calenhad and try to find the Dalish on their way to Denerim. Unbeknownst to Eamon, they also needed to stop at Soldier's Peak to see if the place was still habitable and find Ser Gilmore's sister in Denerim. This last task was complicated by the fact that Elissa had no idea who the good lady had married.

Though Eamon tried several times, neither of the Wardens would reveal anymore about Aedan. Alistair was grateful that Elissa let him share her burden. As they made their way to bed he wondered what her parents would have thought of him. Would they have believed him a worthy son-in-law, it saddened him that he would never know.

Morning found them on the road again, as much as Alistair had enjoyed sleeping inside secure stone walls he'd found the bed too soft. He found himself wishing he'd slept in the hayloft that had been his place for the last three years he'd lived in Redcliffe. Would Elissa have been willing to sleep in the hayloft? He remembered the smell of the straw and the thick warm blankets softened by age he'd wrapped himself in each night. The comforting sounds of the horses snorting and shuffling below in the stables. Even the smell of steaming horse droppings waiting to be shovelled bespoke comfort for him because as long as he stayed in the stables he was safe from Lady Isolde's frosty glare and sharp tongue.

Surely Elissa would understand his wish to revisit his old haunt. If he closed his eyes he could see the loft in the late summer with bales of fresh hay everywhere. He could just imagine jumping in the hay with her, roughhousing in the hay with her, lying in the hay with her, undressing in the hay with her, running his fingers down her long legs in the hay, pressing her into the hay,....

"Hello, Alistair. Have you heard anything I said?"

"Hmm, sorry my darling."

"You have the dreamiest smile on your face, my love, what were you thinking about?"

"Oh, just hay."

"Hay?'

"Yesss," he said with a sigh.

Elissa looked at him quizzically.

"Ask me about it tonight," he replied.

His wife shook her head and shrugged. "I was trying to ask you if you had any idea what we might be facing in Ostagar."

"Well, the majority of the hoard will have dragged away their...their spoils by now."

"That's what I just said!"

"Ah, well then you're right."

Elissa frowned at him. "Alistair, could you pay attention, this is important."

"I'm sorry, my darling. I know it's important. I suspect there will be a token force left behind, perhaps under the command of an emissary. They will have destroyed everything of value and rendered the surrounding lands unusable. There is little reason for them to stay."

"Then so as long as we're careful, we should be able to slip in and out with minimal fuss."

"I do hope so. While we're there, I'd like to look for Duncan, if it's possible and there is time."

He felt Elissa's gauntleted hand slip into his own and grip it with a metallic grind. "Me too."

The days of marching south seemed to go on interminably and yet as they stood staring at the towers in the distance Alistair felt as though he'd arrived too soon to face the devastation of their former camp. He wasn't sure if he dreaded or hoped to find Duncan's remains on the field. So it was mixed feelings that he faced the lack of Grey Warden remains and the undeniable evidence that the Warden they sought had been and gone from Ostagar.

"This symbol," said Zevran pointing at the bottom of Duncan's lockbox, "I do not know it."

"It is from the Grey Warden's secrets it means the Ferelden records are safely in our order's hands."

"That is a lot to say with one symbol, friend Alistair. How many symbols does this secret language hold?"

"Thousands upon thousands," he replied with an equally straight face, "some are very elaborate, for instance the one that means 'when you find me scare my companion a little, wounding him is alright but don't kill him' takes about an hour to draw."

Elissa groaned and walked ahead.

"Your order, it teaches this sarcasm or only recruits those that already have it?"

"A little of both, actually."

Zevran stepped closer to Alistair as Elissa drew away. "When we found your King's body I could not help but hear your muttering."

"Well, you could pretend."

"No, my friend, for both your sake and Elissa's I could not. You wonder why she does not hate him for what he did to her, I know why."

"How?"

"I grew up in a brothel, Alistair. It is the last refuge for many desperate women."

"So, what do you think is the reason?" he asked skeptically.

"She does not blame him for her rape, she blames herself."

Suddenly everything she'd ever said about her place in the nobility and the King shifted into a clearer more accurate perspective. Alistair knew immediately that Zevran was right. "Maker! You...you are quite right. But why, why would she blame herself?"

"That is something I have never fathomed. I think it a trait more common among women than men but I have seen it many times in many people."

"How do I help her?"

Zevran shook his head. "That also, I do not know, friend Alistair. I simply know that this guilt of hers is there."

"Thank you Zev, it couldn't have been easy to..."

"No thanks are necessary. I swore to serve her, so here I do as I said." The elf then ducked away before Alistair could say more.

Alistair realized that the elven man was unused to thanks or praise. No wonder he had become so devoted to Elissa. His wife was the object of all their trust and faith. He looked at their companions and with a clarity he'd never before possessed; he could finally understand their loyalty. Each of them, including him, had found a need, a hole in their lives filled by this task and Elissa's leadership. It was his job to see to her needs including the unmerited guilt she pressed on herself. He lengthened his stride to catch up with Elissa determined to begin his campaign to make her see her own worth.

6


	28. Despised by All

Elissa was muscle tired and mind weary. Her arms, back and legs ached with fatigue but it was the overwhelming sense of not being able to take anymore that had really worn her down. Their return to Ostagar had been a truly wretched experience. It was one thing to know what the darkspawn did to places, the dead and the living but it was quite another to see it firsthand. She was glad the mysterious Warden from Orlais had been to the battlefield before they arrived. It spared Alistair the sight of his brother Wardens desecration. Somehow, working alone, the unknown Warden had managed to pull their bodies together and create a great pyre for them. The raging fire must have lured most of the roaming bands of darkspawn out of the old campsite and out onto the open field in front of the ruins.

The darkspawn still searched for something in the wilds, which made approaching and searching the ruins much easier. Neither of them were spared the sight of King Cailan's humiliation. It was a display that only the archdemon could have orchestrated; it was also a message of despair meant to be spread by those few brave or desperate enough to return to Ostagar. They scrawled their own message with a heap of dead hurlock and gunlocks topped by an emissary impaled on a ballista spear.

For Alistair it was revenge for the destruction of their order and the desecration of his half-brother. Before they quit the scene of the massacre he gathered all the pieces of the Royal Armour to take away with them. Did Alistair wish to be King after all? If not, what would he do with the King's armour? Elissa shook her head at her own thoughts. She knew her husband; he was devoted to the order and completely uninterested in ruling. He was not Cailan and she needed to stop worrying. He would never become like Cailan.

Their forced march was taking a toll on them all. Elissa was particularly worried about Wynne. The mage tired more easily than the rest of them. Wynne blamed it on her advanced age and sedentary habits in the tower, however thought it was at least partially because she expended so much energy tending their wounds. While she might be able to restore her flagging magical energy with a lyrium infusion her physical energy was not so easily replaced.

A bird winged overhead then dove into the trees further up the road. A few moments later Morrigan stepped out from behind the ancient tree's trunk. "We are well north of the searchers."

Elissa tried to respond but her throat was dry from choking on dust for too many miles so she settled for nodding.

"I found a suitable glade not far from the road, twould make a good camp should you be inclined to stop now."

No one mustered the energy to do more than nod. They stumbled into the wood and followed Morrigan to her glade where everyone sank down gratefully. Elissa was asleep so quickly she didn't even remember lying down.

She woke inside a lean-to covered by heaps of leaves or ferns or something with her armour digging into her side most uncomfortably. The sun was high in the sky. Alistair lay to one side of her snoring and Leliana on the other with Zev beyond. Red lay on his back at her feet chasing something in his sleep. Sten and Wynne were sitting by the remains of a fire and Morrigan was nowhere in sight. Her husband was still in his heavy armour too. Both of them would be stiff and sore today.

Elissa gave Alistair a shove to wake him, though she'd have been happy if he'd just stop snoring.

He woke with a huge yawn. "Maker, I am still tired but mostly I have to get out of this armour before I embarrass myself." He leapt up and began laboriously undoing the buckles that had been twisted out of place as he slept.

Suddenly Elissa noticed the pressure of her bladder and she too hurriedly peeled away the leg pieces of her heavy armour and ran for the bushes. As she dashed away she noticed that their undignified clattering had awakened Zevran and Leliana.

Once the urgency of her situation had been dealt with she began the short trek back to camp wincing at the way her armour had shifted overnight. She decided to stop right there and remove her offending breast plate. The leather straps were damp from her night spent on the ground. She just couldn't get a strong enough grip on to yank loose the two right under her arms but she was sure Alistair would be able to help her and he might well be having the same problem.

She drifted through the trees in the direction she saw her husband sprint and called his name.

"Who's that?" a gravelly voice asked.

"Just, one of my companions," Alistair said loudly, "Now that she's heard you she'll fetch the others."

"She better not, I'll kill you before they can take me."

"Fair enough."

There was a pause. Elissa walked closer trying not to bludgeon through the undergrowth in her normal manner. Stealth was not her way, she was a fighter but right now she needed to know the lay of the land.

"You lie. This woman is not one of your companions. She must be special to you if you'd rather die than risk her."

There was something familiar about the voice, something in the choice of words and the manner in which they were spoken. She needed to see the speaker, to place him. Perhaps he was someone from Castle Highever.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Revenge, you Wardens have ruined my life. Nothing can make up for you crimes but I can at least make you suffer."

"What did the Grey Warden's do to you?"

Elissa heard a choking sob that was horribly familiar and wonderfully familiar. She rushed forward heedless of anything but reaching them before anything happened. "Stop," she cried as she ran, "Fergus, stop."

Finally she found them. Fergus held a knife to Alistair's throat but they both wore the same look of stunned disbelief, "Elissa!" they said in unison.

"Fergus, drop the knife."

"No, they killed Ariana and Oren. I will make the Warden's pay."

"Will you kill me too, brother? I am a Grey Warden."

"No, no you bastards have taken even my little sister."

"Howe's men killed them, Fergus, I was there, I can tell you what happened. The Wardens saved my life. Duncan saved my life."

"No, they told me what that happened. I know what happened in Ostagar, Elissa. You weren't there you can't understand."

"I was at Ostagar, I fought the darkspawn. Alistair and I lit the beacon and Loghain left the Wardens and the King to die."

"They said, they said that the beacon was lit too late that...."

Elissa walked slowly towards them and pulled the knife from Fergus' grasp. Alistair stumbled away from Fergus and wrapped his arm around her pulling her away from her brother. Fergus stared at them for a moment then leaned back against a tree and drew a shuddering breath.

She examined Alistair's neck. He sported a shallow nick that she brushed with her finger tips. "Thank the Maker, you're okay, you're okay."

Alistair nodded.

"Could you go get Wynne, my love?"

"He's..."

"He's my brother, he won't hurt me."

Alistair kissed her on the forehead and strode away quickly.

"Are they really gone?" Fergus asked.

"Yes, yes they really are gone."

"At first, I hoped it was a lie and then I became angry. I thought I was angry enough to kill in cold blood."

"It was Howe. He held his troops back on purpose and attacked in the night."

"You're sure the Grey Warden, Duncan, did not conspire with him?"

"I'm sure. Duncan tried to save Father's life, he was willing to save Mother's life."

"What happened Elissa, did they suffer, did any survive?"

"Howe's soldiers swept into the castle and began attacking. Howe attacked father during that first wave then ran to his troops outside. Ser Gilmore rallied Highever's remaining soldiers and they managed to close the main door but they knew it wouldn't hold. Duncan helped father to the kitchens and then went to look for the rest of us. By this time Howe's men had lit fires and thrown furniture into the halls on the fires. Duncan couldn't get past the rubble to the family wing. Mother and I woke to the sounds of attack. We managed to fight off the few soldiers that made it through to the hall outside our chambers."

"Which meant they'd already been to my rooms, didn't it?"

"I'm sorry Fergus, I'm so sorry. It was the first place we went but you're right."

"Did they suffer?"

"No, I don't even think Oren woke up. Ariana was by her chair and still fully dressed."

"Thank the Maker, I don't like to think of them suffering."

"I think Mother had hoped they'd taken the two of them prisoner, that they wanted something else and we would be able to ransom them. After we checked your rooms we knew they wanted our deaths and that it was kill or be killed."

Wynne arrived and began to tend to Fergus. Alistair stepped behind Elissa and put a hand on her back. She smiled at him reassuringly and continued with her story.

"Mother and I made it the main hall where we found Ser Gilmore doing his best to hold the door. He...he and the remaining guards sacrificed themselves to buy us time. We found father in the pantry waiting for us, he was injured—a stomach wound."

Fergus winced.

"He sent me to Ostagar with Duncan to become a Grey Warden and warn you. Mother stayed to defend the last exit and die with Father. When we arrived in Ostagar Duncan told the King of Howe's treachery and Cailan swore to turn his army north to retake Highever after the battle."

Wynne stood. "Your wounds are healed young man but you are in no better shape than we are. We all need to return to camp."

"I'd planned to rest today, provided there are no darkspawn patrols nearby," said Elissa. She was trying, desperately, to regain the hard won normality of the last two months. While it was wonderful to have her brother back, that Fergus was alive, his presence brought all the painful memories of Highever's fall back to the surface. Alistair's hand moved from her back to her buckles. Now that the urgency had faded his attention drifted to other matters, such as her loosened buckles.

"Well, my dear," said Alistair, "you should let the others know. Other than Sten I'm sure they'll be relieved. Besides Morrigan had just returned from scouting when I went to get Wynne, she won't report to anyone but you."

Elissa smiled, "I doubt she'd appreciate you calling it reporting."

"That's exactly why I do it. Now let me get you out of this blasted breast plate so that the straps can dry straight and your fetching ensemble will be ready tomorrow."

Fergus stood and started on the buckle under her other arm. "I can handle this, ser. My sister should not be forced to accept your help simply because you are her..."

Alistair interrupted him, "..husband. I am Elissa's husband. How do you do, I am Grey Warden Alistair?"

Fergus gaped at Alistair then he gaped at her. Elissa lifted the hair covering the nape of her neck so that he could see the tattoo that graced her neck. "Yes, brother, Alistair is my husband."

"Which makes me your brother-in-law, I suppose."

Fergus swallowed then stopped fighting with the buckle. "Well...uh...well. I thought you were never getting married?"

"Fe-ergus!"

"Really?" Alistair said, "What else had she decided?"

"Wait," Fergus said. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he looked at his sister closely, "There wasn't some reason that you had to..."

This time Elissa interrupted him. "Certainly not, to think I actually prayed to find you." She punched her brother in the arm and then led them all towards the camp.

Fergus fell in behind Wynne and next to Alistair. "I told you some man would capture your icy heart someday, sister, but not even I would have guessed he'd have you standing in front of the hearth in less than two months. You have changed."

"Well you haven't changed at all." Elissa giggled a little too shrilly, Fergus laughed a little too loud, Alistair smiled a little too widely and Wynne rolled her eyes a little too dramatically. The relief at putting aside the serious topics of death and loss was palpable and if they were all over-reacting a bit, that was just too bad. Elissa was pleased to see her brother laughing with Alistair however strained that laughter might be, it was a start. They emerged from the trees into the glade they'd literally dropped in the night before.

"Alistair, you must be quite the man to lure my sister from her independent ways, and so quickly."

Alistair did not let his rising colour stop him from responding. "On the contrary, my lord, your sister melted my heart. I have no idea what she sees in a bumbling fool such as me."

"I have pondered that very matter myself," said Morrigan.

"I think our glorious leader has a free moment to hear your report now. Shall I check her schedule?"

"I congratulate you, Warden, it is a fine thing to have an aide that meets so many needs and knows his place."

"Too bad the same can't be said for my General's scout."

"Morrigan, may I introduce my brother Teryn Fergus Cousland. Fergus, I'd like you to meet another of our travelling companions, Morrigan. She is a very talented mage and shape shifter who graciously uses her abilities to scout for our company."

"My lady," Fergus said.

"He is another stray that will follow you, I care not. I simply wished to inform you that the darkspawn gave up the chase and have returned to the Tevinter ruins in the south."

"Thank the Maker," said Leliana.

"I did not see any fictitious creature in pursuit, but as you will. I go to my rest now."

Behind her Fergus commented to Alistair. "She's friendly."

"Oh, yes. Wait 'til you see her on a bad day."

"Since Morrigan has seen our enemy retreat and we're all exhausted, I'm officially declaring today a rest day for us all. Fergus, this is our crew, I'll make introductions later. Leliana, I'm putting you in charge of dinner. Alistair, please find some meat for her to cook. Zevran, find out what she wants in the way of herbs and other local flora. Wynne, you need to rest I know the last few days have been gruelling for you. Sten, you also need to get some rest, I don't think you've slept at all over the last four days."

Everyone wandered off to their various tasks leaving Elissa with her brother and her husband again. Alistair leaned down, his lips tickled her ear, "Shall I stay?"

Elissa grabbed his hand and just nodded. She didn't want to tell Fergus about Aedan but there was little choice, soon enough she'd be telling all the nobles in Ferelden. Her brother had to know that not only did he have an illegitimate nephew but they were planning on putting him on the throne.

"I am famished," said Alistair.

Her stomach seemed to have been listening. It rumbled loudly making Elissa giggle.

"Come along you two, we're all in need of a large breakfast before we do anything else."

With a grateful sigh Elissa followed her husband over to the cook pot.

"I'm game," answered Fergus, "as long as Lissy didn't cook it."

"Lissy?" Alistair said smirking back at the two of them.

"Fe-ergus!"

8


	29. Catching Up

Fergus found the burnt porridge to be as fine as the best meal he had ever eaten. Apparently, his sister and her...her husband Alistair were just as hungry as he, each of them polished off two bowls a piece. He peered at her suspiciously, "Are you sure you're not...?"

"Positive," she replied with a familiar frown, "It's a Grey Warden thing."

Alistair chuckled. "Well, that and we didn't stop to eat at all yesterday. I suppose that's why, even burnt this tastes wonderful."

"Hunger's the best sauce," Elissa and Fergus chorused together in a parody of Nan's voice.

Alistair's eyebrows danced towards his hairline.

"Sorry, dear. Our Nanny took over the kitchen once I was out of the nursery. Nan had a story or a saying for everything."

He nodded.

It was Fergus' turn to laugh. "What she isn't telling you is that Nan threatened to quit at least once a week because of our resident diabolical duo, Lissy and Red."

Fergus watched with a grin as his sister's face turned rosy. "Fe-ergus."

"Oh ho, turn about is fair play. I told you I'd get even with you for all those tales you..." He couldn't finish. Everything reminded him of Oriana and Oren. Everytime he pushed their loss to the back of his mind something would drag it forward again. "I'm sorry, I just...sometimes I still think, I can't wait to tell Oriana about this or Oren would love to have seen this."

Elissa put her arms around him and Fergus let himself relax into his sister's embrace. "Oh, Fergus. I wish, I wish..."

"I know, Lissy, I know. Don't waste time lamenting what can't be, it's Howe's fault not yours."

They cried together for the loss of their family, for the brutal way their lives had been stolen. Then just like always, they came apart at the right time. There was no awkwardness. There was no confusion. They were family and they were finally where they needed to be again, together.

"Now, sis, what is it you need to tell me that's got you tied up in knots?"

Elissa looked over at her husband affectionately. "See, you are in good company my love. You and Fergus are the only two men I cannot fool."

Alistair said, "Good to know."

"Come on now, Lissy. Don't change the subject. Compared to everything else that's happened how bad can it be?"

Elissa took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Do you remember about five years ago when you and Oriana took Oren to Antiva to visit her parents."

"Of course." His mind wandered back to the frustration of their visit. Oriana's very proper mother had never forgiven Fergus for eloping and consummating their marriage after a mere peasant's promise. "Maker, I have to tell Oriana's relatives..., I'm sorry Lissy. It just jumped into my head."

His sister smiled at him sympathetically.

"Continue, please."

"Just after you left, Father hosted a tourney."

"Oh, yes, that was quite the scandal, what with our newlywed King attending without his wife then losing his signet ring."

"Fergus, he didn't exactly lose his ring."

"I knew that, I just didn't think you'd been told. It's hardly, I don't know, proper, I guess. I suppose the rumour mill reaches as high as it does low."

"Yes, well, I didn't need to hear any rumours. I know because there was no maid, it was me."

Fergus stood up and then he sat down.

"Maker, Lissy, what were you playing at, what were you thinking?"

"It was a dare. Rory and Colin suddenly turned into complete idiots and I didn't understand why. I overheard them talking about getting someone to prove their claims by sneaking into the King's tent and bringing back a token as proof."

"Of all the idiotic stunts, Elissa Cousland you know very well those two never pulled off the ridiculous things they claimed to do."

"I do, but I had something to prove. So I dressed as a maid, but I went in the evening to the camp... I didn't know Fergus."

"You shouldn't have needed to know. Alright, enough...I know, more or less what happened in the tent. Maker Elissa, did you at least tell Mother?"

His sister looked down at her hands. "No. I told no one, until I realized I was pregnant. Even then I wouldn't tell Mother or Father the identity of the man. They pressed me for a long time until I finally admitted he was married. They, they believed I was willing at first but after Mother saw me around young men for a while she realized what had happened. She still couldn't figure out why I was protecting my attacker's identity."

Fergus put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "You were a foolish but the price you paid far outstrips your mistake. I love you, little sister but I wish I could have spared you this pain."

"I'm...glad. Because Fergus, everyone is going to have to know."

"The child is Cailan's heir, Maker's mercy."

"His name is Aedan, Aedan Theirin, I suppose."

"Where is he?"

"That's just it, I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that he's in Denerim being raised by Ser Gilmore's sister but..."

"Aedan! That Aedan, he looked so familiar. Maker, he and Oren played together last summer during Landsmeet. Aine and Hamish invited him to stay overnight and play with their boys. Aedan was only four but Oren thought he was wonderful, chattered about wanting a younger brother all the way home. In fact, everyone remarked on how much more he looked like Oren than his own brothers."

"What's he like, Fergus?"

"Aedan has our dark hair but with hints of red, I'd bet he'll have a red beard when he's older. He's a ready smile but he's shy when he first meets someone. Aside from that he's a little boy, messy, loud and constantly in trouble."

Fergus squinted, remembering Cailan's features. "I can see the resemblance, to both our family and the Theirin's. He actually looks like a dark haired version of you, Alistair."

"Me!"

"Fergus! How did _you_ know?"

"The rumours of Maric's bastard flew around the Landsmeet for years. When I came of age, Father told me the truth of it but I thought you'd been sent to become a Templar."

"I was, in fact I was conscripted by Duncan a scant fort-night before I was to take my vows."

"So, why are you putting my sister through this? Aedan's happy and Ferelden needs a Monarch who can lead, not a boy King."

"Fergus!" his sister warned.

"No, love, he's right to ask. I'm glad there's finally someone else here that will put your interests forward. I can't be King anymore than Elissa can be Queen or a Teryna. Our vows to the Grey Warden Order require that we relinquish our birthrights and take no title other than Warden."

Fergus nodded. His grief threatened to swamp him. His sister was no longer his kin, in some ways. "What about your children?"

Alistair rubbed the back of his head.

Elissa spoke quietly. "In all likelihood, there won't be any, Fergus. I can't divulge Grey Warden secrets but suffice to say that the Joining is more than a formality and there is a price to be paid to gain the powers we have to fight the darkspawn."

"I see."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to dishonour the Cousland name."

"Elissa! You have not dishonoured our name. Cailan dishonoured his name and while there will always be those who resent you for revealing his failure, I will never be one of them."

Leliana called out, "Alistair, you'd best be looking for very small game if you intend to delay much longer."

Both Couslands chuckled at the sight of Alistair rolling his eyes. "Why couldn't you send Zev for meat?"

"Because you can't tell marjoram from deathroot."

"Fine, make an issue of my ignorance, woman." He kissed her on the forehead. "I won't be long. Fergus, I'm glad we've finally met." Alistair extended a hand.

Fergus took Alistair's hand and drew him into a hug. "As am I brother, welcome to the family and congratulations to both of you."

His new brother-in-law wore a grin that threatened to crack his face as he left to gather his hunting supplies.

"Thank you, Fergus."

"For what?"

"Welcoming, him. He was afraid you wouldn't think him worthy of me."

"Are you kidding, I'm so relieved someone took you on before you became my responsibility."

Elissa elbowed him in the ribs, just like old times.

"Come along, I'll introduce you to everyone."

"If you don't mind, sister, I'd really rather catch some shut eye first. I haven't slept soundly since..."

"Of course, I should have known. I can't believe I was so insensitive. So do you want a tent, what am I saying, of course you want a tent..."

"Stop babbling, Lissy. That's a terrible habit, when did you pick that up?"

She muttered something he couldn't understand then called for Alistair to give her a hand.

So before Alistair could escape into the trees, he helped Elissa raise a tent for Fergus.

Fergus crawled into the small shelter stripped out of all his clothes and gratefully folded himself into the bedroll. His last thought was that if Oriana were here she would scold him for going to bed nude and unwashed. Thankfully sleep claimed him before grief could take hold.

5


	30. Of Brothers

Alistair had mixed feelings about Fergus' arrival. He was elated for Elissa and a bit jealous which made him feel quite guilty. After all Fergus was his beloved's brother it was only natural that they shared things, it wasn't as if they were trying to exclude him. It was just, strange to not be the one who knew her every thought. Fergus' words led her thoughts to the people and places of Highever.

Worse, not only was he jealous of Fergus' place in her life, he was jealous of her. He wanted a brother, a real brother that had shared his childhood and that he had fought with and annoyed. All in all it left him feeling out of sorts. Whilst Fergus slept and Elissa beamed at everyone, he went hunting but he found that he wasn't in any particular hurry.

His lack of enthusiasm annoyed Leliana, who was very conscious of a new person, and in particular her dear friend's brother, being in the camp. For reasons that mystified Alistair she wanted dinner to be as perfect as circumstances would allow.

"He's just her brother, not the Grand Cleric."

"Oh, Alistair. Don't you want him to be proud of her?"

"Yes, but I don't think that's a problem. Besides what would your cooking have to do with Fergus being proud of Elissa?"

"It's a matter of atmosphere. She's going to introduce the rest of us to him tonight."

"So?"

"So he won't think much of us if we prove to be a bunch of barbarians. He is a Teryn after all."

"Actually, he is a man without a force to reclaim his position, at the moment."

"Oh, Alistair. We can help him reclaim his birthright then he will..."

"No, Leliana, we can't," said Elissa as she approached.

"What!"

"The Grey Wardens of Ferelden are already on unsteady ground now. Our Order has been banished from Ferelden once already. After the new King is brought to the attention of the nobility we must stay out of politics," said Alistair.

"So, you will just let this Howe live."

Elissa growled, "No, that's personal. Howe will die on my family's sword." She took a deep breath. "But there is a difference between vengeance against one man and raising an army to reclaim Highever."

Alistair glared at Leliana willing her to stop talking about Highever. Either she felt the topic exhausted or she understood him because she moved on to something else.

"So, Fergus, he is your older brother?"

"Yes, he is ten years my senior."

"He has the most interesting voice, so deep and gravelly."

Elissa frowned, "That's new, not that he had a high voice before."

"Ah, is it his grief that has changed it so, how sad, how romantic."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Or it could have something to do with the partially healed wound across his throat that Wynne healed."

Leliana shrugged. "Probably." She eyed Elissa carefully. "Am I being silly, my friend?"

"Very silly, what has gotten into you Leliana?"

"It's the way I was trained. I did not know you to be a noble until it was far too late to play the belle vivante."

Alistair shared a bewildered glance with Elissa.

"It means the lively one, you know the spark at the party."

"Well, my brother is a widower without a home or a set of clean clothes. I think too much belle whatever would probably curdle his stomach."

Alistair smirked, "Not to mention he was raised a warrior in a Castle near the borders of Ferelden. I'd bet he's spent far more time in armour than brocade."

His wife nodded. "Now about the no clean clothes problem he has, Alistair could you lend him a pair of trousers?"

He nodded. "I don't suppose there's anyone else that could."

"Good, just slip them into his tent when you gather his dirty things, knowing Fergus he'll have just shucked all his clothes and thrown himself at the bedroll."

"What! Why can't..." Alistair went through the list in his head, none of the women could go, just in case he really was sprawled nude across the bedroll, that also nixed Zevran. Alistair wouldn't wish the assassin's interest on any straight man, particularly not his new brother. Which left Sten, Alistair couldn't see sending Sten on such an errand, besides the Qunari was sleeping.

Elissa put a gentle hand on his arm. "Alistair, you're part of the family. Who else would I send?"

A warm glow grew near Alistair's heart and rose to spread a goofy grin on his face. He swept Elissa into a great hug, kissed her soundly and marched off to complete his errand with a light heart. After all, that was his brother in there that needed someone to care. That was a need Alistair could truly understand.

Alistair poked his head into the tent. Thankfully, Fergus was under the covers. He was also snoring or something as he slept. In all his years of living in dorms Alistair had never seen someone snore whilst lying on his stomach. He cautiously moved forward to drop the trousers next to the bed and grab Fergus' filthy clothes and armour but the sight of blood draining out of his brother-in-laws nose pushed all fears of waking him out of his mind.

He dropped to one knee next to the bedroll and felt for Fergus' pulse. He sighed in relief as he felt the slow regular rhythm. Still the blood was continuing to trickle at a steady rate. He tried to shake Fergus awake with no success. Now, he was worried.

"Elissa," he hollered, "get Wynne."

He heard Leliana say, "Go! I'll do it."

Elissa piled into the tent next to him and put here shaking hands on his arm. "What's wrong?"

"His nose is bleeding and I can't wake him."

She leaned over close to his ear and screamed his name.

"I'm just resting my eyes," he mumbled.

Alistair looked at her and then Fergus in shock.

"He either dozes sitting up or lies down and passes out completely."

"Can I assume his nose bleeding is not normal or is that just another thing he does?"

"Oh no, that is a problem. I should have had Wynne check him over thoroughly. I should have known he wouldn't tell me if he was hurt. Maker, he better not be badly hurt. He can be such an idiot sometimes but he is my brother and I don't want to lose him again after just finding him and if he's really badly wounded I'll just never forgive myself. What would..."

"Ugh," said Fergus, "Just shut up, Lissy. Maker, that babbling is going to drive me mad."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "You're bleeding."

"Omph," he said as he rolled onto his back under the blanket, "Am I? Well, that's probably bad."

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

"It's just a broken nose. I figured if you couldn't tell it was broken then it couldn't be that bad."

"It can't have been bleeding all that long," said Alistair pointing to the small pool of blood and drool on the in the middle of a slightly larger stain soaked blanket.

"Uh, what are you two doing in here with me?"

Alistair picked up the trousers and dropped them on the bedroll. Elissa thought you might like clean trousers.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks."

Wynne pulled back the tent flap. "There are entirely too many people in there."

Elissa then Alistair backed out and Wynne stepped in then turned to close the flap. "Bring me a large towel, Alistair, a large clean towel."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a salute, "Anything else, ma'am."

"Enough of that young man," she said through the tent. "Now, Fergus isn't it? Let's get a few things straight here."

Alistair recognized the beginning of a lecture when he heard it and went off to find a large clean towel. When he returned, Fergus was standing outside his tent, wrapped in a blanket and holding his borrowed trousers with a whimsical expression on his face. Wynne stood calmly nearby waiting.

"Alistair be a dear and show Fergus where he can bathe. He has suffered a head injury and cannot be left alone for the time being."

"A head injury," said Alistair, "Wow! What did you do, she's never hit me during treatment?"

Wynne sniffed in his general direction then walked away.

Fergus leaned towards Alistair, "She's rather...uh...formidable."

"You have no idea. Come I'll grab some soap, I may as well bathe and wash out my gear, too."

Fergus grabbed up his pile of dirty laundry and followed Alistair. They soon found themselves at by the clear stream that meandered through this part of the forest. The shallows were warm enough to make bathing pleasant.

Alistair could help but notice that Fergus had very few scars compared to him and Elissa. He reflected on the danger inherent in their life and how little he had to offer the former Lady Cousland.

"Yoohoo, Alistair, can you pass the soap," Fergus said, clearly not for the first time.

"You look like you've seen the Black City. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I wish, I wish I could offer Elissa a better life."

"If you love her then you always will, Alistair. If it's any consolation this is the life she wants. She'd never have been happy gossiping and doing embroidery."

"Because of what Cailan did to her."

"You didn't like him much, I guess."

"Actually, the funny thing is I respected and revered Cailan the Monarch, my King. However, Cailan the man, I didn't care much for him at all. I punched him, you know."

"Really, I had the impression that you were kept away from the capital."

"I was, I only saw him once during my childhood. No, I mean recently, the night before he died in fact."

"That, that seems unwise."

"Yes, well he was drunk and he'd grabbed Elissa. He was trying to tell Duncan that she couldn't be a Grey Warden after all. That she had to leave because she would be having all his..." Alistair coughed, this was Elissa's brother—the details weren't wanted in all likelihood. "At any rate I didn't really think about him being the King, he was just a boor assaulting a woman, I reacted without thinking."

"So, how did he react to being hit?"

"Uh, he didn't, I knocked him senseless. However, it was the following morning that his Majesty decided Elissa and I would light the beacon rather than join the others in the battle. 'Tis the only reason we survived. If we'd been with the others..."

"So, you never saw him again."

"Not alive. Not alive."

"Why did it take so long to light the beacon?"

"Darkspawn had overtaken the tower. They'd come boiling up out of the catacombs and killed all the guards. Elissa, Red, a Circle Magi and I fought our way through to light the fire. We couldn't see much of the battle from the tower windows, in any case, we were attacked by more darkspawn before anything could have happened down there."

"How did you escape?"

"We didn't, we were rescued. If Morrigan is to be believed, her mother took the form of a gigantic bird and plucked our injured bodies from the top of the tower and then nursed us back to health. That Elissa survived her wounds was a minor miracle in and of itself."

"A giant bird? Just who does this woman's mother think she is, the dreaded Bitch of the Wilds, Flemeth?"

A chuckle burbled up Alistair's throat and turned into a full throated laugh that surprised him with its intensity. He felt more like he was suffering an attack than expressing amusement.

"By Andraste's flaming knickers, she was Flemeth wasn't she." Fergus seemed to catch his mirth and an hour later as they gathered their cleaner wet clothing to head back to camp they were both still chuckling.

Alistair couldn't help but think that their adventures had already become the stuff of legends. Who would ever believe all these things had really happened to them.

They arrived in camp just in time for dinner and for Fergus to be introduced to everyone.

"Well, as all of you have no doubt already gathered, this is my brother, Fergus Cousland the rightful Teryn of Highever."

"Please," Fergus said, "no formality, Lissy. I'm just a man with a sword right now."

"Alright, feel free to address the Teryn as Fergus but don't even think about calling me Lissy." Her glare was focused firmly on Zevran who was trying to look innocent.

"So Fergus I'll do the rounds. You've met my husband, Alistair."

"You're awfully fond of that word, husband. I'd never have believed it of you Lissy."

Alistair watched his wife blush and roll her eyes.

"This is Sten of the Beresad, a formidable warrior and the strong silent type." Sten almost nodded, Alistair was sure there was a nearly imperceptible movement.

"The preening elf over here is Zevran, a former Antivan Crow."

"I am delighted to make your acquaintance. I can see the family resemblance around the eyes but you definitely have the manlier chin."

Fergus' eyebrows seemed to have risen to unexpected heights. Alistair wondered when their motley group had started seeming normal to him.

"I understand that Wynne introduced herself. She is from the Ferelden Circle of Magi and has kindly been patching us up whenever we run into something hard or pointy."

"Leliana grew up in Orlais but has spent the last couple of years as a lay sister in the Lothering Chantry. She also is a wonderful bard." Leliana rose to be introduced and Fergus stood and kissed her hand.

"Pleased to meet you, my dear," Fergus murmured before reclaiming his seat next to his sister.

"I'm sure you remember our company's other mage, Morrigan. She greeted us as we entered camp this morning."

"Ah, yes Morrigan. I've heard so much about you."

"From the fool, no doubt. I care little what you think."

Alistair murmured, "Bitch of the Wilds," under his breath. When Morrigan failed to continue her complaints he turned towards Elissa and saw behind her that Fergus' lips were twitching in a badly disguised effort not to laugh. Alistair closed his eyes and tried to think of anything 'not funny' but ended up having to cough to hide his chortles. This, of course set Fergus off. They both looked at Elissa's annoyed expression then each other and then doubled over in riotous laughter.

8


	31. And Then There Were Two

Elissa and Morrigan walked at the head of their company. The witch wore a sour expression of discontent that seemed to fit the drizzly conditions.

"It is unfortunate," Morrigan said, "that the men who follow you are such fools."

"Fergus and Alistair were just bonding, Morrigan."

"My point has been proven."

"Well, I am glad they like each other. It would be very awkward if my husband and my brother did not get along."

"It is weakness, this bonding and caring."

"I disagree. I believe it to be a strength. Friendship is what inspires people to share dangers and joys. Without it every person would face the world alone, unable to count on anything except their own abilities."

"Relying on others is a weakness. Bonding is just a dishonest way to gain influence. One can seek power or be an antelope. Power is meant wielded by the strong. Emotions are simply useless distractions."

"What is the use of power?"

"With power one need not bow to the whim of another."

"You don't bow to anyone. Does that mean you have enough power?"

"Seek not to ensnare me with sophistry."

"Morrigan, playing with words and logic is a game. I'm not trying to play a game with you. Flemeth lives for her power, it's all she has left after all these years. Her grimoire proved that. Do you remember your horror at discovering the fate she planned for you, to become her next vessel."

"Only too well."

"That is where her quest has taken her. She is safe, I suppose, but what else has power afforded her?"

"Her legend has grown so that all know and fear her."

"Not all," rumbled Sten from behind her, "the Qunari do not fear myths nor legends. We know the folly of living for either power or love. I may fall as my brothers fell but the Qun will not fall."

"If every last soul in Thedas bowed to the Qun what would the warriors of the Beresad do?" asked Elissa.

"The Universe is infinite. There has always been and will always be another world in need of order."

"So the Qunari will fight eternally."

"Yes," he replied.

Elissa smiled. Were her choices really any better? She didn't know and yet here they were together working to a common goal.

Sten looked down at Elissa, "The healer and your brother tire."

Morrigan looked up at the hulking warrior. "This caring, have you too been infected by its stain?"

He just looked at Morrigan for a moment then strode forward.

They looked back to where the others were walking and laughing.

"One does wonder how they stand each other," Morrigan said.

Elissa chuckled. She'd bet Sten would have taken any excuse to get away from the ruckus. She looked ahead and began searching for a suitable rest stop that might offer some shelter from the elements. This part of the trail was particularly open but ahead it meandered through a promising trio of craggy hills.

Just as they started around the first curve Elissa felt it; darkspawn ahead. The feeling was stronger and somehow more than before, she could hear in her head—the thoughts of many creatures.

Suddenly, Alistair was at her side. "Hear the crowd this time?"

"Yes, how do I stop it?"

"For me it's like stopping up a bottle to keep the wine from pouring out, I put the sense away, for the most part. Duncan said that some think of pulling a curtain or closing a door."

Elissa nodded and tried to put something between her and the oily muttering. She remembered an old elven woman with the closed eye tattooed on her forehead. She'd had it put there to close her third eye, or so she'd said. To the child Elissa it was just another strange old elven idea. To the Grey Warden Elissa it was a timely bit of inspiration. She imagined herself with a third eye in the middle of her forehead staring down at the milling crowd of murmuring darkspawn. She counted fifteen of them, seven genlocks, seven hurlocks and an emissary. With great effort she closed her third eye and opened her real eyes.

"There are fifteen," she said, "genlocks, hurlocks and one emissary."

Alistair nodded and jammed his helmet onto his head.

"Here's the plan," she said, "Sten, Alistair and I will spearhead the attack with Alistair getting to that emissary as fast as he can. Wynne and Morrigan find a place where you can see us all. Wynne stay with healing, keep us alive. Morrigan start by keeping that emissary busy until Alistair can drain its mana. Leliana and Zevran make sure those slipping around to our rear don't have a chance to attack us. Fergus you guard Wynne and Morrigan."

Fergus opened his mouth to protest but Elissa just stared him down. Her brother looked almost surprised to find himself following her orders.

As Elissa righted her equipment and dropped her helmet on her head, Alistair motioned everyone into position. Sten, Alistair and Elissa marched implacably forward until their foe came into view. The darkspawn were picking over the remains of a toppled wagon, somewhere a child was screaming.

All three warriors charged into the fray. They beat back three adjacent creatures to punch a hole through their line for Alistair to dive through. The rest of the battle passed in a frenzy of sword swinging and shield smashing and then it was over as abruptly as it had begun. The darkspawn lay dead on the field, the child's voice continued to wail and all of her companions were still standing.

"Let's find that child." Elissa ordered. She swept forward to look into the wagon bed but the voice came from beyond the toppled barrier. In front of the wagon they found a girl with her legs trapped under one of the dead oxen. She was frantic.

"Alistair, we need Wynne, now."

Elissa pulled off her helm and tried to talk to the child but if anything the girl became more upset. She looked down at herself and had to admit that a blood soaked armoured stranger wasn't the most reassuring sight.

Fergus and Wynne arrived at a run.

"Maker's mercy," said Fergus.

"Yes, well, I'll settle for yours Fergus. The rest of us aren't exactly dressed to entertain. Give Wynne a hand calming her down, if you can, and we'll get out of sight."

Fergus nodded and went to join Wynne by the little girl. Elissa heard the familiar sound of Fergus' voice but with the new hoarseness that was his souvenir from scouting in the wilds. The girl's scream died to be replaced by whimpers and tears. Fergus began to sing the gentle lullaby he'd often used to sooth Oren. The deep rumbling of his voice seemed to do the trick and the girl calmed down enough to answer Wynne's questions.

"Sten and Alistair, please come see if you can lift this animal off of Aine's legs," Wynne called.

The two warriors slipped around the corner of the upended wagon and Elissa supposed they were successful in freeing the girl as they quickly returned. Soon Fergus and Wynne followed. Skinny arms were wrapped tightly around her brother's neck. Clearly the small blanket wrapped figure was not going to let go.

"We need to get away from here," Fergus said.

Elissa nodded. "Leliana, up front with Alistair and me, Sten and Zev take drag. I want everyone moving double time until we clear the area." Without a backward glance she started off at a brisk trot. She found the shortest route through the battlefield and past the refugees' mangled bodies. She gestured for everyone to slow to a walk as they slipped between the hills. Thankfully, for everyone, but particularly young Aine, as soon as they navigated the first curve the battlefield was out of sight.

Elissa began searching for a defensible way stop. They had some decisions to make, a little girl couldn't make the journey up through the snowy mountain passes to Orzammar but they couldn't leave her here either. Besides if the grim look in Wynne's eye was anything to go by the child's injuries were very serious.

About an hour's march beyond the battlefield she found a patch of dry rock in the lea of another cliff. While Fergus and Wynne tended to Aine, Alistair grabbed up the axe and went to find dry deadwood. Sten prepared a place for the fire and the rest of them scoured the area for dry kindling.

Once they were all huddled around a blazing bonfire, Elissa stood to address them. "We can't keep delaying the delivery of these treaties."

Sten grunted in approval.

"However, we can hardly drag Aine along with us to Orzammar. So, I'm going to split the company. The treaties are a Grey Warden matter so Alistair and I must be there to represent our order but with a smaller group we can move more quickly. Zevran and Morrigan have both demonstrated their abilities to move quickly in all kinds of terrain and gather information. We are likely to need those skills traveling in a foreign land. I'm putting the rest of you under my brother Fergus' command. Fergus, go to Redcliffe, consult with Eamon about the Landsmeet but do not, under any circumstances, tell him where to find Aedan."

Fergus crossed his arms and bowed deferentially. His whimsical but respectful expression flooded Elissa's mind with a thousand memories. She was grateful that he was as willing to follow her lead now as he had in their war games. Strategically, militarily she shone brighter than her brother but politically, her jovial brother could overcome the most entrenched position. Having him at Eamon's elbow was a sound move and they both knew it.

In the morning, when they reached the crossroads Elissa squatted down by her mabari hound, "Red, there likely won't be any dogs in Orzammar and there's no need to scare the Dwarves. Guard Fergus until we I come to get you, boy. Guard Fergus."

Red whined then barked and licked her face before heading over to stand by Fergus.

"Well, thanks for the appetite on four legs, Lissy."

"Yeah, well. Someone needs to keep you out of trouble and I can't be there."

She hugged her brother fiercely. "I'll see you in Redcliffe when we're done. I imagine we'll be at least a month but maybe longer."

"Should you have a chance, send word that you're alive."

"I will," she promised, "I will. Watch out for Eamon, he's a wily old fox and remember to keep an eye out for any allies that Isolde left behind. Don't forget that Teagan..."

"...may be worth cultivating. I know, I know. Leave the nobles to me, Warden. You go kill things with that big sword of yours."

"Sword! Maker, I nearly forgot. I bought a new sword in Redcliffe and left the family blade in Redcliffe, for safe keeping. It's yours now, Fergus."

They shared a bleak look and one last hug then with Alistair at her side and Zevran close behind them they marched away without looking back. Morrigan kept to the skies, a lone hawk in an enormous sky.

During their afternoon stop later that day, Elissa finally remembered to ask her about her hawk form. "Morrigan, what is it like to fly?"

A smile ghosted across the witch's lips. "When in the air, one coasts on the winds, one hunts and remains wary of rivals. It is a pleasure fraught with peril. However, I mistake not my true form for without my earth bound nights, flight could lose its wonder."

"I wish I could learn."

"One needs the affinity you lack to take another form."

Elissa sighed and nodded. Her sojourn in the fade at the Circle Tower had offered a glimpse into otherworldly powers and dangers. Still, it held an allure, being able to do things with the wave of a hand. "Too bad you can't turn us all into hawks and then we could fly to Orzammar."

"I would not be so hasty to cast off your own shape. What if I could not reverse the process?"

"That would be bad."

"Indeed, such things should not be undertaken lightly."

"Do you mean you could turn me into a hawk?"

Morrigan turned away from Elissa and stood. "Daylight dwindles and I have no wish to argue with owls." Elissa watched her stroll into the forest. Soon after, a hawk circled the camp and they were off again.

"I wouldn't let her turn me into anything else," said Alistair, "I've no wish to be the wittiest toad east of Orzammar."

Elissa and Zevran laughed as they tossed their packs onto their back and continued up the trail.

6


	32. Confusion

Alistair trudged after Elissa down the slope and away from Orzammar. He wished he forget his time in the Dwarven kingdom and what they'd had to do to guarantee the treaty would be honoured. The alliance had come with a high cost to both spirit and integrity. He hoped that it was more than his naivety that made him feel Ferelden politics were usually cleaner than that of the Dwarves. However, nothing compared to the horror he and Elissa felt during their tour of the Deep Roads. They'd shared a sense of dread at the thought they'd end up seeking their deaths in the depths. It was so much worse now that they could conjure the smell of darkspawn infected caverns; the sight of a broodmother; the clammy feel of the cold stone and the endless echoing sound of dripping water.

So anxious were they to see the end of the Dwarven city that they'd left within an hour of securing the throne and gaining the new King's assurances that the Dwarves would be there to battle the blight. The fact that it was only a few hours before nightfall didn't dissuade any of them. Well, almost any of them. They'd picked up a new companion in Orzammar and he wasn't used to the sky, the wind and the weather. His name was Oghren and he was a smelly, crude drunk. He was also a Dwarven berserker, Alistair couldn't decide if he was a greater danger to his enemies, his allies or himself.

Elissa slowed and gestured at a hollow uphill and to the left that overlooked the trail ahead. "Shall we get some rest?"

"Yes," he said in his best Sten impression.

She threw a half smile over her shoulder then gestured for him to go up first.

He tamped down snow to form stairs up the hill. Behind him, Elissa packed the wet snow a little more. Oghren copied their movements, leaving the much lighter elf with nothing to do but follow.

As they set up their camp a young wolf ghosted to them on silent paws. It waited patiently near the fire pit waiting for the heat. Once they'd built a roaring fire the wolf shuddered into her normal shape. Oghren took a long pull on his hip flask; the sight of Morrigan's shape-shifting bothered the dwarf though when challenged he wouldn't admit it. Once again, Alistair wondered when the strange doings of his traveling companions had ceased to amaze him.

They ate quickly and retreated to their tents and bedrolls content to depend on Morrigan's magical wards to inform them should anything stumble upon them during the night.

"Alistair?"

"Yes, my love."

"Do you still think I'm beautiful?"

"Still? You mean after all these years?"

"No, I mean with these scars I have, everywhere."

"Elissa, you are hardly the only one sporting scars. To look at us you'd think they were the latest fashion."

"Leliana and Morrigan don't have scars."

"Leliana is a little soft between the ears and Morrigan is a bitch and a half."

"Still, they are much more attractive than I am."

Alistair frowned at his wife. Something about this conversation was going over his head.

"I love you, Elissa. I want you. It is your smile, your husky good morning and your walk that enflame my body."

"Then why," she stopped mid-thought and looked down at her hands.

"Why what, my love. Is something wrong?"

"Why don't you want to make love?" she asked in a small voice.

"What!?"

"You don't try to touch me anymore. I was worried that maybe you don't ... you know."

"Elissa, I want you all the time, have no fear. There are times walking behind you and lying next to you at night when I can think of nothing else."

"Then why don't you, you know, do something about it?"

"Well, we haven't exactly had the right accommodations for that sort of thing, at least not lately."

"It's more than that, isn't it."

"I just don't want to scare you again, my love."

"Oh, I see, I wasn't, I mean it wasn't. I-I-I understand." Tears gathered in Elissa's lashes. She looked miserable and confused.

"I take it, that you are not always adverse to a gentle seduction."

She blushed and shook her head. Alistair was torn between wanting to look into her bottomless blue eyes and not wanting her to see his matching red face.

He rested a warm hand on her lower back. "If some man, who happens to be madly in love with you and your husband, decided to seduce you tonight, would that be agreeable?"

Once again she nodded shyly.

Alistair needed no further encouragement but he held himself firmly in check. 'I need to move slowly,' he thought, 'I need to be gentle and controlled. I can breech her shell, she even wants me to but I cannot do it with force. This shell around my love must be melted not cracked.'

He rubbed her cold back through her nightshirt; she shivered and turned toward him for a kiss. He tried to keep the kiss gentle but there was an edge of desperation to Elissa's movements. She squashed her lips against his and pressed hard. He found himself responding with the same fervour. He'd planned to slowly rediscovery her body, again, but Elissa seemed driven to take something else from their lovemaking. The more he tried to slow down the more aggressive she became. She tore at his clothes and impatiently pulled at her own before he could act. Short of pinning her to the bedroll he could not do anymore than follow her lead. A spark of worry began to grow at the back of his head but then she pushed him onto his back and dropped violently onto his erection.

There were no thoughts, there was instinct and passion. He pumped his hips frantically under her wildly bucking body caught on a wave of intense pleasure. As he approached his climax she came with an animalistic howl and despite the fear that bloomed fully in his mind he came with her shuddering and moaning.

She tried to push out of his encircling embrace but he tightened his arms. The hot tears coursed down her face mingling with their cooling sweat.

"Let go of me. Let go."

"Elissa, my love, what's wrong?"

"I-I just need to go."

"No, you need to talk to me. What has gotten into you?"

"Why do you care," she sobbed, "you obviously liked it."

Alistair let go of her and she rolled away. "Was this some kind of test? Were you testing me?"

"What if I was?"

He pulled on his clothes and grabbed up his warm woollen cloak. "I guess I failed." He stepped outside of the tent into the wind.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I've decided to stand watch, Commander." He marched away from their tent to stand closer to the fire. He could hear her crying but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her this time. He felt angry and guilty. He'd known something wasn't right from that first kiss but he couldn't understand why should would seek to test him. He'd been a gentleman, he'd done all he could but for one slip, once. Even then he'd stopped as soon as she'd made her wishes known. What more could he have done? Would he have to be on his guard with her every night for the rest of their lives?

Alistair paced away his anger and guilt over the course of the night. As the sun peeked between the mountain tops he found he simply felt hurt and confused. He roused the fire again and then started breakfast. When Elissa came out of their tent her hair was wild and her eyes still swollen. He looked down at the bubbling porridge. She stumbled out of camp to their latrine. He quickly covered the porridge and set it aside then went to their tent to grab his belongings. She was outside the tent when he parted the flaps.

"I won't bother you, again." He said gruffly. He blinked back the tears that threatened to unman him.

"Alistair, I love you."

He finally looked at her; she looked as miserable and confused as he felt. "I love you, too. But perhaps that isn't enough to bridge the gap between a noble and a commoner." He stalked off before she could reply. He knew it was petty and childish but he was cold and tired. She'd hurt him and he felt somehow used.

When he finally looked back she was not in sight, back in the tent he supposed. They all ate breakfast in silence then Morrigan took to the skies and the rest of them tromped ever southward around Lake Calanhad. As noon approached Alistair found himself lagging ever further behind as he made more and more frequent stops.

"Our beautiful leader asks if you would like to stop to sleep," said Zevran.

"No."

"Ah, I see."

"You see, what do you see?"

"It is over, this thing between you and now you punish each other."

"It's not over, no one said it was over. Did she?"

"No, she said the same as you, my friend. I did try to comfort her but alas she insisted she was unavailable."

"Stay away from my wife," Alistair said reflexively.

"Oh, so possessive you are, it must excite her, no. It would excite me."

Alistair ignored Zev's lewd comment; he had in fact expected it. He'd have been far more distracted if the elf hadn't said something of the sort. "So, we're just having a fight?"

"You do not know if you are having a fight. Aha, yes, now I understand."

"Understand what?"

"You said something insensitive and she threw you out of the tent. Now, she waits for you to apologize."

Alistair shook his head. "I'm not apologizing. I didn't do or say anything wrong."

"So sad and so predictable. It is not surprising that you would not know how to treat a woman. I do not think this is a lesson they teach templars."

"Right, whatever."

"However, I can help. Pleasuring a woman is an art..."

"This isn't about pleasuring her or art or anything you know about," Alistair trailed off, stopped in the middle of the path and looked at Zevran seriously.

"What? You look very, very grim."

"You may know about this after all."

"About what?"

Alistair looked up into the cloudy sky. "You know about Aedan and who his father is, was, whatever."

"Yes, I was there when she told us about the child."

"She didn't exactly seek Cailan out, you know."

"I guessed, given her innocent ways, that the King took his tithe in services."

"That is disgusting."

"Sometimes, those in power are disgusting. They believe their desires to be the most important thing."

"You mean men in power."

"Oh no, friend Alistair, a woman can rape a man."

"That's ridiculous."

"Do you think so? Among the Crows we were trained to use emotions and desires as tools. Seduction, friendship and even guilt were ways to reach our marks and make them vulnerable. Most men's body can be swayed to respond regardless of his will, just like a woman's body."

"The Chantry claims that if a woman is true in her faith and concentrates on the will of the Maker then no man will be able to take her against her will."

"Ridiculous. No woman is immune to an overwhelming force and few rapists wait for the Maker's permission to proceed."

"Exactly, it is a preposterous lie. A man can force himself onto or I guess into a woman but a woman cannot do so to a man."

"So naive, it would be enjoyable to educate you first hand. My dear templar, if I were to tie you down I could play your body as a musician plays a flute. I would bring you to a frenzy you would not be able to deny. You would climax repeatedly and experience great pleasure doing it. However, afterward you would hate that it had happened to you. That, my friend, is why a man can be raped by a woman."

"But surely women don't, uh, you know."

Zevran snorted. "What? Do not want these things, do not experience the same pleasure as men do. Do not dream of passionate encounters, do not desire sex. A woman's body is designed to have babies, yes."

"Well, yes I suppose you could say that."

"These babies are from having sex, yes."

"I know that."

"I had assumed as much. At any rate, there are responses a woman cannot help but have when taken by a man, it is only natural."

"Oh, I guess I hadn't thought of it that way."

"In the whore house, there were always some who came to the life through violence. I remember one such, she hung herself in the end. She believed she was a whore because her father had told her she was irresistible. He'd convinced her that she taunted him and was to blame for his advances."

"She was...by her own father. That's..."

The Antivan shrugged. "Life is very ugly, Alistair, both of you have been sheltered from the darker parts of life."

"That's not so bad, being sheltered. Still, I don't understand, why did this woman think she was a whore?"

"She wasn't even a woman, really. She was pregnant and looked no more than twelve."

"Maker, I think I'm going to be sick."

"Anyways, her body responded to his caresses. She felt pleasure when he touched her in certain ways, when he thrust..."

"Enough. Stop. I get it, I get it. That's horrid, truly disgusting and well horrid. What happened to the man?"

"Hmm, oh, I don't know. Would you like me to make up something just for you?"

"You don't know!"

Zevran shook his head. "No, I don't even know his name."

"I will never visit Antiva."

Zevran laughed cynically. "People like that live everywhere, Alistair. They need not look creepy, dirty or be foreign. As I said, my friend, life is very ugly and you two have been sheltered."

Alistair blinked back tears and tried to keep his stomach under control. The whole notion that a father could so mistreat his own child, that a family could be a black prison rather than a safe haven revolted him.

"At any rate, my innocent friend, your lovely wife, may well feel guilty about how her body acted."

"Hence, the test."

"Test?"

"Never mind." Alistair ran his fingers through his hair then began to walk up the rise to where Elissa waited with a fierce hawk on her shoulder. He still couldn't even understand the problems Elissa faced but perhaps she did somehow feel she was to blame for Cailan's actions. Even supposing Zevran was correct, Alistair was at a complete loss as to what he should do about it. He felt a bit selfish because the right thing to do was probably to never make love with her again but he could do that! The thought of not touching his wife and not sharing that connection was more than he could bear, there had to be another way.

8


	33. Into the Fog

Elissa sat on their bedroll. Tears coursed heedlessly over her cheeks and dropped off her chin. Alistair had left. He walked out of the tent and left her, alone. Would he come back? Could he ever forgive her? Perhaps, it would be best if he didn't, after all she had... she wasn't even sure what she had been doing or why. The only thing she was sure of was that she was ruined.

Eventually, Elissa sobbed herself to sleep. She woke grainy eyed and alone. It took her some time to find the nerve to leave the tent. What if he wasn't in the camp? To her relief he was sitting over the porridge pot but today he had not wakened her early for them to share a quiet breakfast. His face turned away as soon as she had looked up and she knew; he hadn't forgiven her.

When Elissa returned from her trip to the latrine pit, Alistair was rummaging around in their tent. She reached forward to pull back the flap then snatched her hand back. She listened to him moving around for a moment then reached her hand forward again only to draw it back again before touching the tent flap. Did she really want to be in there with him if he was still angry? Perhaps he was waiting for her to come back; he could be ready to talk. A third time she reached out but as before she stopped. Her hand hovered near the tent's opening as she stood trapped by her fears.

She'd much rather fight darkspawn than face her husband. In battle she knew what to do and how to behave but alone with a hurting Alistair she was lost.

Elissa pulled her hand back as Alistair pushed his way out of the tent. He passed by her without comment, without even a glance. He was angry and probably hurt. She couldn't really blame him. "I love you," she called after him but he seemed to fade away and she heard no answer to her words.

She mindlessly packed up her tent and started the day. She plodded ever onward along the winding mountain trail. As the day progressed glints of sunlight reflected off the distant waves of Lake Calenhad could be seen from the top of each rise. Alistair lagged behind further and further behind. Zevran walked closer and closer to Elissa's side.

"So, this marriage, it was to make you happy, yes."

Elissa nodded.

"But you do not seem happy, my dear."

She shrugged.

"I think you need a lover of more experience. I am willing to volunteer my services."

"Don't start this again."

"Why? Clearly your fireplace marriage has burned itself out. The time to move on to greener pastures has come, no."

"No. Nothing has burned out. Look, just find out what's wrong with Alistair. He's getting awfully far behind us."

"Well, my friend, he did not sleep at all last night. I suspect he is just tired."

"Then find out if he wants to stop for a nap."

The assassin smirked, "Should I tell him you asked or should I tell him you aren't talking to him?"

"Just go Zevran, now!"

"Alright, I am going."

She waited while Zevran and Alistair talked. Morrigan landed on a nearby branch and Elissa reached out an armour clad arm. Morrigan fluttered from her perch to sit on the leather shoulder of Elissa's warm cloak. It seemed an awkward perch for her but with her wings spread she held on for a few moments.

Elissa turned to back towards the male members of the party to find them deep in conversation. Alistair looked up at her with a frown on his face then quickly looked away again.

The hawk that was Morrigan shrieked and returned to the air, she almost seemed to be swearing. Elissa's knees had buckled as the bird pushed off her shoulder and she decided not to act as a perch again.

Alistair and Zevran marched past her and continued along the trail. Elissa watched her husband's retreating back sadly and then trailed after them.

How could she possibly explain what had come over her when she wasn't sure herself? She feared that she was one of those women, the ones that came to the Chantry after they'd lost their youth to debauching young men. She'd seen them, working in the Chantry. They looked defeated by life and old before their time.

Guilt marred Elissa's young face with frown lines. Why hadn't she protested or tried to fight or run when Cailan had lifted her skirt? Why had she just let him move her like a puppet, as though she'd no will of her own? The Chantry sisters told them to guard their virginity. Those that didn't were dishonouring their families and acting the temptress. Her wanton behaviour with Alistair proved it; under all the rich clothes and fine manners she had been a temptress, a whore. That's why Cailan acted as he had and why Alistair...

She gulped and stopped walking. Alistair could never love someone possessed by such desires. He had been an initiate, he was good and gentle. He had not acted with any roughness until she had tempted him. If she apologized, if they shared a marriage bed again, Maker knew what she would do next.

Elissa stayed near Morrigan at night and walked ahead and alone during the day. She spoke only to give orders. She ate little and slept less than was prudent. Her nightmares centered on Alistair. Either he would reject her and leave her in the deep roads to become a brood mother or she would corrupt him and he would become a monster she'd be forced to slay.

Morrigan somehow convinced the men to leave Elissa to her thoughts, at least for the moment. Elissa saw the whispered conferences and the arguments but as long as Alistair let her be she said nothing. The days of travel wore on Elissa. Alistair fared no better than she did. He looked tired and his eyes carried a sad haunted expression. As Elissa stumbled through each day, her despair grew. She stopped looking at Alistair convinced that it would only be a matter of time before the disgusted sneer he wore in her dreams would appear on his face.

The weather south of Lake Calenhad was damp, each day started with a thick blanket of fog that took the sun hours to burn away. Elissa found she couldn't see her companions behind her or in front. She plodded onward wondering if they'd finally abandoned her to wallow in her depravity and die at the hands of the darkspawn. Despite the fog, the loneliness and the endless despair Elissa continued to walk. Through the confusion and unease she sensed her inability to just give up and drop to the ground had angered someone who watched her from afar.

Voices called her name throughout the misty day. She could hear the echoes of the voices but there were also screams and the screams were louder than the voices and their fading echoes. Something was very wrong. She felt there was something she should be doing, something urgent. That couldn't be right, she was the temptress, the whore, and no one wanted her for anything important. Yet the nagging idea that a crucial task remained undone kept her walking, ever onward.

"Where am I going?" she wondered, "Where am I now?"

She tried to call out to the voices, to ask them but she couldn't talk because she was screaming. Everything started to spin and she felt herself falling.

Alistair yelled in horror as Elissa fell in the midst of the darkspawn. He fought through the genlocks as they lifted her above their heads and carried her down into the dark cave.

He ran his sword through the final monster facing him and ran after the fleeing creatures. Elissa's unconscious form dwindled as she was tossed from one group of darkspawn to the next. Alistair ran as fast as he could but he was unable to catch the fleeing darkspawn before the cave collapsed behind them.

He dropped to his knees and pounded the frozen earth. As he watched his bare fists impact the ground he wondered why he wasn't wearing gauntlets and what had happened to his sword. A pair of Antivan leather boots walked into his field of vision.

"Alistair?" said Zevran cautiously.

"Where's Elissa?"

"Right beside you, my friend."

The sun was high but no one else was in sight.

"Zev, where are we?"

The assassin sighed. "We're taking a rest break. Elissa is very tired. She wants you to lay down by her."

Alistair frowned. "She does?"

"Yes, my friend. Now lay down and I will cover you both. She is very cold, Alistair."

He turned to look at his wife. She was curled up on her side and she did seem to be shivering but she was also whimpering. "I should wake her, she's having a nightmare."

"No, no, Alistair. Remember she is very tired and so are you. Just go back to sleep for a while.

Alistair nodded wearily. He was tired. He curled up around Elissa and closed his eyes. He felt the elf cover them with a pile of blankets.

"Where's Morrigan?" he mumbled.

"She does witch things right now. She will be back soon. Sleep Alistair, sleep and take care of your wife."

"That's the first time you called her my wife," Alistair said through a yawn.

"There is no doubt in my mind you two belong together, friend. No there is no longer any doubt at all."

Zevran watched as Alistair dropped back into a fitful sleep. He hoped Morrigan would be back with help soon. Whatever ailed the wardens seemed to be worsening.

No poison the assassin knew of acted this way. He could only assume it was a Grey Warden ailment, perhaps their close brush with the archdemon was to blame. Whatever the cause of their delusions and melancholy a cure or at least a safer place to convalesce was needed and soon.

The elf looked resentfully over at the drunken dwarf passed out in the snow on the far side of the fire. He was useless as a scout, hunter or even on watch. He reacted to every shadow during the day and tried not to look up day or night. Zevran suspected that Oghren was experiencing his own crisis.

He went back to his perch on a stump in the shadows and listened carefully lest any enemy had found them during Alistair's latest outburst. As before, there seemed to be nothing threatening in the area. Within minutes the bird song and the rustling of small animals resumed. Zev allowed himself to relax slightly and drop into a doze. He would have to maintain his watch over his companions for at least another day, perhaps a little longer. He could not afford to become exhausted.

At nightfall he woke Alistair and made the confused man eat a bit. He'd found continually reminding him of Elissa's needs was the best way to motivate the ex-templar. Then he propped Elissa up against her husband's chest and dribbled cooled broth into her mouth and made her swallow.

Once he had the two of them bedded down for the night he surrounded their nest with noisy snares and quickly scouted the local area again before settling down for the night perched nearby.

The night passed uneventfully as did the following morning. Elissa had not wakened since she collapsed on the trail but Alistair moved and woke for short periods of time. He was always confused and looking for Elissa, he never seemed to remember where they were nor what had happened.

Sometimes Elissa stayed motionless for so long Zevran would sneak to her side and check her pulse, other times she whimpered and cried. As the sun rose on the third morning since Morrigan had left a young wolf loped into camp followed by Elissa's Mabari, Red. Zev sighed in relief. As he watched the hound checked over his mistress and her husband.

6


	34. Clear Sailing Ahead?

Alistair woke slowly. He blinked at the bright light and raised an arm to cover his eyes.

"Alistair, you must wake up," said a familiar voice.

"Where's Elissa?"

"She's right here, beside you."

He turned and looked down at her sleeping face and then relaxed next to her again.

"No, Alistair. You must wake up."

He glanced at Wynne's worried face. "Tired. Really tired. Just a bit longer then wake us."

"No, Alistair!"

Suddenly a strong grip pulled him upright. Alistair struggled a little but he found it hard to hold up his head. He squinted wearily at Wynne.

"Alistair, wake up right now," she ordered.

"I'm too tired. Need sleep."

Alistair's head jerked to the right and a sharp sound shocked him. He raised his hand to rub his cheek it was warm and it stung. He opened his eyes to stare blearily at Wynne. "You hit me!"

Without pausing to answer his charge Wynne lifted her left hand and before he could react slapped him again.

"Just, stop that. Fine I'll get up." He tried to move but found his shoulders held from behind. "Let go!"

"That's it," Wynne said with a smile.

Alistair pulled away from Zevran's unwanted embrace. "What, by Andraste's Flaming Sword, is so important?" He looked around. "And ..uh.. where are we?"

"You're on the way back to Redcliffe. Do you remember Orzammar?"

"Stone city full of short angry smelly people. Yep."

"Do you remember meeting a Dalish scout?"

"Not really."

"Did you have an argument with Elissa?"

"Yes, that was just after we left Orzammar with Oghren. She tested me," he said sadly as the memories began to return.

Wynne frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Never mind. I remember walking on the road. The darkspawn attacked and took Elissa. They were going to turn her into a broodmother." He looked back at his wife and touched her leg through the blanket to make sure she was real. "How did we get her back?"

"We didn't need to, Alistair, there has been no darkspawn attack s since we left the Deep Roads."

"Huh?"

Zevran stepped around him and back into view. "Neither of you had seemed normal from the moment we stepped into the Deep Roads but when we saw the Archdemon you both became different."

"Different? I wasn't different, wait, what do you mean?"

"It is difficult to put into words. Your actions became more urgent, almost desperate. You both seemed determined to protect the other at greater risk to yourselves than before. It was a matter of degree."

"That seems natural. Until we saw it, the...the archdemon, it was an abstract. It lived only in the fade."

"Yes, yes. I thought so myself at first but gradually you both changed more and more. Elissa retreated into herself. She stayed near Morrigan to keep you at bay but spoke very little."

"I remember that bit," Alistair said.

"Yes, at night when she slept as if dead while you roamed the camp perimeter. You kept saying you could hear the darkspawn but none ever appeared. Morrigan and I decided to get you back to Redcliffe as fast as possible and then one morning we couldn't wake Elissa and you walked with one foot in the Fade."

"That morning you carried her to a more defensible camp then Morrigan went for help and I stayed with the two of you."

"Yes, I remember carrying, Elissa. I kept checking to make sure she still breathed. Maker, I'm tired. If I've slept all this time, why am I so tired?"

Wynne frowned. "I'm not sure, Alistair. Somehow, you are both being pulled into the Fade."

"What about Elissa?"

"We woke her first but she won't stay with us, she seems to think you are leaving her."

"What? Why? Never mind, our argument."

"Exactly."

"When I was in the Fade before, I was tempted to forget reality by the illusion of a perfect life."

"Yes, that was the doing of a desire demon."

"Yes, this time it was just like a nightmare. In fact, if I didn't know better I'd have said I've been asleep but one night."

"It's been two weeks since you left Orzammar, Alistair."

He gaped at Wynne then shook his head in disbelief.

"Did the nightmare seem familiar?"

"Welllll, yes, in a way. I felt as though I knew how it would end even as it began."

"Hmmm." Wynne tutted and thought for a few moments. "What is your strongest impression from this nightmare?"

"Despair," he said bleakly.

"This is not the doing of any demon or spell I am familiar with it must have something to do with the blight and the archdemon."

Alistair sighed heavily. "That would explain why Elissa is more strongly affected than me."

"Oh?"

"Those that join the Grey Warden's during a blight are said to well....it's just harder."

Zev's eyebrows rose, "I take it this is another of those secrets you two cannot share."

Alistair nodded.

"Well," Wynne said, "without knowing more of the Grey Wardens my best guess is that the Archdemon is somehow reaching out to the two of you through the fade. Its purpose must be to dissuade the two of you from continuing your quest."

"It's probably not doing it on purpose, at least not directing it to us in particular."

"I will have to take your word for that. Unfortunately, I do not know how to shield you from it. If you are to be protected from its influence it must be through your own resources."

Morrigan shook her head sharply. "Theories matter not. Action must be taken. You must keep her from returning to the fade long enough to make her see reason. We have tried to no avail."

Wynne reached into her medicine bag and pulled out a small bottle. "We will be over by the fire so that the two of you can speak without an audience." She pulled the stopper from the bottle and waved it under Elissa's nose and then placed it on a convenient flat rock.

The acrid smell made Alistair's eyes water and Elissa coughed.

Elissa woke with a start. "Where are we? What happened?"

Wynne gestured for Morrigan and Zevran to walk away. "Do not stop up the bottle. Once air has mixed with the contents it cannot be contained again."

Wynne smiled at them. "Remember, you were right Elissa, you are good for each other, don't throw something this precious away."

Alistair gave his wife a firm hug. "I love you. I love you more than I knew was possible."

"Alistair?" She struggled to turn and look at him. "I thought you left."

"No, my darling. I have not and will not abandon you, my love."

"Why is Wynne here, how did she know where to meet us?"

"She came to heal us. Morrigan went to get her."

"Heal us?" She squirmed out of his grasp to look him over then she examined herself.

"No, we're not injured. I think, it's the archdemon rallying its troops. I don't know if it was bad luck or a reaction to our visit to the Deep Roads but the archdemon has become more ... uh ... active."

"Wynne told you this?"

"Not exactly, she made some guesses and I filled in the blanks. I didn't, couldn't give away any Warden secrets."

Elissa nodded.

"I think that at some point either whilst we were in Orzammar the archdemon gave the final call to gather the remaining darkspawn and begin the march to the surface."

"And we're hearing it in our dreams."

"Indeed. It is in our dreams and perhaps even on the edges of our waking awareness."

"Like that tainted dwarf, Ruck. He said he heard the call, beautiful singing he called it."

"That isn't what I've been hearing."

"Nor I."

"We've been asleep or walking through waking dreams for quite a while."

"How long a while?"

"I remember leaving Orzammar. Our... night and argument then two or three very long days of walking followed by a darkspawn attack. According to our friends there was no darkspawn attack and we left Orzammar two weeks ago."

Elissa stared at the ground. "Two weeks."

"Mmm, apparently."

"It doesn't seem possible."

He nodded and rubbed her back. "I know love."

"I remember leaving Orzammar. I remember asking you if you still found me beautiful and I remember throwing myself at you."

"That's not exactly... that is to say," he swallowed nervously, "I did not fight you off my love."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Everything becomes very emotional and confused at that point. You told me you loved me and that you wanted me but all I was thinking as we... you know... was that you never did answer my question."

"I didn't?"

She shook her head quickly and looked down.

"Beauty is too... too poor a word to describe you. You are not just beautiful; you are gorgeous, exquisite and stunning. As soon as we have time alone together I will make this up to you by telling you exactly what I love about each and every part of your lovely body."

Elissa blushed and smiled at her husband. "Alistair..."

"Yes, my darling."

"I love you."

"And I love you."

"Now, the others are worried about us, well mostly you, I think."

"I'm sure their worried about us both. So, what do we do?"

"I suspect, we've already done it. We were tired and the Deep Roads were truly terrible. The horror preyed on both our minds. The Archdemon's influence was simply magnified by the circumstances."

"So, what do we do now?"

"First, I apologise. I'm sorry, my darling, I should not have run off to sulk. Can you forgive me?"

"Didn't you say we were both being influenced by the blight dragon?"

"That doesn't mean I can't apologise and mean it. I hurt you and that was never my intention."

"Thank you, love."

Alistair felt something loosen in him. It was going to be alright. He and Elissa shared a hug.

"Alistair, let go for a moment. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about how I was feeling. I will try not to let these things fester. I know better. My Nan used to say that fear and anger grow like mushrooms, in the dark. Better to have them out in the light o'day than to let 'em strengthen."

"Your Nan must have been a character."

"She was, and she'll be in my heart and memories forever."

"Yes, as will all our lost loved ones."

"That is why I won't give up on gaining vengeance."

"Loghain and Howe will die, for vengeance, for justice and for contributing to the darkspawn threat. This anger is thriving in the light of day and will not abate until Loghain Mac Tir lies dead at my feet."

Elissa rubbed his arm. "Come, let's go reassure the others."

Alistair nodded. They stood and approached their friends hand in hand.

"How do you feel?" Wynne asked anxiously.

"Like someone took away a couple of weeks of my life," answered Elissa.

When Wynne turned to glare at Alistair, he answered quickly wondering what he'd done wrong.

"Fine, we feel fine. We are not sleeping or confused. I'm fine, Elissa's fine. In fact, never better, wouldn't you say dear. No need to fuss. We're fine. I was thinking, isn't there a blight about somewhere. We should get a move on."

Elissa elbowed him and mouthed, "Babbling."

"Right. So, as I said...fine."

"Good. There are no quick cures for genuine melancholy, I'm relieved to see this was likely a, what did you call it Alistair?"

Morrigan jumped in, "He did not say, loudly and with too many words."

"Still impressed with my eloquence, I see," Alistair said.

Morrigan muttered under her breath and then curled into the shape of a hawk and leapt skyward.

Alistair shuddered and looked away. No matter how many times he saw it, and he tried not to, shape changing was just too unnatural to sit well with him. Visions of life as a toad haunted him in these moments.

"We should... uh... get going while there's still daylight to walk by," Alistair said, "So how far are we from Redcliffe, any ways?"

The remainder of their journey to Redcliffe took two days. Morrigan and Zev had done a surprisingly good job of keeping them moving whilst he and Elissa had been ... whatever they'd been. However, they'd sacrificed comfort for speed. Their tents were hidden under a pile of rocks in the foothills. They might as well have been on the moon. So, there was no privacy for Alistair and Elissa that night.

They'd slept near each other but not touching. They were too aware of a both Zevran's and Oghren's attention to do anymore than kiss each other goodnight. Anything else, including talking would just have to wait, Alistair concluded.

Fergus and Leliana were waiting for them at the first bridge.

They waved from the top of the hill and the duo ran up to greet Elissa with firm hugs. Much to Alistair's surprise Fergus gave him a warm hug as well. "I was so worried about the two of you."

"Um, yes well we're..."

"...fine, now," finished Elissa with a grin.

8


	35. Lesson One

Morrigan eyed Elissa as she walked arm in arm with her brother. The Warden had pasted on her best carefree smile and set about reassuring her older brother but the witch did not believe the man was duped by his sister's manner.

The fool paced behind them looking worriedly at Elissa. Morrigan knew that her hatred of Alistair had less to do with the man's mannerisms and his past training as a templar than it had to do with Flemeth's instructions. Of all the men in the world this pretty idiot had to be the only candidate. He was muscular enough, she supposed, but his obsession with his too well coifed hair irritated. Further he did not take charge. Most damning of all he had no experience in the bedroom arts.

Still, if she had to bed him to complete Flemeth's ritual the least she could do was make sure he was not the first. Since the elf's arrival she had seriously considered inviting him to her bed but Zevran couldn't keep his mouth shut. She would not put herself in his power to any extent.

Fergus was a possibility, except that would make the inevitable coupling with the fool even more difficult. No, she'd been through the list several times and there was really only one viable option: the Qunari, Sten. He was proving to be difficult. Arch comments and hints had not had the desired effect on him.

Her last overture had been rejected or perhaps accepted in the most alarming manner. He'd advised her she needed armour and a hot poker of some sort. She was almost sure he had been trying to beat her at her own game. After all the copulation of elves, dwarves and humans were not physically dissimilar to most animals, so there was no reason to believe the Qunari would be terribly different. True, he was large and strong but really how badly could it actually go?

Perhaps his concern was more about the views of the rest of the party. Or more likely he worried that she would expect something he wasn't willing to give her. All this thinking solved nothing. The time of decisions was at hand. What would she choose to do now? Pursue or retreat.

Retreat was unacceptable at this juncture. So, how to pursue him? Morrigan considered the one weapon she had yet to swing in this battle with the Qunari—truth. Morrigan spent the rest of the day mulling over which truth she would share with Sten to elicit his cooperation.

The afternoon was filled with tiresome meetings during which the wardens described their horrid expedition through Orzammar. Morrigan remembered the feeling of all that weight over her head and barely suppressed a shudder. There were many sights she wished to see before returning to Mother and her duties but the Dwarven city was not one of them. The caves were, on the whole, too warm, dirty, smelly and filled with toxic fumes. It was a ridiculously dangerous place to live with no redeeming features what-so-ever.

Finally, the topic of Orzammar and the Dwarves was left behind. She and Zevran described their meeting with the Dalish Elf and his advice that they seek out Keeper Zathrian, the oldest and wisest of the Dalish. The scout said that they should be in the Brecilian forest for a few more weeks but that the unrest in the south may have inspired them to move north earlier.

It was decided they would go east to the Brecilian forest in the morning, though Morrigan did not pay close enough attention to know how many of the group would be travelling east. She would not be separated from the wardens, so she knew she'd be going whether they willed it or not.

Dinner was served. Morrigan ate without any awareness of her food. She wasn't nervous. She was simply pleased to anticipate the end of her struggle with Sten. If this did not work then it was time to look elsewhere. Indeed she was not experiencing anxiety at all. After the meal she retired to her room. She washed well then took the form of a mouse and snuck into Sten's empty room.

Experience taught her that the Qunari would take his leave of the others at exactly 8:00PM and then he would then follow his evening routine. He would go outside and perform training exercises, care for his weapon and armour, bathe and perform some sort of meditation before going into his tent or room where she presumed he slept until morning. He was always awake at dawn, as was Morrigan. He seemed not to need even less sleep that Morrigan needed.

She roused the fire in the hearth and curled up in the chair to watch the flames and wait for Sten to arrive. How would he greet her? Would he throw her out without listening? Would he repeat his ridiculous threats? Because they had to be lies, they just had to be.

The door handle turned and Sten marched into the room. "Mage, why are you here?"

Morrigan took a deep breath as she stood up. "I need your help. Will you hear my request?"

He raised one eyebrow then closed the door and turned to face her. "Proceed."

"I will soon have to complete a task. I am to seduce a particular man in order to bear his child."

"I no longer father children."

"The man I am to seduce is a human, so it matters not if you can father children. Wait! You do not mean you are not _equipped_ to father children, do you?"

"No."

"Ah, good. The problem is that I have no experience in seduction."

"Obviously."

Morrigan turned to face the fire. She reined in her quick temper and then took a deep breath. "In particular I am a virgin."

"You have never mated?"

"No."

"You wish to be taught to be a woman."

"I, I hadn't thought of it that way."

"If you wish to learn, I will teach you."

She looked over her shoulder at him. "I do wish to learn of men and women."

"Very well, first I will teach you of your body."

Morrigan scowled in annoyance. "I am quite familiar with my body thank you very much."

"You will be a difficult student."

She shrugged. "Perhaps."

"Come here."

Morrigan walked across the room to him. Despite the warmth from the fire she was shaking slightly but not from nervousness, no it was not from being nervous.

Sten grabbed her chin and looked down into her eyes. "Tonight you will be passive. Pay attention."

She nodded mutely for once she was unable to think of anything to say.

He lifted her into his arms and took her to the bed where he quickly and efficiently undressed first her and then himself. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his calloused hands up and down the outside of her legs.

Thousands of tickling pin pricks erupted under his caresses making her shiver and shake even harder. But her eyes were glued on his soft cock. The folds and wrinkles were pulled straight under her wondering gaze until his penis stood erect and very, very large. "Huge!" She said her shock clear in her voice.

"Yes."

His hands moved to the inside of her legs and Morrigan found herself panting. Liquid pooled between her legs. Sten's thumb gently pressed against the bundle of nerves she sometimes stroked as she fell asleep. As her eyes flew open in shock she wondered when they'd drifted closed but soon forgot to wonder at anything as fantastic feelings rocked her body making her moan and scream with abandon. She looked down to see that his other hand was stroking his long hard member. Her eyes drifted upward over the contours of his hard body until she met his gaze.

His lavender eyes had darkened to violet and he seemed to be testing his own control. Sten growled deep in his throat. He slid one large finger in between her lower lips then with a push into her body. He stroked the finger in and out slowly until she began to relax again then a second finger slid in next to the first.

Morrigan began to rock her pelvis and whimper. There was no thought and there was no observation. She was consumed by the feelings of fullness and frustration. She was so close to something amazing but not quite there.

Sten began to stretch his fingers apart as he pumped his hand back and forth. His thumb moved faster and pressed harder. Then he stopped.

Morrigan screamed in disappointment until she realized the Qunari was joining her on the bed.

He pulled her legs apart and bent them until her knees rested on her shoulders and her ankles were just above his shoulders. Then he slowly lowered himself over her body and pressed his erection into her hot tight body. His long groan sounded reluctant, like a sound he could not suppress and he pulled back to push in further over and over again until he was fully seated in her small body.

Morrigan was torn between pain and pleasure. She felt so full and so wanton. "Move," she begged, "don't just sit there, move, damn you."

He made a sound that might have been a chuckle but couldn't have been as Sten did not chuckle. Then he moved with strong deliberate strokes he took her beyond thought, beyond pain to a place she hadn't known existed and she came for the first time.

She opened her eyes to find him still imbedded in her body, propped on his elbows. "That was, was..."

"That was a start. Now we shall continue."

Morrigan closed her eyes as he started to move again. She suspected that tomorrow she would be very tired.


	36. A Planned Seduction

Alistair paced back and forth across the room he was to share with Elissa that night. The bricks at the foot of the bed were cooling. The apples he'd cut into wedges were beginning to brown and the lovely wedge of aged Red Rainsfere had started to sweat. Alistair placed the damp kitchen towel back over the food, re-corked the red wine that had breathed far longer than it really should and stalked out the door to find his wife.

As he walked along the corridor he thought he heard a scream. He stopped ready for anything and listened. A second scream or perhaps it could be accurately described as a feminine yell of frustration was followed by the very distinctive sounds of someone in the throws of passion. The noises were coming from Sten's room. Alistair's eyebrows rose, it seemed their Qunari companion had found a special friend. The ex-templar wondered if Morrigan knew and then with a sick certainty was sure she was Sten's partner.

Alistair tried to banish the image of Sten and Morrigan together from his mind as he trotted down the stairs. He heard Elissa's distinctive voice coming from the Arl's study at the end of the hall. Rather than announcing himself, as he should, he let old habits guide him and stood near the door watching and listening.

"Even if Aedan were not the rightful heir, we'd still be Grey Wardens. We have duties and we've sworn a vow to make those duties our first priority."

"I understand that, Lissy, but what of your heirs. You did not swear to deprive them of their birthright. Did you?"

"Fergus, Alistair and I will never have children. Even if he were King he would have no heirs which would simply delay the problem a touch."

"Yes, so you say. Lissy, you obviously can have children, you had one. And correct me if I'm wrong but until a year ago Alistair lived in a monastery he can't have had much time to experiment before he met you."

Alistair watched the blush rush up Elissa's neck and stain her cheeks. "Fergus! Look, it's just part of being a Grey Warden."

Alistair stared through the open door at his wife's sad face. He wondered, had she wanted children? Then he wondered for the first time, had he wanted children?

"What did they do to you, Lissy? You loved Oren, I know you wanted children of your own. What could make you give that up?"

"It's not that simple, Fergus."

"Isn't it Lissy? Are you telling me you will be giving your children to the Chantry or have you agreed not to bear them? I know there are ways to end a pregnancy but I can't imagine you permitting such a..."

Elissa spun around but not before Alistair saw the sparkle of tears on her cheeks. He stepped into the room to face his brother-in-law. "Fergus, stop it."

Fergus looked down at his feet and then dropped heavily into a chair.

"She didn't know, Fergus, when she joined she didn't know about any of the consequences of the joining. None of us do, before we go through the joining." Alistair paced across the room to pull Elissa into his arms.

Fergus mumbled an apology, his shame at having upset his sister was plain on his face but Elissa could not see it from her safe haven in Alistair's arms.

Frustrated, Alistair ran a hand through his hair making his carefully arranged bangs droop. "It is a fact, Grey Wardens lose the ability to produce children soon after the joining. Before you ask, no, I won't tell you why. However, hundreds of years of history do not lie. Whether we wanted them or not doesn't matter, having children is not a part of our future."

"Damn Wardens. How can you be so calm about this, how can you just accept that you will ..."

"Fergus," Elissa said with a sniffle, "this isn't about Alistair and me. What is your problem?"

"I have no heir, Lissy."

Alistair cocked an eyebrow. "You're young yet, brother, you can have more children."

Fergus slumped in his chair. "Yes, of course. It just would have been nice to share the burden of producing heirs."

"Well," said Alistair, "as I understand it, most people find it necessary to work with someone else on that. I'm sure Wynne would be happy to explain how it all works."

Elissa shot him a glare that softened when she heard her brother start to laugh.

"No, I don't think I want to risk learning more than any man should know. Now I know I've need of more sleep. I'm being told where babies come from by, what is it Morrigan sometimes calls you, ah yes, the Chantry Chump."

"Ah! Don't say that name. I'm trying to get images of Morrigan and Sten out of my mind."

Ellissa's head whipped around to look at him. "Sten and Morrigan?"

"Well, someone is in there with him and she's extremely vocal."

Fergus smirked. A pleased smile grew across Elissa's face and Alistair became suspicious. "You've been match making."

Elissa looked up at him with a satisfied grin. "Yep."

Fergus started laughing again and Alistair just rolled his eyes. "Yes, well I think we're done here. Goodnight brother."

"Night Al, Lissy."

"Al?" Alistair stared at Fergus for a moment then just shook his head as he realized the other man was just trying to get a rise out of him. He drew Elissa out of the study and arm and arm the mounted the stairs.

"What was that all about?" asked Alistair.

"I'm not sure. He claimed he was exploring all our options but my brother's too smart for that. I'm worried about him."

"Well, he's lost everything you have and more. No matter how much you loved your sister-in-law it must be worse for him to lose his wife."

"I know, I think he's worrying about the future. I think he was hoping not to need to remarry and have more children."

They arrived at the door to their room and Alistair stopped to pull Elissa into a warm embrace. "I know it's hard, but can we leave all our problems out here for the night?"

She looked up into his eyes and Alistair wondered what she saw that made her eyes soften so sweetly. "I'd...I'd like that."

Alistair pushed open the door to reveal their room. He led her to the table and pulled the cloth over the food away with a flourish. Her pleased grin was all the reward he needed. Quickly, he uncorked the wine and poured her a glass then dashed around the room lighting candles and dousing the torches before he sat down on the bench beside her and kissed her cheek.

"I love you, so much," he said.

Tears sparkled on Elissa's eyelashes. "Oh, Alistair, I do love you. This is wonderful."

He fed her an apple wedge topped by a piece of cheese. "Tonight, I want to worship your body and show you how much I love you with my hands," he paused, "my lips," she shuddered and sighed at his words, " and my tongue."

"Alistair you don't have to..."

He placed a finger over her lips. "I want to, my love. After tonight you will not doubt that I desire you."

Fear and hope danced in her eyes. Alistair swore silently to himself that he would do everything in his power to banish the fear that stalked their intimate moments no matter how long it took.

He leaned in and kissed her gently at first then more insistently. He could taste the wine on her tongue. After a brief moment of stiffness she relaxed into his embrace and their tongues danced together. He withdrew and they both panted. He fed her another morsel from the food tray then took one for himself.

Alistair chewed the apple and cheese automatically as he washed it down with the wine it occurred to him that for the first time in his life he was not savouring the very fine cheese he'd managed to procure. A glance at Elissa was enough to reassure him that it wasn't really a problem.

They ate and kissed. Alistair let his hands roam gently, teasing her and enjoying it far more than the book had indicated. His lips followed the line of her neck up to her ear. There he darted his tongue out to taste the skin hidden behind her ears and was rewarded by a hum of appreciation.

He let his hands drift upward to tangle in her hair and they shared another heart pounding kiss. Leaning back a little he fed her yet another bite sized morsel from the tray.

She chewed his offering slowly and deliberately then took a sip of wine. "The cheese is lovely, as is the wine but Alistair, surely we aren't spending all night eating."

A grin grew on his face. "My love, I am in no hurry but if your hunger has been appeased I'm ready to satisfy our appetites."

Elissa blushed prettily but met his eyes boldly and nodded.

He drew her to the bed they slowly undressed each other and took the time to look at and explore each others' bodies.

Morning found them sprawled across the bed sideways wrapped in each others' arms.

Alistair woke early as was his habit but instead of starting his day he was content to watch Elissa sleep. His youthful fantasy's had been fuelled by a book but his present fantasies were all fuelled by the woman in his arms. He'd done it all last night, he'd touched her everywhere, tasted her most intimate places and she rose to touch the sky over and over again. Until finally they'd joined together in the world's oldest dance.

Exhaustion had taken it's toll on them both but Alistair did not begrudge getting a good nights sleep. From the angle of the light coming in the window he knew they weren't up in time to make an early start.

Elissa's eyes fluttered open and immediately met his gaze. The smile that bloomed on her face made Alistair's heart beat a little faster. They shared a simple morning kiss then Alistair sat up and arranged himself against the headboard.

"Elissa, come here, my darling."

She rolled up to her knees and positioned herself next to him. Once she had the sheets arranged to her satisfaction she looked into his face, again. "Why so serious, love?"

Alistair reached an arm around his lovely wife and held her close. "We need to talk about staying strong, my love."

His wife sighed and nodded.

"We almost let fear and guilt kill us back there and we both know we have to face the Archdemon at least one more time."

"Yes. I didn't realize that it was able to affect us that way."

Alistair shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Neither did I. I'd guess this is one of those things we weren't trained to deal with, yet. No wonder we were to stay out of the battle if the Archdemon appeared in Ostagar."

Elissa nodded glumly. The look on her face tore at his heart and suddenly he knew exactly what to say.

"My love, I asked you to marry me because I cannot imagine being without you nor with anyone else. I love you. Never doubt that. In my eyes you are beautiful, strong, compassionate and loving every moment of every day."

"Oh, Alistair. I don't deserve you."

"I feel the same way and it is dangerous. Our feelings of inadequacy, the sense that we don't deserve love. We need to let go of our doubts. Cailan broke you, my love and Isolde broke me."

"It's not the same. You were just a child and you had no power to change what they were doing to you. I..."

"You were also just a child and you had no idea how to deal with an adult man, particularly not a man you admired, your King."

Elissa dropped her chin to her chest and Alistair knew she was crying.

He lifted her chin and kissed away her tears. "My love, we _were_ victims but no more. We are both strong warriors and we have found each other. When we battle, we guard each others' backs. Have you ever doubted I would be there for you in the middle of a fight?"

"Never."

Alistair smiled. "That is the trust we should always have in each other. No more secret fears. I love you and I find you irresistible. I will never dishonour my wedding vows."

Elissa smiled back through her tears. "No more secret fears," she agreed. "I love you, too and you are the only man I have ever desired. I will never dishonour my wedding vows."

They held each other in silence for a time. Finally, Elissa pushed herself away from his chest. "Come on, love. We need to find the Dalish, a Prince and a Keep."

Alistair nodded and they both got up. Half way through dressing Elissa suddenly turned to him. "Alistair?"

"Yes, my dear."

"Do you know what I've just realized?"

"No darling, what?"

"We _are_ fine."


	37. The Ties That Bind

Fergus stared at the back of the study door. It was good that Elissa had finally found someone that made her happy. He remembered how Oriana used to worry that Lissy would end up alone. Instead, his sister was riding high on new love and Fergus was alone.

He dragged himself out of the chair and grabbed the jug he had hidden by the door when he'd found Elissa in the study. Wearily, he trudged up the stone steps through the evening chill to the suite he'd shared with his family five short years ago whilst on route home from Antiva. Stumbling into his room he collapsed in front of the fireplace in the sitting room and opened the bottle. He'd discovered that he couldn't sleep without a few persuaders and even with that help he couldn't stay in a bed meant for two.

The wax sealed jug of rotgut was opened and the first shot swallowed in quick order. The local swill was not meant to be savoured; it was meant to speed one to oblivion but it never quite fast enough for Fergus' peace of mind. Another gulp burned its way down his throat.

His mind was filled with poignant images of his last hours with his wife and son. Once again he remembered how their last kiss had been quick but fervent. His wife had feared she'd never see him again and that Oren would be left fatherless. It was for them that he had fought through pain, fever and delirium to get back to Highever. However, it had all been for nothing. His lovely wife and innocent young son were gone. No, not gone, murdered.

He drank down as much of the jug as he could in one go and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He blamed the strong drink for his watering eyes.

At least, they'd left nothing unsaid. His wife and son knew how much he loved them and Fergus knew that they had cared for him just as much. He drained the last of the spirits from the jug and spit the dregs into the fireplace. As the flames hissed and snapped, the bone shaking sobs began.

His next conscious thought started with a curse. Cold hands nestled against his cheek and a little bony body curled up on his chest. For a precious moment he thought it was his son but a swift return to reality crushed the fantasy. He painfully squinted through the dawn light into Aine's solemn little face.

"Sleep," she said.

He was torn by tenderness and guilt. She still wouldn't speak to anyone other than him and even then she never uttered more than a word at a time. He treasured the sense that someone cared more for him than anyone else but knew he was the last person a vulnerable baby girl needed. Besides once they'd gotten back to Redcliffe and she'd been given a good soaking in the tub they'd discovered her clan tattoo. What more could a grieving drunk possibly offer a child than her true family could give her?

As he was in no condition to carry her back to the bedroom she'd been given, he tucked the blanket she'd brought around her form and let her rest on his chest. They'd know where to find her in the morning. They always knew. He closed his eyes and fell into a genuine sleep rather than the drunken stupor that had made the night pass.

When he woke hours later the child still slumbered on his chest but Wynn sat knitting in the other chair.

"What time of day is it?" he croaked.

"Just pass midday."

"Maker. Where is everyone, I thought we were leaving today?"

"Elissa and Alistair seem to have slept in as well. I thought it best to let all of you rest whilst we have the chance."

"Are you...are you knitting?"

She nodded with an amused smile on her face.

Fergus let his head and eyelids drop back down. "Alistair is right, you are evil. You lull us into a false sense of security and then you ambush with some ego busting comment."

"I would never intentionally bruise Alistair's ego."

"I'm sorry, that's true. You prefer to make him blush, not much of a challenge really."

Wynne just shook her head. "I didn't come here to talk about Alistair."

"Oh? Is there a problem with Aine?"

"Oh, she's healed, well, her bones are mended. As for the rest..." she shrugged and it was Fergus' turn to nod.

"Yeah, that will take time."

"Yes, grieving is a matter of time and acceptance. There are no shortcuts but that doesn't stop people from trying." She picked the jug up off the floor and set it down on the table between their chairs.

"This must stop, Fergus."

"It will. Once we're on the road again and I'm busy I won't need the distraction."

"And after that."

"After that I'll either be dead or even busier. If we succeed I'm likely to be confirmed as the Teryn of Highever with all the duties such a position entails."

"Some day you will have to stop running and face the pain."

"You're probably right but I don't have to give in to it yet."

"People are depending on you. Elissa, Alistair...Aedan, Aine..."

"Well, perhaps they shouldn't. I can't guarantee I'll be here tomorrow, none of us can."

He heaved himself to standing and thrust Aine at Wynne. "Take her. Just take her and get out of here."

With a growl he stomped into the suite's main bedroom and slammed the door. He could hear Aine whimpering and then the door to the suite clicked shut. He leaned back against the bedroom door and sank to the floor. To make matter's worse she was from the same clan as Ser Gilmore's family. Given that she was named after the good knight's sister it was possible she was even family.

"Why me?" he whispered, "Why me?"

Aine came to find him again after she was dressed for the day. Once again she followed Fergus as he paced the battlements and strolled down into the village.

After the first week in Redcliffe they'd gave up trying to keep her from him. The castle was still grossly understaffed and with all the orphans at the Chantry they were understandably unwilling to take in a child that had people capable of caring for her.

Most of the time he remembered her name and who she was but a few times his son's name had slipped passed his lips. Aine would turn around and pat his hand when he called her Oren. As if she really understood what he was going through.

She hadn't cried since Wynne had set her legs, she rarely spoke and she never smiled. But she seemed content in his company and for the most part he was content to have her nearby.

However, there was a part of him that wanted to shove Aine away as far and fast as he could. Unfortunately for her, that was the part of him that decided he would travel with his sister rather than with the Arl.

Besides, he reasoned, if he wasn't here Aine would latch on to someone more appropriate. She couldn't be more than three or four years old, she would completely forget him in no time at all.

He didn't see his sister or her companions until dinner time. With Aine close by his side they ate a simple meal then he let Wynne take the little girl off for her final treatment while he joined the war council in Arl Eamon's study.

He sat back and watched the dynamic between the Wardens and the nobles, between Alistair and Lissy, and between Eamon and Teagan. He concluded that the Wardens would get their way, hardly a surprise with his sister arguing for their interests. Further, he realized that Lissy was right about Teagan. Possibly more right than she had realized.

Though Eamon had willingly thrown himself into rebuilding Redcliffe and caring for his people he seemed to have lost his will to play at politics. Fergus recognized the tactic. Eamon was a man trying to work hard enough to forget his sorrows.

Still the decisions had finally been made. Eamon and Teagan would meet them in Denerim at the end of the month which should give the Wardens plenty of time to deliver the final treaty and check in on Soldier's Peak.

The next morning they left before dawn. Fergus had almost regretted leaving Aine behind but he didn't glance back. He wouldn't allow himself to look back because that would mean admitting he'd miss the child that wasn't his to miss. Because that would mean carrying the final image at the forlorn little girl standing next to Teagan with her arms crossed and a blank look on her face and he had enough final images rolling about in his head.

Fortunately, their business with the Dalish didn't take long at all. What had threatened to become a full fledged quest against a band of werewolves had turned out to be needing a diplomat's touch. With Elissa and Alistair's muscle backing him up Fergus managed to convince Keeper Zathrian to face his mistakes and make peace with the people he'd punished for generations.

The elven leader's belated attack of conscience left his Dalish clan with a new leader but the ability and resolve to rally the elves to honour the treaty.

On their way north they ran into Arl Eamon's entourage on the West Road where Fergus was finally felt the weight of his decision to abandon Aine.

"Fergus!" Teagan said, "Thank goodness. We were beginning to give up hope."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Aine, I don't think she's going to make it to Denerim. She refuses to eat, she won't talk to any of us and I have no idea how to explain her state to Lord Hamish and Lady Aine."

Fergus turned to Wynne at the same time as Lissy asked her friend if she could take a look at the girl. Then Lissy took him by the arm and led him away.

"Fergus, what's going on? Why are you so determined to push this child away?"

"She can't stay with me. She has family or at least a clan."

"So, better that she suffer until we find them?"

Fergus just shook his head. He didn't want Lissy to know how much he wanted to seek death rather than life. At that moment he realized why Aine wanted to stay near him, she understood, on an emotional level, that the two of them were the same. They both felt too much pain, too much loss to contemplate living. It was easier to just stay in the undemanding no man's zone between having a life and dying. But where Fergus could seek death in battle, Aine could only refuse to do what was necessary to survive.

Somehow, a mere babe had discerned his intention and copied him.

"Fergus can you even hear me?"

"Yes. Look Lissy, children don't starve themselves to death. She'll come around."

"What if you're wrong? She has witnessed something that could drive adults insane."

"I can't help that. I'm not able to help myself never mind her. Perhaps she'd be better off in the fade than trapped in a life marked with such horror."

"By Andraste's flaming sword, Fergus! What is wrong with you?"

Wynne strode up with Alistair in tow. "Elissa, let me handle this."

His sister looked like she wanted to argue but he'd left her completely flabbergasted. She walked off shaking her head.

"What do you think you can say that will make any difference?" He said staring down at his feet. His moping was interrupted by a powerful left hook that threw him onto the ground.

"Thank you Alistair, that will do nicely. I'll be ready to leave shortly."

Fergus sat on the ground and watched in stunned disbelief as his brother-in-law march away.

Wynn squatted down and poked at his jaw. "You'll have a spectacular bruise by morning but unlike the last man Alistair hit your jaw isn't actually broken."

"Wonderful."

"Now, stand up. It's time you acted like a Teryn."

"I'm not a Teryn. I'm the landless son of the last Teryn Cousland."

"Do I need to call Alistair back to hit you again?"

"Sure, why not. Let's have everyone take a turn, it won't change anything."

"Exactly, it won't change anything. Your family is dead. Aine's family is dead. For whatever reason the Maker has decided to bring you together. Perhaps she is an unwanted reminder that there are people depending on you. But I'm guessing neither your son nor your wife would want you to let that little girl die."

"You're exaggerating."

"Am I?" She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him over to the coach that housed the little girl.

A small part of Fergus' mind reflected on how ridiculous he must look but the majority of it remembered that this woman could incinerate him where he was standing if she was so inclined.

Aine lay across the seat, her face had sunk in the last week. She'd been a skinny little thing from the beginning but now she looked completely listless and half dead. Her skin had taken on a yellowy tinge.

The young woman in the coach tried to curtsey. "We've been spooning broth into her when she slips into sleep but she fights us when she's awake. We have been trying my lord. Really, we have."

"I...it's alright. Leave me with her for a moment."

The young woman left the other side of the coach and Wynne just seemed to fade into the background. Fergus climbed into the coach and knelt down next to the little girl. "Aine, what are you doing."

She turned her head to look at him but said nothing.

"If you won't tell me what's going on I can't help you."

She sighed and a single tear coursed down her cheek. "You go away."

"Yes, I had to go away but there are lots of people here who can take care of you."

"You take away monsters."

"The Arl's knights will protect you from the monsters."

"No. You."

"It wasn't just me that saved you. These people are strong they _can_ protect you."

"No. You," she insisted.

"Look Aine, why don't you eat a bit then come see how strong the Arl's..."

She shook her head violently. "No food."

"But, why won't you eat."

"Monsters chew on me."

"Maker's mercy." He hadn't realized she'd seen so much. He gathered the child in his arms and let his instinct guide him. "Don't worry little one, I'll stay. The monsters won't get you because I'll stay."

"You go again?"

Fergus looked up into Wynne's sad eyes and shook his head. "No, dear. I'll be here as long as you need me." Perhaps Wynne was right. Perhaps the Maker had brought he and Aine together. Whatever the case may be he was Aine's need for him was greater and more urgent than Lissy's. Further, he would be of more use in Denerim feeling out the political situation than serving as another sword at Elissa's back.

Wynne nodded. "We'll see you in Denerim."

"Denerim," he said and then he signalled for the young maid to come back. He needed to ask for some broth. It was time to put both Aine and himself back together as best he could.


	38. Consequences Persist

Elissa was cold, colder than she could ever remember being. She and Alistair stood side by side staring down at the mountainside and the courtyard of Warden's Keep while Zev cleared the traps from the bridge.

Soldier's Peak was everything Levi Dryden had promised and more. Despite not having found anything to clear the name of Levi's great grandmother the man remained optimistic. She glanced over at the merchant, he looked nervous. The height of the bridge that spanned the keep's two towers seemed to bother him. Either that or Morrigan's belligerent disregard of normal fears.

Alistair's eyes were firmly fixed on the view because the witch had fooled him and he would rather see her fall than be fooled again, or so he said. Elissa glanced at the woman

in question and saw that she was still walking along the railing but she was no longer pretending she found the feat difficult. Her antics made Elissa shake her head.

Something had changed in Morrigan's attitude over the last few weeks. It may have had something to do with Sten but Elissa thought there was more to it than that. The way her difficult friend had accepted the gold mirror Elissa had bought her was uncharacteristic. She'd been genuinely touched but at the same time hesitant. It was as though she were expecting Elissa to change her mind and start hating Morrigan.

"Look along the rise," said Alistair.

Elissa peered at the snow covered lumps that marked the edge of the caverns they'd travelled through to reach the peak. They were all the same height and set at regular intervals. "Statues?"

"Statues of what or whom? I wondered who commissioned them and why."

"Well, if we survive the blight we'll have plenty of time to find out."

"I'd like that. I think Duncan would have been pleased to see the wardens back in this place. It's stood up amazingly well."

Elissa nodded. It was true, the keep was in surprisingly good shape given that it had been empty for for over two hundred years. The ghosts and abominations had kept the scavengers at bay and though little of the furniture remained the stone structure itself was solid. It was primarily a fortress as the think walls, portcullises and arrow slits could attest. However, the tower they approached was a bit of a mystery.

The lone tower door at ground level had been sealed with heavy stones. Just reaching this entrance had been difficult. Morrigan claimed that the force shield they'd seen had dropped automatically when the last undead creature in the Keep was killed. Elissa wasn't sure that made any sense as there had been more animated corpses on the bridge itself. The stout stone bridge was of newer construction or perhaps just better maintained. It connected two stout metal doors and was decorated with a fortune in spring traps that Zev was disarming.

The separate tower reached skyward but no windows pierced it's exterior. They had no clue as to what or who might be in the tower. Nor was it clear if it was a prison, a refuge or both. Elissa really couldn't imagine it's original purpose.

"There we go," said Zevran. He gestured to the door with a flourish. "Shall I unlock the door or do you wish to admire the view for a bit longer?"

Elissa and Alistair sauntered over to the door and waited for Morrigan to join them. Levi wisely decided to hang back. With a sharp nod she signalled for the assassin to unlock the door. With deft movements he poked and prodded the lock for a moment before flinging the door inward and rolling backward between the two fighters.

Were greeted by an empty room. There were two exits that led further into the tower but nothing greeted them. Cautiously, Elissa led them forward to the single door set in the opposite wall. It was locked but the decaying wooden door was no challenge for her booted foot. It splintered inward to reveal another small empty room. They returned to the previous room and stood in front of the double doors. Elissa conferred with Alistair for a moment and they agreed to open the two doors simultaneously.

"On three," Alistair said, "1 – 2 – 3."

With a crash both doors splintered and both warriors erupted fiercely into another uninhabited room. Stairs in the east wall led down to a smashed door blocked by rubble and there were two doors in the east wall.

"Well, that was anticlimactic," said Alistair.

Elissa nodded in agreement and grinned at him before moving past the crumbling shelves of decaying books to the table which was in much better shape than the rest of the furnishings they'd seen.

On the table was a book, some strange magi tools similar to those she'd seen at the Circle of Magi and a sealed potion.

"Morrigan," said Elissa, "take a look at the book and the potion, if you will."

Morrigan nodded. She leaned on the table flipping through the book. "'Tis a record of the Magus Avernus. He and the last of the warden's retreated to this tower and were sealed in by the forces of the King they opposed."

Elissa noticed the contemplative look on the witch's face. "What else?"

"He experimented on his fellow wardens. I do not believe their cooperated was sought. This potion is the result of his work. It is a superior mixture for the Joining."

Alistair fought a jaw spasm. "Blood magic?"

"Yesssss."

Elissa sighed. "How is it superior and would blood magic be required to create other such potions?"

"T'would require cause fewer deaths and fewer sacrifices by those that fight the darkspawn. However, the blood required to make such a potion must come from an unpleasant source."

"The archdemon?" said Alistair he almost looked releived.

"Inevitibly."

Elissa looked into the witch's face grimly. "What else?"

"A portion of blood from a warden."

"Which we'd gladly give to save lives. Morrigan!" Elissa said, "Spit it out."

"The fluid of life that cushions a child in the womb."

"That can be collected when a woman gives birth."

"No. It must be procured well before the birth of the child and ..."

Elissa grabbed the vial and flung it across the room at the wall where it smashed and left a dripping bloody spatter on the wall. As she turned she saw that Alistair had already tossed the book in the cold fireplace. Her husband pulled out his flint and steel and lit the book on fire.

Morrigan stared at the burning book impassively. Elissa was sure the witch was thinking fiercely but about something. For the first time, she felt the unholy dread that Alistair described having felt when they first met Morrigan,

She strode to Alistair's side and they watched the book burn.

Her husband then kicked the ashes making sure nothing of the book survived the fire.

"Let's go." Elissa said.

"Wait." Morrigan said, "The records you just burned were written over many decades all by the same hand. I was not able to examine the date of the final entry."

"You mean he may still be alive?" Alistair said.

"In fact this may all be a trap designed to gather more subjects."

Elissa shared a grim look with Alistair, it did not need to be said aloud. They both knew that they had to stop this monster's predations.

"Left first," said Elissa.

Alistair marched to the left door and when all of them were ready kicked it open and charged forward.

Elissa was close on his heels the others followed no less slowly but with much less yelling. She was unprepared for the sight and smell of the large room. Humanoid remains hung shackled from the walls and collapsed in stone prisons set into the floor. Dried, flaking, red, blood drifted off ancient metal torture tables in the wake of their movement.

At the far side of the room was a work area set half a storey above the floor. It might have been a stage or balcony once but now it was cluttered with tables, shelves of books, book stands and the paraphernalia that Elissa had come to associate with Mages.

An ancient creature stood pouring over a book. He held an open glass vial of green liquid over a bubbling cauldron and he murmured to himself as he read. "I hear you, don't disrupt my concentration."

Elissa and Alistair marched implacably across the room to face the ancient mage.

"Wardens, please," said Levi from behind them, "I know justice must be served but-but I need to know about my great-grandmother."

Elissa looked back at Levi then at Alistair, who sighed and nodded.

Avernus finished what he was doing and strode to the top of the stairs. "Why are you here? What is your intent?"

"Sophia's great grandson brought us here." Elissa replied before turning to the merchant, "Levi, go ahead."

"Master mage, uh, ser. My family name has been worth less than dirt for over a century. Do you have any proof that Sophia was a hero?"

"Your great grandmother was the best of us. Brave, charismatic, fiery. Utterly devoted to the fight. But still we lost."

Elissa tried to bite her tongue but her angry words burst forth. "Utterly devoted to what fight?"

"We fought against a tyrant, you know? So full of vigour, then. So blind to consequence."

"We noticed that part," said Alistair under his breath.

"But proof, there's none to be had."

"I'm sorry, Levi," said Elissa.

"I had hoped but..., thank you Wardens. I'll wait outside the door. I need to think about what I've learned."

Grimly Alistair and Elissa walked up the stairs. Avernus did not retreat from his perch on the top step so they went around him. He stood firm as they pushed past his unarmoured body.

He walked back towards his books rather than giving any of them his back.

"I want some answers," said Elissa. Her jaw was set.

"To what questions, I wonder? Ask," Avernus said.

"Tell me about what happened here."

"What good would storytelling serve? The tyrant Arland is long dead. As is all our noble co-conspirators and the grand rebellion. Sophia's corpse may have walked and talked until you found it. But she, too, has been gone for a long time."

"How was Arland a tyrant?"

"He ruled with fear and poison. His treachery pit noble against noble in terrible battle. We thought him a monster. We gathered allies to rebel. But the toll of years has erased our failure, hasn't it? It seemed so pressing then, but the kingdom lives on."

"No, history has not erased your failure. Thanks to your wonderful commander's efforts the Wardens were barred from Ferelden. Though King Maric returned our historical rights and privileges there wasn't enough time to build."

"Still, there are armies, there are Wardens elsewhere. There is no need to stamp your situation with such urgency."

Alistair charged forward pressing Avernus back until he was pinned against a bookcase. A gauntlet covered hand held the mage's neck almost gently. "You are in the company of the last two wardens in Ferelden. As for urgency, an archdemon has arisen. How is it that you do not know that."

"I had thought the dreams were just the calling. An archdemon, you're sure."

Elissa pulled Alistair away from the mage as her husband continued to talk. "Oh, yes. We had the dubious pleasure of seeing it in person. Now all that stands between the archdemon and Ferelden is us. We are the two newest recruits. We have no way to contact other wardens. And even if we could they would not be permitted inside Ferelden's borders without declaring war."

"What, why not?"

Elissa stepped between the two men she'd just separated. Avernus did not seem alarmed by Alistair's attack nor his anger. "The politics of Sophia's time have placed a public taint on our order," she explained, "The de facto leader of Ferelden has accused us of treason. He is believed, in part, because of the decisions made by the Wardens when Arland was King."

"We had to act don't you see."

"No, I don't. What I see is that human Tyrants come and go. No matter how horrific their rule, it does end. The darkspawn do not murder a few noblemen or terrorize a country for a lifetime. If unstopped they will overcome all the lands. They have already tainted much of the south. Captured women are turned into brood-mothers and increase their numbers daily."

Alistair's now calm voice came from behind her. "The people are not convinced we're needed to face this darkspawn uprising. Their leader is brave, charismatic, fiery. He is utterly devoted to the fight, obsessed even but for him the fight is with Orlais."

"But without Grey Warden's the archdemon cannot be destroyed."

"Why not?" Elissa asked.

"Why not, why not? How can you not know?" Avernus waved his hands angrily. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter why. When the dragon is killed it's tainted soul seeks a new host. Darkspawn have no souls. They are the perfect receptacle for the old god's spirit. However, if some other tainted being is near enough the soul will be drawn to that being instead."

"Maker," Alistair said.

Elissa reached for Alistair. "What happens to the warden?"

"He dies, taking the archdemon's soul with him into the fade."

"Is there no other way? Is this why you researched? I've seen your experiments."

"They were necessary. Any tool, any iota of information that could defeat the fell demons was justified. As a warden you should know that."

"Necessary," Alistair said, "Having to relieve yourself after an eight hour ride is necessary but there's no excuse for summoning demons."

Avernus sneered at them. "Charming."

"You had to know that summoning so many demons was foolhardy."

"Perhaps, but it was survival."

Elissa glared at Avernus. "Survival!"

"For months, I prepared the summoning circles, researched the darkest depths of the Fade. That moment was a triumph of demonic lore. Dozens of demons called by my hand. But with so many variables, I suppose calculation errors were inevitable. I was so close."

"Your to blame for all this. Some things you just don't do."

"From a warden, that means something. So tired, so old. Let me undo my greatest of mistakes. Let me cleanse this place. Then... Then, I will accept whatever justice you feel I merit."

"Fine, you will help clean up the mess you made here, but after that you are coming with us."

"What! But my experiments my research."

"None of them matter, anymore than Arland mattered. You and Sophia survived the joining and presumably swore an oath to forgo any title other than Warden and to fight the darkspawn. She became embroiled in politics and you got caught up studying blood magic and demons. You should be ashamed, Avernus. The archdemon has arisen, all Wardens must heed that call to battle. Everything else must be set aside."

"I-I understand. We must go to the great hall. There I will repair the damage I caused so long ago then I will follow you and fulfil my oath."


	39. What Makes a Mother

Alistair opened his journal and thumbed the pages to find his place. After all the months on the road it seemed luxurious to sit at a desk.

_The trek from Soldier's Peak to Denerim was fairly uneventful but slow. Avernus isn't the best traveling companion. He walks slowly, complains incessantly and insists he's too feeble to help around the campsite. I think it's all a ruse and I'm not the only one but there's very little that can be done about it._

_We found Eamon in residence when we arrived in town. He is housing us for the moment. We obviously didn't enter Denerim unnoticed as Loghain and his toadies immediately came to greet us. Such good manners. They have left with the impression that I am going to try to claim the throne. We've decided not to disabuse him of the notion until we're actually in the Landsmeet. There's no point in putting young Aedan's life in danger any sooner than we must. _

_I am awaiting my dear wife who seems to have taken up residence in the bathroom. I suspect she is nervous about meeting Aedan. We are fortunate indeed to have Fergus here with us. At least he has seen the family recently and will be recognized. I am told Lady Aine Gilmore and her husband Hamish are kind and good people who've looked to the Cousland's for generations. I'm not sure if that will make it easier or more difficult to take Aedan away from them._

Alistair sighed and blotted his brief journal entry. Elissa stepped out of the bathroom as he packed it away. She quickly donned her armour.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this, Alistair."

"My darling, how could you be. This is one of those things you just do, regardless of your feelings."

She nodded in agreement and let him help her buckle her chest plate into place. Alistair lifted her hair and dropped a kiss on the tattoo on the back of her neck.

"Fergus and I will be there with you, love. Have no fear we'll get through this together."

"I just…"

Alistair walked around to look her in the eye questioningly.

"It just sounds so ridiculous. I have been trying to think how to explain but…what can I say. Hello, I'm Aedan's mother, let me introduce my husband, by the way Aedan's father was the former king and my love's half-brother."

"It is a tad, um, melodramatic, I suppose."

"I just know I'm going to be the laughing stock of Ferelden."

Alistair pulled himself up to his full height. "Firstly, you and I are scary grey wardens, no one would dare say a word to our faces. Secondly, with the darkspawn attacks increasing there are few that will find our drama more important."

Elissa pulled open the door to their rooms. "Are you calling me petty?"

"Of course not, I'm telling you everything will be fine because I believe, that everything will be fine."

She seemed to accept that reasoning. They met with Fergus in the main hall. His brother-in-law had Aine with him. They left Eamon's estate on foot with Fergus in the lead.

Alistair quirked an eyebrow. "Good morning, Aine." As usual the little girl just hid her face. "So, brother, why is your young friend coming along?"

"She's the perfect excuse for visiting Aine and Hamish. We're still trying to locate her family, after all. This way we won't reveal our hand too soon."

"Ah, very sensible." Alistair nodded sagely and winked at Elissa, "I should have known there was_ no_ other reason."

Fergus just grunted under his breath. He led them through the streets of Denerim.

"So, brother," said Alistair, "I'm curious, how is it that Ser Gilmore and his married sister share the same last name?"

"Hamish is the bastard son of a Ferelden noblewoman and a Lord from Orlais. He was born during the occupation. Neither his mother's nor his father's names are held in any honour. He followed our father into battle and became a knight but he refused to marry Aine because he didn't want to pass the taint of his parents sins to his own children."

"So whose idea was it for him to take his Lady's name?"

"My mother's, she was a very practical woman. Elissa was a babe at the time but I remember mother yelling at them that she was tired of 'the angst ridden claptrap.' She ordered then to marry under the Gilmore name and then get out of her hair."

Alistair wondered once again what Elissa's parents would have thought of him.

They arrived at a good sized stone manor and Fergus rang the bell at the front gate. Before the clapper stopped moving an old elven man shuffled into view. His large hat and stained knees proclaimed him a gardener.

"Yes?"

"I am Fergus Cousland. My companions and I have an engagement with Lady Gilmore."

Before the elderly servant could respond a group of three red haired older boys dashed along the garden path followed by a little boy with dark brown hair. His little legs pumped frantically in an effort to keep up with the larger lads.

"Hey, wait for me," he said, but the others didn't even turn at the sound of his voice.

Aine however did take notice of the call. "Aedan," she said then louder, "Aedan!" She wriggled out of Fergus' grasp and once on the ground reached through the wrought iron grate.

Aedan swung round to look at the gate and with the sort of disgust only a child can muster said, "Aine?"

The elf opened the gate to let them in Aine slipped through first. She flew across the yard to Aedan and threw her skinny little arms around his middle. The boy looked confused. "Wuz wrong Ainy?"

But the little girl just cried, tears poured down her face and sobs wracked her tiny body.

Aedan looked confused and alarmed. Fergus gestured for him to hug the little girl. Somehow the boy managed to pick up the toddler clinging to him and he headed back towards the house. The adults all followed.

Elissa's face was blank, as though she were in a daze. Alistair stepped close to her side and guided her with a hand on her back. He wished they did not need to be in armour. It would have been much easier to comfort her if neither of them were wearing plate mail.

"My darling, come back to us."

The numb look was replaced by a brief insincere smile then she sighed and nodded.

Aedan waddled around the side of the house to a low terrace. "Nora! Nora!"

A young woman in a plain dress stood and rushed over to Aedan and tried to peel Aine off of him but the little girl wouldn't let go.

"Ainy, let go. It's just Nora."

Aine didn't seem to be paying attention as she continued to sob. Fergus rushed over to help Nora but the woman's unfriendly glare stopped him in his tracks.

"Bring her over to the chaise, Pup."

Fergus' eyes widened and he turned to stare at Elissa. Alistair's gaze followed. His wife, vanquisher of darkspawn and undead, seemed to be near fainting. He guided Elissa to a seat and turned to Fergus questioningly.

"Pup was our father's nickname for Lissy."

Alistair quickly removed his gauntlets and turned Elissa's face to look at him. Her eyes were clouded with doubt. "What's wrong, love?"

"What right do I have to take him from a warm loving family?"

"It isn't a matter of right, it's a matter of duty. No one else can do it, my darling. His blood will call one way or another. Isn't it better to make sure he's safe and receiving the training he will need."

She smiled tearfully and nodded. "You're right. I know you're right."

"Don't let it get around. I have my reputation to consider."

A little voice made them turn back to observe the children. Nora had coaxed Aine into her lap and Aedan was standing with his arms crossed staring belligerently at Fergus. The Lord Cousland dropped to one knee to take a closer look at his nephew. Which is when the boy decided to take matters into his own hands.

"What did you do to Ainy?"

"Nothing lad. She's been through a difficult time and she's relieved to be home."

"Where's her mother?"

"She – she's gone son."

His nose wrinkled. "Gone where?"

"They were attacked by darkspawn, only Aine survived."

Aedan flung his hands in the air. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

Fergus stood quickly and turned his back on Aedan. Alistair could tell that his brother-in-law was desperately trying not to laugh out loud.

Oblivious to the adults around him Aedan marched back to Aine's side. "It's okay Aine. I'll teach you how to be dopted like me then Nora can take care of you. Right?"

"That's right," said Nora.

"No, I stay with him," she said pointing at Fergus.

Finally, Elissa broke out of her reverie. "We should take this somewhere more private. I believe Lady Aine and Lord Hamish are expecting us?"

Nora nodded. She hoisted Aine up on one hip and took Aedan's hand then led them into the house.

Like most Ferelden homes of stature the floor was stone. Alistair and Elissa's hard soled boots sounded a martial beat as they approached the manor's study. They passed through the main hall dressed in the shields and colours of the house to which the Gilmore's were beholden. It seemed to Alistair to be a good sign that the Cousland clan colours were still hung around the dais. A serving girl opened the study door and they all swept into the room.

Lord Hamish stood as they entered but Lady Aine's watering eyes were glued to her young namesake. Alistair suddenly realized how bittersweet the child's arrival. The girl's presence was welcome and yet undeniable proof that others were dead.

"Please sit down. We have much to discuss and very little time to do it," said Lord Hamish.

Alistair frowned but before he could say anything Elissa asked the question on his lips.

"Why, what's happening?"

"Rory survived the attack on Highever. Until yesterday he was here, with us," said Lady Aine.

Elissa's mouth fell open. Alistair thought that, her dumbfounded look would have been comical under other circumstances. "What, how..."

"Howe is the right name. He was hauled off by Rendon Howes brigands."

"If he survived the battle at Highever, why would Howe come after him now?"

"Because they is looking for you."

"Maker's breath. Rory doesn't know anything."

"Doesn't he, milady," said Lady Aine, "He may not have been told anything but he isn't stupid."

Lord Hamish put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "We're getting ahead of ourselves. As you've all no doubt gathered, I am Lord Hamish and this is my wife Lady Aine. Eleanor is our niece and helps to care for the children. Now, Fergus could you please introduce your sister and her friend."

"Of course. You've not seen her since she was a babe but this is my sister, Warden Elissa and her husband, Warden Alistair."

Alistair nodded politely. Lord Hamish and Lady Aine appeared to be shocked. He wondered if they were more surprised she had become a warden or that she had married a commoner.

"So, you are the reason Loghain has outlawed the Grey Wardens," said Lord Hamish, "I'd wondered."

Alistair watched as Elissa shook her head and explained their theories. "It's not that simple. He mistrusted our order from the beginning because the Warden Commander, Duncan, recommended inviting the Orlesian Grey Wardens and Orlesian troops to the battles in Ostagar."

"Yes, King Cailan announced that he'd asked for their aid. There was some debate but in the end the Landsmeet supported his majesty."

"Perhaps that's when Howe latched onto Loghain," Fergus said. "He'd have known that the Teryn would never accept help from Orlais."

Elissa shrugged her shoulders, "At any rate, anyone who spoke for the loose alliance was a traitor in Loghain's eyes. I can only surmise that all Wardens and several influential families were targets from that point on."

"Did the Wardens lead King Cailan to his death?"

Elissa shook her head. She drew out the letter that Cailan had given her and held it on the desk for Lady Aine and Lord Hamish to read.

Alistair watched Lady Aine's face closely.

"You!" Lady Aine said to Elissa. "That's not possible the maid was an elf..."

"I was fourteen and just past the dawn of womanhood but still very skinny and coltish. I had worn my hair down to conceal my face. They assumed I was an elf." Elissa carefully refolded the letter and returned it to the pocket under her armour.

Lady Aine's eyes narrowed and Alistair could almost hear her mind whirling. "They? There was more than one. How can you be sure..."

"There was a bet. His friends stayed long enough to see him follow through then he told them to get out."

Alistair stood. "Enough! Elissa will not continue to entertain your idle curiosity."

Lady Aine glared at him then her eyes narrowed once more. "Why don't you put a stop to this nonsense then, Ser Theiren?"

"How is it that I am the worst kept secret in Ferelden?"

"Exactly, challenge Loghain, take the throne and make your wife queen. She gain's the power she seeks and leaves the child free of this treacherous business."

Suddenly the Lady Aine's sneering nasty attitude made more sense. Alistair wondered if she were motivated by hate for power politics or by concern for Aedan himself. While Alistair stared at the Lady of the house Elissa stepped into the argument.

"You mistake our, my intentions. Neither of us can nor ever will hold any position in court. If we survive the blight we will have plenty of Grey Warden duties to occupy us for the rest of our lives."

"You would not tell us were your intentions different."

Alistair felt the fury fill his veins as it never had before. "You dare. This woman has lost more than anyone should have to and continued to fight for all of Thedas, for Ferelden and for you. How dare you sit there in your fine brocades and cast aspersions. You should be glad we feel bound by our oaths for I am closer now than I have ever been to washing my hands of this damnable country. But I know when the Archdemon comes it will not prey on the fools in authority nor those that pretended they need not do anything. For that you should be eternally grateful."

"Pretty words lad but I do not believe these tales of woe. There is no archdemon."

Elissa spoke as though the words were torn from her. Alistair turned to see her face contorted in remembered horror. "Wings spread wide it sings to the hoard and it beckons me. All the darkspawn scream, their weapons are raised high, and their faces are turned upward to glimpse its majesty as it swoops over them. It is a boney high dragon longer than a city block. Its aura of malice pulses through me. The dead monsters at our feet, the long drop into the underground gorge and the fetid tunnels full of scabrous growths do not matter. Nothing matters but the call and my efforts to fight it."

"A lovely act, my dear." Lady Aine laughed but it sounded hollow. "I still don't..."

Alistair was shaking Elissa trying to bring her back from the horror of the Deep Roads when they were all stilled by a small lisping voice.

"I seed them. Mama made me hide. Monsters broke oxen and they falled on me. Papa screamed and screamed. Monsters ate he's arms and legs and Papa screamed more. Mama hit monsters and they threw her head on the bush. I scared but I hide. Monster with stick seed me, he gonna eat me. I screamed and screamed then people came and bang them like this." Aine swung her arm back and forth, up and down in a miniature parody of a sword fight. "Monster's die an he come save me." She ran to Fergus and put her arms up. "Monsters gonna eat me, monsters bad."

Fergus rocked and reassured Aine. The others looked on in horror. The look of shock on Nora's face was particularly terrible but Alistair turned back to check on Elissa. His wife looked sad but she was lucid. She patted Alistair's arm with a metallic thump then dropped to one knee in front of Aedan.

"Aedan, you are my son. Your father was King Cailan and you are the rightful heir to the throne. I'm sorry we do not live in a time of peace as we did when I was a child. I swear Alistair and I will do all we can to protect your country from the blight."

The little boy looked solemnly at Elissa then Alistair. "Thank you," he said.

"No, he is not going to be King and you cannot take him. Now, get out, get out of my home."

Lord Hamish jumped up to try and calm his wife. He spoke to her in an undertone and to Alistair's eye seemed to be confused by her behavior.

Nora looked at Alistair then at Lady Aine and back again. "Wardens," she said, "you have been betrayed. Lady Aine has promised to keep you here so that Howe's men might arrest you as you leave."

They all turned to stare at Lady Aine.

"He told me you were traitors. He said Rory was misled and that he would happily arrange to have him freed if I were to help him. I believed him."

Lord Hamish stood and looked down at his wife. "But you didn't tell me. You didn't really believe him love, you just wanted to believe him."

Lady Aine continued to sob.

"How did they know we were coming here?"

Nora looked pointedly at Aine.

"How long was she to delay us?"

Nora shook her head. "I'm not sure but they agreed to lay in ambush outside the manor."

"I don't trust any agreement from Howe." Elissa looked at Lady Aine. "Your brother would be ashamed of you. Did he tell you what Howe did in Highever?"

Lord Hamish answered. "No, he told me. I had thought to protect my wife. I'm sorry Wardens. I cannot undo what has been done but I can lend my sword to your cause."

"Thank you," Elissa said, "but I'd rather not have to fight my way out of here."

Nora jumped up. "You won't, I have an idea. A way out for everyone but we must hurry."


	40. Exit at the Rear

Elissa heard Nora whisper under her breath, "Back door."

She looked at the girl quizzically.

"You won't have to fight, I have an idea, a way out for everyone but we must hurry."

Nora looked down at the boy she was holding. "Aedan take everyone out to the nut tree and tell the boys we need to use the wall-over to escape. I'll be there in a few moments."

Aedan's mouth dropped open.

"Yes, I know about the hide-out. Now get moving." She swept out of the room.

Aedan continued to stare in her wake until Aine dropped off Fergus' lap and shook his arm. "Come on, Aedan."

The boy shook himself then marched out the door and towards the side of the house. Alistair shooed Elissa after the boy whilst he went to gather Lord and Lady Gilmore and Fergus scooped Aine back up.

Elissa hurried after the boy's—her son's small figure. He dashed around the corner into a dark, stuffy hall and pelted down a short set of stairs that ended in a door. Fortunately, the door's bolt was too high for him to reach, which gave everyone a chance to catch up with him. Aedan jiggled impatiently as Elissa wiggled the stiff bolt trying to loosen it and pull it out. Fergus came forward and seamlessly stepped into the door as she stepped away. He grasped the handle firmly and yanked the bolt free. Fergus slid back to where Aine waited leaving the unlocked door to his sister.

Elissa and Aedan tumbled out the door first.

The boy drew in a deep breath and Elissa suddenly realized that he was about to yell for his adopted brothers. She dashed across and clapped a steel shod hand across his mouth.

"Sorry, sorry. I… look you can't yell, okay?"

The little boy's eyes filled with tears. Elissa winced as she pulled her gauntleted hand aside to reveal a split lip. She yanked off her gauntlet but before she could try to sooth the boy Lady Aine pulled him against her ample bosom and glared at Elissa.

"How dare you strike him?"

Aedan squirmed in the older woman's embrace but Elissa felt too guilty to object and just backed away.

Lord Hamish strode forward, "Now, dear. It was an accident. Come here Aedan."

"Yes ser." He broke free of Lady Aine's hold.

"We'll find the boys—you take everyone else to the nut tree."

Aedan nodded and started off across the garden. Aine ran to catch up with him and hand in hand the two children led them around to the back of the house, through a stand of gnarled apple trees to a stump. Aedan grasped Aine around the middle and heaved her up onto the stump before seating himself next to her. He stared up at Elissa.

She found the intensity of his gaze disturbing and looked away. The questions swirling in his big blue eyes were too painful to contemplate. How could she tell him about her shame, about his father's actions? Would he ask her why he was sent away? How would he feel about a mother who didn't want him?

Fergus dropped to one knee in front of his nephew. "What's bothering you, lad?"

Elissa focused on her brother. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Aedan turn to look at Fergus as well. The boy shrugged.

"Come, you must have questions."

He slowly nodded. The boy's lips pressed together in a thin line then his gaze lowered to the ground. "Is she really, my mother?"

"Yes, she really is your mother."

"For sure?"

Fergus loosened the ties on his breeches and pulled the down one side to reveal the top of his right hip-bone. "See this mark?"

The lad examined Fergus' hip for a moment. His eyes widened.

"You recognize it, don't you?"

Aedan looked up at Fergus and nodded.

"This is the Cousland Sigil. Anyone bearing this mark in these colours is a Cousland. The secret of each house's colours is never revealed to any outside the family." Fergus put his clothing to rights and dropped to one knee. "I know you're full of worries but for now you need to be brave. Can you be a brave lad until we reach safety?"

The boy sat up straighter and pressed his lips together before he nodded.

Elissa smiled at her brother thankfully. Thank goodness Fergus was here, she felt like a complete idiot. She didn't know how to face this child she'd tried so hard to forget. She was startled out of her ruminations by Alistair.

"This may be a problem."

The three boys they'd seen run by earlier were rushing across the lawn with a makeshift ladder of a sort. Two roughly notched boards connect at the top by a wide strip of leather. They leaned one notched board up against the wall then the largest lad climbed up and flung the other board over the wall.

Lord and Lady Hamish trailed behind the boys followed by Nora and three servants. All of them carried heavy sacks.

"Why are you standing around?" Nora said exasperated, "You can't climb a ladder in your heavy armour."

Alistair shook his head, "I doubt that …uh… ladder will hold me without my armour."

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

Nora dropped her sack and scampered up after the boys she spoke in low tones to them then dropped back down to the ground. She grabbed two empty sacks and tossed them to Elissa and Alistair.

Elissa suddenly recalled the urgency of their situation and began to pull at the straps on her armour.

Once again Fergus took charge and rushed over to help Elissa. Lord Hamish quickly followed his example and went to Alistair's aid. By the time their armour was removed Nora and the boys had pulled a sturdy ladder up and over the wall. Fergus clambered up the ladder with a sack and handed it over to Nora then turned and motioned for the next sack.

They handed her Uncle's shield sword and chain mail over the wall to him and then her own sword, dagger and bow went over. She carried her leathers up to the top then climbed over herself. Her final glance showed no movement on the grounds but the feelings of urgency did not fade.

Soon everything was over including the ladders everyone grabbed up something and followed the boys across the yard.

Since Alistair had elected to carry both their sets of armour, Elissa helped Nora carry the second ladder across the yard. "Where are we going?"

"There is an ancient passage through the old city wall in the next yard. The children use it as a secret hide-out."

"If it's a secret…"

"It was a secret when I was a child, too."

As Nora dropped to the ground on the far side of the second wall Elissa heard the beginning of a disturbance.

"Will we need the ladders again?" Elissa asked.

Nora shook her head.

With a quick nod to her husband the Elissa and Alistair grabbed the ladders and took them through the garden to lean them up against the side of the house.

Nora led them to the back of the property where a series of kennels and a stone shed abutted the old city wall. She pulled the torch bracket by the door to open a concealed door at the far end of the right wall. Behind the door was a narrow stone staircase that descended into the darkness. She reached around the threshold to pull a candle and the flint and steel from the hidden nook. The candle flickered as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Wait here a moment."

Elissa's eyes widened as the flickering candle flame's light was replaced by a glow that brightened until it rivaled moonlight reflecting off newly fallen snow. She followed the others down the remaining stone steps into the room. The light seemed to emanate from every part of the ceiling, a sourceless warmth filled the stone space and benches, chairs, a table and a very large un cushioned bed populated the space. The furniture looked more like it had been grown than built.

Alistair's eyes narrowed. "How long has this been here and who built it?"

"Well, the story passed down by the children claims that this was the refuge of a kindly and beautiful enchantress trying to hide from a cruel tyrant."

"King," said one of the boys, "he's the one with the crown and she was a witch."

Aedan said, "I show you," and before anyone could stop him pulled the cover from the statue in the corner next to the door.

Fergus choked at the sight of the statue. "I think I know the tale but the way I heard it involved both the King and Queen seeking amusements elsewhere without the knowledge of the chantry."

Elissa stared open mouthed at several mostly naked people performing a very depraved act.

From somewhere behind her Nora said. "Amusements?"

Fergus chuckled.

"Maker's breath. I swear I thought it was a monster trying to devour a woman not..."

Despite her shock Elissa couldn't stop staring at the wanton statue. She could see how a child might mistake the woman's expression of ecstasy for terror and the three men entwined around her as a monster. Elissa's eyes traced all the limbs and bodies. The shortest man was intimately connected to the man with the crown; the woman's legs were wrapped around crowned man's waist and the third man was behind the woman also connected, for lack of a better word.

Only when Fergus swept the sheet back over the figures did her dazed contemplation end. Her mind skipped about erratically.

It was Nora's shocked whisper broke the uncomfortable silence. "Is that even possible and how would a sculptor find models to pose for it?"

Elissa shook her head as Fergus smirked and answered the girl. "I don't know, my lady, perhaps now is not the time to discuss it."

"Maker, did I say that aloud!"

He shook his head and lied. "Just a whisper slipped out and likely did not reach past my ears."

"That's, that's not how I remembered it." Nora said.

Fergus choked back a laugh. "We need to venture on."

"Yes, of course." She coughed. "There's a catch on the statue. I...I'll just...be right back."

A quick glance around the room showed that the boys and Aine were oblivious to the drama of the statue's unveiling. They were far more interested in the collections of sticks, stones and other debris. Aedan had dragged Aine over to see something. Lord Hamish met Elissa's glance with a wink then turned back to care for his distraught wife.

Elissa dragged Alistair over to Fergus. "Leave that poor girl alone."

"Don't worry, Lissy. She has a tongue as sharp as a razor, she can handle a touch of teasing from an old man. You should have seen her when we visited …"

Elissa choked back a sob of her own as she realized that she'd inadvertently reminded him of Oriana and Oren again.

Nora slipped back out from under the statue's covering and marched to the west wall. She pushed against the tiled surface. The section of wall groaned as she strained but began to give a bit.

Elissa eyed the embarrassed young woman as her brother stepped forward and moved her out of the way. Fergus braced himself and pushed. Slowly the wall moved until a passage was revealed to the right of the recessed wall.

"I was told this passage existed but I don't know where it leads," said Nora.

Alistair took the candle stub from the floor then he and Elissa headed through first. Fergus gestured for the rest of them to follow then he entered last. They all waited while he heaved the wall back into place and pulled the stone catch down.

The damp passage was just wide enough for Alistair and Elissa to march side by side but the ceiling was too high to be seen by the light of the lone candle.

Alistiar paused to stare up into the darkness. "Strange passage. It reminds me of something."

Elissa nodded in agreement. "But I'm not sure quite what."

They continued along the passage. The hollow echoes of their trudging feet discouraged conversation.

After an interminable amount of time Elissa realized that the passage was not actually straight. Slowly but surely it curved to the right, towards the docks. Alistair came to an abrupt stop and lifted the candle to better illuminate a carefully stacked pile of crates.

Alistair grinned. "Look's like we've found the way out. Let's scare some poor store-keep and be on our way."


	41. A Detour

Alistair lifted the candle high to examine the high wall of crates. He gave one of the crates an experimental shove—it didn't shift at all.

Beside him Fergus and Elissa shoved at other crates with the same results.

Elissa took the candle out of his hand. "Uh, Nora? Could you take this candle?"

The girl stepped forward obediently and lifted the candle out of his wife's hand.

"Okay, Alistair give me boost. Let's see what we're up against."

"I'd rather not launch you into the unknown."

Elissa grinned up at him as she tugged off her armoured boots. "I'm not asking you to throw me, just help me get a look over the top."

He nodded sheepishly as he dropped to one knee and intertwined his fingers to form a stirrup. Elissa slipped one stockinged foot into his hand then walked her hands up the wall as he lifted her upward. When her feet reached his shoulders height, her weight lightened.

"Alistair," she called down, "There's lots of room up here, if you can push me up another foot or so I think I can climb up on top."

He grunted in agreement then shifted one hand under her other foot. "On grace—By-May-ker's-Grace," he chanted and shoved upwards on the last word.

Fergus chuckled.

Alistair looked over at his brother-in-law curiously. "What?"

"On grace? What happened to 'on three'?"

Alistair shrugged. "Habit." He backed up to watch Elissa.

"They don't miss a trick in the Chantry, do they?" Fergus replied as he moved to Alistair's side.

"Not one." As he said it, the certainty that he'd been permanently scarred by his years under the Reverend Mothers' sway settled heavily in the bottom of his stomach.

"By Andraste's blackened boots," exclaimed Elissa.

"What did you find Lissy?"

"I think this is a cache from before Reville's Orlesian invasion. In fact, I think this is THE cache. Fergus give Alistair a boost up here, perhaps we can find an entrance of some sort."

"Wait for me, Elissa. If you're right, there will be traps."

As Fergus leaned down and cupped his hands Alistair heard a loud clatter from over the wall. He shared an alarmed look with his brother-in-law then rushed forward to let his beloved's worried brother launch him ceiling-ward.

"Elissa?" Alistair yelled, "Elissa!" His nose connected with the top edge of the wooden crate as he hauled himself upward.

"I'm right here, Alistair." She wrapped her strong fingers around his wrists and helped him up. "I was just knocking some ...uh...debris down to make room for you up here."

Alistair crawled along the path Elissa had cleared towards the other side of the wall. Bones, dust and cobwebs littered the surfaces on either side of them. Interspersed with the small animal bones were a few larger ones and some pieces of armor. The floor beyond the wall was much worse and the webs were thicker.

"Ugh, spiders. I'll haul up our armor."

Elissa just smiled and joined him in scuttling backward. As always his dear wife took command. In short order all those with armor were armored and armed. Fergus, Nora and Lord Hamish led the others back from the wall and stood guard in case anything sought to escape in their direction.

Alistair found dressing in plate while perched on the wall to be difficult and uncomfortable. Neither he nor Elissa were able to fit everything properly in the cramped space they had but they couldn't scale the wall in their armor so they dropped down the other side to face what may come.

The scuttling soon started but rather than a den of spiders they found themselves facing one very large creature and the battle was on.

He charged forward and attacked, pressing the creature backward and to one side so that he could go past it with a flourished turn that threatened to take his feet out from under him. The debris on the floor flew in all directions as his steel clad feet pushed through the fragile rubble. It had been a risky move to make with uncertain footing but now he and Elissa flanked the creature.

He lifted his shield to block the spider's venomous bite and fought defensively until the creature turned to deal with Elissa's attacks on it's legs. Alistair then took the offensive as Elissa ducked behind her own shield. The monster really didn't stand a chance and it wasn't long before they'd chopped all it's legs away and could plant their swords into it's brain finally killing the creature.

They wiped the ichor off their armour and searched the area. It resembled a fort there was a wall at either end of the space with makeshift buildings that looked to have been barracks. They discovered that the crates were filled with rocks rather than treasures. A journal cleared the mystery of the fort and excited them both. Stalwart Ferelden defenders had held this position for five days whilst one of their member had escaped through a secret tunnel with Calenhad's crown. After which they were left to rot. There was no longer any chance to escape as the Orlesians had taken the city, so the remaining soldiers fell on their own swords rather than die of thrirst.

"Sad tale," said Alistair, "seems such a waste to die over a shiny hat."

"Alistair, a crown is a symbol, a rallying point."

"I know, all the same it is also simply a shiny hat. Never mind we should get moving and find this secret tunnel."

It took very little time to find the old ladders used to scale the walls but finding the exit was much more difficult. "For the first time in, well, ever I wish Zevran was here." Alistair grumbled.

"Indeed, he or Leliana would have made short work of finding this damn door...if it even exists."

Eventually they let everyone in to help. Lady Aine stood with her hands over her eyes and cried as the rest of them searched for the door.

Finally Aedan tugged on Fergus' arm, "Can't we just go out the window?"

Alistair drew closer as Fergus squatted down to look where the lad pointed. "By Maferath's blue balls, a window. Good eye, lad."

Alistair dropped to one knee and sure enough was at exactly the right angle to glimpse what looked like a shutter between the crates along the inside curve of the wall. One of the metal ladders was move against the crates and Fergus scrambled up to look at the crate. "It's empty!" He pulled the crate out and dropped it to the floor where it smashed down crushing a corner then Fergus reached in to open the shutters. "It's a tunnel alright but you two won't be wearing armor through here. I'll scout ahead, be back in a flash."

Alistair leaned against the wall wearily and wished he could hold Elissa. His wife seemed to be in shock. He would make her eat and rest when they got back to Eamon's estate. His ruminations were interrupted by a tug on his gauntlet.

Aedan looked up at him, "So, you are my uncle."

"Yes, I suppose I am more of a half-uncle really."

"What's a half-uncle?"

"Your father, Cailan, and I had the same father but different mothers, so he was my half-brother which makes me your half-uncle." Alistair watched as the boy digested that.

"That other one, he is my uncle too?"

"Yessss, he is your mother's brother."

Aedan frowned. "I've never had uncles before."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Do you want to know a secret?"

The boy nodded solemnly.

Alistair dropped to one knee, "I've never had a nephew before and I'm not quite sure what one is supposed to do with one. So we're just going to have to make-it up as we go along."

Aedan's eyes widened and Alistair gave him a wink. The giggling boy wandered back towards young Aine and sat back down.

Eventually, Fergus returned. He was sweaty, liberally decorated with mud and not alone. Zevran and Leliana followed him out of the tunnel. Neither of the rogues had a hair out of place.

Elissa looked from her brother to her friends and back again. "What in Thedas happened to you, Fergus?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Leliana giggled and Zevran smirked but neither volunteered any information.

"Come," said Leliana, "dark has settled over the streets and the way is clear."

After a short crawl, the escape tunnel opened out into a larger tunnel, twinkling light could be glimpsed through grating set far above thier heads. Leliana led them along cat walks through the fetid passages and Zevran took the rear behind Alistair.

Alistair peered around suspiciously. "Is this, that is are we in the sewers?"

"Yes, my friend. In Antiva we call these the low road."

"Aren't we in danger of having refuse tossed on..." Fergus turned and shot him a dirty look as Zevran chuckled behind him.

"It has been known to happen."

Alistair decided to keep his comments to himself for the rest of the journey. They ascended to the street somewhere near the docks and walked back to the market and Eamon's estate.

Before anyone could ask his tired wife for anything he hauled her way to their room. Where he managed to keep her for the night.


	42. Plans Within Plans

Elissa was tired. She and Fergus had been on the run for a week trying to gain the support of other noble families. Because they could not name their candidate for the crown, their campaigning centred on exposing Loghain's treachery. Elissa had been prepared to fight with Eamon to keep her son's existence a secret. But the Arl simply stated that advantage of their approach was that it prevented Loghain's camp from forming a useful strategy against Aedan's position.

Eamon claimed their enemies were prepared to criticize Alistair's candidacy based on his rearing as a commoner and his status as a Grey Warden. Neither of these arguments could be applied to Aedan. Further, the debate would then shift to who should hold the position of regent until Aedan came of age. This was a battle their opponents did not know was in the offing.

"Elissa, my love. Are you awake?"

"Yes, Alistair."

Her husband sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "I wanted to let you sleep longer but Zevran and Leliana have returned with an opportunity."

She sat up. "Did they find out where Rory is being held?"

"I don't know the whole story. They have an elven servant with them."

"I'll be down in a few minutes. Is Fergus awake?"

"Nora and the children promised to bang on his door on their way by."

Elissa sighed. "That young lady is going to wear herself out tying to be nice to him."

Alistair just smirked. Elissa knew he was thinking only of her dear brother's discomfort at being waited on by Nora and how entertaining they had been finding it.

Her husband hauled himself to his feet and wrapped his arms around her. "Fergus is a survivor, he'll be alright. Besides if my understanding of the court is accurate he should get used to women hanging on him."

"I don't think there will be many salons or balls at this Landsmeet. Unless you're still planning on putting on a dress and dancing the remigold for the darkspawn."

Alistair chuckled as he took her hand and led her downstairs towards the Arl's study.

Nora stood at the door to a room down the hall. She beckoned the two of them urgently.

"Teryn Cousland said to tell you that he and Arl Guerrin have a plan and that you should play along."

"Any idea what my dear brother has in mind?"

Nora shook her head then slipped into the room that had been arranged to house the children during the day.

They strolled down to the study where they found the Arl waiting with his newest house guest.

"Wardens," the Eamon said in greeting, "please, break your fast while we await Teryn Cousland."

Elissa surmised the formality was for the benefit of the anxious elven woman seated between Leliana and Zevran. Alistair's eyebrow rose but he allowed her to tug him over to the sideboard where they both heaped their plates with food. They were making inroads on their second servings when Fergus finally arrived.

Her brother rushed in and before it occurred to her to do anything waved those around her back. "Please, no formality. There is no need to stand on ceremony Eamon."

Elissa was saved from gaping at her brothe by the sounds of her husband trying to suppress a choking fit. She pounded on Alistair's back as she took in her brother's appearance. His hair and beard had been trimmed, his cheeks shaved smooth and he was dressed in foppish silks.

"Thank you for joining us so quickly my Lord."

Her brother examined his nails. "Yes, yes. What is it this time Eamon."

"You wished to be informed of any developments involving the traitor Howe."

"Indeed?"

"May I present Queen Anora's handmaiden, Erlina."

The elven servant left her seat and curtsied before Fergus.

"She brings more news of Howe's treachery. He is holding Queen Anora hostage in the Arl of Denerim's estate."

"Why does Arl Urien lend his dungeon to Howe?"

"The Arl and his son where reported killed during the recent uprising in the alienage. Loghain gave responsibility for Denerim to Howe."

Fergus looked expectantly at the elven servant.

"Please ser, my mistress sent me to ask the aide of the Grey Wardens. She has been unjustly locked away to keep her from speaking to any of the nobles that flock to the city."

"I see. Unfortunately, child, the Grey Wardens cannot involve themselves in politics and I haven't enough forces to attack such a fortified position."

"Non, non ser. My lady would not be safe in such a battle. I have hidden four of the helms and shields used by Howe's men so that some may slip inside and liberate her majesty."

"I see." responded Fergus.

"Also, many others are imprisoned under the house – some were brought from Highever I'm told. We hear them scream in the night."

Fergus pounded his fist on the table.

The servant continued, "The Wardens should know that I have heard the guards in the mess discussing the torture of one of their brethren, an Orlesian Grey Warden that was captured by Loghain and given into Howe's keeping."

"I am sorry, Teryn Cousland, but this has become a Grey Warden issue now," said Elissa.

Alistair echoed his wife's viscous grin.

"With all due respect it is **my** vassals have suffered under that maniac's hand."

Eamon ushered the maid out of the room as they continued their play acting. The Arl assured the young woman that someone would be there at moon set to rescue her mistress. The maid allowed herself to be led away with only one worried glance over her shoulder.

"I take it that was some sort of ruse aimed at Anora," Alistair drawled.

"Exactly, brother. Nothing short of a lifesaving effort could possibly make me wear this get up."

"Sooo."

Eamon rubbed his hands together. "We're throwing another hat in the ring. With Alistair committed to the Grey Wardens and no other known heir, Fergus and Loghain are the highest ranking nobles in the country. If Anora is really at odds with her father we may be able to lure her into an alliance with the implication that Fergus would be looking at ways to solidify a bid for the throne."

"Surely Anora knows Fergus isn't some foppish silk wearing..."

"Actually, thanks to a prank I played on Mother and Oriana several years ago, Anora does think I'm... uh... a dutiful but biddable man whose tastes run contrary to the necessity of getting an heir."

Elissa dropped into a chair and began to giggle hysterically. As she started to calm down she looked up into her husband's bewildered face and started again. Her brother must have thought a demonstration was in order because when she met his eyes he did a little hip wiggle and minced over to Alistair.

Fergus gave a throaty sigh and lifted a limp hand to caress his bicep. "My, my aren't you a big fellow. Tell me, is it true what they say about Warden's stamina."

Alistair's jaw dropped open and then he stepped back around behind Elissa's chair.

Leliana outright laughed at poor nervous Alsitair.

Zevran smirked "To be more convincing, you should flutter your hands a bit lower."

"Perhaps but I wasn't trying to be convincing, I don't really need to be. You see my dear wife had been complaining about Anora's ridiculous prejudices. The Queen had implied that Oriana had married a Ferelden to escape the pederasts of her homeland."

Elissa sighed. "Mother didn't talk to you for nearly a month. She was so angry that you'd left her Majesty with the impression that you couldn't find a Ferelden bride that would put up with your... what did she call them."

"Peculiarities."

"Yes, you're just lucky Father thought it was so funny."

Elissa and Fergus' eyes met and both were swept up by the poignancy of the moment and by how much they missed their family.

Fergus looked away first. "I'm going to... get changed into something —_anything_ else."

Elissa nodded sadly at her brother's retreating back and blinked rapidly to try to keep her own tears at bay.

Alistair dropped to his knees at her side and pulled her into his warm embrace.

For a moment she let herself melt into his chest and forget everything.

"I hate to break up such a sweet moment," Leliana teased, "but before you go anywhere, Elissa, you should probably have another chat with Avernus."

Alistair relaxed his arms and let her draw away. He stood next to her and looked at Leliana questioningly. "By Andraste's scorched eyebrows, what has that crazy old coot been into this time?"

"Apparently he has some rather strong opinions about the Arl's library."

Elissa shared an alarmed look with her husband then the two of them dashed out of the room.

It took her the better part of the day to convince Avernus to stop reviewing and reorganizing the books. The old man was bored and chose to act the petulant lunatic. She and Alistair spent the afternoon hauling piles of books back and forth across the room. Sore and tired they slipped upstairs for a quiet dinner alone before dressing in their armour and meeting with Fergus and Sten in the courtyard.

Together the foursome marched through the streets to the late Arl of Denerim's estate. The Urien shield hung askew on the massive gates that led to the main courtyard. A mob of craftsmen and servants stood yelling, swearing and shaking their fists a the manor house's sturdy wooden door. Erlina beckoned them to join her at the north wall by a narrow garden path.

The young elven woman led them through the fruit trees that ringed the outer edges of the yard until they reached the walled kitchen garden. In a shed under a pile of old burlap potato sacks she had secreted four helms and four shields with the brown bear of Amaranthine painted sloppily on the scarred wooden surface.

As they helped each other secure the bucklers to their backs and shoved the helms onto their heads Erlina breathlessly reviewed the directions from the kitchen entrance to the Queen's room.

Elissa sent Erlina ahead to inform the Queen of their arrival. The she gave each of her companions a once over. "Well, let's give this a shot shall we. Fergus, you take the lead, you look the part— better than the rest of us."

"My raspy voice make me a believable villain, does it. Good to know, little sister."

Fergus marched out in the lead, Elissa and Alistair followed side by side and Sten brought up the rear. They marched through the estate to Anora's door with frightening ease. The guardsmen in the house varied from sloven drunks to crisp professional, the former didn't notice anything and the latter treated them like refuse. They saw no sign of Howe himself but rumours spoke both of his presence in the building and that he'd retreated to his chambers for _playtime_.

It was at the former Queen's rather lavish cell that the plan failed. Howe, in a fit of ire, had decided to have Anora's door magically sealed by his pet mage. The same mage that had accompanied the master of the house on his evening pilgrimage to the dungeons.

Despite the danger to come, Elissa couldn't help but share a feral grin with her brother. It seemed they wouldn't need an excuse to hunt down Howe— they had no choice.


	43. Meeting Friends Old and New

Alistair sniffed suspiciously as he opened the door behind a curtain in the estate's master bedroom. The short incline smelled damp and ended in a door. "Smells like a dungeon but it feels like...like there's another warden nearby."

Elissa nodded. She peered down towards the iron banded door then gestured for him to continue.

At the bottom of the slope they pushed through the door and their disguises failed for the first time. A startled guard backed away from them and drew his sword. He opened his mouth to sound the alarm but before he could utter more than a squeak an arm shot through the bars to his left and wrapped around his throat.

They stood bemused as the guard was dropped by the unseen prisoner. Alistair began to stride forward but a voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Well met brother. Let me suit myself appropriately before we enjoy more of Howe's hospitality." Strong hands reached out to grab the guards keys then the cell's gate lifted and the unfortunate guard was dragged into the cell.

Alistair knew he'd heard the man's Orlesian accented tones before.

"I know that voice and he feels like a Grey Warden. The only Orlesian Grey Wardens I've met were those that attended my joining."

"Alistair?" An unshaven man strode out of the cell as he pulled his borrowed hauberk over his head. "Alistair it **is** you, so this must be our new sister, Elissa."

"Yes, but since the wedding I prefer not to think of her as my sister."

"This is unexpected. Duncan's records gave me the impression Elissa did not know any of her brethren when she joined."

"She didn't."

"Well, then I guess congratulations are in order."

"Yes, thank you. I'm sorry I can't remember your name."

"Allow me to introduce myself," he said with a bow, "I'm Riordan, Senior Warden of Jader, but born and bred in Highever and glad to be home."

Alistair saw Elissa step back to stand by her brother whilst he and Riordan spoke.

"How did Arl Howe capture you?"

"With an offer of hospitality and a poisoned chalice. I was fool enough to think that Loghain didn't yet know who I was."

"You came alone?"

"Yes, when our company was turned back at the border by Loghain's edict I volunteered to pass into Ferelden territory to try to find out what happened in Ostagar. Rumours blamed the Wardens for King Cailan's death and the slaughter of his army."

"We were in Ostagar shortly after you passed through. The Wardens' pyre was still smouldering when we arrived."

Elissa stepped forward to nudge Alistair. "My love, he's injured. Our questions can wait."

Alistair turned to look at his wife and nodded.

"Riordan," she continued, "we are staying with Arl Eamon at his town estate, you'll find it near the market."

"Thank you sister. I shall await your return there. I take it you are here for more reason than to rescue me."

Alistair glanced at his companion's grim faces. "Indeed."

"Unfortunately, I have been kept secreted away from the other prisoners and most of Howe's people so I have little information to offer. I am sorry I cannot be of more use."

Elissa hastened to reassure the injured man. "We don't expect miracles, Riordan."

"When you searched through Howe's papers did you find any Warden records?"

Elissa and Alistair shared a sheepish glance before looking back at Fergus who shrugged.

Riordan looked to be on the verge of laughing but he simply gestured at the door that led back up to Howe's suite.

They all trooped back up the ramp where they dispersed through the rooms. Alistiar pulled the drawers out of the desk and dumped them on the floor. As he sifted quickly through the debris for papers, he spilled open a small round jewelry box marked with the Cousland laurel wreath. A heap of small bones, wires and rings dropped onto the floor. They were finger bones of various sizes, very white finger bones strung on copper wire that smelled strongly of lime. He shook out the mass to find that there were four fingers hung from the copper wire and each was adorned with a ring.

A scuff to his right was all the warning he got before Fergus' hand landed heavily on his shoulder. Alistair glanced up into his brother-in-law's face then quickly returned his attention to the gruesome trophy in his hands. He tried not to think about the raw pain and horror on Fergus' face as he carefully stowed the bones back in the box and wordlessly handed it up to Fergus.

Alistair was grateful when Riordan called he and Elissa over. His wife ordered Sten to stand guard by the door as she strode back into the suite's bedroom. Alistair found it difficult to pay attention to the senior Warden as he spoke of the records he'd recovered and the missing vial of the past Archdemon's blood. He felt as if he'd lost control of his eyes, they kept darting back to where Fergus stood. His dear wife's brother clutched the little metal box as though he were trying to crush it between his hands. Abruptly Fergus pulled off his neckerchief wrapped the little box and shoved it under his armor.

As Alistair rubbed his forehead he noticed that the scent of the cleaned bones had clung to his fingers. Resolutely he moved around his wife so that he could put his back to the room and still face Riordan.

Elissa shuddered. "Right. Lovely. I can't decide which bothers me more: knowing more about the lovely Grey Warden initiation cocktail I drank or knowing we can't recruit anyone else."

Alistair leaned into his wife's back. He hoped that despite the thickness of their borrowed armor and the pong of sweat & rust she would find comfort in his presence.

"How can you be sure that Duncan didn't take it to Ostagar with him?"

Alistair sighed. "If we're talking about the Archdemon's blood, he didn't. He had brought only enough for one joining."

"Yes, that is quite normal. To carry all is too dangerous. In any case, we do not have it. I will take my leave of you now. Good luck finding Howe."

"Thank you Riordan," Alistair said, "Oh! And never mind Avernus he's a touch...um... insane."

The Jader warden raised an eyebrow at Alistair's enigmatic warning then with a nod walked out the door.

Elissa closed the door to the suite and jammed a chair under the doorknob.

They headed back down until they reached the dungeon proper where they were met with open drains stained black with generations of horror, torture chambers and guards around every corner.

Half an hour of brutal fighting brought them to the first block of cells. There they found an elven man. His once fine clothes hung off his emaciated frame. They were ripped and marred with ominous dark brown stains.

"I had become resigned to dying in this cell. Have you come to take me for judgement?"

"Um, not exactly." Alistair replied before looking to his wife for guidance.

Elissa frowned. "Why were you jailed and by whom?"

"I was accused of unlawfully carrying a weapon and attacking Arl Urien's son. As for by whom I had assumed the guards were following the Arl's instructions – were they not?"

"Why did they think you attacked Vaughan Urien?"

"Well, because I did. I tried to kill him, in fact. Given his crimes it seemed worth my life to punish him and protect my people."

Alistair broke in, "His crimes, what crimes."

"They are too numerous to list but my personal grief stems from the day I was arrested, my wedding day. His lordship and his cronies came to the alienage looking for elven women to molest, they kidnapped my bride, her attendant, my young cousin and several others."

Fergus said tiredly, "I believe him. Vaughan despises elves and women. He and his father have long spoken against alienage reforms. He was forever going on about how a real man treats the lesser born. I do not like to think of the treatment those poor women would have received at the hands of Vaughan and his company." He sighed before continuing, "What is your name young man?"

"I am Darrian Tabris, my lord."

"In the absence of your accuser and liege lord I, Teryn Cousland of Highever, do pardon you of any crimes related to the events on the day of your wedding."

"Th-th-thank you, my lord."

Alistair bashed at the lock with the pommel of his sword a couple of times before his wife cleared her throat and showed him a key. He felt his face color as he stepped back to let her unlock the cell.

"Listen, Darrian," Alistair said as he stepped closer to the shorter man, "you should probably follow us about. It will be a bit difficult to stroll out of here." The man smelled worse than the dungeon, a feat he hadn't thought possible. Alistair patted the elf's shoulder awkwardly whilst trying not to wrinkle his nose.

"No need, my lord, there is an underground tunnel to the alienage."

"Oh, I'm not a my lord, I'm a warden...just Warden Alistair."

"Warden Alistair I'll be fine. Thank you, all of you, for believing me."

Darrian walked slowly in the direction they'd come.

They watched him creep around the corner then Alistair led the way deeper into the dungeons.

They continued past two empty torture chambers and through another ten guards.

"Why in Thedas does the Arl of Denerim's estate have such an extensive dungeon?" Alistair asked as he cleaned his sword and sheathed it again. "This is ridiculous."

Fergus chuckled. "This keep was once the centre of Fort Denerim. It is the oldest building in the city and predates even the Tevinter empire."

"Ah, so all this was used before Fort Dracon was built."

"Yes, it is actually no where near as large as Dracon's facilities."

"Comforting that, really Fergus. Thanks so much."

In the next cell block they discovered Vaughan Urien. Alistair stifled a groan, this they did not need.

"You there," the unkempt lordling called, "enough is enough you can't keep me here just for kicking a few elves around, I demand to be released."

Fergus strolled up to the barred door. "Vaughan."

"Fergus Cousland, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for Howe."

"Nathaniel's back," Vaughan said as he took a step back.

Fergus shook his head, "Not Nate, as far as I know he's still off gallivanting around the Free Marches. I seek his father, the traitor."

Vaughan eagerly stepped closer and grabbed the bars bringing the smell of sweat, piss and more with him. "That scum used the elven unrest as an excuse to lock me up. He said I was to await King Loghain's pleasure. Let me out, I'll help you find him."

Alistair stepped back from the fetid cell and shook his head as Fergus continued his conversation.

"Actually, Vaughan old boy, Howe has reported you dead in the Elven uprising and been granted your father's place as the Arl of Denerim."

"What! Let me out and I will teach that runt about over-reaching his place. How dare he treat me this way."

"The thing is Vaughan we've been hearing things about a wedding you crashed."

"So, some chantry prig dressed up a few knife ears to have a tea party. I invited them to a real party, if the Revered Mother hadn't been there they'd have come along fast enough."

"My understanding is you didn't give the ladies any choice."

"Ladies? Don't tell me you're one of those. Look if you'd my experience dealing with an alienage you'd understand. Every now and then they get this idea in their heads that they're people and have to be pushed back down. It wasn't a proper wedding, it's like marrying two mabaris. Any proper dog worth his salt takes the strongest mate available, every time. Elves are the same, they'll rut with anyone who can show them who's boss."

Alistair watched dumbfounded as Fergus grabbed Vaughan's hair then pulled his face between two bars and stabbed the man several times. He hadn't even seen Fergus draw his dagger.

The sudden furious attack ended with the same abruptness that it began. Fergus dropped Vaughan's body and casually cleaned off his dagger before sheathing it back in his boot.

Elissa cleared her throat and gestured out the door. Alistair led them onward to yet another torture chamber but this one was occupied by Howe and his minions.

"Well, well. Bryce Cousland's little spitfire. All grown up and still playing the man."


End file.
